28.
"Tell me about your correspondence with Bella." Dr. Whitlock shifted in his office chair, kicking his feet up on his desk and placing his notebook on his thighs.
At my first appointment with him, he took the same position after he introduced himself. I wasn't sure how we would work at first because of his laid-back demeanor, but I quickly came to understand that just because he appeared bored didn't mean he was.
"It's been very stressful."
"Have you had any desire to drink?"
"Not really. I've thought about what would happen if I drank again, especially since Bella is back in the picture. I don't want to mess things up with our reconciliation."
"Have you had a chance to tell her about your setback and how you're resetting your foundation right now?"
I rolled my eyes. "Not yet. I figured we needed to talk about how things ended before I unloaded that on her, too."
He shook his head a little and shrugged a little. "Bella knows you're human and you make mistakes. She's not going to hold it against you. It might show her that you're really invested in yourself and your sobriety – even though you had a setback, you're continuing treatment and moving forward."
"I just want to get to know her again. Right now, we aren't even thinking about a relationship beyond friendship."
"Friendship is very important for your sobriety. You need people you can lean on for support."
I knew that. I really did.
The emails Bella and I had been sending back and forth had been cathartic. She explained her feelings about leaving, and I told her what I felt after she left, too. There was a lot of hurt on both parts, but we'd talked through it.
I had a feeling that while writing it down had been good, we'd eventually have to talk about it face-to-face.
"I'll tell her. I've actually been thinking of asking her to meet me for coffee so we could talk in person. I think I might tell her then."
Dr. Whitlock nodded. "You've managed to restart a friendship with her through messages, and now it's time to move on to real conversation.
I wish I had as much faith in myself as Dr. Whitlock had in me because talking to Bella made me nervous. With an email, I had the ability to change my words and make them perfect before sending it.
Actually talking to her came with the possibility that I'd say something stupid at best or at worst, I'd end up saying not much at all.
