10 years later
Derek and Meredith's Malibu home, 14th of June, 2023
"It's a girl." Derek says. "We have a girl."
The little girl screamed as the sudden shock of her delivery and was placed to her mother's chest.
"She's here." Savannah says touching the back of her baby sister and wiping the tears in her eyes. "She's beautiful Mom."
Amelia kissed her sister-in-laws cheek and congratulated her as well and helped May the midwife clamp and cut the cord and cover the baby. They cleaned the baby down as Meredith and Derek both bonded with their daughter before May took her to check her out and was assured that the baby was healthy. She weighed her and measured her and placed her back in her mother's arms.
"7 pounds 3 ounces and 49 centimetres." May says writing down the scores on her chart. "Healthy Apgar and breath sounds. You have a healthy baby girl."
After Meredith herself was checked out and finished labouring they moved her to bed and wrapped a dressing gown around her body and she began nursing the baby.
"Do you want me to go and get the kids?" Derek asks.
"Yes please." She says smiling at him.
Savannah and Amelia gushed over the baby and took photographs of her. May made sure the baby was feeding properly and tidied up with the help of Amelia. Derek bought the siblings upstairs and they crowded the bed to officially meet their baby sister.
"Oh she's lovely." Jack says as he helps Austin up onto the bed beside his mother.
"I'm so proud of you Mom." Aria says rubbing the baby's hand.
"Shall I let our family know?" Derek asks from beside Meredith.
"In a little while." She says smiling at him. "I want you to stay right here with me."
Derek kissed her lips and looked at their precious bundle.
James entered the room with his three kids, Isabella, Lily and Dylan with the kids swarming to meet their new cousin.
"Do we have a name yet?" Aria asks.
"Not yet. We can't think of anything that will suit her." Derek says.
"Do you guys mind if we stay and make you all dinner and help you out for this evening?" James asks.
"Not at all." Meredith says. "Don't make too much of a fuss though."
James excused himself to go and figure something out for dinner when Amelia's phone rang.
"Hi Mom." She says leaving the bedroom.
"Mom, I'll message everyone and let them know." Savannah says leaving the room.
The kids watched the baby curiously and quietly and suggested names.
Amelia entered the room with an upset look on her face. She passed the phone to Derek and he spoke to his mother telling her about the new baby having been born forty minutes ago when she broke the heart wrenching news to him.
"Your father passed away forty minutes ago dear. I'm so sorry to spoil your great news."
Derek shocked didn't say anything for a moment.
"I'm so sorry Ma."
"It's fine dear. I'm glad he is at peace now." She says. "I'm going to let you go and enjoy your new daughter. Send me a picture of your beautiful girl."
"I love you Ma. Call me whenever you want." He says and hangs up the phone.
He looks to Meredith and she knew just from that phone call what had happened.
She grasped his hand and squeezed it to let him know that she was sorry.
My life has been crazy. 37 years I have walked this earth and I have experienced love, life and the unfortunate losses that we experience in life. I have experienced the greatest loss that has taught me a whole lot and how to handle grief. The death of our stillborn child was one of my most devastating losses. Our child was born with no chance to experience this world but she gave us the experience of how to handle the loss and grief in life. She was a learning curve and taught two young teenagers a valuable lesson. The two other great losses I have dealt with was the loss of my mother.
My mother became a single mother when I was young. She became an inspiration to me and always told me to follow my dreams how big or small. She was a tough woman but she was hiding the pain of the loss she had encountered. She loved her three children with all of her heart and really taught us to embrace our passions and loves and never forget the things we truly desire. She also taught me how to play piano and that was a memory that I will never forget, sitting beside her as she poured her heart into the piece she played. She taught me that music isn't a skill; it's a passion that comes from the heart. Her death really hit my family hard as she died young from Alzheimer's and missed out on being a grandmother to her many grandkids and never got to watch me fulfil my passion of music or win an award. She was my greatest inspirations and I miss her dearly.
The other loss that came as a surprise, my father-in-law. He unfortunately lost his battle to prostate cancer today after a long 2 year battle. Michael became my father figure. He'd do anything for me and my brother and sister and he'd never let us down. Michael taught me how to ride my bike, he walked me down the aisle, watched me graduate, kissed my cheek before prom and was there when I had boy problems. He took me to my piano recitals and chaperoned prom for Derek and I. He was there by my side after the births of my babies and congratulated me with such proudness in his eyes like I was his own. He taught me about love and too became an inspiration just like my mother. He will dearly be missed by his very large family. He's 25 grandchildren will miss out on his beautiful presence especially the youngest ones who never got to spend a lot of time with him. He also taught me that it's okay not to be perfect, he was a man who embraced his flaws and taught me that people will accept your flaws if you show them compassion. He will forever be in my heart and I'm glad I got to spend the time with him.
He told me one thing before he passed that I hold deep in my heart. "You will lose someone you can't live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn't seal back up. And you come through. It's like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp." He also added "That grief does not change you dear, it reveals you."
I wish he had told me this when I first grieved for my baby but these losses have brought upon great joy. My mother's death brought upon the birth of my second child Savannah and the death of Michael, my daughter was born just minutes after his passing. For every loss there is a gain. A positive to the negative and if not right away sometime in the near future. Life is a funny thing but sometimes it surprises you and takes your breath away. I've had my breath taken away many times in life and it's truly an indescribable feeling the birth of your children and your first love.
These positives in life really are brilliant. Especially those little surprises.
Meredith read over the final chapter of her autobiography and smiled before sending it off to her publisher. The room was completely dark and in her arms rested her newly born daughter who was perfect at just 12 hours old.
"Meredith?" Derek whispers from the doorway of the den. "What are you doing up?" He says walking towards her and kissing her shoulder before peaking at his daughter who was sound asleep in her mother's arms.
"I couldn't sleep and I had a sudden inspiration to finish the last chapter." She says smiling. "And I've finished."
"Really?" He says with joy in his voice. "That's excellent." He says kissing her cheek. "But you've delivered only 12 hours ago, you should be resting and recovering."
"We're happy." She says looking down at the baby. "So you don't need to worry about us."
"It's my job to worry about all of you." He says kissing her cheek. "Come to bed now."
She smiled at him and he helped her up from the chair and guided her upstairs to their bedroom. Meredith laid their daughter down in the bed beside them and began to nurse their baby and bond with their perfect daughter.
"I can't get over how perfect she is." Derek whispers. "All of our children are they're just perfect from the moment they are born."
Their daughter summed up the last ten years and moved onto the next ten years after a very crazy ten years. They experienced a lot of ups and downs and truly grew more as a family and career partners.
The whole pregnancy resulted after a steamy 10 year anniversary celebratory night and was a huge surprise to the couple who had not planned on another child.
"How are you feeling?" She asks him.
He doesn't say anything for a while and she knows he is thinking of an answer to give her.
"It's an overwhelming feeling. I'm overjoyed with the baby but grief-stricken over dad. It's easier though because he's not suffering any longer. He fought a long battle and I'm proud of him for sticking out for this long."
"I think he was waiting out for this little one." She says running her finger over the baby's cheek.
"And he almost made it." Derek says producing a small smile. "She still needs a name."
"Nothing has stuck though." She says. "Maybe in the morning we'll find something that sticks. With fresh minds." She suggest with a small smile.
He kissed her forehead and snuggled in close to her and the baby.
"Can we announce it though?" She asks.
"How about in the morning?"
"Can't we do it now?" She asks.
"Fine. Anything for you love." He says kissing her cheek before rolling away to grab his phone for their announcement.
'Yesterday afternoon amongst the news of the passing of my father we received a beautiful gift that graced us at 3:49pm. Our 7 pound daughter is healthy and resting close beside her mother after a healthy homebirth.'
"Thank you." She says kissing his lips for the umpteenth time today.
"Anything for you my dear." He says running his finger over her wrist where June was tattooed and remembered ten years ago before the album release and the ten years that would fold out for them.
"It's been a very memorable ten years." She says noticing where his fingers where on her wrist.
"It really has been." He agrees while Meredith settles the baby in the side car bassinet beside their bed.
She rolled back to face him and they stared into each other's eyes for a long while. Feeling comfort amongst the long day they had and fell asleep soundly for a few hours until the phone rang and the baby woke.
Meredith reached over for the baby and held her in her arms while Derek answered the phone.
Meredith climbed out of the bed sensing Derek wanted some privacy while he talked to his mother. Meredith crept into Savannah's room and climbed into the bed beside her oldest child. Savannah and Meredith were known to spend mornings in bed with each other catching up on things and having a moment to them as the younger kids depended on her time more. Savannah bonded with her mother in these moments.
Savannah stirred and rolled over to where her mother was lying down with the baby laying down beside her mother curled up beside her mother. Savannah's arm stretched across and touched her baby sister and she poked her head out from underneath the doona.
"How you feeling Mom?" She asks.
"Great Savi."
"You tired?"
"A little bit but it's a good tired." She says smiling at her. "What about you?"
"Not too well. I barely slept." She admits.
"I'm sorry Savi."
"You don't have anything to apologise for anything Mom. Loss is a natural part of life." She says. "And I knew he was going to pass but I just didn't think it'd be this soon."
"The best thing for you to do, write down these feelings. Turn it into a song. Do anything to express yourself." She tells her daughter before looking to her bedside table. "What are you reading?"
"To kill a mockingbird. I found it on the shelf last night, thought I might give it a try."
"Do you like what you've read so far?"
"Yeah, it's alright."
"That book teaches you a good life lesson." She says smiling at Savannah. "It's one of the greatest books of all time. Stick with it, you'll enjoy it."
Savannah took her sister into her arms as she sat up and the baby looked as best as she could at her sister try to recognise who was holding her but the gaze she had at her sister she recognised her voice and grasped her sisters' finger.
"Hey little one. You are just the cutest." She coos. "No name yet?"
"No, nothing has stuck and I don't want to double up on any names either." She says running her fingers over the baby's cheek. "I finished my book."
"You did?"
Yeah last night. Couldn't sleep so I typed with the baby in my arms and finished the book. Sent it off to my agent and she'll read over it."
"You finished before your deadline as well despite being pregnant and chasing after us 5 kids. You did well."
"Thanks baby." She says kissing Savannah's cheek and smiling.
Meredith could describe the last ten years as an amazingly overwhelming experience. The album release rocketed high in the charts and for 2 years the album remained in the top 100 album chart and stayed in the top 10 for the whole 9 months after the release and the number 1 spot for 12 weeks. Meredith didn't expect such great results from the album and they embarked on a 15 month long tour around North and South America, Europe, Australia, New Zealand, parts of Asia and Japan. The tour was one of the best experiences in her life and seeing the joy in the kids as they toured the world really was amazing.
Riding high on the success of the album and tour the government announced a gun buy back system after another 100 people died in shootings across the country in three months. Guns were owned only with a permit and people could hand their guns in for cash for a stop to the heavy gun culture and gun violence. The album became the anthem for every shooting victim in the world and Derek and Meredith went down in history as they helped change the gun laws and changed people's opinions on the right that killed thousands of people in the country each year.
They're album was history making and would be one that the generations talked about for years to come. The album was praised by all critics, celebrities and other musicians for the emotional depth it carried and the messages it got out to the people in the world. They used their power in the industry to persuade and change the future of a country rich in gun violence.
Derek walked past the bedroom and poked his head into the room.
"What do you think about the name Harper?"
"Harper? I love it." He says with a small smile coming to his mouth. "Harper May Shepherd. May because of all the wonderful help May has provided us with. We have a name?"
"We have a name." She says smiling. "Welcome to the world Miss Harper."
"I'll let everyone know we have a name." He says leaving the room.
The three of them left the bedroom and found four bodies sitting on the lounge watching cartoons.
12 year old Jack, 10 year old Aria, 6 year old Hendrix and 3 year old Austin tiredly huddled together and Meredith went and kissed the tops of their heads. Savannah sat down beside Austin and he climbed into his sisters' lap. Meredith sat down on the arm chair with Harper and smiled at the kids.
"Do we have a name yet Mom?" Austin asks.
"We do buddy." She says. "I would like you to meet you baby sister, Harper May."
"Oh it's beautiful."
"It really does suit her Mom." Aria says.
"And Mom finished her book as well." Savannah announces.
"Good job Mom." They say and each come and give her a kiss and their baby sister.
They ate breakfast in a sombre affair with the kids discussing stories of their Poppy and good memories they held in their hearts.
She sat at the desk in the den and caught sight of the many photographs amongst the wall and on the desk. The one photo she picked up and had a long look at was the photo of the seven of them, before Harper, when they were on tour together as a family. That was the last tour and was the greatest moment in Meredith's life. The kids made regular appearances throughout their tours because they truly couldn't stay away from the stage.
She placed the photo down quick and read her writing for the autobiography. She was extremely honest and truthful throughout the book and nothing was left untold. She wanted people to know everything about her and the struggles that herself and her family have been through, especially Audrey.
For 20 years I could have been a mother but sadly those years have been cut down to just 15 years as my would be 20 year old daughter grew her wings and flew to where all the beautiful fallen angels go after they grow their wings. Audrey Skye grew her wings when I was 23 weeks pregnant with her. We were just past the halfway mark of our future before we tragically lost our angel before she got to experience our life. Derek and I were only 17 when this tragedy came upon us but after 20 years we accepted this fate of our daughter who became our angel when times were tough and constantly watched over us and became a person we could speak to when we felt alone or like we didn't belong. May 6th 2003 was a difficult time for two young kids but became a learning curve on how to say goodbye to the people you love in life and how cruel life can be and to be grateful for the life you are given and make the most out of it. Even though she is not here we learnt a lot from what a child's life meant.
To Audrey, 20 years has been a long time but in those short 20 years you have taught me the values of children and how pure and wonderful they are. You show us what being a parent is all about and I thank you. Thanks to you we welcomed six chubby babies into our family and have discovered the beauty of raising a family, not a day goes by that I wish you were here with me and I still wonder how you'd look now, if you'd have blue eyes, blonde hair, freckles or dimples. If you looked like me or your dad more. If you could sing like an angel or were tone deaf like Aunt Lexie. I wonder a lot about you and I can't wait until the day I finally get to meet you and hold you in my arms and never let you go. Audrey, we love you sweet baby.
She wiped the tears from her eyes and looked at the newest family portrait of the whole family including baby Harper taken a couple of hours after her birth. In ten years they had welcomed three new babies onto their family and expanded like they had wanted to. Hendrix Dylan was born in the Winter of 2016 after the success of the tour that ended in April 2015, he came 9 months later as a chubby cheeked boy. Austin Carter arrived three years later in the Autumn of 2019 after yet another successful tour. Austin was planned on being the last child but after their contraception methods failed, they were surprised with the conception of Harper. Meredith though always told Derek that they're family didn't feel complete but just after Harper was born they felt their family was finally completed.
She heard footsteps and felt two little hands touch her leg. She looked down and saw Austin looking up at her with his big blue eyes full of curiosity.
"Momma okay?" He asks.
She smiles at him and lifts him up onto her lap. "Momma is okay."
A few days later Meredith sat on the bank of the river and let the cool water run over feet. She had baby Harper in the Hug-a-bub wrap and let the summer breeze cool them down and bring back that familiar sense of nostalgia with the smell of the flora bringing that familiar smell from her childhood.
Derek was helping with the funeral preparations and the kids where spending time with their cousins. Meredith escaped for a couple of hours to herself and Harper and she found standing on the bank of her favourite place to be very uplifting and comforting.
"The first 18 years of my life, I spent every day here. You're daddy and I would hang out here all summer, catch fish, do our homework here and explore our feelings for each other. Plan for a future and simply make great memories to tell you kids when you grew up and reminisce on when we were on our death bed. I hope you find that special place when you are older. A place filled with memories and dreams. I hope you can look to your future with wide eyes and be prepared for anything that life throws you. I hope you can stand back up after being knocked down and know how strong you are. I hope you find the love of your life in your best friend and find inspiration from the smallest things in life. I hope you love someone with all you have and find room in your heart to love your children. I hope one day you get to live a life filled with a whole lot of love and hardly any loss. I hope one day you have a great passion and you get to change the world like your Mommy and Daddy did."
She kissed the top of her daughter's head and rubbed her daughters back. She inhaled and smiled as the memories came flooding back to her.
She heard sticks breaking as a person approached her and she turned and saw Derek making his way down the path like he did when they were kids. She smiled at him and turned back to the river, watching the water flow downstream and crash against the objects in its path and the tadpoles trying to beat the currents and the sounds of the frogs and the crickets as he sat beside her.
Derek looked into Meredith's eyes and felt his life flash 10 years earlier.
Derek was staring down those beautiful eyes. Those same eyes his daughter inherited. Those eyes he hoped his unborn baby would inherit. Those eyes were staring back at him. He couldn't believe it. A small town was rocked with a shooting.
"Daddy what's wrong?"
"Derek what's wrong?"
"I had a sense of nostalgia." He says. "From ten years ago when I read the news report and saw your picture and was drawn instantly to your eyes, the same eyes all our kids had inherited and I couldn't understand how our town had been rocked by a shooting."
She just started at him and then overlooked the river again and felt his fingers slip between hers.
"I can't believe it's been ten years." She says.
"It's hard to grasp."
They headed back up the pathway and to their newly renovated dream house they planned to buy since they were young and kicked off their shoes at the backdoor and found the kids in the sunroom with Carolyn seated with Austin on her lap.
"Oh just in time." Savannah says smiling and pulling her parents towards the love seat. "Jack and I have a little something we were working on."
Jack started playing the acoustic guitar that used to be Derek's and Savannah began singing in her angelic way.
"I can't imagine losing the one, after spending a life time together
I'm sure it's not easy facing the day, I wish I could make you feel better
It doesn't seem fair, and it doesn't seem right
But you're not alone, I'll be right by your side
I'm glad I could stay a while
I'm glad I could make you smile
But it's a long drive home and I really have to go
Everything will be alright, he'll be with you in your dreams tonight
And you can see his eyes when you look into mine
His eyes
Don't be afraid to show how you feel, if it helps you to talk about him
Tell me a story, when you were young, I wanna know more about him
Lets take this time to recognize, he wants you to be happy and so do I
I'm glad I could stay a while
I'm glad I could make you smile
But it's a long drive home and I really have to go
Everything will be alright, he'll be with you in your dreams tonight
And you can see his eyes when you look into mine
I am here, I am here, I am here
In his eyes
I'm glad I could stay a while
I'm glad I could make you smile
But it's a long drive home and I really have to go
Everything will be alright, he'll be with you in your dreams tonight
And you can see his eyes when you look into mine
His eyes"
Savannah looked to her Nan after she finished and saw the tears in her eyes but the smile on her face. She mouthed a thank you and clapped with everyone else.
"Beautiful Savi." Meredith says getting up and kissed her daughters' cheek. "Jack you played beautifully." She says kissing the top of Jack's head.
"I just hope that helps you moving through the stages of grief and know that he loves you and he is everywhere you go."
Carolyn got up and embraced her granddaughter for a long moment. "Thank you so much Savi."
After a family dinner with the whole family who all finally got to meet baby Harper and they headed back to their place where they all sat around.
"This was the playlist that your mother and I made for those times when we were apart and missing each other."
My happiness came over the speakers and Derek enclosed Meredith in his arms and slowed dance with her. This song was their family favourite song after all these years.
"I see your shadow on the street now So you come in and put your bags down My happiness is slowly creeping back It seems an age since I've seen you I know I know I know what is inside"
I hear you push through the rusty gate
Click of your heels on the concrete
Waiting for a knock coming way too late
It seems an age since I've seen you
Countdown as the weeks trickle into days
I know there's something in the air
How can I do this to you right now
If you're over there when I need you here
Now you're at home
If it ever starts sinking in
It must be when you pack up and go
Countdown as the weeks trickle into days
I hope that time hasn't changed you
All I really want is for you to stay
The family sang along to the song not giving a care in the world how they sounded.
Derek let Meredith go and dance with the kids and Derek watched his family laugh after the last few days of sadness. He smiled and picked up Harper from the car seat and snuggled her before he escaped outside to the balcony overlooking the river.
"Baby girl, you're just getting started in this world. Let me tell you, the world is a wonderful place especially here of a night when you can see all the stars in the sky and make a wish with the brightest star and dream of your future. I hope when you get older you get to experience the life your mother and I have had. Not do exactly what we did but make a whole lot of memories and fall in love with your best friend. Find a passion and strive for it."
Harper looked up at her dad with her blue eyes. A look of promise came from her soft eyes and Derek smiled down at her and made a wish.
Meredith stepped outside and stood beside him and overlooked the activity in the house and smiled.
"We did this Derek." She says.
"And I wouldn't change it for the world." He says kissing her temple. "This is going to be the rest of our lives."
And that's the end of this story and this phase in my fanfiction writing.
This story was planned to have a whole different outcome when I first started writing it earlier this year but has since changed to become this.
So final thoughts and comments would be great as I plan my next AU story. Watch this space for a new story hopefully in the New Year.
