Ed lay in bed awake, shunted over to the edge. Nightmare Hayate had taken his spot, and the Lieutenant didn't seem interested in returning him to the foot of the bed where the real Hayate had usually slept.
"It's his first night back home." She had said, tucking the pseudo-dog in. "We want him to feel as welcome as possible, and let him know nothing has changed. He should feel safe here."
"If nothing has changed, then why does he get my spot?" Ed had asked himself. He couldn't let his annoyance out just yet. Hawkeye would never believe that the fake Hayate from his nightmares was in her apartment. He rolled over, facing towards Hawkeye and the dog, gently pushing Hayate further away from himself. "How can one stupid puppy take up this much space." He thought. It was remarkable how much he could spread himself out, confining Ed to a small fraction of the bed. Suddenly the dog yelped.
"Ed, please be quiet. I have work in the morning." Riza moaned.
"Me? It was… Hayate." He said, still not wishing to apply that name to the copy in his place.
"You must have leaned on him. Remember his-"
"Yeah, yeah. His paw is sore." Ed interrupted. Right now he wanted to grab the clone dog by his supposedly sore paw and throw him outside by it.
"So long as we're clear. Now scoot over and give him some space. What do you expect is going to happen? You're practically on top of him." She ordered sternly.
Ed really did love Riza. It had happened very suddenly, but he really was head over heels now. But it was hard living with her when she was pampering the dog so much. Even moreso considering it wasn't even really Black Hayate. If only he could show Riza what it was really planning. The evil copy had spilled its guts about its ambitions only a few hours ago. But Riza wasn't there to hear it. He could only imagine how angry she'd be at the stupid fake puppy if she found out it was pretending to be Hayate. It was going to be difficult though, Ed thought, moving a little closer to the edge of the bed. That dog always seemed to be one step ahead. But if he could capture Gluttony, get himself eaten (that part he was not looking forward to) and find a way to reopen that portal on the other side, there was a chance he could get the real Hayate back. "That'll show that stupid copy dog." He grumbled under his breath. Of course Hayate had been gone for days now. Could he breathe inside Gluttony? Could he eat? He had know way of verifying if we was still alive in there. But it was a risk he had to take. Then that other dog would be gone for good.
"Just five more minutes." Ed complained, pulling the duvet over his head. But it was no use. The sun was coming through the curtains and there was no turning back. It was supposed to be his first day back at work since he'd got himself nearly killed at Lab 5. The nightmare Hayate stuck his head under the duvet and licked Ed's face, mockingly. "On second thought, I might just get up now." Ed grumbled, sitting up.
"Hayate!" He heard Riza call from the other room. She didn't sound pleased.
"Oh great. What am I going to get the blame for now?" Ed thought. That dog seemed to be able to do no wrong in her eyes. But when he came into the living room Riza looked angry… at Hayate. She was pointing to a… mess… left on the couch.
"What did you do that for?" She asked Hayate, who had come waddling out, hearing his name. "Bathroom is for outside only." She insisted, pointing at the mess. Hayate whimpered in response. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I've trained you for long enough to know that you do not do that in here." Her tone was cold. She was not going to be won over by whining this time. Even the real Hayate couldn't getting away with going to the bathroom on the furniture.
Ed smiled, stopping himself as soon as he realised. He didn't want Riza to see him finding this amusing. But it looked like he'd found her weakness. She was house-proud. This he could use to his advantage.
"Here, I'll take care of that. You get your shower." Ed said, trying to sound genuine.
"No. He's my dog. I can't expect you to clean up after him." She put her head in her hands apathetically. "I'm mean there's no cleaning it anyway. It's ruined. I can't afford to replace the couch now."
"I'll pull some strings." Ed shrugged. "Find some loophole and take it out of my research money."
Riza smiled back at him. "That's very sweet, Ed. But we can't have you spending the state's money on cleaning up after my puppy."
"Why not? You work hard enough, and it's not like they spoil you with their salary."
"Tell me about it." She sighed. It was true. Riza worked as hard as anyone in the military. But even as a Lieutenant, she wasn't particularly well paid. "It's not like him at all. He knows he's not supposed to do that. I spent weeks teaching him when I first got him. I really don't want to have to go through that again. I'll be honest, after the first week I was ready to let him go."
Ed was enjoying hearing this. Now it was him who was the good guy and nightmare Hayate who was to blame.
"I let a few people take a look at him. I had a couple of offers, and I was very close to moving him on. But the Colonel convinced me to give him another chance. Soon enough he picked it up." She smiled.
Ed felt bad now. He was torn. On the one hand, he hated nightmare Hayate. He was pure evil. He'd basically confessed. But Riza loved the real Hayate, and she thought this was him. "Like I said, I'll take care of it. Go get your shower and get ready."
When she was out of the room he turned to Black Hayate and smirked. "I thought I heard you by the front door after we'd gone to bed. Not so easy, is it? The body of a little puppy isn't very good at holding when it needs to go to the bathroom. It takes quite a lot of practice, and you're not used to this body. Are you going to be able to wait all day until Lieutenant Hawkeye gets home?" He asked in a hushed tone, still sounding quite taunting. "The real Black Hayate can. It's going to give the game away sooner or later."
Nightmare Hayate looked worry. "Well, I guess you'll just have some more cleaning up to do later then, won't you." He teased with an evil grin.
Ed frowned at fetched a basin and some rubber gloves from the kitchen. He'd have the last laugh in the end, but in the meantime this was not going to be enjoyable.
