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Chapter 28
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No one was worried that something would go wrong with the wedding. Alice was planning it—it would go perfectly. What I was worried about was the situation in La Push, and when morning came and no one had heard from Jacob, I tried calling.
I called every werewolf whose number Jacob had made me memorize. No one was home, not even the Uleys, and the few who had cellphones didn't answer. I could just imagine the battle. I left a message on the Clearwaters' machine, warning them all to stay safe or risk my displeasure.
Then I hung up to find Shelia on my bed.
I yelped. I didn't mean to, but I hadn't even heard her come in. She just giggled and lay down beside me.
"Wolf no call back?" she asked.
"No. I'm getting worried."
"Fight no last long. Never. If fight, get news. No news mean no fight. Better."
"Maybe," I allowed. It was late morning and I think Shelia was right. Jacob would have had time to fight Sam and win before now. If they were just sitting around discussing the situation, he wouldn't have anything to tell me. "I don't even know if I want him to fight."
"That what he do, you say."
"He won't get hurt," I said. "He'll win. That's the trouble. I don't know if I want him to. At least this way he'd leave them the way he should, defeated by another Alpha. If he wins now and leaves later...he'll be running away with his tail between his legs."
"They think, he think or you think?"
"We think, I think," and I couldn't help the giggle at how easily she made me incomprehensible. "Everyone will hate him for leaving, later. Even me, and especially himself. But he'll have to. I can't—I can't stay there, Shelia. Not forever."
"No stay where no happy," her voice got insistent, eyes burning into mine. "Never stay. When you unhappy, sister, never stay. Never let...they let me runaway sometimes. Sometimes it is good to leave, for a little while, to remind yourself you want to come back. Or to realize you would rather die than return."
Was this what my brief separation from Jacob was supposed to teach me? Did I want him with me or not? The answer was so obvious, there was no need for a question. I wanted Jacob with me. Always. I let Shelia wrap her long arms around me and hoped I would not hurt too many people.
There was a knock on the door and Mother came in, beautiful as always. She was smiling; before she spoke, I knew, but I let her tell me anyway. "The Denalis have offered to let us all stay for another week."
Shelia clapped her hands excitedly as I giggled and then hugged her. "Go look pretty," she sighed as she pulled away. "See you all week."
"Let's get you ready," Mother said, offering me a hand out of bed. Mostly, she just watched as I got ready, studying me, carefully waiting for the opportune moment to speak to me. Since I was hoping rather desperately she wasn't going to say anything, there was no moment. She just blurted it out, eventually.
"You seem to be getting along well with the other hybrids."
"I hope I am."
"Nahuel seems very nice."
"They all seem nice. The older two are a little...intense, sometimes, but I think they're all rather sweet people."
"How sweet?"
I couldn't stop myself from snorting. "Mother...I do not understand how you could have fooled Jacob, even for an instant. You are so obvious."
"Hormones," Rosalie said as she came into the room. Sneering, she informed me, "Dogs can't help themselves. Anyway, Emmett just got back—Fido arrived home safe and sound." Taking the brush from my mother's hand, she announced, "You're doing it all wrong, Bella."
"It's fine," I dismissed, standing up, stopping the fight before it could start. "Let's go. And I promise not be alone with Nahuel, all right?"
"You don't have—"
"Fine," Rosalie agreed. "Shall we?"
Mother scowled but led us to the ceremony, whispering almost silently in my ear, "You don't have to promise anything."
I thought about the braided Quileute promise ring I kept in my room. It was impossible for me to make everyone happy; I had not inherited that talent from my mother. My father wrapped his arms around my shoulders and I leaned into him as the wedding march began to play. Kate rather scandalously sashayed down the aisle, towards her groom who looked dashing even with the outdated tricorne on his head. Kate arched a brow, but Garrett took the challenge eagerly, as he always did, taking her hand and kissing it before leading her to the minister.
A human had come from town to oversee the ceremony and he spent most of the time terrified for his life and the rest of it telling himself he was being silly, that he was perfectly safe. Human instincts were a lot smarter than human brains, it seemed, especially around us. But he said his part without shaking too badly, and announced: "You may kiss the bride."
I had spent most of the wedding watching Shelia fail to sit still, so as to avoid Nahuel's searching eyes, but this part of the ceremony demanded my attention. With old-fashioned flourish, Garret wrapped his arms around Kate and dipped her, right in front of all of us, for a highly inappropriate, embarrassingly to witness, absolutely perfect wedding kiss. I may have been blushing, but I still knew it was with that kind of enthusiasm a pair of newlyweds should kiss. Then I averted my eyes and tried to divert my thoughts, because my father was always present.
Kate stood up and couldn't quite keep the smile off her face as she allowed, "That's one way to start."
There was a rush of congratulations for the pair and we headed into the dining room. Since we didn't need to eat, everyone would probably just sit around talking and dancing for the rest of the day. That didn't bother me as much as it normally would, because it turned out Nahuel was an excellent dancer.
I wasn't terrible myself, having been taught by Alice. It was strange not having to crane my head up to look at my partner, but somehow I didn't mind, as I twirled around the room in Nahuel's arms.
"I'm glad you are going to stay," I admitted, as the fingers on my waist seemed to burn through my dress.
"I would have stayed regardless," he promised. "I don't travel with them. We tend not to...prefer each other's company. We don't forget, you see." He chuckled unhappily, so I squeezed his hand in reassurance and that seemed to help him relax. It also encouraged him to pull me closer, but I wasn't complaining. It was...nice, feeling his body pressed against mine.
"Nessie, come, come," Shelia squealed coming up to us, interrupting without thought. "Tanya say get you. Phone. Wolf call."
Muttering an apology, I almost sprinted after her, as she led the way to the Denali's kitchen. I practically snatched the phone from Tanya, so eager was I to hear from the werewolves.
"Jacob?"
"Not quite." Quil or Embry, then. "Hey, kid. Jake's a bit busy at the moment. But he wanted to let you know that he got here okay and that he hasn't screwed everything up just yet."
"That's...good news?"
"Yup. We even got Leah to stop her bitching for half a second." Embry, then, for Quil would have been less upfront about insulting her.
"I heard you made things worse. And got attacked by Paul."
"That's because I forgot that one the two things on the planet smaller than Paul's tiny, tiny brain is the size of his patience. Not that I care he broke my leg, 'specially not since Quil broke his in retaliation. Rachel got so pissed that she—"
"Focus, Embry," I chided gently.
"Right. Anyway, Jake's mostly managed to calm everyone down, Jared's shoulder is mostly healed and everything should be good in a few days. Leah said she'd call you as soon as we're a hundred percent sure and..." Embry dropped his voice, laughing slightly, "As soon as Jake thinks it's safe to let her out of his sight. We can't have her attacking the other side again. It wouldn't look good, even if they asked for it."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome, kid," he hesitated, then manned up and said, "And congratulate the bride and groom for us."
"I will. You're a good friend, you know, Embry. Thank you."
"Yeah, yeah..." but he sounded pleased. "Bye."
"Goodbye."
I relayed the werewolves' gratitude and well wishes to the people who were interested in hearing them. Nahuel caught my eye and motioned me back to the dance floor, but before I could rejoin him, Sakhet spoke up. Her arguments about the benefits of a pack somehow swayed my parents (or maybe it was the fact she had given birth to a child that was older than they were) and suddenly they were kissing me on the cheek and warning me to be careful on the hunt.
Hunting or dancing? What kind of vampire would I be if I didn't pick the former?
Nahuel looked disappointed, but not too badly as we joined his sisters outside. Once again, Shelia took the lead, Sakhet and Elmira following, Nahuel keeping me company at the rear. We spoke of other hunting trips—he had been to the very tip of Chile for penguins, once—as we raced along the frozen track.
We ran for a long time, across the snow, simply enjoying being together. We were far from the Denali home before Shelia found something and rushed off into the darkness.
We adjusted course and doubled our pace. With food so close, the other three were going flat out and putting distance between us. Still, scents traveled. I may not have been an expert hunter but eventually I could identify the smell.
No. They couldn't be—they wouldn't—could I take that chance?
"Stop!" I was screaming against the wind, but they were special. They had to hear. "Please, stop. Stop!"
"What's wrong?" Nahuel asked as we all slowed and came to a halt.
I tried to catch my breath, to force the words from my throat past the large lump that had seemed to form there. I couldn't because their strides had been sure. They knew what they were heading towards. All I could do was force the tears out, as I finally comprehended why everyone had waited so long before saying I could meet the hybrids.
Those were people out there and they were just going to...no.
Shelia came up to me, curious as always. "Why Nessie cry?"
"Please don't kill them," I begged.
"What a fastidious eater," Elmira muttered as Shelia cocked her head to the side: "Human healthy. Best. Make strong. Why not eat?"
Her tone was not maliciously, just curious and it stopped my heart from breaking entirely into two. She didn't know better and I could cling to that. "You can't kill people," I hurried to explain. "We aren't killers. We—"
"We eat what we were made to eat," Elmira declared. "Nothing more or less. That is all everything on this planet does, aside from your precious humans."
"We won't if you don't want us to," Nahuel said. "We can leave the humans be tonight."
"Tonight?" I didn't mean to shriek—or maybe I did. Anything to get them to listen. "What about tomorrow? What kind of monsters are you? How could you lie to us and pretend—"
"No lies. No pretend." Sakhet's grey eyes seemed almost sympathetic. "We are what we were born to be. We have deceived no one. They said not to kill within their boundaries. We have respected their laws."
"That's not enough," I cried. Just because it hadn't happened close by, didn't mean it wasn't our fault. Just like when the Volturi came—but I crushed down that thought. "You can't kill people!"
"No eat human?" Shelia was tentative, trying to distract me in her own way. "I find different. We hunt seal. Cold. Big. Fun."
"I don't think Nessie is up to hunting tonight. Go without us. I will bring her home," Sakhet decided.
"No come with?" Shelia asked, worried.
"You wanted to kill them," I miserably explained to uncomprehending eyes.
Elmira did not like that. "Do you really think we are the only killers here?" she spat. "My family only kills for survival, precisely, when we mean to. Can your family say the same? We honor the lives we take with our lives. Your indifferent does not make you better, it just allows you to pretend."
Shelia growled at her sister, loudly, demanding: "No speak."
But Elmira took no notice, glaring defiantly at me. Why should she be embarrassed? It was only the truth, after all. Sakhet sighed and then ordered: "All of you—go. Now. You are just making this worse."
"You do not command me," Nahuel snapped, taking a step towards me. I backed off instinctively. The older two had always scared me, even when I had tricked myself into loving them. Finding out they were monsters did not hurt me as badly. I did not want him near me. Not when I thought—I was such a fool it was hard to believe!
"Go," she ordered again.
"Come, Nahuel," Elmira jeered. "You have had enough time with the child." She could not resist one last taunt, "I would have had her by now."
"Of course you would have, whore."
They weren't full-blooded vampires, but even so I did not see Sakhet move. I only knew that one instant she was beside me and the next her arms were around Shelia, Shelia who looked every inch a feral creature, screaming and clawing at the air in a desperate attempt to reach her brother. Elmira said nothing, simply stilled in front of him, radiating hate, before turning on her heel and walking away.
Sakhet released Shelia into the snow, with a sharp order: "Go after her. Keep her safe." A foot on her back kept Shelia down, as she lay panting on the ground for a moment, her eyes finding mine. She still did not understand, but she had more pressing concerns at the moment—when Sakhet release her, Shelia took off after her sister.
Nahuel was shorter than Sakhet, but not significantly so. Yet there was no doubt in my mind about who was in charge. "You will never speak to her so disrespectfully again or I will remove your tongue with my hands," she warned him. "I am my father's daughter enough for that. Now go."
And he went.
She was still fuming, as she turned to me, though she tried to make her voice gentle. "Do not dwell on it. What you feel now...wait a moment, before you speak."
"They didn't meant to and they're sorry now," I muttered. "They're sorry."
"Perhaps," she allowed. "Wait. We will go back and you will feel better."
"No. They're sorry." I found anger somewhere inside of me and I clung to that because it was better than feeling so hopelessly numb. "They're sorry. They've changed! They're far sorrier than you could ever be."
It was the wrong thing to say, not when Nahuel had already antagonized her, somehow. She terrified me, as she turned to face me.
"Is that right?"
"Yes."
Sakhet laughed, but it only made me shiver harder.
"What do you know about being sorry? What do they? What have they given to show their remorse? For the murder of my mother, I gave up the chance to know even her name. For turning my back on my people, I gave up everything they could teach me about myself. For destroying the lives of others...I watched a continent burn, until one day my people faded from living memory and there was no home left to me, anywhere. For growing careless, for letting my lover die, I had to give my child. And when I tried to replace my boy, my beautiful boy..." her voice broke and that was somehow worse than her fury had been, as the tears welled and would not fall... "the universe demanded payment once again and took my father. That was how sorry I was. How sorry is your family?"
There was no sympathy for me—she had none left within her to give. "I know of atonement as you do not; I know it so well I know it will never be enough, no matter how much I bleed. We are condemned. I am not the one who is pretending otherwise."
Atonement? Hadn't Jacob once said that? Hadn't Leah once laughed? Of course she would. How could you possibly say my family was atoning with a straight face?
I started to cry and Sakhet remembered herself.
"Come, girl," she said softly. "It is cold out and your feelings will pass."
I did not believe her, though I took her hand. Preventing the memories from crushing me was taking too much effort for me to fight her as well. Father and Aunt Rosalie only killed bad people. Everyone else it was just an accident. I flinched at the words, words delivered in a high and mighty tone to werewolves who did not accept them. Who said motives didn't matter when there was a dead body on the ground.
What did motives matter when my family hadn't even noticed the corpses in their wake? The bodies they had killed...the bodies that marked them as guilty. My whole family was all guilty—and they didn't care.
Worse than that, they pretended they did. They pretended they were good people, as if good people actually sat around and did nothing. As if good people lost control and killed when they did not want to—it had taken me this long to understand why Jasper sometimes let unhappiness seep into our perfect world. He knew, like Elmira knew, like Leah knew, like Jacob pretended not to know, that my family was guilty and the guilty should be punished.
So he tried to make himself suffer, though it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. But why hadn't the others even bothered to try?
All Alice did was shop, or make a fortune for my family on the stock market. All Rosalie did was braid my hair or have sex with Emmett. Emmett wrestled with her and Jasper and the animals that damned him. Mother and Father stared at each other—did they even know there was a world outside of us? There were two medical degrees on my father's wall; one on Rosalie's. Degrees gotten for vanity's sake, and Carlisle's, not to help people, never for that. At least there was Carlisle and Esme. They tried to—
I almost choked. When it came down to it, the mess was Carlisle's fault. All the people he saved—it didn't make up for the lives the monsters he created took. Death did not work that way. It wasn't a life for a life. Not when he kept doing it...not when he let Father kill—
He loved Mother more than anything and still he had killed her. No, he had changed her, after I killed her. No wonder they loved me so well. My very first act had made me a monster just like them.
So I let Sakhet led me back to where I belonged.
Back amongst the murderers.
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TBC...
