Author's note:
First of all, a huge thank you to all my new readers/followers/favoriters. Also, a heartfelt thanks to the great Elspeth - I am glad I managed to convey the difficulties Steinarius is experiencing while dealing with the dragons and his love life at once! Also, I'm happy to know that you liked the two voices showing his thoughts. I had a lot of fun writing that part!
Before I continue, a little notification for all my readers: in case you haven't noticed, I'd like to remind you that a few days ago I replaced chapter 27 with a new, better instalment. This chapter takes up from where I left you and will show Steinarius and Agda finally deal with their problems. I'm very excited about it, so I'm very curious to read your reactions.
There's a warning for language, angst (yes, Steinarius is having nightmares again) and people shouting insults at each other.
Nonetheless, enjoy!
6th of Second Seed, 4E 202
Everything was silent in the Catacombs of Whiterun. Steinarius slained the few skeletons that were roaming the halls, then sat down in front of his son's burial urn. The visit to Adrianne had taken a heavy toll on his mood, as the man was now thinking of his past life in Whiterun and of the experiences that had marred his life with Vigdis. With a sigh, Steinarius massaged his temples and thought about his fiancée, about their son Eidan, about Agda. Eventually, he fell asleep on the cold floor of the crypts.
He was in for a very long night.
Steinarius was in the Temple of Mara, waiting for someone to arrive. It was a beautiful summer morning and the place was full of light, happiness and laughter. When he looked around, the Imperial realized that his parents were sitting on a bench, just like Alvor, Sigrid and many other inhabitants of Riverwood. In the back corner of the temple there were also Delphine, Esbern, Erik and a few more members of the Blades.
"Ready for the great day, aren't we?"
With a satisfied smile, Steinarius turned to greet Legate Rikke and General Tullius. As he talked to them, the Dragonborn saw himself mirrored in the steel of the woman's armor. At that point, Steinarius smiled - with his heavy Imperial cuirass and his best sword at his waist, he looked surprisingly handsome.
There was a moment of silence during which Steinarius witnessed the arrival of Maramal, the priest who was about to celebrate his wedding. Hadvar was with him, ready to vow for the love that bound the Dragonborn to his soon-to-be-wife. Steinarius and his best man exchanged a few words, but fell silent as soon as Sven the Bard began playing a solemn tune. A moment later, the doors to the Temple burst open and the crowd inside the building let out a few surprised whispers.
Agda looked absolutely stunning in her white dress adorned by a belt of wild flowers. The young woman slowly walked down the aisle, a bouquet of roses in her hands and her friend Adaeze by her side. When she finally reached the altar, Steinarius heard his father growl in approval. The soon-to-be-husband chuckled: Cornelius Crepusculus seemed to adore his new daughter-in-law and, despite her stern appearance, his wife Lucretia seemed to share his opinion.
Agda looked incredibly joyful as she finally took place beside her man. Steinarius could see her blush behind her veil, just like he could see that she was very nervous. Despite the rules, the Imperial reached out to touch her arm and reassure her with a loving smile. Unfortunately, before the ceremony could begin, everything abruptly changed.
There was a loud roar, then the pillars of the Temple started shaking. The candles went out and someone shouted that a dragon had just landed in the marketplace of Riften. True to his calling as the Dragonborn, Steinarius grabbed his sword and reached for the open. Before facing the enemy, the Imperial gave Agda a long hug and asked the guests of his wedding to find a safe shelter.
"I'll be right back", he whispered as he let go of his woman.
The battle against the dragon was quick, but Steinarius realized that he hadn't been able to absorb its soul. That fact made him frown, but the man decided to postpone his questions – after all, he had his own wedding to attend.
When the Imperial returned to the Temple, he had a very nasty surprise. The candles were still out, whereas the doors of the building immediately closed behind him. Moreover, Maramal had disappeared together with Agda and all the other wedding guests.
"Ready for the great day, aren't we?"
As he turned his head and found himself face-to-face with Thorygg, Steinarius felt a cold shiver run down his spine. The late High King of Skyrim looked perfectly fine and was giving his friend one of his usual crooked smiles.
"I'll be your best man, Crepusculus", the Nord said while blinking an eye.
Before Steinarius could reply, the new guests filled the Temple. The Imperial recognized Kodlak, Vignar, Skjor and many other Companions; a moment later he noticed Elisif, Falk Firebeard and other people he knew from his childhood in Solitude.
There was a moment of silence, then the doors of the Temple burst open once again. This time the bride was a tall warrior with long dark hair and cold black eyes.
Steinarius deadpanned as Vigdis strode down the aisle. The woman was wearing the white silken dress he had bought her many years before and was accompanied by a child of three. As he recognized Eidan, Steinarius' heart swelled with joy. All of a sudden, the man realized that his feelings for Agda had been nothing but a faint copy of his love for Vigdis.
During the quick ceremony, Steinarius couldn't stop smiling at his woman. Vigdis was as beautiful as ever and, behind her cold demeanour, the Imperial could tell that she was very nervous. Eidan, on the other hand, couldn't stop giggling at the thought of the wedding cake his mother had prepared for him and his father. Just like Steinarius, the little one adored strawberries and cream.
When Maramal told him that he could kiss the bride, Steinarius was truly overjoyed - after all they'd suffered, he and Vigdis had finally become husband and wife. That realization made him feel proud and happy and serene.
As soon as he lifted the veil covering Vigdis' face, however, Steinarius felt a sharp pain in his chest. The Imperial had never experienced something like that: he felt as though a sword had just been thrust through his heart, bringing an abrupt end to the joy he'd felt just a few seconds earlier.
As Steinarius fell on his knees, the pain forced him to close his eyes. The Imperial heard words in a language he didn't understand, he heard someone laughing at him from the distance, he heard the deafening roar of a dragon in his ears and the desperate yells of a man asking to be avenged.
As swift as it had begun, everything was suddenly over. When he opened his eyes again, Steinarius realized that the Temple of Mara was now empty.
Beside him there were only a white silken dress, an abandoned wedding ring and the lifeless body of his son.
When Steinarius startled awake, he found himself face-to-face with Andurs, the priest of Arkay who dwelled in the Hall of the Dead.
"Hush boy, hush", Andurs said as he placed a hand on Steinarius' arm. "You've fallen asleep in the Catacombs of Whiterun, that's why you're here. I was about to wake you because you were screaming in your sleep, but you jolted awake before I could rise you. Apropos, I thank you for retrieving my amulet and killing the few skeletons in here. Next time, however, make sure to warn me if you decide to spend the night in this place: you scared the Oblivion out of me when I found you".
Steinarius mumbled an apology, then stood up from the cold floor of the catacombs. Only then did he notice the sticky substance that was covering his face. Much to his horror, the Dragonborn realized that he had burst into tears after the end of his nightmare.
"Your son's urn, isn't it?", Andurs asked while pointing at the little container next to Steinarius. Although the Imperial's face was covered in tears, the man did nothing to comfort him. "I remember his burial. I'm sorry for your loss, Crepusculus. By the way, it's nice to see that you still think about Eidan".
Unable to find a fitting reply to those words, Steinarius confusingly nodded and made for the exit of the Catacombs. His back was sorer than usual, his body felt stiff, his voice was surprisingly hoarse. Moreover, the Imperial was slightly bewildered by Andurs' behavior - for being a Priest of Arkay, the man was incredibly indelicate.
As he pushed open the door of the Catacombs, Steinarius sighed. The cold breeze of Whiterun immediately gave him relief, and so did the water running through the Cloud District. The Imperial used it to wash his face, then headed towards Dragonsreach.
He needed a job to let off steam and stop thinking about the troubled night he'd just left behind.
As he looked at the creatures he'd just killed, Steinarius sighed. He had never enjoyed slaying giants, and he enjoyed it even less after Vigdis had been badly hurt by one of them. Ever since then, the man couldn't look at those scary humanoids without thinking of her, a fact that always managed to make him feel sad.
As a consequence of his nightmare, that afternoon the Imperial's mood was even broodier than usual – and it didn't help that his fight against the giants had been followed by the arrival of an angry dragon, and that the arrival of said dragon had caused the nearby mammoths to get mad at the lanky human who was actually trying to help them against that overgrown lizard. Luckily enough, a Shout had allowed Steinarius to soothe the animals and turn them against the dragon. The beast had slain one of them and injured the other, thus making the Imperial's work much easier than predicted. Yet, as he looked at the consequences of the slaughter he had caused, Steinarius couldn't help but feel slightly unease.
After the adrenaline of the fight, the Dragonborn was now enjoying a few minutes of rest before facing the short walk back to Whiterun. Part of him suggested he found a way to carry the mammoth tusks and the dragon bones back to the city, but Steinarius was in no mood for that effort. Balgruuf had tasked him with killing the giants, and that's what he'd done – and after risking his life because of two stupid furry elephants, the Imperial felt that he had every right to relax for the rest of the day.
With a sigh, Steinarius thought about his meeting with Balgruuf earlier that morning. The Jarl of Whiterun had pretended to ignore his haunted appearance and had even been kind enough to lend him a steel cuirass from his personal armory. Proventus Avenicci, on the other hand, had taken Steinarius aside and reproached him for his tousled hair and his bloodshot eyes.
The thought of the steward caused the Dragonborn to snort. Proventus was a honest and honorable man, but over the last few years he had become less subtle at making suggestions and expressing his opinions. Unfortunately, that bluntness was often irritating.
Are you sure you don't need your huscarl's help?, Proventus had enquired after Steinarius had ignored his comments about his appearance. Lydia is not Vigdis, but she's a very capable warrior anyway. Moreover, she has the same black eyes as your fiancée.
At the unexpected mention of Vigdis, Steinarius had felt the urge to punch Proventus in the face.
I don't need my huscarl's help, just like I don't need her to pester me with her letters, he had snarled at the baffled steward. And rather than worrying about my appearance and my huscarl, Proventus, you'd better look after your daughter.
Steinarius had immediately felt sorry for that harsh comment. Although Proventus had raised Adrianne on his own, he'd done everything he could to grant her love, happiness and the chance to become one of the best blacksmiths of Skyrim. The steward had probably been very sorry about her miscarriage and Steinarius felt as though he'd made a terrible mistake by snapping at him. As he sat down on the grass, the Dragonborn also realized that his poor huscarl had every reason to feel neglected; as a consequence, he made himself a mental note to take Lida (or whatever her name was) on one of his next errands. That day, however, the man had definitely needed a chance to be alone with his thoughts and the wild nature of Skyrim.
With another sigh, Steinarius took off his helmet and let his hand flow through his sweaty blonde hair. He was feeling shaky, just like he did every time he absorbed a dragon soul – and it didn't help that the huge skeleton beside him constantly reminded him of his duty as the prophesized savior of Skyrim.
My huscarl may be unfit to help me, the Imperial thought as he got up and walked towards a nearby stream of water. But I am too coward to be a good Dragonborn.
Splaying some fresh water on his face helped Steinarius forget those thoughts. With a pleased growl, the man cleaned his armor and his hair from the blood of the dragon, then sat down on the bank of the creek. The weather was surprisingly warm and the Imperial soon shed his cuirass and his shirt to resist the increasing heat. A moment later, he took off his boots and laid on his back. Only then did he dare think about his nightmare.
Steinarius had been taken aback by the pain he'd felt as he'd jolted awake in the Hall of the Dead. It had been a horrible feeling, almost as horrible as the one he'd experienced three years earlier, when he walked home to find that Vigdis had abandoned him. At that moment, Steinarius had felt his whole life spiral out of control – he had resigned from the Companions, Thorygg had been killed, his son was dead, his fiancée had left him. That morning, as he'd woken up in the Catacombs, Steinarius had gone through those horrible feelings once again.
While rubbing his temples, the Imperial remembered the first part of his nightmare, the one in which Agda had been about to become his wife. The memory made a rush of guilt wash over him: he had meant to write a letter to Riverwood on the previous day, he really had, but the visit to the Hall of the Dead had made him forget about it. By now the girl was probably mad at him for his sudden escape from the village.
As well as making him feel incredibly guilty, thinking of Agda caused Steinarius to realize two things.
First, in his nightmare the girl's disappearance had been caused by the arrival of a dragon. Was it a way to tell him that his destiny as the Dovahkiin was going to tear them apart?
While trying to find an answer, Steinarius also thought about the laughter and the screams he'd heard before opening his eyes to see that Vigdis was gone. The yells had strangely reminded him of Ulfric Stormcloak's booming voice, whereas the laughter had resembled Elenwen's, the first Emissary of the Thalmor. Was it a simple coincidence or another sign from the Divines?
With a hopeless whimper, Steinarius moved on to the last thing he'd realized thanks to his dream. As Agda had been replaced by Vigdis, the man hadn't felt any regret – on the contrary, he'd been eager to accept the change.
As he thought about that, the Imperial felt the urge to bash his head against a tree. Was Mara trying to tell him that Agda wasn't the right woman for him or was Sheogorath playing tricks on his mind?
Steinarius, you're being unjust, one of the voices in his head immediately reproached him. Our nightmare has been caused by all that happened to Adrianne and by our visit to the Hall of the Dead – not to mention that our beast blood makes us prone to such horrible dreams. By the way, it is unfair to compare our feelings for Vigdis to the ones we nourish for Agda - after all, we've known the girl for less than a year.
Yes, but it took us just a couple of weeks to fall in love with Vigdis, the other voice in Steinarius' mind replied.
That comment caused its counterpart to sigh.
If you let Agda go, I swear I'll go on a strike, it threatened.
With a pained whine, Steinarius rubbed his sore eyes and hastily sat up. He didn't care about the opinion of the most rational part of his mind: thanks to his nightmare, the man had finally understood that he still wasn't ready to move on with his life, and that he needed to leave Agda before doing her even more harm.
After returning to Whiterun and talking to Balgruuf, Steinarius took his leave from Adrianne and Ulfberth.
As the Dragonborn left the city, the sun had already disappeared behind the tall mountains of Skyrim. The roads of the Hold were completely deserted and a light rain soon started to fall on the tundra. Inspired by the approaching darkness, Steinarius shifted into his werewolf and ran towards Riverwood in his beast form.
The Imperial soon realized that he had missed roaming through the woods together with his wolf. This time he didn't have any task to fulfill, nor anyone to save; therefore, he took his sweet time to hunt down a few elks and revel in the primordial feelings that were floating through his mind.
By the time Steinarius reached the Sleeping Giant, it was well past midnight; nonetheless, the inn was surprisingly crowded. With a grimace, Steinarius remembered about the special evening Agda had organized to allow Sven the Bard to present the townsfolks with his new songs.
When the eyes of the villagers shifted upon him, Steinarius felt surprisingly uncomfortable. Agda had probably talked about his disappearance to Sigrid, and Sigrid had likely spread the news across the whole settlement.
While trying to get to his room without interrupting the song Sven was shouting from the top of his lungs, Steinarius cut his way through the crowd and made for the counter of the inn. As soon as he reached it, he was greeted by Agda' stern look.
"I suppose that informing me of your plans would have taken you too much effort", the girl frowned as soon as she saw him. She sounded very tired and her puffy eyes revealed that she'd probably spent the previous two days in her room, crying at the thought of her missing partner. "You could have left me a note, Steinarius. I'm unable to kill vampires, but I'm fair good at reading".
When Agda made that reference to their discussion from two days earlier, Steinarius didn't reply. The girl had every reason to be angry at him – after all she'd done for him, he had disappeared without even telling her where he was going. That behavior had been both rude and uncaring.
As Steinarius took in Agda's exhausted appearance, he felt incredibly uneasy. At the same time, he decided to postpone the discussion about their future to the following morning - the Imperial was still experiencing the aftermath of hunting as a werewolf, therefore he was afraid of saying things he was later going to regret.
"Look, Agda, I'm exhausted", Steinarius muttered while avoiding the girl's eyes. "If you'd be so nice to let me reach your room…"
The young Nord pulled an outraged look.
"Do you even listen when I talk?", she said in an angry whisper. "I was terribly worried about you, and if you think that I'll behave as though nothing has happened, then you're mistaken. I was hoping we could spend some time together here in Riverwood, instead you vanished into thin air without even leaving me a note. Do you have any idea of how worried I was? And as though your disappearance wasn't enough, yesterday I received a horrible letter from my family, telling me that..."
"Agds, I've already told you that I'm sorry", Steinarius said before the girl could end the sentence. "I had a troubled night and forgot to send you a courier. I've acted as a tactless goblin, I know, but…"
Before Steinarius could stop talking, a few tears unexpectedly left Agda's eyes. As a loud sob escaped her lips, some people turned to look at her.
Steinarius was astonished by the girl's reaction - he had expected Agda to be angry at him, sure, but he hadn't expected her to burst into tears because of him. That fact only strengthened his decision of breaking up with her: if Agda couldn't stand it when he left her alone for two days, she had no chance of supporting him in his fight against the dragons.
"Agda, there's no need to cry", Steinarius told the young innkeeper. The tone of his voice was unusually harsh. "I've apologized and I've also returned to you as soon as I could. By the way, you need to learn how to keep your sensibility in check, girl. You can't burst into tears just because your man is a warrior who..."
To Steinarius' shock, something in his words managed to make the situation even worse.
"Oh, so you believe that I'm crying because of you, don't you?", Agda unexpectedly yelled.
Much to Sven's dismay, by now all the people in the inn were looking at the girl and her baffled partner. Confronted with Steinarius' dull expression, Agda rolled her eyes.
"Of course you believe that!", she continued in disbelief. "After all, you think that I'm a simple innkeeper who can do nothing but cry because her lovely man is a strong warrior who sometimes has her worried, don't you?"
Steinarius frowned.
"Agds, I didn't mean…"
"I am tired of your ego, Steinarius!", Agda broke him off with a scream. "You are so captivated by your own problems that you cannot even realize what I say! Although you didn't even ask me about it, the letter I got from my parents informed me that my brother had a serious incident while hunting. The healers say that he may die before the end of the week, that's why I'm crying like a fountain!"
As soon as Steinarius received that unexpected news, his face became as pale as a ghost's.
"Agds, I had no idea…"
"Of course you had no idea!", Agda snapped at her man. "After all, in your perfect world you're the only one who is allowed to have problems, just like you're the only one who is allowed to have a troubled past! Do you know what, Steinarius? Although it may surprise you, in Nirn there are many other people who have as many problems as you. Unlike you, however, those people pull themselves together and don't spend their nights crying over their first true love and the future the Divines have chosen for them!"
As he heard those words, Steinarius' inner wolf immediately unsheathed its claws. Agda was a young girl from a wealthy family, had never lost anyone she held dear, had never carried any responsibility – and there she was, telling him how to deal with his grief and accusing him of fussing too much about his problems.
"I didn't know that you had a difficult past too, Agda", Steinarius snarled. He didn't need a mirror to know that right then his eyes were completely golden. "Tell me, what's the worst experience you've ever had? Receiving a golden necklace rather than a silver one on New Life Festival? Oh wait, I believe I know the answer… Giving your maidenhead to a man without even bothering to ask for his name, wasn't it?"
Steinarius immediately noticed the outraged look on Agda's face, and he clearly realized that he'd just behaved horribly to her. Nonetheless, at that moment he was too angry to stop yelling.
"There's another thing I didn't know, sweetheart: I had no idea that your life is as troubled as mine. Are you perhaps supposed to save Skyrim with me? If so, that's a jolly news! Tell me Agds, how do you plan to kill Alduin? Do you think that a bowl of stew and a broomstick could help? Or are you going to let me do the hard work just like you did the night I was poisoned?"
There were some outraged protests from the people inside the inn and Steinarius could hear Alvor hiss a warning in his direction. Unfortunately, right then his inner beast was preventing him from calming down. Much to his surprise, at that moment Agda looked like a feral wolf, too.
"Is that the only thing you can do, Steinarius?", the girl shouted despite the tears that were streaking down her cheeks. "Criticizing me because I'm an innkeeper and you're a warrior? It's not my fault if you're meant to face Alduin, and it's not my fault if you can't get over your past! I made a mistake the night you were poisoned, but I didn't do that on purpose!"
"Sometimes one mistake is enough to destroy one's life!"
Agda unexpectedly burst into laughter.
"Oh, I suppose you know a lot about that! After all, it took you just one mistake to make your fiancée decide to leave you! Apropos, Vigdis might have been a better warrior than me, but she dumped you and she never came back, and that means that she didn't love you at all! Why can't you just understand that?"
The mention of his fiancée caused Steinarius to lose the little calm he'd managed to keep until that moment.
"Vigdis loved me much more than you can imagine!", he screamed in reply to Agda's words. As soon as he did, the walls of the tavern trembled with the rage in his voice. "She loved me much more than anyone will ever love you, with your useless magic and your hateful alchemy!"
"My useless magic and my hateful alchemy saved your life!"
"Without you, I wouldn't have risked my life at all! You're just a spoiled brat who thinks she's nicer and sweeter and better than anyone else around her. I should have let that vampire kill you, as that would have saved me a whole load of problems! Oh, and one more thing, sweetheart: I really hope your brother will die, so that you will find out how it feels to lose a loved one!"
When all the people inside the inn suddenly went silent, Steinarius understood that he'd crossed the line. A second later, when Agda cast him a look full of hatred and suddenly ran outside the building, the Imperial realized that he'd lost the only person who'd been generous enough to put up with his problems.
When Sigrid ran after Agda, Steinarius tried to do the same. Nonetheless, someone immediately stopped him by placing a hand on his shoulder. As he turned his head, Steinarius realized that Orgnar had a very livid face. Beside him, all the other inhabitants of Riverwood looked equally angry.
"Leave", the usual phlegmatic innkeeper ordered in a hiss. "And don't you ever come back".
As Steinarius looked around, he realized that everyone in the tavern probably wanted to punch him in the face. A moment later, Sven took a step in his direction and grabbed him by the arm.
"Agda's brother is seventeen", the bard told him in anger. "He fell off his horse during a hunt and the healers think that he's about to die. Agda is leaving for High Rock tomorrow. I hope you are satisfied now".
As he heard those words, Steinarius was overwhelmed by a thick rush of nausea. He had just wished a poor boy to die, and he had done that while talking to the only person in Nirn who had shown him love and kindness and understanding.
With a shiver, the Dragonborn realized that the best thing he could do was vanish from Agda's life and make sure not to bother her ever again.
