Chapter 27
Photos of the Past
"The Glass Parade" – Cary Brothers
Kyle (POV)
When you're a doctor, the sound of an alarm, whether it is your pager, your alarm clock or a patient's heart monitor going crazy, they all mean the same thing: Move. But this morning I woke up before my alarm went off. I just spent the 7 minutes and 23 seconds I had left lying there. I tried not to think of anything just so I could clear my mind of all the tasks I had to get done later that day, all the worries my day usually brought, and most of all of Amanda.
I focused of my breathing each breath slower and deeper than the one before, lowering my heart rate and just letting go. I achieved this for a very brief amount of time, but all good things come to an end, no matter how simple. I shut off my alarm that sounded at promptly 6:30am and climbed out of my empty bed.
I tried to be as quiet at possible so I wouldn't wake Brice. I grabbed a towel from the linen closet in the hall and went to the bathroom and turn on the shower closing the door behind me. While I let the water heat up I stripped off my sweat pants that I had fallen asleep in the night before.
I slipped into the shower and let my body temperature adjust to the unusually hot water. The water helped to loosen my tight muscles from the eight mile run I had gone for the previous night. I closed my eyes, letting the beads of water run down my skin.
My hand fumbled for the shampoo bottle as I continued with my shower. Once all clean, I quickly ran a towel through my hair then shook it out like a wet dog would. I then wrapped the towel around my waist; I shaved and gathered my clothes I had dropped on the floor.
Before I went to my room to get dressed I stopped at Brice's room.
"Brice, Buddy time to start waking up." I knew it was pretty brutal to wake up an almost-four-year-old at seven o'clock in the morning, but I didn't have a choice. Usually Amanda wouldn't have to go to work till nine and she would look after him.
I left his room and got myself dressed. I finished by clipping my pager to my belt and putting my cell phone in my pocket. I gathered all the things I would need for work in my bag and put it in the hall by the door before checking on Brice.
Lately Brice was keen on dressing himself so I wasn't taken back when I found his shirt inside out and backwards.
"I dressed all by myself!" he stood there admiring his work.
"I see that." I couldn't help but chuckle, I knelt down to his level to help him out. "But buddy, your shirt is inside out."
He looked down at himself then back at me. "Looks good to me Daddy."
"Here," I smiled fixing his shirt. "All better!" I said tickling his stomach.
He smiled faintly but lately it was hard to get him to smile or laugh.
"Alright, let's get you some breakfast." I sighed and scooped him up in one and brought him to the kitchen table.
I cut up an apple and poured him a bowl of cereal before grabbing myself an apple and heading back to my room.
I snatched a duffle bag from the closet and began filling it with some of Amanda's clothes. I had promised Carol I would bring them over after work. I reached for one of my sweat shirts I knew she liked to wear and what she called a 'lazy day'. I reached for something on the top shelf and found the photo album she had been working on for us.
I cracked it open and flipped through the pages. I sat on the edge of the bed and looked at the photos that went in sequential order from when we met till our engagement party.
"Daddy?" I heard Brice call.
When I looked up he was standing in the doorway.
"What's that?" he asked coming closer.
"Just some old photos of Mommy and Daddy." I smiled, closing the album and placing it in Amanda's bag.
"Ready to go?"
He nodded and I led him out to the hall, and helped him get his shoes on. It was a warmer day out so we didn't have a need for our jackets and we drove with the windows down.
"Daddy?" I glanced back at him through the review mirror.
"Yeah buddy?"
"When's Mommy coming home?" He had been asking the same question everyday since the accident almost two weeks ago.
"I don't know buddy, soon." I sighed, it was the truth and it was the same answer I gave him every time he asked that question. I killed me to not be able to give him a better answer.
We pulled up to the hospital and I parked the car. I got out and went to unbuckled Brice. I could see a few tears in his eyes which broke my heart.
"I'm sorry Bri," I said plucking him up in my arms, and he clung to me. I felt my shirt dampen a little and a sniffle here and there.
"Its okay, you're okay," I would whisper.
After a little while he stopped crying.
"Are you alright?" I asked and he nodded without lifting his head off my shoulder.
I grabbed my bag and started walking toward the hospital. Once inside and I dropped Brice off at the daycare and went to the intern locker room. "Okay everyone, rounds in five minutes!" Our resident, Dr. O'Shea, called as I slipped my scrub shirt over my head.
"Kyle, you okay?" Ian, another intern of Dr. O'Shea, asked.
"I'm fine," I lied shrugging on my lab coat.
Our group of five interns met Dr. O'Shea for rounds. We visited eight patients on the surgical floor all from various wings of the floor. I had glanced at each of the patients charts so I would know their history but during the rounds themselves I was able to let my mind focus on other tasks.
We left our last patients room and Dr. O'Shea gave us our assignments.
"Trager: Neuro, Walker: PEDS, Barns: Ortho, La Flour: Scut, and Foster: Cardio," he concluded and we dispersed.
Dr. Fords the head off Neuro let me scrub in on a craniotomy which took hours but it only seemed like minutes. I was fascinated by the brain and how it worked. My fixation made sense since enhancing the brain power was Adam's fascination.
The craniotomy went well and Dr. Fords and I scrubbed out.
"Dr. Trager, don't tell the others but you're the best intern I've seen in years," he gloated.
"I wouldn't go so far as to saying that."
"Ah, you're being modest," he retorted. "Ever since you caught my mistake on your first time on my service I knew that you were going to go far."
"Thank you, Dr. Fords," I said, drying my hands.
"It was great working with you Dr. Trager, I'll see you tomorrow," he said before leaving for the night.
I was flattered when the attendings or residents complimented me but I also felt guilty because I had an advantage compared to the rest of the interns.
I checked on a few patients before I picked up Brice from the daycare. I called Nicole on the way to their house to let them know we were on our way. Josh and Andy were staying with them for a few days since it was summer vacation for them.
When I pulled up into the drive way I saw Brice's face light up a little realizing were we where. I got him out of the car and brought him inside.
"Hello," I called
"In here!" Josh called back from the kitchen.
"Hey guys," I said entering the kitchen.
"Uncle Josh!" Brice squealed.
"Hey squirt! God, you're getting big," he chuckled, taking him from me.
"Hey, Kyle," Andy greeted me with a hug. "How are you holding up?"
I sighed. "As well as I can."
Josh took Brice into the living room to play.
"I think the hardest part is when he asks for his mom," I admitted.
"It has to be confusing for him, you know. One minute he has his mom in his life everyday and the next she's gone and he doesn't really understand why," she said, taking a seat at the counter.
"How am I supposed to explain to a 3 year old that his mom doesn't remember who he is?" I was frustrated but there wasn't any anger in my voice.
"You don't…you keep doing what you're doing… and hope that one day your life goes back to normal," she said, giving me a weak smile.
I shook my head and smiled. "No wonder you're going into psychology."
She laughed and nodded.
"Hey where are mom and dad?" I went on, noticing they weren't home.
"Stephen's car broke down Nicole went to go pick him up," she explained.
"Oh… what are your guy's plans for the night?"
"To be honest, I think Josh is plotting to kidnap your son," she giggled.
I peer at them in the living room and saw Brice laughing and having a good time. It was good to see Brice smile.
"Maybe that's a good thing; I haven't seen Brice that happy in forever." I smiled. "Do you mind if I go over to Amanda's? I have to drop off a few things..."
"Go ahead. We'll take care of Brice."
"Thanks," I said before grabbing Amanda's bag and leaving.
I hopped up the steps to Amanda's door and rang the bell. I could hear Carol advancing to the door from the kitchen.
"Hello, Kyle!" she said kindly.
"Hello, Carol," I reciprocated. "How is she doing today?"
He face fell. "I had to explain to her about David, she's a little upset."
"Is she upstairs?" I already knew she was but I asked anyway.
"Yes, maybe you can cheer her up," she sighed.
I nodded and climbed up the stairs to Amanda's room. The door was cracked and I knocked. I could see her lying on her bed with her back to the door.
"Mom, I just want to be left alone," she called.
"Oh, I'll just leave these here than," I said, about to leave but I heard her flip around in her bed so I hesitated in the door way.
"Kyle, I thought you were my mom," she said. "You don't have to leave."
"But I thought you wanted to be left alone," I reminded.
"Well you obviously came here for a reason," she pointed out, eying the bag.
"Yeah. I brought some of your clothes over and…" I paused taking the album out of the bag, "I brought this."
"What is it?" she questioned, sitting up in her bed.
"It's a photo album that you made for us. I thought it might jog some memories or something…" I trailed off sitting at the edge of the bed.
"Can I see it?" she asked scooting closer to me.
"Of course," I smiled, cracking it open.
The first picture was the one that had been taken at mine and Lori's birthday party.
"Were we dating here?" she asked pointing to the picture were she was kissing my cheek.
"No, we weren't dating yet, we were just friends," I explained, recalling the memory myself.
She flipped through the various pages examining each photo and every caption.
"Our first apartment?" she questioned.
"We lived together when we went to Dartmouth," I told her.
"Oh," she whispered flipping the page.
"We look so happy in these pictures…" she trailed off admiring the photos.
She lingered on a photo that had been taken of us. Neither one of us had been paying any attention. I had her engulfed in a hug and she was smiling up at me and I had returned the smile.
"I wish I could remember…" she added.
I placed my hand on her shoulder a little hesitant. "You will."
"But what if I don't, Kyle? What then? Am I just supposed to forget the past 6 years of my life?" I could tell she was getting upset. "It's just… so… frustrating!"
By then she was in tears and I couldn't help but feel a little responsible.
"I'm sorry…" I murmured wrapping my arms around her and letting her cry on my shoulder.
"Why are you sorry?" she mumbled.
"If I hadn't brought the album over then you wouldn't have gotten upset," I replied still keeping her in my arms.
"Kyle, I'm not upset that you did that, I'm glad you did," she insisted. "I'm upset about the fact that I can't remember my life."
By this point I was cradling her in my arms. I didn't know if I was pushing a boundary or not but she didn't object. I just held her in my arms and let her cry it out. I think this was the first time she had truly shown her emotions about her situation. Eventually she cried herself to sleep and I was about to tuck her into bed and leave.
"Don't go," she mumbled, holding onto my hand.
"Okay," I said climbing back into her bed with her. She instantly snuggled up next to me and fell back asleep.
I reached into my pocket and texted Josh to make sure he was okay with watching Brice for the night. He texted back saying he was.
I held Amanda tighter to me. I felt so good to be able to hold her in my arms. So natural. So right.
"I love you." I whispered for the first time since the accident.
Eventually I fell asleep as well and that night I dreamt about our first kiss in the garden.
AN: Hope everyone likes this chapter! Tell me what you think and thank you for reading!
