A/N: god DAMN…its midnight right now, and I finally got this chapter done, along with FEW OTHERS. Sorry; I can't even make a better excuse other than YES I am making a parody clopfic, YES I am writing "my little witchhunt: lynching is magic", YES I am writing my quarianXhuman porno "fuck and flotilla", YES I am making another battlefield story, and YES I am also making chapters for fallout texas, mass defacation, moderately predictable warfare, AND BETA READING.

On a better note, today is the 1st anniversary of FFE1.

Chapter 29: don't worry, just 3 more chapters, I swear….

As Marcus jumped over a small rock outcropping, he heard a raspy voice say "MARCUS! You glorious son of a bitch…you were dead like me!? What plothole brought you back?"

Marcus stopped to catch his breath and said "in the future, Blackburn blew up Equestria and ponies were ground up to make a reaper, then Blackburn saw mass effect 3's ending and wanted to get anything that could be related out of this shit. So I am time traveling to stop satin's reaper from being made, then going FORWARD in time to kill her, then go back in time AGAIN to make sure of it. if that makes ANY sense."

Batman coughed for a second and said "and how do I fit into this?

Marcus waved him to follow him to the farm and said "see, they were collecting the ponies by replacing each of the elements of harmony with assholes, then harvesting ponies to make a reaper out of them. I killed 5 of the 6, but I feel that we can convince the last one, applecrack, to stand down and join us, you guys will stay here and do shit, and then I will save princess celestia from satin…then I go face her down in the final battle.

Batman nodded as the headed to the barn.

(meanwhile)

Applejack had just finished collecting apples for the day, and was heading to the barn for a bath; as she walked through the door, she gasped in shock as another pony was sleeping IN the tub! She trotted up to the trespasser and said "what' in tarnation are you tryin' to pull off?! "

The pony lifted her Rasta hat, and applejack gasped, she looked just like her, but the only difference was the hat, and dreadlocks. Before she could ask the stranger who she was, the stranger jumped to her hooves and said "eh me breda, what ting you tryin' to pool? A breda can sleep where edda' she want!"

Applejack's jaw dropped; she barely understood what was being said, but she regained her posture and said "who are you, and why are you here?"

The stranger said "well, me self's applecrack mon, and' de overmon send me to find somebreda named applejack an' bag her she a rudeboy, you know mon?" applejack shifted slightly; from what she could understand, somepony sent her to foalnap her.

Applecrack could barely see straight; she, after all, only smoked 10 pounds of pot not too long ago; she took a long look at this pony, and tried to recollect what applejack looked like.

Sa'….she lok' like te' badman overmon' wanted….play it coo', me breda applecrack, play it coo'

Applecrack stretched her legs and said "well mon, it was nice in' ting to get some sleep in all, but I mus' be on my wa', me breda…help me to te' door in all…" applejack reluctantly moved up next to applecrack and thought she sure has been smoking that stuff batman used all the—

Just then a raspy voice yelled "STOP! MY PARENTS ARE DEAD!" another voice and the click of a pistol's safety caught their attention "applecrack…put down the pipe, don't make me cap yo ass."

Applejack heard the clatter of a pipe and saw Marcus and batman (they were supposed to be (parents are) dead)

She gasped and said "Marcus!? What are you doing here!" he grabbed applecrack and said "stopping you from being kidnapped…can you excuse us, applejack?"

She nodded and left to do other things; as she left, batman tackled applecrack and said "your just garbage that kills for money!" she shook her head and said "na me breda; I and I only need money for some more ganji, see?"

He paused and said "did you say ganji?"

"yeah me breda, ganji, Jamaican lamb's breath!"

"I like you already.."

Marcus interrupted and said "look, applecrack, join us and don't do what satin ether or the overlord told you to do; if you do, batman can take you to a pot field outside of Kingston!"

Within seconds batman was rolling a blunt and playing tony hawk pro skater with his new best friend (a cookie for those who get this reference)

As they started doing random shit, Marcus left; he had 1 more save, and then his babysitting was complete.

(elsewhere…)

Marcus had his belt-fed automatic shotgun with skittle rounds loaded as he leaned to the edge of the balcony; if his timing was right…he could get the drop and do some damage…

Luna ran to his PKP and put a 100 round belt into it, trying to cover ridinoff; each moment felt like decades, but ridinoff, filled with terror and rage, slaughtered the freak masses. As the last few were put down, ridinoff swore he heard one of them say "thank you" as he drove the blade through its heart. As ridinoff stood back up, he heard a sickenly familiar voice say "my, my….it looks like I underestimated you, ridinoff"

He looked around the room, trying to find the voice, Luna was in a panic as well, weapon aimed and scanning the room. Ridinoff was turning to look at the princess, and noticed a small pool of black smoke forming near celestia's feet. The voice said again "but, you will be dealt with eventually, in the mean-time, my minions shall take care of you, good by ridinoff. " he saw the cloud envelope princess celestia, and felt something knock him to the ground as a blinding flash of light filled the room.

He looked up and saw the princess begin to disappear, but just then, a window was knocked out, followed by Marcus with a excessively large weapon swinging in hosing all those motherfuckers down with storms of multicolored candy projectiles.

Marcus kicked the cloud that was nightmare moon, knocking the princess away before she could teleport. Nightmare moon growled at marcus and said "you will dearly pay for that, mortal…" she tackled him out the open window.

As they went in free-fall to the streets of cantorlot, marcus got pumped the fuck up; he unloaded what was left in his auto-shotty into moon's crotch, laughing as she yelped in pain or a really weird hot flash. He whiped out his silverballer MP-412 and began trying to put it to her skull, but got knocked out of his hand. As the pavement neared, she said to him "are you ready to die, human?"

Marcus spat in her face and rolled her over in mid-air, then said "no, but I hope you consider it greatly."

As they slammed into the ground, he heard a loud cracking of bone, and saw moon's back left leg was split at the joint socket, and was spewing all sorts of blood; Marcus saw his chance for a gory torture move.

He punched her in the face and dove his combat knife into her wound, twisting the blade around and utterly destroyed the entire section of her leg, until it was hanging by a few gristly threads of meat to her body.

Moon was in a state of shock; how could this happen to her? She..was invincible!

She began to try and conjure magic to teleport or heal her, but before she could contrite, Marcus with his REX in hand grabbed her horn and said "I don't think so, bitch." He then slammed her horn against a piece of metal on the ground, and ripped the horn from its place on her head…nightmare moon was now at his mercy.

She spat and said "bastard…you really think you can stop the hub? We have..an army, a whole world.."

Marcus put his finger over her mouth and said "I may not kill your army, or your leaders…but I can kill you."

He felt a crazed adrenaline surge as he drove her dismembered horn through her left eye socket, and out the other side of her jaw. As he raised his REX, he said "find peace in the embrace of sean connery" and fired a single shot, pouring her brains on the damp cobblestone of canterlot.

He sat down and panted; that was some mortal combat shit he just pulled. He looked up and felt the cool embrace of a evening shower; it was a ironically peaceful moment considering that there were dead pony zombies mentioned like 2 times in this story lying around.

Before he was about to teleport to his final target, something occurred to him: this moment felt too much like something a good writer would do! He stood up, dropped his fly, and began pissing on moon corpse, then began to t-bag it, watching the body flop around like halo 3.

As he stopped, ridinoff ran up and said "shit man, were have you been? You were dead! And how did you kill nightmare moon, and why are you pissing on the body?"

Marcus pulled out a cigar and said "I was saving the planet from plotholes…look, I'd love to talk, but I have 1 more battle to do before my cross-plot hole fixing shit ends or Blackburn closes the Microsoft office window to watch some kinky quarian porn."

Ridinoff shrugged and said "oh…ok, well…time for me to have a gangbang with luna and celestia and celebrate how I defeated nightmare moon!"

As marcus began to teleport, he said "yeah…good luck with that bro."

A/N: I dunno if its me being tired as fuck, but I think this chapter was pretty awesome. But, you guys aren't mad I am working on a quarian porn story…right? RIGHT?

Shit, I need some sleep…also, review and shit, or send me some good tali zorah 'stuff' shit to my e-mail

R&R motherfuckers!

Lord Michael Blackburn, ou-ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz…