Hey,

Short author's note due to the long chapter. Hopefully everyone likes this one :)

Enjoy!

Whatever. It. Takes.

~JuliaGoldsworthy


"Now I'm hoping just a little bit stronger
Hold me up just a little bit longer
I'll be fine, i swear
I'm just gone beyond repair"

-Jersey.

-Mayday Parade.


I'd sort of been avoiding Eli since he told me he couldn't come to the appointment. I knew it wasn't his fault and I knew that there was nothing he could do but it still hurt. Besides, he was gone so much it's not like avoiding him was hard to do.

What was hard was school. Not just homework and staying awake in classes but actually going to school. I'd always liked school, it was something I was good at, something I enjoyed even. Now, it just seemed unimportant. Since school had started this year I had probably missed more days than I had during my course of high school all together. It worried me how much I didn't go but I would rather stay at home than face the people here.

Teachers, students, everyone. I felt eyes on me every way I turned and even though they weren't always judgmental they were still looking. It was weird knowing that people were talking about me but it was weirder knowing that there was nothing I could do about it.

It was a few minutes before lunch and I had been in the bathroom. I was walking back to class when I saw Alli leaving Simpson's office. He looked at her and she nodded before she walked away.

I went up to her. "Were you just in Simpson's office?" I asked.

She hesitated. "No," she shook her head.

"I saw you come out of his office, Al." I said.

"Well, yeah, I was in his office but it wasn't a big deal." she seemed like she was hiding something. "Now, come on, let's go to lunch."

"No, Alli, what did he want?" I asked.

"Just to talk to me. See how I was doing."

"A personal visit with Simpson?" I asked. "Come on, what was it really?"

She looked at me and shook her head. "I can't, Clare. I can't."

"Alli," I said. "What wrong?"

"I'm not supposed to say." she said.

"What? Since when do we keep secrets from each other?" I asked.

She took a deep breath. "Stuff's been happening. When you're not here."

"Stuff? What stuff?" she bit her lip and scoffed. "Like Becky stuff?"

"Yeah, Clare, Becky stuff. Adam and I have been dealing with it. Even Imogen and Jenna have been trying to get her off your back. Hell, Dallas and Drew went to Jesus Club last week to see if they could talk it out with her but, she's not willing to make any deals with us."

"Alli, what's been happening that's so bad?"

She shook her head. "It's just the things she says Clare. It's how shes talks, it's how she acts, it's how she is."

"Well, yeah but she's all talk right? I mean, it doesn't really matter because she'll never really do anything." I asked, hopeful.

"Clare, it's just better you don't know. I shouldn't be telling you any of this anyways."

"Well what then? Did she threaten one of us? Me?" I asked and she shrugged. "You?" she shook her head and her eyes got heavy. "She didn't say anything about-" My hands went to my stomach.

"She's very righteous Clare. Adam, she can accept but I guess sex before marriage is a completely different level of sinning to her." she bit her lip. "Clare, the things she says, not just about us but about-" she looked at my belly and shook her head. "It's enough to make you sick."

"So what're we going to do?"

"We're handling it. You just deliver that little baby safe and sound to us okay? No one wants this to turn into more than Becky Baker slut shaming in stupid Jesus Club. We'll make sure it doesn't." I nodded. "I'll see you in the cafe."

She walked away while I took a few minutes to gather my thoughts. Before I could start to process what she'd told me, Mr. Simpson came out of his office.

"Ah, Clare Edwards, just who I wanted to see."

"Why is that?" I asked.

He spoke slowly. "How about we talk about this in my office Clare?" he nodded.

"Okay." I said before following him. I sat across from him at his desk.

"Clare," he started. I wasn't sure if this was some rehearsed speech about attendance or not. "This isn't easy but-"

"Mr. Simpson," I said, stopping him. "If this is about Alli and Becky Baker then I assure you it's nothing to worry about."

He got suddenly serious. "What I discuss with Ms. Bhandari or Ms. Baker is confidential and none of your concern."

"That's not what I hear." I said.

He nodded. "Rumors are sometimes just rumors Clare. Sometimes."

I felt like he was trying to insinuate something about my being pregnant. "What is this about then?"

"It's come to my attention that you'll be needing some time off of school soon. For personal reasons." he grew uncomfortable and straightened out his jacket.

My eyes narrowed, confused. "Yeah but that won't be for months."

"Well, it's also come to my attention that you've been missing quite a few days of school lately. You've had perfect attendance in the past. I'm not sure why, during your senior year, you're choosing to miss so much."

"Personal reasons." I shot back.

"Clare, the reason I called you in here is because of your grades."

"My grades?" I asked. That was the last thing I suspected.

"Yes, Ms. Edwards, as I'm sure you've known, you're in the running to be valedictorian of your class."

"I'm aware." I said.

"Unfortunately, you've had somewhat of a fall in your AP Calculus grade. I think this, in some part, is due to your absences."

A lump grew in my throat. "And?"

"Your grade hasn't dropped low enough to effect your GPA, however, it's close." he said.

"So I'm still in the running?" I clarified.

"Yes, but you need to be very attentive to your school work for the remainder of the year."

"I will be. I can assure you of that sir. I'll-"

"I know, but to make it easier for you to do so, I think it might be a good idea to think of other options for the rest of your senior year."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Maybe if you took your classes online, at home, instead of having to come to school, that would be better for you at this point?"

"No, Mr. Simpson, I'm going to come to school."

He looked at me for a moment before speaking. "Clare, it might be better for your safety, if you take some time off."

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"I'm not supposed to tell you." he said.

Was he joking? "You're not supposed to tell me what?" I asked. "If it concerns me then I have a right to know."

He nodded slowly as if convincing himself I could handle what he was about to say. "We've had some threats, Clare."

"Threats?" I asked.

"Now, we take bullying very seriously, however, considering the circumstances, it might be in your best interest to take some time off. Not just for your safety, but for the both of you." he said, glancing down.

It pissed me off that he was asking me this. I was supposed to cower at home while Becky got to parade around at school like some sort of God. I don't think so.

"Thanks for the options, sir, but I don't think I'll be taking you up on this. I may not be Saint Clare anymore, but God knows that even she wouldn't have let Becky Baker walk all over her like a doormat and then run her out of the school."

He sighed. "I can't say I'm surprised, Ms. Edwards."

I smirked at him. "Am I dismissed?" he raised a hand towards the door to say yes. "I'll see you tomorrow." I said before walking out.


I was in the process of not telling Adam and Alli about Simpson telling me that I should probably leave school. I was also in the process of not thinking about my grades and how hard it would be to keep them up. It took energy just to get out of bed in the morning, let alone staying up to do homework.

I was picking at the salad I'd picked for lunch, not really eating.

"What took you so long to get here anyways? I thought you were right behind me." Alli asked.

"I forgot my money in my locker." I lied.

"Well, I'm happy you're here today. It's been lonely with just me and Adam."

"Yeah, and I swear if one more kid comes up asking about you I'll lose it." Adam said, his hand in a fist.

"Adam," Alli murmured. I guess I wasn't supposed to know that people had been talking about me.

"Sorry." he said.

"Anyways, that AP Calc homework was impossible." she said. "It took me like, two hours to get through the front side. I don't know how you do it all." she said.

"Not well, I guess." I said.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

I turned to her, ready to pour my guts out, before I heard two hands slap down on our table.

I turned to my left to see a smaller kid, who I think was in the ninth grade, who was wearing a hat and oversized hoodie.

"Hey, I heard you're knocked up. Need a baby daddy?" he'd said, leaning down to my chair to speak to me. His potato chip breath ran rancid up my nostrils.

"Excuse me?" I'd asked.

"Hey, I heard you're and douchebag niner. Need your ass handed to you?" Adam said.

"Yeah, whatever. So are you DTF or what because I guess you have before."

"It's not-"

"You know I heard sex with pregnant girls is real good. You don't even have to use a condom."

"Leave her alone." Alli said.

"What you want some too?" the boy blew a kiss at Alli who was beside me. She looked like she was going to say something but Adam interrupted.

"I got it Alli." he said.

"And don't worry. I'll be careful I don't bump the head." he said, leaning across the table and grabbing a handful of fries from Adam's tray to shove in his mouth. "Don't want that baby coming out retarded." he winked.

Before I could say anything, a pale fist hit him square between the bridge of his nose and his upper lip.

The niner boy fell to the ground, fries flying out of his mouth. Blood dripped to the floor and people gathered around the table.

I looked back to see where the punch had come from to see Adam staring at his still clenched hand.

"Adam," I said, trying not to sound too surprised.

He looked over at me with intense eyes for a moment before he broke into a smile. It was brief, though.

The boy had gathered himself from the floor and had pushed Adam back into the table, causing milk to spill all over Alli and I.

"Come on, Adam. Is that all you got? That punch was weak."

"Yeah it looks like it was." He said, standing up to flick the other guys blood from his fingers. "Go back to your table kid. You're not wanted here."

Adam turned his back and looked like he was going to sit back down but the kid spoke again. "Why so defensive then? Huh? Is it yours?"

Adam looked pissed but ultimately rolled his eyes. "Yeah, it's mine." he said, his voice was thick with sarcasm.

"Oh no, of course not. It couldn't be right?" Adam stopped as the niner went on. "I forgot. There's a reason you punch like a girl."

Adam looked up at me and I shook my head. I didn't want him to go through this, not for me.

"Let's just hope that goddamn kid doesn't come out like you. A fucking freak that everyone hates. That'd be a real shame huh?" he scoffed.

Adam still didn't look at him. "Whatever. Hey, unplanned pregnancy right? Everyone already fucking hates those. I guess it doesn't matter then because no one wants that baby anyways."

Adam whipped around so fast I couldn't see what was happening. The first thing I knew was Adam was on top of the other kid and hitting his face. I heard something crack and there was more blood on the floor.

"Adam," I tried to reach out to him but Alli held me back. I looked at her and she shook her head. I couldn't put myself in that kind of danger anymore. I couldn't even protect my friends even though that's all they did for me.

Drew and Dallas made their way through the crowd of kids with their phones out. "Who's fighting?" they laughed.

"Adam!" I cried, tears coming to my eyes. I had been crying so much lately.

"No, really." Drew asked me after a second.

"Adam." I said, turning his head to see Adam, nearly punching the kid to death.

"Holy shit!" he yelled. He hit Dallas' chest and they both jumped over the table to make their way in the middle of the circle.

"Adam, let him go. Let him up!" Drew yelled.

"He's had enough man!" Dallas said.

After some struggling, Drew and Dallas got on either side of him and grabbed Adam from under his arms. His legs kicked as he was lifted off of the boy who laid on the floor.

"No, no one talks to Clare like that." he said, flailing. "No one talks about my nephew like that!"

Drew set Adam down and grabbed the neck of his tee-shirt. "Adam, stop this." he shoved Drew away and walked over to Alli and I.

"Adam," I said putting hand on his chest to stop him from walking past us. He slapped my hand away, not realizing it was me.

I put my hands on either side of his face and made him look at me. "Adam."

His eyes were crazed but grew soft the longer he looked at me. "Oh my God, Clare. I'm so sorry." he wrapped his arms around my neck and I pulled him into me.

"I know. I know, Adam." I said before pulling away. "Are you okay?" I asked.

He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand and blood, that wasn't his, smeared across his skin. "I think so."

There was a low rumble of voices from behind us. Adam and I turned to look at what was happening.

The niner kid was barely on his feet and Simpson had walked in to see what was happening. "What's going on here?" He yelled.

"It's all her fault." he slurred, pointing at me. "Pregnant whore."

A silent cafeteria full of eyes turned to me, stabbing into my skin like blades of anticipation, waiting for me to respond to the words that had been thrown at me. For once, I didn't have any to throw back.

"Okay. You two, you, you, you, and you. My office. Now." Simpson said as he pointed to Drew and Dallas, Adam, the niner, me and Alli.

"Me? Sir, I didn't even do anything." Alli said.

"Well, it just seems like you belong in my office nowadays doesn't it Ms. Bhandari?"

She rolled her eyes but grabbed my hand as we started the long walk to Simpson's office. Drew and Dallas helped Adam along though it didn't seem like he needed it. I didn't think that the freshman kid, who was struggling somewhere behind us, had gotten many hits in.

So this was my senior year? Tears running down my cheeks as I looked at Adam's blood covered face while we all walked to the principal's office to get detentions or suspensions or expelled.

We all had different understandings with Simpson. After things that happened with Alli throughout our four years here, one more offense might get her suspended. I didn't know how many times Mrs. Torres could barge in to the office and throw a fit to save her kids before she finally lost her effect.

And me, I hadn't been standing up for myself recently so when my friends couldn't do it any longer, I didn't know what I would do.


"So?" I asked Adam as he came out of the office. He was the last of us to be called in. He needed the time to get cleaned up.

"He called my mom." he said monotonously.

"Mrs. Torres to the rescue." Alli joked.

"So you're not suspended?" I asked.

"No, I'm suspended. A week and a half." he said.

"Adam, I'm so sorry." I said. I tried to put a hand on his shoulder but he walked away from it.

"Then Simpson said my mom wanted to talk to me, so I got on the phone." he nodded. He looked so angry that tears gathered in his eyes. "She said that we were going to the doctor to discuss if T is really the right thing for me."

"I'm sorry." I said.

"She seems to think that the fights I've been getting in have something to do with a hormone imbalance that makes me act out." he said.

"Fights? As in more than one? What are you-"

He ignored me. "All this progress, everything I've had to go through, all the tests I've had done." he shrugged. "Gone."

Alli and I just looked at each other, not knowing what to say.

Adam spoke again. "You know, this is what I'm supposed to be doing."

"I know." I said.

"No, not T, I mean this." his arms were out wide. "I'm supposed to be protecting my friends, I'm supposed to be keeping you safe, I'm supposed to be helping Eli, I-"

"Adam!" Alli warned loudly. "We all want Clare safe, okay?"

He seemed to ease off his emotions. "Of course we do. I'm just sort of getting sick of being caught in the middle." he turned and started to pace the hallway.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

He turned. "Of course you don't know." he said.

"Adam, don't!" Alli said.

He nodded and avoided my eyes. "I'm not supposed to tell you." he said.

"Adam, we promised. Don't." Alli tried to keep quiet but I could still hear her.

"Okay, stop it." I said. "Why is everyone acting like I'm so fragile? I'm still Clare, right? You can still talk to me just like you did before." I said.

"We know." Adam said.

"So, what's really going on?" I asked. "Why is everyone acting so weird? You guys, Simpson? What is this?"

They looked at each other like they were contemplating.

"I need to know." I said.

"Clare, you don't-" Alli started.

I cut her off. "No, I do want to know. So save us all the time, and tell me what's going on." I demanded.

Alli sighed and then nodded to Adam. "It's Eli."

"What about Eli?" I asked.

"Before school started, he made us promise that we would protect you."

"What I couldn't handle it myself? Is that what he thought?" I asked.

"No, that's not it." Alli started. "Well maybe, but Clare you are pregnant." she lowered her voice.

"So?"

"It's not in anyone's best interest for you to go at this alone. Facing Becky, and Jesus Club, and everyone else on your own? Don't you think it's better that we're here to help?" she asked.

"Well of course, but I don't want you to fight my battles." I said.

"It's Adam doing all the actual fighting."

I looked at him. "Adam, how many fights have you been in because of me?" I asked.

He hesitated. "Three, including today."

My jaw dropped. "Are you kidding?"

"No," he sighed like he didn't know what to say. "Clare, I'm sorry but I thought that if I got in fights with people who were rude to you then that would scare anyone else who was going to be like that away. I even thought it might ward off Becky but obviously not considering niners are giving you shit."

"Adam, you don't have to do that." I said. "Why didn't you guys tell me everything that was going on?"

"Eli," Alli said. "He didn't want us to tell you."

"Why not?" I asked.

"He didn't want you to have anything to worry about. If something was wrong, he wanted us to handle it instead of getting you involved." Adam said.

"He's just worried about you, Clare."

"So he dragged you two into this entire situation, when I'm not either of your responsibilities, and then said not to tell me what was going on."

"Yeah, but he just wants you to be safe." Alli said.

"Yeah, safe." I said. "So what else has been going on that you haven't been telling me?" I asked.

They looked at each other again before Adam shook his head. "Trust me, Clare, you don't want to know."

"Yes, I do." I said, tearing up. "Tell me."

"I don't think I can, Clare." Alli said. "It makes my stomach turn."

"Adam," I looked at him with begging eyes.

He swallowed and avoided my eyes. "Becky might not just be talk like we though she was."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"It's her dad. He's in her head again, telling her all this bullshit about sin." he shook his head.

"What did she do?" I asked.

"I thought I could get through to her." he said. "I thought that if hearing it, rationally, from me it might change her mind about you."

"Please, just tell me." I could barely understand my words.

"She said that her dad told her that she needs to right her wrongs, her wrongs being dating me."

"And how does she plan to do that?"

"By going after you. Humiliation, embarrassment, whatever it takes to make you feel like you're nothing."

"And?" I asked.

"She wants you out of the school Clare. She said that you give the school and bad name and that she's tired of people at church telling her that Jesus Club should have been doing more to prevent "teens like you" from sinning like this. I know, it's stupid, but she was serious. I have a feeling that she's going to pull out all the stops until she gets what she wants."

I was so frustrated I couldn't think straight. One thing was for sure, I didn't need Eli knowing about this.

"Listen," I said. "No one tells Eli about this fight okay? Or about Becky. Simpson is already trying to make me take time off school, I don't need Eli on board with that. If he hears about this then he definitely will be." I said. "And besides, he's got enough going on that he doesn't need stupid high school drama to worry about."

"Clare, this isn't really stupid high school drama anymore. There's a baby involved here. This is your family."

"No, it's Bitchy Baker trying to ruin what I have going for me right now. It's nothing to worry about. I'll take care of it if I have to."

"Clare-"

"No one tells Eli." I demanded. "Clear?"

Alli nodded. "Fine." she said.

I looked at Adam. "Okay." he said.

If Eli could keep secrets, then so could I.


Okay, so sort of a bad ending but I think the rest of it was alright. I've actually had this fight written for a long time and have just been trying to find the right place for it. But yay! I love Adam! (R.I.P buddy)

So, let me know what you thought, if you hated it or liked it and other things. Also, tell me what you want the name of their baby to be, along with the gender.

Thanks for reading!

Whatever. It. Takes.

~JuliaGoldsworthy.