Chapter 28
I've said it before and I'll say it again, it pays to be prepared. I started using my evenings scouring the city for the things I thought I would need. I had to buy a new laptop since J took off with mine but since he paid off my debts I had a lot more disposable income these days. What I couldn't buy legally in Gotham I managed to scrounge up online. It's amazing the shit you can get on E-Buy. What I couldn't find online I found with the help of Pam and Jonathan and their contacts on the outside, and that was amazingly helpful to my cause. The tailor especially. I watched I-Tube tutorials on skills I knew I'd need to get good at and practiced daily. I taught myself how to pick locks, jimmy car doors and how to hotwire a vehicle as well as a few others that I felt would be useful. I did a lot of research which helped to fill up my suddenly lonely nights. It had been days and I hadn't heard from my Puddin nor seen anything on the news about him. I suppose hearing nothing was far better than hearing that B-man dragged him back to Arkham. It hurt to know I was so easily cast aside for the Bat though. God I hated that flying rodent and his bird boys. Someone needed to do something about them, permanently. Unfortunately, I knew that was above my pay grade at this juncture.
I started going to the gym every night. I was lifting daily and was up to bench pressing eighty pounds, which may not sound like a lot but I only weighed one forty so that's generally considered a little impressive. I found a sparring buddy at the Y, a tall black guy named Lewis, although his nickname was Spider because of the tattoos he sported. He was good. He had a long reach and he was fast, just not as fast as I had gotten.
My days at work were just awful. I was forced to work with Di, who was still completely pissed at me, and that creepy Dr. Strange. He was a weird one, let me tell you. He spoke of previous experiments he had conducted in the field of genetic engineering. He had at one time created a serum that turned the subjects into monsters, who ultimately ended up having to be put down for their own good. He was also known in the field of mental manipulation and neurosurgical implantation. The guy totally made my skin crawl. We had narrowed down the possible participants of their experiment to three subjects. Aaron Helzinger aka Amygdala, Roman Sionis the Black Mask and Victor Zsasz. So far Victor appeared to be the patient they were most interested in. He was without a doubt a pure unadulterated psychopath. We were now conducting a series of testing to determine the likelihood of success in each patient. Blood tests, x-rays, MRI's, CT Scans, cerebrospinal fluid screenings, EEG's and the list just went on. I didn't mind, at least while they were busy testing they weren't actively turning anyone into a drooling idiot for the rest of their lives.
Pam and I had grown extremely close recently and I have to be honest, I was trying to figure out a way to get her out of this dump. She didn't belong in here. If I only knew how to shut off the defoliant in her cell she had a chance. I decided to go down to the records room to look for floor plans of the asylum. What I ended up discovering was more than I could have hoped for. I rolled up the papers and shoved them down the back of my skirt then put my lab coat on to conceal them. I started formulating my plans. It would take some finagling, but I was pretty sure I was going to be able to pull it off.
I let her know what I was up to during our next session.
"Pam, we need to talk." She looked up at me. She was sitting on the floor again talking with her babies.
"Sure Harl, what's going on?" I knelt down, got as close to the glass as possible and whispered.
"I'm getting you out." She was in shock.
"What? When? How?"
"Tomorrow night. Listen, all you need to know is that when you hear the fire alarm go off, the defoliant in your cell will automatically shut down. You can handle the rest from there, am I right?" She smiled wickedly.
"Oh yes Harls. That I can definitely do."
"There will be a getaway car waiting for you on the other side of the north fence. The keys will be in the ignition and the tank will be gassed up. There will be a cell phone in the glovebox. Get somewhere safe and stay there until I contact you, okay?" She smirked at me.
"I knew when I met you were a girl who was worth her salt." I stood and put my hands on my hips.
"Lier. You hated me when you met me. You said and I quote, "You're just another self-righteous, know it all, do-gooder meatbag who thinks they have all the answers." She chuckled.
"Well, what can I say, you grew on me like a fungus." I winked at her.
"Until tomorrow my little daffodil!"
I went home and poured over the Asylum layout and security specifications I found in the records room. I figured out exactly where I needed to be and when in order to pull this off. I was excited at the thought of having a girlfriend again. Since this whole situation with Diane and the fact that Mr. J dropped off the face of the planet I was terribly lonely. I mean, I talked to my mom quite a bit but that's not the same as having a friend or a lover. I went through cycles in regard to my feelings for Mr. J. One minute I'd be angry, the next one I'd be depressed and then I'd just crumble into a sobbing mess on the floor. Get a freaking grip Harley. Listen to Red, you're a strong, independent woman and you don't need a man to make you happy. You have a full life that revolves around you with friends and activities of your own. Yeah, I just wish I could really believe it. My life had gotten much simpler in a lot of ways when J was in it. Well screw him, he's the one who walked out on me. Ugh, I told you I was conflicted.
The next day I was a bundle of nerves. I stopped at a bodega on my way to work and bought a pack of cigarettes which I had in the front pocket of my lab coat along with a pack of matches. I had everything in place. I knew a neighbor who had one of those fancy keypads to lock and unlock his car and I knew he always left the keys in the center console so very early in the morning I jimmied the door and stole it. I parked it where I told Red I would, on the north side just behind some tree cover. I took the train back to my apartment then drove in at my normal time. I did my best to avoid Di that day, she knew me well enough to be able to tell when I was stressed. I finished my sessions and then made it obvious to my co-workers that I was swamped with paperwork that I needed to catch up on. I didn't need anyone wondering why I was at the asylum so late.
I waited until shift change at ten then snuck down the hallway and took cover behind the corner. I pulled a slingshot and a steel ball out of my coat pocket. I broke my cover just enough to fire off the silver projectile. It hit my target, the security camera, smack dab in the middle of the lens, shattering the whole front and rendering it useless. I walked down to the ladies room, entered and then checked each of the stalls to make sure I was totally alone. I looked in the trash can, not enough fuel. I ripped the cover off the paper towel dispenser and wadded up the entire roll then threw it in the can. I lit a cigarette. I choked and gagged on it. How did people find this enjoyable? I threw the lit cigarette directly on top of the wadded up towels and waited until it started to smolder, then took back off for my office where I simply waited for the fireworks to start. Within a minute the fire alarms started to go off. Because the defoliant in Ivy's cell was highly flammable there was an automatic failsafe installed in the system that shut down the tanks. Before long I heard the destruction starting.
Red used the rose bush I had gotten her to grow into the floors and walls themselves. The vines grew and twisted until they shattered the glass of her cell. She was able to use her pheromones to stop the guards in their tracks. She then placed the orchid on her windowsill and used her powers to make it grow until it broke the glass and destroyed the bars then climbed down to ground level. My office window was on the north side, I looked out to see her bolting across the yard and using a tree to grow a bridge right over the top of the razor wire fence. I saw the brake lights light up then speed away into the night. I was so relieved I could pee myself.
I put on my practiced demeanor of panic and concern. I'd been working on my acting skills too. I rushed down to intensive treatment to see the carnage, I mean see if there was anything I could do to help. Tee hee. I pitched in making sure the other inmates were still secure. I stayed long enough to seem sincere but no longer than that. I rushed home, pulled out the prepaid cell phone I bought for myself and texted Red.
'Are you safe and in a secure location?' She responded immediately.
'Yes. Thanks I owe u 1.'
'Address and what can I bring you?'
'225 Elder Lane, East Park Side. If you bring me a burger I will kiss u!'
'Omw'
225 Elder Lane was a beautiful brownstone in one of the classier neighborhoods of Gotham. Apparently crime really paid off for Red. I was wearing a dark coat and hat to try to hide my identity a little bit. I walked up the steps and rang the bell. After a few moments the door opened just enough for me to squeeze through. I smiled when I saw Red, she looked healthier and happier than I had ever seen her.
"I come bearing sustenance!" I held up the Gothamburger bag and drink caddy I grabbed at a drive through for us. Ivy threw her arms around me and squeezed until I almost couldn't breathe anymore. "Um, Red, stronger than you look. Must breathe." She let go and laughed. It was beautiful to hear her laugh, it's something she never really did in Arkham.
"Harley, you're a goddess! Thank you so much for getting me out of there! God it feels good to be free!"
"Aww shucks Red, it was nothing really. Oh by the way, you ditched the car right, cause it's kind of a little stolen?" Her jaw dropped open.
"Little miss psychiatrist stole a car?" I pouted.
"Hey, this psychiatrist is dating the Joker, or was at least. A little grand theft auto just comes with the territory, right?"
She led me down the hallway into a large living room that took my breath away. Almost every single surface was covered with plant life. Moss, lichens, large tropical plants and exotic flowers bloomed in a lush profusion of colors and scents.
"Wow! Red, this is really out of this world!"
"Here, have a seat and let's eat. I am sick to death of that disgusting tripe that Arkham presented as food and that burger is calling my name!"
We ate and chatted. Then she gave me the nickel tour. It was a three bedroom two and a half bath brownstone with a full basement that Pam was using as a makeshift lab. The entire house was breathtaking. The master bath sported a bathtub big enough for three people, and oh how I would love a soak in that! We talked until late in the evening. It was a Friday which meant I didn't have to work in the morning, so when Pam invited me to spend the night I accepted. It felt like the sleepovers I used to have in high school where we'd talk about boys and music then do each other's hair, except we talked about killing men and stealing diamonds. I could see the appeal to the criminal lifestyle. Pam, unlike J, didn't kill indiscriminately. She only killed when it would save her precious plants or her own ass. She was more a thief and eco-crusader than a murderer. The profits she made from her heists mostly went to saving the rainforests of South America or battling deforestation in the west. She kept enough to live very comfortably though.
I had a couple bottles of wine in my bag and we went through both until we were giggly, giddy and sleepy. She showed me to one of the guest bedrooms and I curled up in the bed and passed out almost immediately.
I woke up with a pounding headache. I walked into the kitchen to find Red bright eyed and bushy tailed making coffee. She saw me and smirked.
"Someone is looking rough this morning." I sat down at the kitchen table and held my head in my hands.
"I'm feeling rough this morning. Got any aspirin?" She opened a cabinet and pulled out a green vile of liquid.
"I have something better than aspirin. Here drink this, it will fix you right up." I smelled it. It actually smelled pretty good. I chugged the contents and within minutes my headache was almost gone.
"Wow, that stuff is amazing! What is it?" She set a cup of coffee down in front of me.
"It's an extract derived from a hybridization of milk thistle, ginger and prickly pear cactus. Works like a charm every time. You know Harley. If we're going to be hanging out together we need to get you immunized. My body produces over thirty different toxins and I wouldn't want you to pick up something nasty. Follow me."
She led me down to the basement lab. She had me sit in a chair as she prepared a hypodermic needle which she filled with a greenish blue substance. She swabbed my arm with an alcohol prep pad and said, "This is going to make you dizzy and maybe a little sick at first, don't panic it will be over in a few minutes. Ready?"
I scrunched up my face and squeezed my eyes closed. "Ready Red."
She injected the serum quickly and expertly. I barely even felt the needle. But then it hit me. The room started to spin and I felt hot all over. I leaned back in the chair and put my arm over my eyes.
"What the heck is happening Red?"
"It's okay Harley, it's just your immune system adapting. Not only have I immunized you from most toxins but the serum is also increasing your strength, speed, and stamina as well as the ability to heal more quickly. It will take a few minutes to run its course."
Finally, the spins went away and I actually felt better than I had in years, maybe even ever! I hopped out of my chair and did a standing backflip that almost launched me through her ceiling.
"Hey, hey Harl! No gymnastics in the lab okay?" I smiled and hugged her around the neck.
"Red you're the best!"
I stayed with Ivy the entire weekend. I ran errands for her during the day, picked up groceries and anything else she needed and in the evenings we watched movies and talked. It felt so good to have a best friend again. Over the next week I was at Ivy's more than I was at home. My apartment felt too empty. Besides Pammy was on the lam and couldn't really leave the house so I helped her out and kept her company.
The following Thursday night I heard a notification tone ding on my phone. I dug through my purse and unlocked the screen. No messages. Oh crap. I dug around in my bag for the other phone. There was one new message. It said.
'Where the hell are you?'
He told me not to text back so I didn't although to be honest I didn't answer him because I was mad and felt he should get a little taste of his own medicine. Within five minutes another message popped up.
'So help me God Harley, if you don't answer me right now I swear you are going to regret it!' I texted back.
'At a friend's.'
'What friend, you have no friends! WHERE ARE YOU?'
'With Poison Ivy.'
'Get your ass home right now or I will come and drag you out of there by your damn hair!'
I looked up at Ivy. "Um, sorry to bail but something just came up Red. I gotta run but I'll call you okay?" She scowled at me.
"That was the clown wasn't it?" I sighed as my shoulders drooped. I nodded my head. "What the hell is wrong with you? He abandoned you for two whole weeks and now you're going to run back into his arms? Grow a spine Harl!"
"It's not like that Red. He, um, we have to talk is all. I really do have to go now. I'll talk to you soon."
I hugged her and ran out to my car. It took me forty minutes to get home with all the traffic. When I opened my apartment door I was instantly met with a backhand to my face. I wasn't prepared for it and it knocked me to the ground. Then I felt Mr. J's hand gripping my hair, fingers digging into my scalp. He wrenched my head up to look at him and my scalp was in agony from the force he was using to pull my hair. His other hand encircled my throat and squeezed, not cutting off my air but limiting it. He looked furious.
"Where have you been for the past week?" He bellowed. "Have you been out tramping around? Maybe meeting with that filthy rich, pretty boy from the gym? Hmmmm?" He yanked on my hair harder and I yelped in pain.
"No Mr. J, I been with Red the whole time!" he slapped me again, harder than before and I tasted blood in my mouth.
"Don't you lie to me little girl! Ivy is in Arkahm and we both know it!" Tears were openly streaming down my cheeks.
"I guess you haven't read the papers then." I sobbed. "I helped bust Red out last Friday. I been at her place ever since! I swear Puddin!" He grabbed my chin and pulled my tear streaked face up to look into his eyes. His fingers were digging into the hollows of my cheeks. I tried to talk and it came out garbled due to the pressure on my face. "I didn't know where you were, and I was all alone so I went over there. You gotta believe me Puddin!" He finally released me and stalked over to the new laptop that was sitting on my coffee table.
"If I search the news and find out you're lying I am going to beat you bloody!" He screamed. I sat in a crumpled position in the floor blubbering hysterically. He hit me. My precious Puddin hit me. I glanced over at him as he tapped away in the keyboard. Then he stopped typing and appeared to be reading. He got up from the couch and walked back over to me. He knelt down.
"Honey, baby, Pumpkin Pie. Daddy didn't mean it darling. But when I came for you three nights in a row and you weren't here what was I supposed to think?" He was using a coddling tone of voice. I sniffled but wouldn't look at him.
"You left me all alone. You ditched me for the Bat. I didn't think you were coming back." I pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapped my arms around them ducked my head down and started bawling again. "What, was, I, supposed to think?" I hiccupped.
"Awwww my poor wickle Harley. Well I'm here now so why don't you stop all these hysterics and come to Daddy." I threw myself at him and wrapped my arms around his neck as I sniffled into his chest. He wrapped his arm around my back and slid the other under my knees to pick me up. I clung to him but I still couldn't look at him. "Shhh, shh. Hush now Harley, Daddy's here and everything is going to be just fine. Kay?" I nodded as he brought me into the bathroom and set me down on the closed toilet seat. I hung my head and looked at the ugly yellow tiles on the floor. "Harley, look at me." Coddling Joker was gone, control freak Joker was back. I glanced up and pouted at him. "I said I'm sorry now stop the dramatics already."
"But you didn't." he glared at me.
"I didn't what Harley?"
"You didn't say you were sorry." He scoffed and threw his hands out to either side.
"I just did! Oh for the love of-" He blew out a frustrated breath. "Harley, it's your fault his happened. You could have left me a note, or better yet you could have stayed your ass home where I could find you! But noooo, you had to go run off to the weed lady's house to pout." He bent down and grabbed the peroxide from under the vanity and poured some on a cotton ball. He roughly started scrubbing at the blood on my face with it.
"S-sorry Mistah J." He smiled.
"There's a good girl. Now let's just put all this nonsense behind us. Okay?"
"Yes Mistah J." He finished dabbing at my face and kneeled down so he was at the same level as me.
"Now how about you give Daddy some sugar then you can be a very good girl and dig up something to nosh for your adoring Mr. J."
He grabbed my face in both hands and kissed me deeply. I didn't mean to respond but I did and inwardly cursed when I felt myself grow suddenly wet. He released me, stood and walked out to the living room where I heard him flick on the TV. I looked at my face in the mirror. My right eye was blackening and my left cheek was swollen. I swallowed my pride and went to go make Mr. J some dinner as I wondered what else this night was going to hold in store for me.
