"You don't remember?" Harry asked hesitantly.
She looked into his eyes for a second, then a blush crept up her neck. "Erm. Yes." She laughed a bit nervously, then raised her eyebrows and ducked her head. "How could I forget?" Her eyes went out of focus and her face went slack for a moment, then she blinked a few times and ran her fingers through her hair. "Just...taking a minute to put myself back together." She flattened her hands over her stomach and looked down at them. "Blimey, I'm starving. When did we last eat?" Before Harry could answer, she scowled, let the sheet drop, and looked down at herself. "Good God, I'm thin," she said, feeling her ribs. "What..." She broke off, her eyes going out of focus again. When they came back in focus, she slowly looked up at Harry, her mouth open, horrified wonder in her eyes. "Harry. Oh my God, Harry, what I put you through. What you did for me."
Harry opened his mouth to pish-tush what he'd done for her, but he never got the chance. She leaned over and kissed him silent, a soft, desperately tender kiss. "Oh, Harry," she said fervently, apologetically, when their lips finally parted. "I am so sorry. Thank you. For everything." He tried again to say something self-deprecating along the lines of "oh, it was nothing" or "the least I could do" but he left it too long again. Her lips were back on his and that was clearly more important than anything he might have had to say.
When they came up for air this time, Sarah glanced down between them and her eyebrows went up. "Oh, Harry," she said again, but this time there was no apology in her voice--just pleased surprise and admiration. She looked back up, into his eyes, with a smile that left him breathless. He could have managed to get some words out in the next few seconds then--if he could have thought of any. They all seemed to have deserted him, though. Fortunately, speech quickly became both impossible and entirely unnecessary.
* * *
Some time later...
They lay on their backs, side by side, catching their breath.
"Harry Sullivan," Sarah said decidedly. "You have the...enthusiasm of a much younger man."
He tried to suppress a smug smile and failed miserably. "I do, don't I?" She rolled her head to the side to look at him. His smile lost some of its smugness as he decided to come clean. "Could be a bit of TARDIS energy helping out."
Sarah's eyebrows shot up. "She's good for that?"
Harry shrugged. "I...erm...well...always felt more..." He searched for a polite word.
"Frisky?" she offered with a grin.
"Energized," he said, declining her suggestion. "When I spent some time on board that ship of his."
She suddenly gasped, rolled up on her elbow and stared at him with wide eyes.
"What?" he asked, almost beyond surprise at this point.
"Harry. If he survived...whatever it was. Maybe that means Martha did too." Her sudden smile was radiant.
He felt a laugh building in his chest, a laugh of hope and relief. "Oh, God, wouldn't that be wonderful."
Sarah nodded, closed her eyes and clasped her hands together in front of her in silent supplication. Then she opened her eyes and sighed. "I wish there were a way to find out." She thought for a second, then shook her head slightly. "We know she's okay now. But in her time..." She trailed off, then gave him a plucky smile. "We'll just have to hope for the best. Until he comes back and can tell us what happened."
Harry felt a sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach at her last words, but he didn't have time to analyze it before she spoke again. "Oh, I really am famished now." She picked up Harry's wrist and turned it so she could see his watch. "Nothing's going to be open at this hour," she said with almost desperate disappointment. Then her eyes turned inward in that way that he was quickly coming to recognize meant she was putting another piece of herself back in place. "But..this is...we're in a B&B. Right?" He nodded and her face lighted up. "Let's raid the refrigerator."
He raised his eyebrows, widened his eyes and dropped his jaw. "You don't remember the owner?"
She checked in with herself quickly, then grinned. "You're not afraid of her, are you, sailor?" she challenged him with a grin. "We can take her!" She hopped out of bed, scooped Harry's shirt up off the floor, put it on, buttoned it and rolled up the sleeves, then picked his robe up off the back of the chair. "Come on!"
He just lay there and looked at her for a long moment, his body unwilling to move, his heart relishing the sparkle in her eye, the lively grin, the spirit that had been missing for so long. Then he dragged himself out of bed with a sigh. She held his robe up for him and he shrugged into it. She knotted the sash firmly around his waist, nodded toward the door, and, finger on lips, theatrically started tip-toeing in that direction.
Thor stirred in his kennel, and Harry turned to look at him. "You wait here, mister," he said softly. "And be quiet. Don't give us away." The Lab looked soulfully up at him and thumped his tail. Harry shook a finger in his direction. "Loose lips sink ships. Remember that." Then he turned and followed Sarah out the door, closing it silently behind him.
They crept down the stairs, flinching at every creak the old steps gave out, then listening and proceeding as all continued silent in the house. Once they made it to the ground floor, they padded silently down the hall to the kitchen. Sarah pulled the refrigerator door open and all but climbed in, as she eagerly checked what was on offer.
"Mmm, eggs," she said, her voice muffled by the fridge. "An omelet would be amazingly wonderful." She sighed and kept looking in the various covered containers and plates. "Don't suppose we could actually get away with cooking anything, though."
"Doubtful," Harry said, standing behind her and peering over her shoulder. "Better go with something we can eat cold."
"Here's some ham," she said, handing out a tray. He took it and set in on the table. "Cheese. Pickles. Mustard. Mmm, salad cream, even better," she said as she handed the items to him. "Now. Where's the bread?"
"In the breadbox. Where'd you think?" said a dry, crackly voice from behind them.
They froze, staring at each other wide-eyed, then turned to look at their hostess.
"Erm..." was all Harry could manage. Sarah pasted on her best ingratiating smile.
"Thought we'd established that breakfast is at seven," the old woman said as she limped into the kitchen and started putting everything back in the refrigerator.
Sarah moaned softly and pressed a hand to her stomach as she watched the food disappear.
Harry couldn't stand it. "Look, we'll pay. Whatever you want to charge for a...a midnight snack."
The old woman didn't even look up at him, just continued putting things into the refrigerator. "Past midnight. Well past."
"Fine, a three AM snack then. Call it whatever you like. We're hungry."
"Mmm," she said, stopping and fixing them with a sour look. "Heard you working up an appetite." She raised her eyebrows. "Twice."
Sarah's cheeks flushed and she crossed her arms. "Sorry we woke you," she said.
"Told you my rules about that sort of thing when you checked in," the woman went on. She turned and, leaning heavily on her cane, stared at Sarah. Piercing blue eyes moved from Sarah's face down to her left hand. "What's that?" she asked gruffly.
"Hmm?" Sarah asked, then followed the woman's line of sight and held up her hand. "You mean my ring?"
"Humph," the woman huffed. "That's new."
Sarah looked at the diamond, nestled between the two emeralds, and smiled. "Yes, it is," she agreed.
"Sarah agreed to marry me today," Harry said, draping an arm over her shoulders and smiling down at her.
"Did she," the woman said flatly. She looked from one of them to the other. "How many marriages between the two of you?"
Harry wasn't sure why he even answered the old woman's impertinent question, but he did. "One. My first wife died several years ago. And Sarah's never been married."
"Humph." The old woman's huff was softer this time, and her eyes were fixed on Sarah's. "Left that a bit late, didn't you?"
Sarah nodded. "Didn't want to rush into anything," she said with a wry grin.
"Humph," she sniffed again. Then her eyes softened marginally. "Well. Seems to have done you a power of good." The woman opened the refrigerator door and pulled out a bowl of eggs. "Never saw you smile before today." She turned to look at Sarah. "What kind of omelet was it you were fancying?"
Sarah's eyebrows shot up. "Oh. Anything. Everything. I'm starving!"
"Mmm," the old woman said, putting a pan on the stove and cutting a good chunk of butter into it. "Been wanting to feed you up since you got here. You make me hurt to look at you, you're so thin. Twiggy'd look like a circus fat lady next to you. Back when she was Twiggy, that is." Sarah and Harry stood, listening to her rambling with bemused looks. She glanced up at them. "Sit."
They sat, and before long the kitchen was full of the delicious smell of eggs, ham and cheese being sauted in butter. Sarah widened her eyes at Harry and stuck a knuckle in her mouth, biting down on it. "I feel like Thor," she said, only half joking. "Am I drooling?"
Finally, the omelets were served up, browned perfectly and stuffed with good things. Sarah took a bite, closed her eyes and chewed with a look of pure bliss.
The old woman watched her, and her face softened. One corner of her mouth even turned up a little. "I'm going back to bed now," she said, her face reverting to its usual grim lines. "Everything had better be clean and back in its place next time I come in here." She turned and stalked out of the kitchen and down the hall without a backward glance.
"Thank you," Sarah called softly around a mouthful of omelet. A final "humph" reached their ears from the hallway and they looked at each other and dissolved in laughter.
They dug in to their 3 AM snack, but Harry was too busy smiling at the sight of Sarah eating with enthusiasm to do justice to his own omelet. His was only half gone when she cleaned her plate. She pushed it away with a sigh of satisfaction, then noticed his.
"You going to eat that?" she asked, eyebrows up.
He grinned and pushed the plate in her direction. She quickly polished off the rest of his omelet, then sank back in her chair. She closed her eyes, pressed a hand to her chest, and smiled happily. "He's alive," she said softly. "Thank God. He got out of it. Whatever it was." She turned bright eyes to Harry. "Harry, he's alive." Harry nodded. "And so am I, thanks to you," she added, reaching out and touching his cheek tenderly. "Thank you. Did I say thank you?"
He nodded again, and smiled. "You thanked me very thoroughly."
She gave a low chuckle and a becoming flush crept into her cheeks. "I did, didn't I," she said. She leaned over and kissed him on the jaw. "And I hope to go on thanking you for a very long time."
He smiled for a second, then sobered.
"What?" she asked.
He opened his mouth, then shut it again, shaking his head.
"Harry," she said, turning in her chair to face him directly, worry lines forming as she looked at him. "What is it?"
He looked away from her, then back. She was waiting, her eyes puzzled, encouraging him to speak.
"Well," he finally said, then stopped. She raised her eyebrows and leaned toward him. "His being alive. What does that mean for...us?"
Sarah sat back and blinked at him. "It means...our dear friend is alive." She shrugged her shoulders and shook her head, eyes wide, as if to say "What else could it mean?"
"You two...became a bit more than friends, last visit," Harry said tentatively. "And you and I...became a bit more than friends. Today." He stopped, shrugged his shoulders and shook his head as she had done.
Sarah waited. "And?" she finally had to ask.
He sighed deeply. "Sarah," he said. He looked around the kitchen, trying to decide the best way to approach the subject that was lying in his stomach like a rock, trying to decide if he even wanted to approach it, now or ever. Finally, he looked at her. "Hon," he said softly. "I probably would never have asked you to marry me if I hadn't thought he was gone." He smiled ruefully. "Had just about worked myself up to it when he came back into your life. Thought I could, just maybe, compete with his memory, after he'd been gone thirty years."
"Harry," Sarah said in gentle protest.
He held up a hand to silence her. "Then he came back. This new him. And I watched you..." He broke off, looking down at his hands. "Well," he finally continued. "I knew." He gave her a crooked smile. "I knew better than to ask you to choose between us."
"Why would I have to choose?" she asked softly. "Why can't I love you both?"
He scanned her face intently. There was no teasing in her eyes, no smile on her lips. "Hon," he said gently. "You'd better...do whatever it is you do to get yourself back in synch."
Now she laughed. "What?"
"Well, that isn't something you'd need to have explained before."
Her eyes went out of focus and she appeared to be following his advice. So her next question took him by surprise.
"Harry. What if I were to say, yes, I'll marry you. But...you're going to have to get rid of Thor."
"What?" The word exploded out of him.
She nodded seriously.
He huffed out a short, incredulous breath. "Why?"
"Well," she said, drawing the word out. "You love him."
"Sarah," Harry said, as if talking to a child. "He's my dog."
"I know," she said, earnestly. "Those big brown eyes. Those floppy ears. That waggly tail." She sighed theatrically. "How could I possibly compete?"
He stared at her, and she stared back. After a minute, she raised her eyebrows and he twigged. At least he thought he did. "So. You're saying...the Doctor is a dog?"
Her lips curled in a slow smile. "He's a different species. And we...do different things together. LIke you and Thor. You don't show your affection for him the same way you do for me."
"I should hope not," Harry muttered.
"Aside from kissing, that is."
His eyebrows shot up. "I do not kiss the dog."
She chuckled at his emphatic denial. "Not when you think anyone's looking." Harry clamped his mouth shut. "Not that you usually kiss me on the nose. But if you did...it would be okay."
"Sarah. It's not the same." She just smiled at him. "Put the Doctor and Thor in a crowd of humans and which one would stand out as different?" he asked pointedly.
She nodded. "I know. I've made the same mistake. Many times. Forgetting he's not human. It's easy when he looks so much like one of us. Or rather....we look so much like Time Lords." Harry raised his eyebrows at that, and she grinned. "That's what he says, anyway. But..." She shook her head. "Never again. Not after bonding with him. I know who he is now." She smiled into Harry's eyes. "Harry. I would never ask you to get rid of Thor. Because..just asking would show I wasn't the woman you thought I was. And actually making you get rid of him?" She shook her head. "I know it would break your heart. I'd never do that to you." She gave a short laugh. "Even if I didn't like the big doofus." She grew thoughtful and went on. "Besides. If you did have to find Thor a new home, you could. Lots of people would love to have him. He'd have options." She looked into Harry's eyes. "The Doctor doesn't. He's the last of his kind. And, for whatever reason, I'm the only human he's found who can give him some relief from that terrible loneliness." She shook her head. "Oh, I don't pretend I'm unique. I'm sure, if I can do it, there are other humans who can. And I hope he finds some others. But...for right now...I'm all he's got." She searched Harry's face intently. "You're too kind a man to take that away from him."
Harry stared into her eyes for a long moment. "You have too high an opinion of me, Sarah Jane," he finally said. "I'm only human. A human male at that."
"I noticed," she said with a wry grin.
"And he still feels like the competition," he went on, ignoring her aside.
She got up and came to him, sitting on his lap, putting her arms around his neck and leaning her head against his cheek.
"Oh, now. That's not fair," he said, resisting, with difficulty, the urge to fold her in his arms.
She pulled her head back and smiled at him. "All's fair in love," she said, then snuggled in to him again. He admitted defeat, wrapped his arms around her, and held her close. They sat quietly together in each other's arms as the clock ticked loudly in the silence of the kitchen.
"You going to sleep?" he finally asked, since he felt on the verge himself.
"No. Thinking," she answered. She sighed. "So much has changed, Harry." She sat quietly for a long time. "Did you ever wonder," she finally said softly. "What I was writing about. All those hours in front of the computer. After you plunked me down and told me to write?"
He nodded.
"Why didn't you ask?"
"Figured you'd tell me if you wanted me to know."
She laughed ruefully. "Wouldn't have occurred to me. Not that me, anyway."
"It was making you better. That's all that mattered."
She nodded thoughtfully, then fell silent again. He waited. "I started writing about him. Of course," she finally said, sitting up so she could look at him. "Everything I could remember about him. About our time together. The years he was gone. Meeting him again. Bonding with him. How it felt." She closed her eyes. "How it felt to lose that bond. To lose...myself." She opened her eyes and looked at him. "Then I started writing about what it was he had taken. What bits of me. And wondering why he took those and not others." She laughed softly. "My independence. Initiative. Empathy. Sense of adventure. Sense of humor.." She widened her eyes at that one, then wrinkled up her nose. "My taste for chocolate. That was a weird one."
Harry laughed softly. "That's the one that made me start to believe that he'd really taken a part of you."
"But he hadn't," she said quickly. "That's what I finally realized. He hadn't taken anything. I'd given it all to him. Everything I...valued..and liked about myself. I'd just..." She shook her head. "...thrown it at him as he left. And then...whatever it was that happened to him happened...and it was all gone." She laughed softly. "Nothing left of me but the bits I had no use for. Weak, dependent, passive, obedient. No initiative whatsoever." She rolled her eyes in disgust. "God. You had to tell me to eat. Why didn't you just have me sectioned?"
He reached up and smoothed the hair off her forehead. "Thought about it," he said with a twinkle in his eye.
She searched his eyes for a minute. "No you didn't. You never gave up on me." She hugged his neck and leaned into him, but not before he saw the tears welling up in her eyes. "I just wanted to curl up in a ball and die," she want on after a minute. "But you wouldn't let me. You kept poking me. Prodding me." She sat up again, wiping her eyes. "Harry. If you had asked me to marry you before. I would have said no. But it wouldn't have been because of him. Or because of you. It would have been because of me. Because I couldn't admit I needed someone in my life. I had to be totally self-sufficient."
"Why?" he asked gently.
"Because the people I needed most always disappeared. From my parents. To...him."
"Your parents died, hon."
She smiled crookedly. "I know. Now. But...Lavinia, bless her heart. She was a scientist to the core. It never occurred to her to explain to me that they hadn't abandoned me. That they'd had no choice in the matter." He took her hand in his, and she squeezed it gratefully. "She taught me to be self-sufficient. I learned that was how to please her." She compressed her lips and gave an emphatic nod. "So I got good at it."
"You certainly did," he agreed with a smile.
"I wrapped independence around me like a shell. And the poor little turtle inside never got to see the light of day. Until suddenly, the shell was gone, and that little naked turtle was on its own. Had to pick up its head and look around. And grow. Get stronger." She paused, looked down, closed her eyes, then opened them and looked at him. "Harry. That shell came back tonight. With everything else But...it doesn't fit anymore. Not the way it used to." She ran her fingers through her hair. "May take awhile to work out...where everything goes now."
"Maybe you'll have to let go of some of that independence. To get everything to fit," he suggested gently.
She nodded and looked up at him earnestly. "I think I already have." She looked down at the ring on her finger, then back up at Harry. "You still want to marry me?"
He raised his eyebrows. "You still want to marry me?"
"You don't want to just be...friends with benefits?" she suggested hopefully.
"You know me better than that."
She nodded. "I do," she said, ruefully.
"Now that wasn't so hard, was it?" he said, grinning. "Just say it in front of a preacher like that."
She rolled her eyes at him, then sobered. "What about...him?"
Harry lost his grin too, and sighed. "I don't know."
"He's a part of me now, Harry. I can't change that. I don't want to change that." She raised her eyebrows. "You marry me, you marry him."
"Now there's a thought," he said dryly. "Do I have to propose to him too?"
She laughed. "No. I think he'll leave that decision up to me."
"You don't think he'd have a problem with..us?"
"I think he'll be thrilled," she answered. "He offered to take us on a honeymoon trip, remember?"
"Mmm," Harry said, thinking back. "That was before you two,,,bonded."
She nodded thoughtfully. "I don't think that changed anything. He still wants me to be happy. Doesn't want me to be alone. Any more than I want him to be." She smiled. "I was so thrilled when he turned up with Martha. God, I hope she's alright," she added fervently. She shook off her concern after a moment and looked up at him. "He needs someone to travel with. And I need someone to stay home with."
"And when he comes for visits? Then what?" Harry asked.
She sat silently, thinking that over, for a minute. "I don't know," she said finally. "We'll have to work that out when it happens." She took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Can you live with that?"
He looked down at their hands for a long moment before answering. "Sarah Jane," he finally said, looking up at her. "I love you. And I'm glad you're back. And the rest...I'm going to have to sleep on."
She nodded. "That's fair. It's been a big day."
He looked around the kitchen, then at the clock. "We'd better get this place cleaned up before you-know-who shows up and wants to start breakfast." She got off his lap and together they made the kitchen spic and span, everything in its place. Then, hand in hand, they walked down the hall and climbed the stairs.
At the top of the stairs, she flashed him a smile, dropped his hand and went into her room. He stood staring after her for a second, then sighed and turned to go into his room. Thor was standing in his kennel, wagging his tail ferociously from side to side. Harry leaned over and opened the door. "Better take you out now, mate," he said to his dog. "Because once I hit that bed, I'm not moving again for hours." He took Thor downstairs and outside to do what dogs do outside, then the two of them climbed the stairs again and headed for his room.
He stopped in the doorway and a big smile spread across his face.
"Where'd you go?" Sarah asked. She was sitting on the edge of his bed, brushing her hair. "Oh. Thor," she said, as the big lab ran up to her and leaned against her legs. She rubbed his ears and he moaned with pleasure.
"I thought you were..." he said, nodding toward the door, then broke off.
"Hmm?" She looked at him questioningly. "Oh. Just had to get my toothbrush. And pyjamas." Her face fell. "It's okay, isn't it? I mean. If you don't want to..."
He smiled. "It's okay. It's more than okay." He let Thor get a drink of water while he changed into his pyjamas and got ready for bed. Then he put Thor back in his kennel and slid under the covers, where she was already waiting. They wrapped their arms around each other.
"I could definitely get used to this," she said quietly, her eyes closed, drifting into sleep.
"I already am," he said. His eyes closed, but the smile stayed on his lips long after sleep had claimed him.
THE END
(Bet you'd about given up on ever seeing those two words again!)
Stay tuned for a teaser for the next episode--coming soon!
