Hello all you happy peoples.

Letme just come right out and say: guns of the patriots kicks ass.

Best. End. Of A Series. EVER.

God bless Hideo Kojim Sensei, he even managed to make a slowly dying snake look so Goddamn badass. That's one old geezer who's pills you wont be messing with.

That said, on wirth the show.


Defeat of Gaara; Jiraiya's quest Defeat of Gaara; Jiraiya's quest

"AGH! NO! NOT YOU!" Shukaku shrieked as he tried to escape, cursing the loss of his forelimbs as his most hated adversary took a huge bite out of him. The 'Kyuubi' merely grinned as it tightened its grip, sinking bloody fangs deeper into the sand demon's hide.

"I can't hold this forever squirt!" Domon grunted as he fought to maintain his control over the illusion, "Get up there and smack him a good one!"

Naruto nodded and, using the giant's head as an impromptu springboard, launched himself forwards just as the illusion ended. "WAKE THE FUCK UP!" the blonde roared, ramming his fist as hard as he could into the redhead's jaw.

The illusion broke and Gamabunta smirked, watching as the Tanuki started to tremble. 'Perfect, in this condition, it'll be easier for us to fight him.' The toad boss rationalized.

Gaara stirred, causing Shukaku to shake his head in fury. "CHIKUSHO!" he howled, "I JUST GOT OUT HERE DAMMIT!"

But Shukaku's howls were in vain, the light went out of his eyes and he returned to his confinement in the ravaged sections of Gaara's subconscious. However, the massive form of the demon was still pressing forwards, as if on autopilot.

'Dammit!' Gamabunta swore, as he strained to push the walking sand mountain backwards, 'Even unconscious this bastard's tough!'

Gaara's eyes snapped open angrily, the redhead glaring down at Naruto before sending a wave of sand at the genin.

"DAN EN!"

Nadare's fireballs rammed into the sand and caused it to disperse, drawing the redhead's attention to Recca, atop a striving Gamabunta.

"No one's wrapping up my Outoto like a mummy!" Recca yelled, smirking at the look o fury that crossed Gaara's features, "And unless you want me to summon Koku-Oyaji again, I suggest you behave!"

"Yeah," Domon smirked, "take your beating like a man!"

--

'Dammit,' Naruto muttered, frowning in concentration, 'Gaara and I are probably at the ends of our respective ropes,' the frown deepened, 'but the fact remains that I can't just knock him out, or Shukaku'll probably sneak out again.' He gripped his sword, his resolve settled, 'Brain-stem trauma it is then.'

The blonde Jinchuuriki dashed towards his one-tailed counterpart, eye's blazing.

"Hiten Mitsurugi-ryu:"

Gaara tried to block with the sand, only to blink as his opponent spiraled towards him, seemingly upside down.

"Ryukansen Tsumuji!"

Gaara had little time to react as the back of the blonde's katana struck him on the back of his head with the finality of a sledgehammer, sending the redhead tumbling out of the beast's head, and collapsing on a tree branch. Naruto landed and eyed the stricken teen, sheathing his sword. "Get up," he muttered, "I know you're still awake."

Gaara clambered to his feet, holding the back of his head, where blood flowed.

"We're both down to the last stage here," the blonde muttered, "what say we finish this?"

Gaara glared at the blonde's words and commanded the sand to form around him, though it refused to make a definite shape.

'This next attack's gonna be tricky,' Naruto muttered, eyeing his opponent warily, 'but it'll be worth it if it finishes this.'

--

Naruto lunged forwards, ready to finish the fight with his last move, whilst Gaara grit his teeth. 'This guy,' the redhead muttered, 'why is he so strong?' He clenched his fist, glaring at the loosely joined sand. 'I don't have enough strength to control the sand beyond a set range anymore,' he muttered, eyes narrowing, 'but if I can trap his sword…'

Naruto howled and drew his sword, aiming for Gaara's neck. Gaara replied by bringing his sand up and wrapping it around the blonde's blade, dragging it to the side as he raised his right arm, a kunai held in his hand.

"SHINEE!!"

CRACK!

Time seemed to freeze for the sand genin, before his entire right side erupted into pain, as his arm bent dangerously, his ribs cracking.

'A second strike…with the sheath?!' Gaara sputtered, not believing what he was seeing,'

"Soryusen." Naruto muttered in Gaara's ear, "A battojutsu of the Hiten Mitsurugi-ryu." He lowered the sheath from the redhead's side and returned it to his belt, sheathing his sword as the sand slowly slid off it. Gaara slumped forwards, crying out as he landed on the blonde's chest.

'He'll kill me!' the redhead thought in a panic, once again the scared little boy from his past, 'I have to run away! I have to run away! I have to-!'

"Relax," Naruto called out, startling him, "it's over."

Gaara blinked as he found himself being gently lowered to rest on the tree branch. "I broke your right arm there," the blonde explained, pulling a splint out of his pouch "and I bet a few ribs went with that last one."

Gaara eyed the blonde in confusion as he held out a broken branch. "Bite on this," Naruto ordered, "I need to set your arm."

As if in a daze, Gaara found himself obeying the blonde's orders, his jaws clenching together as the bone was set in place, teeth digging deep into the wood. 'Naze?' he thought as the blonde wrapped the limb and prepared a sling, 'Why is he helping me?'

"You've got that 'Why's he helping me' look on your face." Naruto commented, smirking at the redhead's shock. "I don't really know," he admitted, "but I can understand how you feel more than anyone else."

He gripped his navel, and smiled sadly at the prone redhead. "The Kyuubi no youko," he explained, "The demon sealed inside me…is my own father."

Gaara's eyes bulged in shock as the blonde continued.

"I thought I was all alone in the world…and now I find out my father was the 'monster' that the fourth sealed in me," he snorted humorlessly, "ironic eh?"

The blonde smiled up at the impassive face of Gamabunta and his teammates. "But they stood by me," he muttered, "Even when I doubted myself." He looked at the redhead and then grinned behind him, "And you two feel the same about Gaara…don't you?"

Gaara blinked at the blonde's statement, feebly turning to look to his right, revealing an exhausted Kankurou and Temari, who were torn between attacking the blonde and retrieving their brother.

"Temari," he croaked out, "Kankurou…"

--

Temari hefted her fan and eyed them carefully, before wincing in fear as Naruto stood up. Her look changed to one of shock, as Naruto helped her brother to stand, and walked towards them, an arm over his shoulder.

"Take him home and see to his wounds." the blonde muttered cheerfully, "If you head straight towards the sand and don't stop till you pass the border, you should avoid whatever patrols that remain."

Kankurou stared at the blonde, before accepting his little brother from him. "Who…are you?" he asked, staring apprehensively at the Jinchuuriki.

Naruto grinned at the middle sand sibling, "Hanabishi Naruto, future Hokage of Konoha." He smirked, giving the trio the 'nice guy pose' "Stay in my good books and you'll have the whole of Konoha as your allies!"

The two sand ninjas sweatdropped; and considered attacking the blonde until Gaara's voice called out. "Enough…" the redhead muttered, exhausted, "Let's just go home."

Kankurou eyed Temari, who nodded, and the trio disappeared with a dashing noise, leaving a smiling Naruto in their wake.

--

Gaara replayed the events of the day through his mind, reviewing his fight with Naruto with particular detail. 'He fought for his friends,' the redhead muttered, 'his village…his family…'

He scowled at the bitter memories of his father, his hatred of the man making bile rise in his throat, before blinking as something popped into his mind.

--

A four-year-old Gaara trudged through the halls of the Kazekage home, looking lost and alone. He bumped into someone who was about to yell at him to be more careful, before he saw who the child was and ran away screaming.

'Everyone's scared of me…' the redhead sniffed, 'Why only me?'

Abruptly, he spotted a boy standing not too far away, a look of determination in his eyes.

Gaara blinked as the brunette strode forward and thrust his arm out, dangling a teddy bear in front of him.

"Take it." The older boy muttered, arm outstretched and eyeing the wisps of sand with avid attention. Gaara blinked as he reached out and took the toy, only to blink again as the boy turned and ran.

--

'That boy…was Kankurou…' Gaara realized, looking at his older brother as he was carried through the woods. He winced as another headache started, tumbling him down yet another memory.

--

Chibi-Gaara sat huddled in a corner of the playground, crying. He'd almost fallen asleep when a scary voice had started shrieking, scaring him back to full consciousness; when the boy opened his eyes however, the room was torn apart and there was a dead body in the corner.

There had been several people in the doorway, but no one was coming to help him.

"The demon killed another one." Someone had muttered.

"He's too unstable." Another agreed, eyeing the redhead with concern.

Gaara sniffled and rocked back and forward in his corner, terrified and alone. Abruptly, a pair of trembling arms wrapped around him and held him, causing him to blink in surprise.

Looking up revealed a girl at least six years old, looking terrified but holding him nonetheless, lightly humming something under her breath, despite the tremor in her voice.

Gaara merely sat there, before returning the hug and letting the girl rock him back and forth, her pigtails rustling in the wind.

--

'Temari,' the redhead breathed, staring at his older sister's back, 'even when I was little...even though she was scared…'

Gaara trembled as an image of the two children stood before his younger self, their older forms vaguely apparent behind them.

'They…both of them…tried to reach out in their own way…' he realized in shock, 'While I…I…'

Kankurou twitched as he felt something slide down his neck. 'Is Gaara bleeding?' he thought, concern for his sibling making him slow slightly, before a soft sound reached his ears. 'Masaka…' the older genin muttered in disbelief, 'Gaara's…crying?'

"Oi…you okay Gaara?" he asked, looking back slightly, causing Temari to turn her head, concern for her brother in her eyes.

Gaara tried to mumble something but his voice cracked, forcing him to take a breath to continue. "I'm sorry," he gasped out, gripping his brother's shoulders tightly, "I'm so sorry…"

The older sand siblings blinked in shock, before staring at each other in wonder. "It…it's nothing." Kankurou muttered, speeding up towards the border.

Gaara closed his eyes, allowing himself to be carried by his brother, finally acknowledging the older boy's position as such.

'I'll start anew,' he vowed, 'I'll make amends…' He smiled softly, which his siblings failed to pick up, too focused on the job at hand to realize their family was at last back together.

--

The triumphant Sasuke retrieval team waved goodbye to Gamabunta as he disappeared in a massive plume of smoke, back to his days of fornication with his numerous brides. "I'm gonna miss that toad." Domon muttered; Sasuke slung over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"The summoning only lasts so long anyway." Naruto muttered, almost annoyed, before grinning up at he giant. "By the way," he added, "nice idea with the fox transformation there."

"Ya think we should do it again?" Recca asked, a little TOO innocently, "Maybe…in the middle of the village?"

The trio snickered evilly, seeming to sprout horns on their heads. "Hokage Oyaji would probably have a heart attack!" Naruto cackled, earning a round of agreeing cackles from his partners in crime

Lee and Sasuke shivered, the former standing as far away form the emanating aura of evil the trio was giving off as he could.

'Kowaii," they thought, 'Seriously Kowaii…'

--

Domon grunted, dashing through the trees as they made their way back to Konoha. "Man…I hope that lazy bastards all right…" he muttered, Sasuke slung over his shoulder, whilst Lee carried his beloved Sakura bridal style.

Recca snorted, shaking his head at the giant's concern. "Dieing would be too troublesome for him." He mocked, pulling off a decent replica of Shikamaru's features.

The trio shared a laugh at the genin's expense, whilst Sasuke raged silently.

'This was supposed to be MY victory!' he yelled mentally, 'But they shoved me aside like I wasn't even there!' He growled in his throat, glaring at the laughing blonde as his arm twinged.

"Hey, how much to you think Sarutobi-Oyaji's gonna pay us for this mission?" Recca asked, "Cause there's this kunai set I want to look into."

"Knowing old man Hokage? Naruto replied with a grin, He'll have us rolling in dough when we get there!"

--

Kagero shook her head as she stood up from her position next to the Hokage's side. "There's no sign of life," she reported sadly, "Sandaime-sama is dead."

The collective Jounin winced before lowering their heads reverently. A few cried out, either in anger or remorse, probably both. Jiraiya, his fists clenched tighter than steel, strode forward unopposed through the crowd, scooping up his sensei's corpse in his arms.

'To think you would feel so light…' he muttered, noting the seal on the man's chest, the look of blissful calm on his weathered face. 'You once carried me on your back to the hospital.' The sennin thought, looking grim, 'Now I'm doing the same for you…though I doubt you'll ever open your eyes again.'

Slowly, as if each footstep carried the weight of the world with it, the sennin walked through the ranks of assembled shinobi, his sensei's body in his arms, making for the hospital. He stood at his full height, his head held high, as if daring the surrounding shinobi to claim he shed a tear.

Inside his heart of hearts however, a small, white-haired genin was crying his eyes out, his sensei's name tearing from his lips in mourning.

How Jiraiya envied that little boy.

"Alert the council." Ibiki called out to the ANBU, a little more stiffly than he would normally, "We must have funeral services arranged for the dead."

Kagero, sighing sadly, reached out and patted a trembling crow masked ANBU on the shoulder as he apparently refused to move. "Go now," she assured him, "Sandaime-sama would have asked the same of you."

The man stood for a moment, as if gathering his resolve. Nodding his thanks after a moment, he turned and left with his team, heading for the council office.

--

Two day's later.

The rain fell heavily, drenching all those who had assembled to mourn those who had fallen. Though the children and civilians cried their sorrows, not a single tear fell from the assembled Shinobi populace. In a way, the falling rain substituted for their sadness, and made the loss that much greater.

Naruto, Domon and Recca stood side by side as they stared silently at the Hokage's picture, dressed in identical black clothes for mourning. To his left, Naruto spotted Konohamaru; the poor boy was crying his eyes out as Iruka knelt beside him, attempting to comfort the distraught Sarutobi.

"Seems like only yesterday he'd invited us to join the village." Domon muttered, not taking his eyes of the photo, the raindrops sliding down the shaved sides of his head.

"Hard to believe it," Recca agreed glumly, "we only knew him for about a year or so…but he grew on us."

Tokiya said nothing, his face solemn, whilst Yanagi sobbed lightly, Fuko's hand on her shoulder in an attempt to comfort the poor girl.

Naruto sighed and looked up at the monument, where the Hokage's likeness seemed to gaze down upon them through the falling rain. Staring at the younger carving of the man in the photo, the blonde couldn't help but feel the statue was crying too, as he gazed down at his people.

"Wipe your eyes, Konohamaru." The teen said, causing the boy to look up at him in confusion. "You have to be strong now," The blonde explained, grinning softly at the child before pointing at the monument, "Or you'll make your grandfather sad."

Konohamaru stared at the blonde, eyes wide with wonder as he followed his gaze to the face carved into the monument. After a few moments however, the boy's face set and he wiped his eyes, standing strong despite his trembling jaw.

Naruto held out his hand and the sandaime's grandson took it gratefully, the blonde's teammate's carefully placing a hand on their little friend's head and shoulders, even Sasuke, his arm still missing, offered the boy the barest of nods. Neither of them said a word, but took comfort in each other's presence.

In years to come, the team would look back upon this moment, and each swore they felt no less a man for comforting the boy that day.

--

Two weeks later…

After the funerals had concluded, and the village managed to get itself back under control, things began picking up again for the citizens of Konoha.

Currently, team seven, or rather three quarters of it, were munching away at Ichiraku ramen, the three pranksters trying to outlast each other once again in a battle of the bellies.

Ayame giggled as she watched them slurp up the bowls, Domon was in the lead with thirty-nine, Naruto in second with thirty-eight, with Recca trailing on his thirty-fifth.

"MORE PLEASE!" they called out, holding out their bowls.

"Yare-yare…" Teuchi called out, "You three must've finished one hell of a mission."

"Nah…just regular genin crap," Domon snrted with a scowl, "that baka Neko escaped again, and we chased it all the way into the Inuzuka kennels."

Ayame winced as she noticed the bite and claw marks the teens were sporting.

"Here you go!" Teuchi called out, shoving another round their way, smiling as he watched them go at it. If there was one thing you could rely on, no matter what else changed in the village, it was that the prankster trio would always try to best each other; be it in technique, achievements, or who could stuff more ramen down his gullet without suffocating.

Domon had stubbornly managed to hold onto the title of 'Ramen-King' for a week now, but Naruto was catching up, the blonde's voracious appetite seeming to rival the giant's own personal bottomless pit.

"So the rumours were true," a voice chuckled behind them, "you three really do eat your own weight in ramen here everyday."

Naruto choked on his noodles and had to be slapped on the back by Recca, as he spun round to stare behind them. "Wha-ERO SENNIN?!"

Jiraiya twitched at the title, but let it slide for now, pulling up a stool beside his newest disciple. "Such predictable little genin," he mocked, winking at a startled Ayame, "You need a little change in your diet."

Domon eyed the man cautiously, in case he was an escapee from the local insane asylum. "Naruto," he mumbled, mouth full of noodles as he pointed with his chopsticks, "who the heck's this guy?"

"WOAH!" Jiraiya yelled, flipping his hair back, "GOOD QUESTION!"

Still standing on the stool, the sennin went through his bizarre dance routine again, causing Ayame to squeak and duck behind the counter to avoid his mane of white hair.

"Behold! Known also as the Gama-sennin! Known throughout the North South East and West! The legendary Toad hermit of the Sannin! The man who's Handsomeness can silence a crying child!" He rotated his head slightly and grinned, palm held out in front of him as several sticks tapped together in the background. "Jiraiya-sama!"

The three genin stared at the man, dumbstruck, before Domon returned to slurping up his noodles, non-plussed. "Oh," Recca muttered disinterestedly, "you're the Ero-sennin Naruto told us about."

Jiraiya fell off the stool headfirst, crashing into the ground, his leg twitching erratically. 'Kid's these days, he grumbled, ignoring Ayame's concern for his health, 'no respect for greatness.'

--

After picking up the shards of his dignity, the sennin waited for them to finish before asking Naruto to talk to him while they walked, blocking out Domon's roars of victory.

"Huh?" the blonde muttered, blinking in surprise, "A special mission?"

Jiraiya nodded, "The council asked me to do them a little favor, since I'm heading in that general direction anyway." He smirked, nudging the blonde with his elbow, "We could stop by the red-light district on the way" he added suggestively, waggling his eyebrows, "you'd learn more there than what Kakashi could teach you."

'I'll bet.' Recca thought wryly, ignoring the red tinge covering Domon's cheeks as they listened in, the two walking just behind the sennin and Naruto to give them some space.

"I dunno…" Naruto muttered, "Seems like a lot of effort, just to track down one girl…"

Jiraiya leaned in and grinned, "She's quite the looker you know." He added, as if that sealed the deal.

"Like you'd go looking for some old hag, Ero-sennin," Naruto snorted, waving a hand dismissively, "you'd claim it was a waste of time and go looking for the nearest peephole."

Jiraiya didn't bother to deny that in the slightest, secretly wishing he was doing that very thing right now, but decided to up the ante all the same. "Still," he muttered, "Kuchiyose no jutsu was just one of my many techniques." He shrugged, looking disappointed, "but if you're not interested, I can ask Sasuke to come instead…"

"We'll be there." Recca growled, the other two nodding on confirmation.

Jiraiya blinked, having forgotten the other two had followed them. "You two?" he stated, "I was only asking Naruto."

"S'matter Ero-sennin," Domon taunted, flexing a muscle, "don't think we're up to it?"

Jiraiya twitched, feeling his blood-pressure rise at the title. "Hmmph, the great Jiraiya-sama's techniques are reserved for a very select few!" he muttered, swelling up like a balloon, before grinning lecherously. "But if you can provide me with some well developed…fruit" he giggled creepily, "I may change my mind."

Domon blinked, confused as hell by the sennin's odd ways. "We gotta go grocery shopping?" he asked, causing Jiraiya to facefault.

Naruto moaned and slapped his forehead exasperatedly. "He wants us to grab a few girls to ogle at." The blonde muttered, smirking at the embarrassed flush that covered Domon's face.

The trio blinked suddenly, looking at each other, and then grinned in a way that made Jiraiya very nervous.

"Kage bunshin no jutsu!"

Jiraiya blinked as the three genin suddenly became thirty, not liking the looks of this in the slightest.

"HENGE!"

Jiraiya waved the smoke out of his eyes, only for them to bulge out of his skull at the sight that awaited them.

"Jiraiya-samaaaaa…." Several female voices crooned, as they latched onto the pervert's limbs, rubbing against him suggestively. "Take us with youuuuuuu!"

--

On many an occasion in Konoha's past, a white haired youth graced the skies of Konoha in a splendid aerial flight courtesy of being found peeping by his female teammate.

Many years had past since those glorious days, but once again, Jiraiya's figure soared over Konoha, this time under his own power, in a manner of speaking.

--

"Dang!" Naru-chan muttered, shading her eyes to watch the pervert's trajectory, "I think he just might clear the monument!" She winced as Jiraiya slammed into the third's face, sliding down the hokage's effigy with humorous slowness, only to fall he remaining stories to the ground.

"Ah well." Domo-chan muttered, before blinking at her rival as she stared at her, "Nani?"

Recca-chan reached out a hand and grabbed her Rival's…Erm…assets. "Man! What have you been feeding those things!" she asked, eyes wide. Her only reply was to be sent flying skywards, courtesy of Air-Domo-chan.

--

After Jiraiya's recovery, and the subsequent perverted rambling, the sennin openly praised the trio on their creativeness, though they found it quite hard to keep from laughing at the sight of the wads of paper stuffed up his nostrils.

He told them to meet him by the gates in less than an hour, before staggering off to the hospital to try and replace some of the blood he lost. The trio hurried home at top speed, packing their things faster than you could say 'ramen'.

"Another training trip?" Kagero asked, looking in to check on them, only to find them denuding their room yet again.

"Sorta." Naruto offered offhandedly as he continued to pack, "We're being hired out for a mission to retrieve some girl for the council."

"The way Ero-sennin kept going on about her," Domon grunted "she has to be somebody big around here."

"Ero…sennin?" Kagero repeated, blinking confusedly as she tried to come to grips with the words as Recca grinned.

"That's what Naruto calls him," he assured his mother, "I think the old fart calls himself Jiraiya or something."

Kagero blinked, and then chuckled slightly, remembering the man's antics during the battle. 'He's like a younger version of Koku.' She thought, leaving the boy's to get ready, before flinching, 'WHY doesn't that reassure me any?'

--

Kakashi panted as he rested on Asuma's shoulder, Kurenai on the man's right and Gai standing before them guarding against the two missing nins that had been discovered.

"We did not come here to start a war." Itachi stated, "Regrettably, this is nothing more than a farce." He nodded to his partner calmly "Kisame, let's leave."

"With all this trouble," the shark-man growled, running his fish-like eyes over the assembled jounin, "it's unavoidable I guess."

The two glared at the Konoha welcoming committee, before using shunshin to disappear in a blur of movement.

Kakashi gasped as he finally slipped into unconsciousness. 'Naruto…' he muttered, concern for his student even in his weakest moments.

"Shit!" Asuma yelled, catching the weakened jounin as he slumped, "Gai! Kakashi's fading fast!"

"YOSH!" the beast yelled, "MY ETERNAL RIVAL! I SHALL ENSURE YOU DO NOT FALL HERE!"

--

And so we have the first relatively serious moment of this fic. Don't expect another for some time.

That said, keep them reviews coming (A wall crashes in) The hell?!

Liquid Ocelot: you! The last damn patriot!

Kyugan: (Fires a rocket launcher at Ocelot) Get your damn eyes checked Ass-Tard!

Ocelot: (survivng because he's an ass like that) Eh? Oh, it's you. (looks around) Sorry about the wall.

Kyugan: No big (Points at zombie laborers) Clean up this mess.

Zombies: Fiiiiiiiiix

R&R or be killed by Fox-Die!