She had done that to Rosy. She had done that. She had stolen everything from that little girl with one bite. No. No more lies. She had stolen everything the minute she had selfishly offered to take in that girl. Take in. What a lie. 'Take in' implied she had the ability to take Rosy in somewhere and provide for her. She had never had a place to 'take in' anyone. She had had no right to 'take in' Rosy. The streets were no place for a child. Where Rosy had belonged was where Seras had found her- at the orphanage where she would either grow up happily and be taken care of or be adopted and taken care of even more happily.
Either way Rosy would have had a beautiful future had she not stolen it from her out of selfishness and vanity. She still couldn't believe how stupid she had been. Rosy had a chance to do something girls like her played at but never really got. A future. To grow up in a house. To have real adults make breakfast, scold her for misdeeds and someone to tuck her in at night. Oh sure she and the others saved all that money to buy a house but how would they keep food on the table afterwards? Keep stealing?!
She cried in shame, in sadness and in guilt. Parts of her felt worse because she there were small spots of herself that were crying for her situation instead of feeling remorse for what she had done. She was still so selfish! Hadn't she learned anything?! How could she possibly still have the right to think of herself right then?
"What do you want?" She stared at him wordlessly, surprised that he had asked in such a situation. Surprised he had asked at all. No one had ever asked that and truly wanted to hear what she had to say. When she remained silent he continued. "You're drifting Seras. You have experienced too much grief lately. You are stuck fast in guilt and grief and fear. Find a goal to strive for. Center yourself so you can move beyond this. Think hard and then tell me: What is it you want most?"
He hovered over her, like a king lording over her misery and taking pity. She wouldn't look him in the eye. She refused to speak. She just felt empty. But his question had struck a chord in her, burrowing deep and eating at her. She couldn't help but think of the answer and her traitorous mouth did the rest without her permission.
"I want..." She started and failed, trying to find the words to sum up her desires.
"I want..." she cursed her inability to know what she wanted. Or voice them. She finally managed to pick the first one that came to mind. "
I want them back. I want to eat with Mona or lay on the sleeping bags. I know it's screwed up because I'm sick and a danger and-and the sleeping bags were nine kinds of gross. But they were my family and that was my home."
He stared at her. "And that's what you really want most? Truly?"
She felt the tears sting at her eyes and her fists pressed at her temples angrily. He kept his arms around her.
"No! No! I want her to look at me and not have to worry that she thinks I'm a monster because of Rosy! I want to sit at the fire with everyone else! I-I-I want- I want to go outside and not feel ill because it's a sunny day! I want to look at bright light and not be blinded from it! I want to fall sick because it's a common cold and not me becoming some monster! I want to sleep normally like everyone else! I want to go to bed at night and-and wake up in the morning not feeling tired! I want to feel hungry for normal food! I want to get a cut on my finger and not be able to smell it! I want to be normal! I want to have to stop checking the mirror to see if my irises are changing color or if my skins looking paler yet. I'm tired of counting the days between when I was last sick and when I am feeling sick! I'm tired of feeling terrified because the number of days between when I was last sick and am now becoming sick are smaller!"
The tears were hot and thick now and she couldn't seem to be able to stop the torrent that came from her mouth. He just listened.
"I want the option to be human! I am scared because I am always worried when that option will be taken from me! I want to go to school! I want to make a friend that isn't a prostitute, runaway or some bookkeeper for illegal fights! I want to be able to get a job! I want to be able to write an address on a job resume that isn't a warehouse, a pawnshop or some government run military base! I want to stop feeling so stupid because I can hardly read a children's picture book without difficulty! I want to stop stealing to make a living! I want to know that stealing or fist fighting are not the only things I'll ever be good at! I want to remember my mothers face instead of looking at photographs! I can shower and drink now but I am still so frightened of water sometimes that I can scarcely breath! I'm tired of looking at a stupid bathtub in fear! I want to go swimming! I'm tired of loosing my friends or opportunities or even the option of where I am going to sleep!"
She panted, out of breath. She sputtered some unintelligible noises for a moment, trying and failing to think or say anything else.
Finally, after an extended silence, he replied. "Very good. I will help you. However, I think there's something you want more than those things and you've yet to say it. What is it? What do you truly want more than anything?"
Finally it came to her and a sort elated calm came to her. Her humanity... Her right to choose who and what she was. Her home, the warehouse... Her way of life... Mona... Maddox... Willard... Verona... A sense of safety... Her own ability to know what to expect... All of these had been stolen from Seras or deprived of her in some way or another. Was there nothing in her life that she could keep and hold on to? The calmness and the voicing of her desires gave her a full sensation filled with purpose. Yet made her realize how much had been taken from her and left her feeling utterly blank. There was a sense of complete conviction. Yet the filling sensation left her feeling hollow. Her arms crossed over her chest protectively, as if to fill the bleakness. She looked him in the eyes and her voice was steely.
"I want something permanent... Something that can't be taken away from me no matter what..."
There was this look in his eyes that she could see. Some sort of understanding. Like he comprehended the desire. Some bright emotion without the glasses that she could see. It occurred to her she had never seen him without his hat or glasses around others. Around her he had no hat or glasses and occasionally no coat. There was an almost warm feeling at the idea that she was the only one who had seen him this way. His hand came up and slowly stroked her cheek. So gentle. Her heart thudded at the gesture. His thumb wiped away her previous tears. She sniffled, embarrassed by how much she had revealed to him.
"I can give you permanence Seras. I can give you what you want. Just not in the way you want it. I want you to remember my offer."
She opened her mouth to object again but his thumb slid over her cheek and covered her lips.
"Yes, I know. I also remember telling you not to reject what I have to offer so quickly. Do not say 'no' to me right now. Think on it. Give me your answer later. This isn't something I offer lightly."
He pulled his hand away slowly, as if he was reluctant to remove his hand. She felt confused by the sense of loss she felt. What? What did that mean? Her heart squeezed as he stood and walked to the wall, melting through it. She put her hands to her face and felt her warm cheeks. She was... blushing? What nonsense! She was supposed to be wallowing in self pity and then regrouping herself to forget that. Why was she blushing? It made no sense!
Xxxxxx
It made no sense.
Not yet. Give it time. Too young for that sort of thing. Fledgling first. Fledgling first. Fledgling first. Fledgling-
He had said this to himself and then again to her friend yesterday. Yet here he was struggling to restrain himself from touching her. The pheromones her dhampir body released were as heady as always. He leaned against the wall a few rooms away. He breathed in the clean air, cleansing his lungs of that smell. It made no sense. He had always been able to control himself around her, yet lately that smell was making things harder for him to resist taking her.
He did not understand it. The scent she released hadn't strengthened. The quantities it gave had not increased in the slightest. It couldn't have been because she was enclosed in a room. She had been sleeping in his basement for quite some time where no one could hear her call out if he lost control. It wasn't the threat of being caught either, never that. So why was it more and more difficult to resist her charms, her body, her blood of late? What had changed? What was he missing?
Certainly he liked her. He would have to if he wanted to take her as his. He would loose interest if he didn't like her. Certainly he could want just her body but then she would be a playmate and not the companion that came with mating. He wanted her. Oh yes, he wanted her. It was more that that perhaps. It would be a dreadful union to endure if he spent his time around someone who didn't interest him. Dreadful to be with someone he didn't like or care for. It would loose... all thrill... Not quite the word he was searching for... all value... Closer but not quite... all flavor. That was it. Flavor. He could eat and sate his hunger with someone he didn't like but when the exhilaration petered out... The fruit having rotted loosing all taste... having lost all charm... Pointless. It had been like this for the many other lovers he had taken over the years. He lost interest after a while.
Seras hadn't even been aware of his interest in her. Even without sex she burned his tongue with flavor. She was a treasure trove of salt, bitterness, spice, desire, tang, sour, genuine sweetness and deceiving sweetness. He knew that with her, flavor would be in constant supply. Even after he got what he wanted and sex became a reality, he knew that he would never tire or bore of her. He couldn't afford to loose control. She was too important. He had to keep himself in check or he would scare her off with the intensity of his wants. He was older. Stronger than this. Better self control. Five centuries of self control practiced.
Yet the contact with her clouded his mind. All he had been able to think was how beautiful she had looked while he waited for his answer. He was a beast. He knew this. He thrived off the blood and pain of others. He wanted her. He had wanted her for quite some time. It took extraordinary control to not just push her to the wall and have his way with her whenever he saw her. The little bits and pieces of him that he openly acknowledged as allowed to claim her clamored for him to enjoy the fruit of her vine. He had nearly kissed her a few minutes ago. He knew it would not have ended there. He wanted to touch her, fuck her, drink from her, have her respond to him, drink from him, scream his name.
A chaste kiss would not have satisfied his growing hunger.
Xxxxxx
She was pleased to see the door open wide, waiting for her. Well, at least the bastard wasn't doing theatrics this time. When she went in there were even a multitude of candles around that lit up the whole room. Apparently with common goals in mind he quit playing around. Good to know. She clicked off her flashlight and went down the stairs, walking over to the spare chair at the table. He had yet to acknowledge her and she would have thought he was asleep with the glasses and hat on, slumped over like that if it weren't for what she knew of him. This was exactly the sort of childish stunt he would pull. Let her go over to see his 'sleep' face just to 'wake up' magically and say "BOO" to try and scare her. Only someone very naive would fall for that. She let him keep doing it for a few minutes to see if he would loose patience. She lost hers after three minutes.
"If you're done acting like an asshat, can you please 'wake up' now and tell me you've succeeded."
He chuckled and straightened up. "You are right. Only someone naive would fall for it." She scowled, realizing he not only had read her mind but had kept up the charade even afterwards just to see how long she would tolerate it. He laughed a little longer than necessary, and she realized she had just called some gullible person 'naive' indirectly.
"Who?" She felt petulant as she crossed her arms and huffed. What person would really fall for that?
"Who else?" He sounded highly entertained.
"Goddamit." She groaned, pinching her nose. Of course Seras would fall for it. That was the sort of curious person she was. Too innocent for a thief or a potential vampire sometimes. Ducky got away with some really stupid pranks on Seras because of that.
"She thought I looked sweet and innocent asleep." He batted his eyelashes mockingly.
She redirected him, not wanting to think of how her friend was easily tricked at times. It hit home how she herself was conspiring against Seras and her friend would never know. "Did you get it from her? I assumed that is what happened since you called me down here."
"Yes." He looked almost bored and she wondered if he was lying having not elaborated before. After all she had not been able to get Seras to talk about this for over four years.
"Well?" She gestured impatiently, waiting for him to explain. Mistake.
"Well what?" He asked innocently.
"Well, you said 'yes'." She wasn't fooled By the act.
"You said 'yes'?" He asked and she wanted to punch him for the idiot act.
She glared at him and as though chewing the words out, she refused to play his game of verbal tag. "Yes, what?" Seeing his fun ruined he seemed to sigh.
"Seras turned Rosy into a ghoul by accident." She wanted to slap him for how bored he sounded right then... Then what he said registered in her ears.
"A what?" She shrieked. She had seen the thing that Rosy had become but to have such a horrid name applied to it was too much."
"Ghoul. A zombie, if you will. She feels guilty."
And it was no wonder. She herself almost felt sick with guilt.
"She shouldn't." Mona muttered. He looked at her in that maddeningly carefree way till she cracked. "If I had been more honest about Seras's new symptom she would have agreed with me that it was too dangerous. Rosy would have been eleven by now."
"Who did what doesn't interest me. It also won't help Seras." She suppressed her petty anger at the way he brushed aside her pain. He would never care and she knew that he wasn't the one she would want to talk to this about anyways.
"Fine. I will talk to her, encourage her to think about saying 'yes'."
He raised his eyebrow over his glasses. "I seem to remember your promise to get her to say 'yes'. Not think about it.' Despite how mild his tone was, there was a bite waiting for her in there somewhere if she displeased him. She repressed a shiver and tried to inject some levity into the situation.
She rolled her eyes. "If I insist she says 'yes' she will resist. She doesn't like change. Also, she will think that you somehow forced me or put me up to it or hypnotized me into it which won't do this any good. She is resisting out of spite or fear and some pigheadedness on the side. I need to insist that she think about it and because I asked her too, she will think about it. I know if I can get her thinking we will have this in the bag. She's all emotion, action and then thought last. She has always reacted emotionally and then thought about it later. I got to get her to think first."
It took several minutes as he seemed to mull this over. She caught her breath. She had to talk a lot to convince him.
"Very well Simona." He looked so fucking smug. And just like that he had accepted and infuriated her in one breath.
She spluttered. "Goddammit! Stop calling me that! And that's another thing! I don't want her to know. Don't tell her. I'm Mona."
"Ohhh? Blackmail material I see." His eyes flashed eagerly.
"You are a small minded twit. You forget. I have some blackmail material of my own on you."
"What could you possibly know about me that would shut me up?" What she said next made his grin drop.
"Seras and Alucard kissing in the tr-" He growled to interrupt her. She grinned. She was beating him at his own childish sense of humor. "Don't believe me? Oh yes. I would. I most fucking certainly would. Try me. Just try me you diseased foreskin and we will see what she thinks. No calling me 'Simona', no more mentioning my mother, my father, where I'm from. No hints either. Got it?"
He said nothing but she didn't need words to know she had won. It was when he was still talking that he thought he would win. He was sulking quietly like the little blackmailed man-child he was. With considerable cheer she went up the stairs to go eat lunch.
Xxxxxx
Ten weeks of this shit almost made Stan want to beg to be fired. He'd find some quiet job like accounting or a teacher. His boss had shouted at him some. He shouted at his coworkers and they were all wanting to kill him because he was the messenger. He rarely saw his house except for a few seconds while he hurried to get ready. He hadn't gotten laid or had a beer since this whole thing started. He had gotten several threatening phone calls from the father himself and from the sound of things the missing girls father was a mobster with some occult beliefs. He kept mentioning spilling blood and making him suffer for all eternity. The threats, rather than being as ludicrous and superstitious as they should have sounded, were actually rather frightening coming from him.
No headway on the girl. They had found a bunch of teens a week ago during the raid on the warehouse. The small group of policemen his agency had coordinated with arrested the bunch and they now all had social workers or were in rehabilitation homes. There had even been one legal adult with an expired Visa. He was in temporary asylum until they decided what to do with him. He would most likely be deported.
Stan had questioned each of them and had either gotten an angry denial about knowing Seras Holmstead, or an angry insult for even daring to ask a question about Seras Holmstead. It galled him the clear duplicity they were up to. They clearly knew Seras Holmstead and they knew something of her whereabouts but were the reason he had yet to find her. He at first felt gratified that he had found five missing teens that could be returned to their families, but the lack of success in the Holmstead case really made things difficult for him at work.
The only informative response he got was who Seras was with. Mona was a girl who was very close to Seras and they had left the warehouse together seven weeks ago. They had not been back since. He had found a facial match for this Mona as Simona Mihal, a disgraced politicians daughter whose fathers work visa had expired. That last time she had been seen with Seras was on a security camera leaving Thorpe Park. He had managed to locate the tube station they had entered. All that was left was to find out what train they had taken to find out where they had gone. He better get a raise when this was done.
Xxxxxx
"Knock! Knock! Any thieves in here?" She called out teasingly as she entered.
Seras looked marginally better without all the machines surrounding her. Granted some of them were pushed into the corner but at least at the moment none were hooked up to her so ghoulishly. Her skin was pinker which had always been a good sign. Her friends eyes were red rimmed. Mona winced at the sight. Was this too soon? Had Alucard just gotten her to confess earlier? She was indecisive about it but came closer anyways. Seras looked better but she could tell her friend had been crying large amounts. She looked tired and confused. A little lost too.
"Hey." She said quietly, her fingers picking at the blanket pensively. The poor med student she had learned was called Wood came out of the bathroom just then, having washed his hands. He was wearing a yellow cotton gown that tied behind him and a facial mask. He looked at her for a moment and then tipped his chin up dismissively. He went over and spoke to Seras quietly. Mona nearly didn't catch what was said.
"You have twenty minutes of visitation miss Victoria before dialysis."
Mona had never seen Seras look so weak and needy at that news. Her voice cracked slightly and there was a wheedling tone beneath it. "Please sir, can't she stay?"
He faltered slightly and hesitated, clearly torn by the patients needs and her wants, before responding just as quietly. "She will need to wear the gloves, gown and a facial mask. This is not optional. There will be no physical contact in case of further infection. You are still on autoimmune suppressants."
"I am fine with that." Mona relied, revealing she had heard everything.
It rent her apart to see how weak emotionally everything going on had made her friend. She breathed deeply for a moment, comforted that everything would be over soon. Seras would be a vampire, sure, but she would never be sick again. Never have to worry so strongly of her fate. Wood the nurse gestured to the still open door and it was with shame that Mona realized she had blatantly ignored the bright yellow sign proclaiming the necessity of the yellow gowns. For the patients safety it proclaimed. Mona hadn't looked or bothered to read it. She went outside and dug through the drawer.
She picked up the plastic wrapped package and pulled out the cheap thing. It wasn't soft or pretty but she worked to unfold it and put it on over her clothes anyways. There were tabs that secured it over her neck and a tie for around the waist. It was like a robe but one you put on backwards. She immediately discovered she didn't like facial masks but she endured it. There was a hot uncomfortable sensation like suffocating. For Seras though, she would do it. The medium gloves fit though she picked at them constantly to pull them tight. When she was suitably dressed she entered the room again. Wood was handing Seras a Dixie cup and a small boatload of pills like she had gone tricker treating at a pharmacy. She took them all quietly without complaint. He left them alone.
Mona took a folding chair and pulled it close to the bed. She tried to sound light and amused. "So... Have they been giving you anything fun?"
"Does penicillin count?" Seras asked wryly.
"Only if the pool boy in the banana hammock is doing it." Mona quipped back. Gratified to see it working when Seras cracked a smile, Mona kept up the playful banter after Seras's response.
"What? No naughty nurse jokes?"
Mona grinned. "Sadly sweetheart, that stereotype only seems to work with women. Though I will bring you a picture if your male nurse decides to wear fishnets and a garter belt. It's a pity. His name is Wood-y." She waggled her brows.
Seras laughed. It got harder to stop when Mona kept talking. Her voice a falsetto of a helpless damsel.
"Oh nurse Woody! I have a fever that no one but you can cure!"
"Yech! Don't even joke! It would never happen between us ever!"
And there it was. Seras had just presented her a innocuous opportunity to uphold her promise to Alucard in regards to romancing her friend. It was the perfect opportunity.
"Oh? Never?"
"Never! He's so boring and dull!"
"Since you just declared him your last option I bet I can come up more unlikely pairs than him."
"Bring it on!" Seras looked eager to have some fun. At this point she missed even Verona's stupid games.
"You and Superman!"
"No! You and spider woman!"
Mona scoffed derisively. "Are you kidding? I did that last weak!" She teased. "You and the Hulk!"
"Hulk and Spider-Man!"
"Frodo and Sir Integra!"
"You and Walter!"
Mona recoiled in disgust. Walter was a nice person but way too old. "Are you trying to make me puke? I've got one better. You... and Alucard."
It was horrible and satisfying to Mona to know the truth. Someday she would be gone but Seras's feelings would be returned by someone who would protect her always. The mix of blush and an almost hurt look at the idea spoke volumes. The game had been about unlikely pairs and the idea that Seras and Alucard being unlikely had hurt Seras deeply. Mona knew she couldn't change Seras's feelings. She could sabotage Alucard's efforts if she was inclined. Cast him in a harsh light. Make Seras think the worst. She also knew that in the end how Seras felt was how Seras felt. Alucard would win in the end whether she helped or hindered. It was just a feeling she had. Seras hadn't voiced it but she had emotions for Alucard that were more than platonic. Maybe she wasn't aware of it yet.
Seras looked away. "Can we not mention him right now?"
"Does this have anything to do with his offer?" Mona asked, forgetting she wasn't supposed to know.
Seras looked at her sharply."How?"
Realizing her error Mona fessed up but trying to stay humorous so as not to reveal how strained she was from nearly letting slip her collusion. "A little bat told me. It had a little red coat, acted like a pain in my ass and went 'blehblehblah I vant to suck Seras's bluod.'"
Seras didn't smile or laugh. She just looked as lost as before. "I'm scared Mona." She whispered.
"Of What?" Seras remained silent. "Seras please tell me." Still she kept her head down and her fingers clasped from nerves.
Scared? Understandable enough, Mona thought, but what is she scared of specifically?
"Of dying?" She asked, guessing wrong on purpose.
People loved to contradict others. Guess wrong on purpose and the other person would not only correct you but would reveal all in the process. They couldn't help it. They did it almost automatically. Mona was relieved that Seras wasn't exactly dying, but her friend was also facing the change with no master to help her through all the panic and fear Alucard had mentioned. Her friend had no one to help with that. Yet. Seras shook her head and spoke quietly, as if speaking forbidden words.
"I'm not dying. I'm changing, remember?"
"Then you're afraid of changing?" She guessed again. It took a second longer than before for Seras to shake her head. Closer but not quite. Afraid of changing but not dying yet she had said she was scared of something else. A suspicion took root in Mona.
"You're afraid of Alucard then?" She questioned shrewdly.
Seras flinched. She wrung her fingers together and spoke hesitantly and slowly as if the two words were two sentences. "Not... exactly." And then she failed to elaborate further.
Inwardly Mona sighed. This was turning into one of those times where extracting information from Seras made patience not so much a virtue, as a life sentence. It was an exercise in frustration if not futility.
"Tell me."
"I'm afraid to say 'yes' to him." There was a silence as Seras picked at her bed cover, worrying the fabric irritably. Like tearing up blades of grass, she wrung the material between her fingers.
"Why are you afraid to say 'yes'?" Silence. "Do you feel if you don't then you won't change?"
Seras shook her head, starting off slowly. "I'm going to change no matter what. Its... I just... I don't know! Ok?! It's like if I say 'yes' I'm signing away more than just my humanity. I'm signing away me, my freedom and all of my dreams in the process! Sometimes he looks at me like he knows infinitely more about me and everything else than I ever will! I don't like it! It freaks me out! I don't want to live forever! I don't want to know everything!"
"So... then don't." Mona said quietly. Seras blinked at her rapidly as if she was just seeing her finally. It was a painful thing to contemplate in Mona's mind but at this point she would do anything. Offer anything. Say anything. "Take the change Seras. Try it out. If you can't handle it still after a year... We can sit together and watch the sun rise."
"I don't know." She trembled at the idea, looking lost, but Mona was inwardly pleased. This confusion was far better than outright rejection. It meant on some level she was already thinking about her options.
"I think you do know but you're just too scared to admit it. Seras, you will never be alone if you do this. I can come see you all the time. You will have someone to teach you how to handle this. And best of all? You will never get sick ever again!"
Again Seras shook her head but more out of uncertainty than outright refusal. "I-I just don't know."
Mona tried again, desperate to at least get one thing right. "Alright then. Consider this: What do you think it would be like without Alucard to help you?"
Just like that Seras's eyes bugged out for a moment at the thought and her heart monitor spiked momentarily. She shuddered and Mona really wondered what was going through her head right now. Nothing good, for sure, which had been the intended result of Mona's question. How well would Seras manage without Alucard to keep her on the straight and narrow? It was something she herself had avoided contemplating. Seras looked frozen stiff and ready to snap apart if moved, like wet hair in South Dakota.
"It's OK Seras. That's why we are here. We will help you. He will help you. This won't change who you are inside."
There was a raw look in Seras's eye that was so heart wrenchingly tattered when Mona saw it she could barely contain herself from breaking the no contact rule. Her voice small and even meek as her eyes sought out Mona's jaw, apparently too frightened to look her in the eye.
"If- If I d-do this, wil-will you still care?"
The question slapped Mona's face as she found something that had been dancing with Seras's fears gleefully for sometime. She had asked 'would you still care?' But what she had really asked was: 'Will you love me less if I'm not the same as before?' It had never even occurred to Mona that Seras was afraid of this. The concept was too left field to be a possible reality. Didn't Seras realize she had stuck in the game this long because they had a friendship and loyalty too strong to end here? They had been through too much together to let something like this end over changes. Clearly there were certain fears and questions her friend had avoided for the longest time.
"Seras, why would you think that? Why would you ever think that?! I never want to hear that you doubt my sincerity towards you again!"
Almost morose she mumbled out something.
"What was that? Say it again Seras."
"You- you called me a freak. A few weeks back. I had a fever and I heard you. 'What a freak' you said."
Mona couldn't believe this. When had she ever so blatantly broke her friends heart as to make a comment on her humanity? She needed to put this right, right away. "Ne-ver. I have never called you a freak. I would never call you a freak. Read my lips Seras, N-E-V-E-R."
Some heat entered her voice as she defended her account of the event in question. "Yes, you did! It was the time before I had that seizure. You gave me water and called me a freak!"
Mona searched her memory back to the event in question and realized what had happened. She felt relieved to be able to explain this misconception. "Oh thank god. I thought it was something worse." Seras looked almost outraged. Mona held up her hand quickly. "Seras, when you were out there was candy wrappers everywhere, wet rags and the blanket stuffing was coming out. I had been looking around and I said 'what a freaking mess'."
Seras didn't exactly look like she believed her. Mona shook her head. This was a hurt she had kept to herself for a while apparently. A secret little wound she had nursed to perfection. Mona forgoed the rule and grabbed her friends hand to show she was ernest. "Seras, I know for certain that you aren't a monster or freak. You are my friend. There will never be any doubt after now. Right?"
After a moment Seras squeezed back and Mona got the impression she was too choked up to speak but that was fine. Mona just needed to say one more thing before Wood came back with the machines and there would be little privacy.
"You don't have to say 'yes'. There is no 'have to's' or 'musts' or 'should's' with this decision. Promise me though, that you will think about saying 'yes. Please promise me you'll think about it."
The reluctance clear on her face, Seras was quiet. "Ok. I'll think about it."
Pleased at a job well done Mona leaned back, breaking contact, and not a moment too soon. Wood came in with a beast of a machine taller than him and even wider around on a dolly, thankfully unable to see that Mona had been breaking the 'no touching' rule. It was a great big ugly thing that looked like a machinified version of H.P Lovecrafts wet dream, tubes and wires coming out everywhere. He started setting it up. She scooted her chair over, closer to the bed, remembering her other promise to Alucard. She leaned over the railing, keeping her eyes trained on the nurse and whispered conspiratorially.
"So... if Wood here doesn't interest you... who would?"
Out of the corner of her eye she saw Seras give an almost guilty start. Mona grinned. She would keep her promise to Alucard and make Seras regret asking her to stay during dialysis. She would get fun out of it too making her innocent friend blush at increasingly candid questions.
Perfect.
