Episode 26 Happy Thanksgiving!
Freddy sighed. "So...this is it huh? Just sittin' here on Thanksgiving day not doin' anything, huh?"
Jason glared at him. Well what do you wanna do about it?
I'll tell you what I wanna do, Michael thought, I wanna-
"You can't tell us, dip shit. You can only think it." Ghostface corrected him. Michael shrugged.
So sue me. Anyway, I think that we should actually try and do something today. Like, you know, something fun...like eating a Thanksgiving dinner perhaps...
Freddy shook his head. "There ain't no way in h-e-double l Myers. No way. Not unless something groundbreaking happens like...what's that?"
Everyone looked at him. What's what? Jason asked. Freddy jumped to his feet and jumped right over the couch and walked into the kitchen area. He sniffed.
"That...that heavenly smell...it smells like..."
Everyone got to their feet and peeked out the apartment door. Indeed, there was a delicious smell slowly wafting up from one of the rooms downstairs. Ghostface looked up and down the hall and swallowed.
"Well...what should we do?"
There came a loud growling and Michael looked down at his stomach. Jeez...that smell is making me so hungry!
"Well it's no wonder, Myers! Whadda weigh? Negative 3 pounds? Ya never eat, ya wimp!"
Shut up, Freddy!
"You shut up!"
Michael reached over and slapped Freddy in the back of the head and Freddy wrapped his hands around Michael's throat and started strangling him. Soon they were rolling down the hall with Ghostface and Jason running after them.
"You know what?" Ghostface panted as he chased Freddy down the hall.
What? Jason thought.
"Somehow this never gets old, does it?"
Jason thought about it for a second then nodded and he and Ghostface hurried down a staircase. Yeah. It does. Pretty quickly, actually.
Michael and Freddy's squabble led them all the way down about four flights of stairs and to the source of the delicious-smelling room. Freddy stopped chocking Michael and looked up. He sniffed the air again and pushed Michael off him.
"There!" he pointed at room number 666. "That's the room! That's where the smell is coming from."
Ghostface, who had just managed to catch up, laughed childishly and murmured, "Ha, he said cum."
"I said come, fucking bitch. As in c-o-m-e not c-u-"
Just knock on the door, shit head. Jason thought exasperatedly. Freddy shrugged and walked right up and pounded on the door. Michael, who was still breathing hard, got up off the ground and dusted himself off.
Can't you just knock on the door like a normal person?
"No. I'm Freddy Kruger, bitch. I pound on whatever I want...Fuckface, don't you dare make that a perverted or gay joke, because if you do I'll fuck you up."
Ghostface just giggled and whipped out his cell phone. Jason sighed. Now really. You're making a call now?!
"Ssh! Jesus! Manners, man! Gosh!" and he waited and waited... "Hey, man! You'll never guess what Kruger just said, Sidney...he said-"
Jason reached over, took the phone and threw it against the wall. This isn't the time!
"But I-"
"Someone's coming to answer the door!" Freddy said excitedly.
The door opened a crack to reveal Pinhead. Yes, he's back. Just deal with it for a little while and give me time to explain. Anyway, Freddy gasped and his eyes got wide. "Pinhead!!!! What the fuck are you doing here?!"
Pinhead opened the door a little more to reveal the rest of his gang-Butterball and the Chatterer-standing obediently behind him. "Why, hello Freddy, old chum, old pal. How are you doing today?"
Freddy stared from one cenobite to the other with his mouth agape. Pinhead just smiled and slapped him a little, just to make sure that he was still alive and alert. "It's not polite to stare at people with your mouth open. It makes you look like a sniveling, drooling pervert."
"But...but I-"
Ghostface leaned on the wall behind him and began to sob. "Oh my God...I don't wanna go back! Jeez I can feel the chains now...oh man!"
Michael let his eyes roll back in his head and fainted right there and Jason...well he just looked at them all like they were retarded and began to walk away, back up the stairs. "Wait!" Freddy called to him as he disappeared up the stairs, "Where ya going?"
Away from here. I can tell that this won't end well.
He shrugged. "No, probably not, but before you leave would you mind taking Myers with you? I can't lift him by myself."
Ghostface perked up. "I can help...I can carry his ass for you."
Freddy rolled his eyes as Jason stooped down, took Michael's foot and began dragging him up the stairs haphazardly. "Yeah. No thanks, Fuckface. Myers would have a stroke or something if he knew that we'd let you fondle him while he was out."
While all this was happening Pinhead just stood in the doorway with a pleasant smile pasted on his pale face. Freddy turned back to him and smiled too. "So what game are you playing this time, Pinass?"
He looked clueless. "Sorry?"
"Don't play stupid. Every time we see each other you have some smarmy comment or something and then you send me and the others in the cube and blah, blah, blah."
"Oh that?" Pinhead began to laugh. "That's history, Kruger! Ancient history! I'm just here to enjoy Thanksgiving with my friends and-"
"Wait a second!" Ghostface said as he tried to push Freddy to the side and get Pinhead's undivided attention. "That delicious smell is coming from your room?"
Pinhead nodded earnestly. "Indeed. I was just cooking Thanksgiving dinner and I-"
"You can cook?!" Freddy asked as he stabbed Ghostface through the eye holes in his mask. Ghostface yelled and staggered back, his hands over his face. Pinhead nodded.
"Why, any self-respecting serial killer can cook a modest Thanksgiving dinner! What kind of useless, waste of a killer can't?"
Freddy cleared his throat and started down at his feet. Pinhead's smile grew. "Freddy! Don't tell me that you haven't started cooking your Thanksgiving yet!"
"Well yeah...of course I have! Yeah, in fact I started yesterday! Yeah. It's pretty much taken care of." he chuckled awkwardly. Ghostface, who still had his hands covering his eye sockets, came right up to Freddy and shook his head.
"What? No we haven't. Don't you remember? You said that Thanksgiving was gay and-"
"Of course we've started to cook, you motherfucking useless waste of sperm and egg. Remember?"
Ghostface didn't get the hint; he shook his head again clueless. "No I honestly don't-"
"Well that's ashame. I'd better go..." he turned back to Pinhead. "...you know...check the turkey or whatever...it is a turkey for Thanksgiving, right? Not a chicken or a ham or-"
Pinhead nodded. "Yeah, it's a turkey. You have fun with it, okay? Just be thankful for what you-"
"Yeah, see ya later, Pinass." and Freddy hurried up the stairs. Ghostface didn't follow. He glared at Pinhead.
"Why whatever is the problem, little Ghostface?"
"Don't think I don't know what you're doing. Oh, I know."
Pinhead looked mildly surprised. "Why whatever could that be?"
"You're trying to get Kruger to cook, even though you know he's never cooked anything in his life, and burn down the apartment."
He shrugged. "That or admit that I'm the better slasher and always will be. Either way, I'm happy."
"You bastard...you're sick. You know that? Just sick."
"That may be, but Kruger will never know, will he? Besides, shouldn't you be getting up there to help him cook that ever illusive Thanksgiving dinner?"
Ghostface turned to go, but not before cursing Pinhead one more time. "Fuck you."
Freddy was pacing back and forth madly, his thoughts racing. Jason and Michael started at him. Okay, what's wrong, Kruger? Jason thought.
Michael: Yeah. I've never seen you this worked up since...well, usually you're always this worked up.
Freddy sighed and pounded his fist on the table. "Shit! Fuck! You wanna know what the motherfreaking problem is?! It's that I don't know how to cook and Pinhead does, but the thing is that anything that he can do, I can do better! So what the fuck, man? What the hell am I gonna do?!"
Michael shrugged. Call take out?
"Who the hell sells Thanksgiving dinner as take-out, you stupid bitch? God fuck it! No...there's only one way to fix this...we've got to cook a Thanksgiving dinner with all the stuff..."
Suddenly Ghostface burst into the room. "No! You can't do that, Kruger!"
"Why not? We're perfectly capable of cooking!"
"No! That's exactly what he wants you to do! We can't cook that Thanksgiving dinner!"
Jason sighed. Okay, would anyone mind filling me in on what's going on here?
Well it seems to me like Freddy saw Pinhead cooking and he got jealous because he can't cook to save his live and-
"FUCK YOU! FREDDY KRUGER CAN COOK, BITCH! HE CAN COOK THE WHORE OUT OF YOU!"
"Y-yeah because that was totally appropriate." Ghostface mumbled as he closed the door.
Jason: It's no big deal, guys. We can make a simple Thanksgiving dinner. All we need is-
"Cranberry sauce, turkey, stuffing, green bean casserole, bread rolls-Fuckface, stop laughing, I didn't say buns-and umm...what else? Oh yeah, gravy, sweet potatoes, pumpkin pie and apple pie. That should be about it."
Michael's mouth was watering. W...we're gonna have pie?
Freddy nodded. "Pumpkin pie and apple pie and-"
"And ramen."
"What? What the hell are you talking about, Fuckface?"
"Ramen noodles. We have to have ramen noodles."
Jason sighed. No. No way. We're not having ramen noodles, okay? We can't even cook anything besides take-out pizza and beer.
I want pie. Michael thought.
Freddy slapped him on the shoulder. "Yeah, Myers! That's the spirit! And we're gonna have pie! We just need to go buy all the stuff at Wal-Mart then come back here to cook it! Oh happy day! C'mon, let's go!"
Ghostface jumped in front of the door, blocking his way. "Wait a second, just hold up! We're gonna go wandering around San Antonio in the morning, buy some Thanksgiving stuff dressed as serial killers?!"
Everyone nodded. Jason: I don't see how that could be a problem.
Michael: Neither do I.
"Yeah, me neither. All right! Let's go!"
As it turned out, finding a Wal-Mart wasn't as hard as finding a portal to hell; they were everywhere! Not only was the nearest Wal-Mart in the 'bad side of town', but they were packed with holiday shoppers and hooligans and whatnot...hey, it was Thanksgiving. What can you expect? Besides, if things were easy then it would just be straight up boring.
Anyway, Freddy killed an old woman and stole her buggy and they were off! Ghostface sighed and looked around at the isles and isles of groceries. "Where do we start?"
"You act like I come to Wal-Mart on a regular basis. I say that we each get assigned something to make then buy the fucking shit. Okay. Let's see..." he pulled out a long, folded up list from his pocket and read it. "Okay. So Voorhees you can handle the cranberry sauce since it's the easiest thing and you're a retard...Myers you can buy the turkey, stuffing stuff, and bread...Fuckface you can buy the gravy stuff, sweet potato stuff, pumpkin pie stuff, and green bean casserole stuff and I'll buy the cherry pie stuff."
"But why do I have to buy most of the stuff?"
He shrugged. "You make the most money outta all of us. So here we go. I'll take the buggy and the rest of you can just find some way to carry it your own. See ya!"
Hey! Michael thought, How am I supposed to-
Just shut up, Michael. He's gone.
Michael sighed. Yeah, I know. I've just never shopped in a store before and I'm kinda confused.
Ghostface took his arm. "Oh, that's easy. I can help you there. Just follow me to the dark corner back there by the door right there and we'll do some serious shopping."
Okay, Michael thought as he followed Ghostface, I mean, if you're sure-
"Oh yeah, I'm totally sure about this. Just follow me."
Jason rolled his eyes and caught Michael my the arm, forcing him out of Ghostface's grip. Really, Myers? Just how stupid are you? Don't follow him, follow me.
"But I can-"
You can go shopping on your own. Since Michael can barely function as a person regularly, just leave him to me. And Jason and Michael walked off, leaving Ghostface alone.
Walking alone anywhere on the bad side of town wasn't a good idea, but on Thanksgiving it was pretty much an invitation for trouble. Freddy had no problem because he had virtually no problem stabbing people in public, but Ghostface just didn't feel like raising hell today. That's why he shopped quickly and didn't waver; he just wanted to get out alive.
He scanned up and down the isles and once he found something he needed, he went for it. Eventually the only thing left on his list was the cream of mushroom soup that was needed to make green bean casserole, but an old lady got to it before he did. She looked oddly farmiliar...
"Hey! You're that old lady who wouldn't give me that quarter I needed to make the phone call!"
She glared at him. "I'm sorry, sonny?"
"You...you're that one lady who I asked for a quarter that one time and you made me say, 'Can I please have quarter ma'am?' and you still wouldn't give me one..."
She shook her head and continued down the isle. "I don't recall that, sonny. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to make Thanksgiving dinner now for me and my cat's-"
"Listen, lady! I don't give a fuck what you have to cook! I have to cook green bean casserole and I need that...what is it again?" he reached for the can in an attempt to read the label, but the lady gasped and punched him in the face.
She began howling, "Help! This man is trying to rape me! Help!"
Ghostface sighed. "This is gonna be hard, isn't it? Just give me...the fucking can!" he grabbed the can and tried to snatch it away from her, but she kneed in the groin. Ghostface let out a little whimper and fell onto the ground, cursing.
"Mother..."
Then the old woman threw the can in her buggy and hurried out of the store.
Freddy sighed. Somehow he knew that Fuckface was in a hell of a lot of pain or trouble or probably both, but it didn't matter. He had just put the frozen cherry pie in his buggy and continued on, trying not to really look at anyone. Since it was the bad part of town, it was usually safest to keep your eyes low and to act invisible.
The only problem was just as it was impossible for Ghostface to stay out of trouble, it was impossible for Freddy Kruger to remain 'invisible' for more than a few minutes at a time. He sighed and began to whistle the Charlie Brown theme before his buggy came to an abrupt stop. Freddy looked up and cursed.
"What the...oh, sorry. Didn't mean to hit you." a man stood in front of him, blocking his way. Freddy rolled his eyes.
"Well go ahead and get out my way."
The man hesitated, looked around to make sure that no one was watching, then pulled out a gun. " 'Ey man, just give me the pie and we won't have a problem."
Freddy scowled at him. "You're mugging me for a pie?"
The man nodded and aimed his gun at Freddy. "Yeah. Just give me the pie and no one gets hurt." he held out his hand but Freddy hugged the pie to him.
"Hell no, bitch. This pie is mine. Get your own."
The man pressed the gun against Freddy's head. Surprisingly enough everyone who was walking by just kept walking without a second glance. Well, Freddy thought, that's what you get when you shop on the bad side of town, I guess.
"You want this pie? This one right here?"
The man nodded. "Me and my gang need it for Thanksgi-"
"Would you settle for this?" Freddy held up his middle razored finger and laughed wickedly. "HA HA!!! Bitch got jacked." and he put the pie in the buggy and hurried off, but the man still followed him.
"Wait! You can't just flip me off then run away! I want that pie!"
Freddy stopped and turned to him. "You want that pie?"
The man nodded. "Yeah."
"Well the question that you have to ask yourself is this; do you feel lucky punk? Do you? Do you feel luck? Well do you? Punk?"
He looked puzzled. "Can you repeat the question, please?"
"Do you feel lucky, punk? Do you? Do you fe-"
Freddy! C'mon! Ghostface is waiting outside in the parking lot. We're all ready to go!
Freddy turned and was surprised to see Jason standing at the end of the isle. He turned to the man and ran his razor sharp fingers across his neck, slitting it wide open. The man fell onto the ground in an instant, spewing blood all over the once white and pristine floor. Jason ran over and yanked Freddy's arm, ushering him out the store.
"I don't see what the problem is." Freddy grumbled as he gripped the steering wheel and edged the Winnebago out the Wal-Mart's parking lot.
Jason shook his head. Just shut the fuck up and drive.
What? I honestly don't see a problem with all that either? Anyway...
Soon they were all home and the ingredients had been laid out on the little wooden table in the kitchen. Freddy quickly scanned over everything then stopped. He glared at Ghostface and growled, "What the fuck are those?"
He pointed at a cute little package of noodles. Ghostface said meekly, "I...I umm...I believe that those would be ramen noodles."
Freddy sighed and slapped his forehead. Everyone else just glared at Ghostface and hit him wherever they could reach. "Ow! Hey! Myers try a little lower...you'll smack my ass...ow! What did I do wrong now?!"
"You dip shit, we're not having fucking ramen noodles-"
"Would it kill you to be multicultural for a minute?"
Freddy thought about it then nodded. "Yeah, truthfully, it would. I would die a little inside."
Jason: So...what? Are we cooking?
"Well duh. Okay, here's how it's gonna be. Voorhees, since you are just a big, stupid burden, you can just be in charge of the freaking cranberry sauce...Michael I still think that I can trust you with the turkey, stuffing and bread...Fuckface you're still in charge of the freakin' apple pie because I don't trust you."
Ghostface frowned. "Why don't you trust me?"
Freddy laughed at this and Michael and Jason thought of laughing, but sadly they are mute. Michael thought, Why don't we trust you??? You only opened up a portal to hell and killed us all!
Ghostface shrugged. "Yeah it was a minor inconvenience."
Jason: Minor? Minor?! You're luck that I don't fucking kill you right now, you cock sucking little...
"Will everyone just shut up?!" Freddy yelled. They all grew silent and looked down at their feet like embarrassed little children. "Now y'all are all doing this for one person-ME. And as I'm sure we all know by now, I, Freddy Kruger, am the most important person in the world since Jesus himself. So everything that you do-ever single useless breath you take-is for me and dedicated to my happiness. You know what would make me the happiest person ever right now? Is if you all did the work that I gave you and shut the fuck up! Now!"
Everyone stumbled over to their individual sections of the counter and got to work. Freddy carefully read over his list again and smiled. "See? This shouldn't be that complicated...gravy. How hard is that to make? It's just a bunch of brown stuff you put on top of rice and junk. Not hard at all."
Jason rolled his eyes as he got to work unscrewing the top off of the cranberry sauce can. When you shit what color is it?
"Well I don't put that on top of rice and junk." Freddy said he took the frozen pie out of the box and threw it in the oven. Michael glared at him.
Nu-uh. You can't do that.
"And why the hell not? The pies can cook along with the turkey. See?" he laughed and said more to himself than to anyone else, "Cooking isn't hard; it's just common sense. Myers you can go ahead and put the pies in the oven when you cook the bird, okay? Oh and you gotta clean it first, so don't forget."
Clean the pies?
He shook his head. "No, Myers. The turkey of course."
Michael nodded as he dropped the enormous bird into the sink and prepared to clean it. Right, right. Of course.
Jason's eyes got wide and he tried to wrestle the turkey away from him. Nu-uh. No fuckin' way! I'm not letting him cook the turkey! He didn't even know that you have to clean it and season it!
Michael seemed puzzled by this. So...you have to season it? With what I wonder...that doesn't make much sense at all.
Ghostface stopped dumping the cans of green beans into a bowl and glanced over at Michael with a concerned look under his mask. "It's not hard...you season it with salt and pepper and stuff..."
He nodded like he understood. Yeah I get that, but which season? Summer, Fall, Spring...I suppose Winter since that's when Thanksgiving is, right?
Freddy sighed. "No, you dip shit! Here-" he grabbed some seasonings from out of the Wal-Mart bag and threw them at Michael. "You take those and dump them on the turkey. Get it? And for future reference, Thanksgiving is in Fall, not Winter. Dumb ass."
Jason shook his head. No it's not. It's in Winter, right? Ghostface?
Ghostface shrugged. "I always thought that it was in Fall, but I could be wrong."
This seemed to confuse Michael even more. But if it's in Winter, then when is Christmas? In Spring?
Jason: No. Everyone knows that Christmas is in Winter, dummy.
"Okay, okay! It doesn't matter! Just get cookin'! Voorhees, when you're done opening the cranberry sauce, help Myers get that bird in the oven. It's gonna be a hell of a Thanksgiving!"
No one really had anymore problems after that. After a brief debate, it was unanimously decided that Thanksgiving was in fact in Summer, and that Christmas was in Spring. Don't ask me...
Everything seemed to be going smoothly until Ghostface came up to Freddy. "Hey, Kruger. What do I put in the green bean casserole in place of the cream of mushroom soup?"
Freddy shrugged. "I dunno. I thought that you got the sou-"
"Yeah I don't really wanna talk about it. Just tell me what I can use, please."
"I dunno. I guess milk or something else that's creamy and white. Just make it taste good, okay? Don't fuck this up for me, or I'll make sure that you never get a solid night's sleep again."
Ghostface nodded and went back over to where his casserole was waiting. He looked around, grabbed a cup and thought, then he turned right around and headed for the bathroom. Freddy cursed. "Where the fuck do you think that you're going?"
"I need to take a piss!"
"Well hurry up!"
"Okay, I'll be quick." and he slammed the bathroom door. Meanwhile Michael and Jason were slaving with the turkey.
Okay, Jason thought as they gripped the pan that the turkey was in and lifted it up. I'll hold it while you open the oven, then I'll slam it in.
Well don't slam it on the pies, stupid! Michael thought as he tried to open the oven. Jason's arms began to shake under the weight of the turkey. What's taking so long?
It's stuck or something...I don't know...ARGH! Michael tried desperately to open it but to no avail. Jason was beginning to sweat now.
Jeez...how much does this thing weigh?!
Michael shrugged and continued to try and pry open the oven. I dunno...looks like 20ish pounds.
I think that I'm gonna-Just as he thought this, his arms finally let go and the turkey fell onto the ground with a sick squelching noise. Freddy came running over and gasped.
"What...the...FUCK?!"
Michael smiled meekly under his mask. Umm...surprise!
Jason just got to his feet and wiped his hands off on his pants. We...uh...we had a little accident.
"A 'little accident'?! Can't you stupid fucks even put a turkey in an oven?"
Michael rolled his eyes and tried to put the turkey back in the pan by himself. Well apparently we can't. Thanks for rubbing it in, though, asshole.
Ghostface came out the bathroom and looked down at the turkey. "What's going on?"
Freddy just sighed and rubbed his tired eyes. He pointed at the turkey that was sprawled on the floor. "Help them, will ya? I'm going to do something useful...is the bread in the oven yet?"
Michael nodded. Yeah, the bread's-Ghostface stop touching me ass!
Ghostface shook his head and tried his best to look innocent. "It's not me."
Michael glared at Jason, who just shrugged. Don't look at me.
Freddy glared down at them. "You want a kick in the ass? Here!" He in fact delivered a well placed kick to Michael's hindquarters. He fell flat on his face amidst the muck from the turkey and didn't bother to get up.
Jason sighed. I guess we should probably start cooking again, huh?
"Well what do you think, idiot?"
They all got up after successfully managing to get the turkey back in the pan. Everyone got back to work.
Eventually everything was in the oven and cooking and junk, and everything seemed right in the world for a few hours then...
"What the hell is that smell?" Freddy asked, sniffing the air.
Ghostface just sat on the couch snoring, completely asleep, and Jason jumped as Freddy reached over and yelled right in his ear, "I ASKED WHAT THE FUCK THAT SMELL WAS, DUMMY!!!"
What sm...oh that smell. Yeah, that's not a good smell. It smells like-
Shit, Michael thought, rotting, burning shit.
Freddy gasped and jumped over the couch and hurried over to the oven. Smoke was wafting out of the oven. Freddy opened the door and fell to his knees in despair. "No...no, God, please no!"
Jason came over and knelt down beside him. What's wrong?
Michael came over as well and looked down at Freddy with cheerfully sparkling eyes. Why is Kruger crying?
Freddy jumped up and stabbed him in the stomach. "I am not crying!"
Over on the couch Ghostface snored and jumped. He looked around wildly, asking, "What? What did I miss?"
Jason sighed and leaned on a counter. Michael burned the turkey, pies and bread. So basically, our whole Thanksgiving is ru-
"NO!" Freddy declared as he put on some oven mitts and looked into the smoky haze of the oven, "I will not let this Thanksgiving be ruined!"
He reached inside the oven and pulled out the turkey, bread and pies in the blink of an eye, then he threw off the oven mitts and started jumping up and down, howling, "Mother...I burnt myself! Shit!"
Michael rolled his eyes. Yeah. You got burned to death, but you're still scared of reaching into an oven, huh?
"Fuck you, Myers! You ruined this whole day! God fuck it! Well at least I could save the turkey and stuff..."
But no. It was not saved. The turkey along with everything else was hopelessly burned. Ghostface frowned and tried to scrape some of the charred and crispy skin off the turkey. "Hmm...maybe we can scrape it off?"
Jason took out his machete and shoved it through the center of the bird. He frowned and pried the two halves of the turkey away from each other. The inside was a sick pinkish color. Nope. No good. We didn't defrost it long enough; the inside is still raw.
Well what about the bread? Michael asked. Or maybe the pies are still good?
Ghostface reached over and punched one of the pies with all his might; it had no effect. "They're all as hard as rocks. Ha, ha...that was funny. Hard as rocks..."
"You all fucking ruined my Thanksgiving! Pinface will never let me forget this! God just fuck it to hell! Shit!" and Freddy aimed a well targeted punch at one of the blackened pies, but then staggered back and gripped his hand. "Shit! That fucking hurt! Damn!"
Profanity won't help, Freddy.
"Well why don't you just shut the fuck up and do something, Myers? Standing there doing nothing won't help either, will it?"
Jason: Hey, don't yell at him! It's not like it's his...oh, wait. Yeah it is his fault...
Thanks a lot, Voorhees!
He shrugged. Sorry, Michael. I can't fix stupid.
"Oh why don't you just put a sock in it?" Ghostface asked as he tried to scrape some of the singed crust off the pie. Freddy took the pie away from him and threw it at Michael. It hit him with a hallow thwack.
"Well at least we still have the green bean casserole, right?" he asked Ghostface hopefully.
He laughed nervously and looked around the room. "Uh...yeah...right. Listen, Freddy, I'm not sure that you want to-"
"Mmmm..." Freddy said as he took the casserole out of the microwave and dug into it with a spoon. He took a big spoonful out and ate it. His eyes got wide as he spat it out on the ground, right in Michael's hair. "What the fuck is in that shit?"
Michael grimaced as he tried to wipe the mess out his hair. Oh come on! I'm sure that it couldn't have been so bad that you needed to spit it in my hair!
"Try some!" Freddy took another spoonful and forced it into Michael's hand. He took a little bite and his eyes grew wide as well.
That's...that's not right! Jesus Christ...Ghostface what did you put into it?
Jason at a little and spat it out in the sink. Oh my...Ghostface...don't tell me it's...
He shrugged and took a spoonful for himself and ate it. "Ugh...I see what you mean...it's a little salty."
Michael felt as if he might vomit. You didn't put se-
"Oh my God, that's fucking...ugh! Please dear God!" and Freddy ran into the bathroom to vomit his guts out.
"What?" Ghosface asked, "Freddy said that it needed creamy white stuff and I couldn't find cream of mushroom soup anywhere so-"
Jason interrupted him. Yeah, you know what? Just never talk to me again. And he got up and went to wait for his turn in the bathroom.
"Okay, so maybe it wasn't the best Thanksgiving in the world, but it was a Thanksgiving!" Ghostface said. Freddy just kept switching the channels on the T.V. And tried to get the disgusting taste out his mouth-four hours and it still wasn't gone.
"Why don't you just shut up already?"
"Well it's not like we're celebrating anything awesome on Thanksgiving anyway!" Ghostface argued. "So what? Christopher Columbus set foot in America, robbed and beat some Indians before giving them diseases that they couldn't fight off because their immunity wasn't strong enough...yeah, really happy Thanksgiving huh? Let's just go out and kill a bunch of Cherokee Indians to take it up to the next level!"
Jason just stared at him through this whole speech and finally thought, What the hell is wrong with you? That never even hap-
But Michael interrupted him. Yeah. Real happy fucking Thanksgiving.
