A/N: I am so sorry! This update has taken too long. I'm an actress and I just finished my first play last Sunday. Then I took this week to recoop and relax. But I promise I'll get back to updating at least once a week. Please forgive me. I love you all!

Trigger Warning: Suicide attempt and SH ideation.


Chapter 28: When You Hate Your Life...

The next morning Olivia woke up and went into Gen's room to check on her and found her curled up in a tight ball saying "No, please stop, I'm sorry" while she clutched at her pillow.

'The nightmares are back' Olivia thought.

She sat on the edge of the bed and peeled the covers back and shook her daughter's shoulder.

"Wake up sweetie, you're safe. Wake up." She cooed.

"No!" Gen cried, as she sat up and looked around the room.

"Mom?" Gen asked.

"Yes baby it's me." Olivia said.

"Why didn't you tell me you were having nightmares again?" She asked.

Gen looked into her mother's eyes, shrugged and looked away.

"Hey, talk to to me." Olivia said.

"I don't have anything to say." Gen said deadpan.

"Are you pulling away from me because of last night?" Olivia asked.

Gen narrowed her eyes at her mother.

"Look, I'm sorry I might have overreacted, a little but you had no business doing what you were about to be doing!" Olivia said.

Gen remained silent.

"We have to talk about this. Last night and the nightmares. All of it." Olivia said.

Gen crossed her arms.

"Whatever." She said.

Gen got out of bed and walked over to her closet, pulling out a sweatset and her running shoes. She dressed herself quickly and tied her hair up into a bun.

"I'm going running." She said.

Olivia stood and crossed the room to her.

"No way in hell are you going running young lady! You will not start that again!" Olivia shouted.

Gen shrugged out of Olivia's arms.

"I am going running." She said stubbornly, stomping her foot.

Alex entered the room, looking bewildered.

"What's the matter?" She asked.

"Nothing Mama, I'm going running." Gen said, squeezing past Alex and heading for the door.

With all the commotion Haylee woke up and was standing in the hall. Gen rushed into her arms and hugged her. "Come with me." She whispered into her ear.

Haylee grabbed a sweater as Gen laced their fingers together and led them both out of the house.

Olivia threw her hands up into the air, and punched the wall.

"Perfect!" She shouted.

Alex reached for her and pulled her close.

"Shh, they'll be back Liv. Then we can talk." She said reassuringly.

"She's pulling away from me!" Olivia said, as tears of sadness and frustration fell from her eyes.

"She's a teenager Liv, it's to be expected." Alex said.

"No! Not my teenager!" Olivia cried.


Olivia cleaned and recleaned the apartment while she wait for Haylee and Gen to return. Alex tried to get her to sit down and relax but she was so worked up she couldn't. Finally around 11:30 the door opened and both girls entered breathing heavily and soaked with sweat. Gen looked about ready to collapse and Alex immediately had her in her arms.

"Are you alright?" Alex asked concerned.

"I'm fine Mama." Gen said.

"I finally convinced her to come back. We ran 3 miles." Haylee said, catching her breathe.

Olivia walked over to Haylee and pulled her into a hug.

"Thank you." She said.

Olivia looked over at her daughter and held out her free arm.

Gen pulled away from Alex and stormed towards her room, slamming the door behind her.

"Did she say anything?" Olivia asked, looking down at Haylee.

"She was mad, really mad but I don't think she's mad about last night anymore. I couldn't really get her to talk to me. She just said the nightmares were back and that she hates herself and her life..." Haylee said sadly.

Olivia ran to Gen's door and tried the handle finding it locked.

"Gen! Sweetie open the door. Let's talk." Olivia said, knocking on the door.

"Go away!" Gen screamed, choking on her sobs.

Gen sat crossed legged on her bed, staring down at the razor in her hands.

"Just unlock the door honey, please." Olivia begged.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Gen screeched.

Alex walked over to the door and tapped it lightly.

"Gen it's your Mama, why don't you open the door and we can sit and talk about what's bothering you?" She asked, pressing herself against the door.

Gen picked up her shoe and chucked it at the door.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" She screamed.

She put the razor down, pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged herself. She thought about her life and about how everything reminded her of him. She hated herself so much. She even hated herself for breathing. She just wanted it all to end.

Alex looked over at Olivia and said, "We're gonna have to break down the door..."

"Get back." Olivia ordered.

Once Haylee and Alex were at a safe distance, Olivia brought a leg up towards her chest and kicked the door open, busting the frame in the process. She ran in and saw the razor on the bed, she pulled at Gen's arms and raised the sleeves relieved to see she hadn't cut herself. She pulled Gen into her arms and kissed her head.

"What is going on with you? Talk to me!" Olivia said.

Gen wrenched away from her and ran out of the room storming into the bathroom, slamming the door in Haylee's face.

Alex went in after her and found her struggling to open a bottle of aspirin. She grabbed at it and they fought over it.

"NO GIVE ME IT!" Gen shouted.

"No baby please talk to us! Tell us what's wrong!" Alex pleaded.

"WHAT'S WRONG IS I CAN'T GET THIS BOTTLE OPEN!" Gen shouted.

Olivia came in and grabbed her around the waist and pulled her to the floor.

"GET OFF ME MOM! LET ME DO IT! LET ME DIE!" Gen shouted.

"No! I can't I love you! I know you hate yourself right now, but this is not the answer!" Olivia cried.

Gen struggled against both her mothers until she got tired and then she slumped in Olivia's arms.


Once they calmed her down enough to move her Alex and Olivia moved her to the couch. Olivia grabbed her hand and looked into her eyes.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"...I've been having nightmares and I hate myself and my life and I just want it to end. I want to end myself." Gen said softly.

"You could have come to us." Alex said.

"I know Mama but I felt like I had put you both through too much already." Gen said.

Alex shook her head and tears began to flow.

"You could never put us through too much. We're a family. We will go through it all with you. Don't you understand that we love you and we will fight for you?" Olivia said.

"But when you hate your life this much, it doesn't matter who you love or who loves you mom. I can't see past my pain and I know that makes me sound selfish. I hurt everyday. I try not to get too wrapped up in it but sometimes it's all I see and hear and feel." Gen said quietly, as tears fell from her eyes.

"It doesn't make you sound selfish. I just wish you would see that you can come to us. That it's ok. No matter what you're feeling. Don't start pushing us away." Olivia said.

"Ok. And Mom, Mama I'm sorry about what I almost did last night. Me and Haylee talked about it while we were gone and we decided that until we were both ready we wouldn't rush things." Gen said.

"I think that's very grown up and fair of a decision for the two of you to make." Alex said.

Gen wrapped an arm around each of her Mothers necks and pulled them closer to her.

"I love you. I love all of you. So much." She said softly.

I was going to drag out the mother/daughter drama a bit longer but it seems my muse had other plans... Review me