Looking Out


"Why is everyone staring at me?" Freddie asked, returning to school the next week, sitting down at the lunch table with Jenny and Lucy. She didn't know if it was just her mind playing tricks with her or if everyone really was staring at her.

"No one is staring." Jenny shook her head.

"They are." Freddie whispered, looking around the tables, "Is this how you get attention in this school? Try and kill yourself?" She asked them, shaking her head.

"No one is staring, Freddie. It's fine." Lucy nodded, "It's just in your head."

"Yeah, maybe." Freddie nodded, "My dad wants me to see the school councillor as well as the therapist I'm seeing outwith school. He thinks this place is what makes me… I don't know, like triggered." She said.

"Maybe it's a good idea." Jenny nodded, "It's not like you need help with school work but… just to talk to someone about how you're feeling, you know you can always talk to us but… I know it's not an easy thing to do." She said.

"I might go during my free period later, just to meet her." Freddie shrugged just as she watched a group of girls from over in the popular area walk over, "Someone will have to hold me back if they start talking shit." Freddie whispered to her friends, watching as the girls stood in front of the table.

"You can't do anything right, can you?" One of them laughed, "Can't even kill yourself properly." She shook her head as Freddie put her sandwich down and looked up, "How does it feel?" She asked, "Knowing that you could have… you could have died and no one here would have given a crap. We would all carry on like normal, as if nothing even happened." She smiled.

"You're just sour I poured a drink over you." Freddie mumbled.

"Yeah well I put that down to you being a psychopath." The girl shook her head, "Seriously, they have special schools for people like you-"

"People like me?" Freddie stood up from the chair, looking across at the girls whilst she watched other members of the group join and stand behind.

"I think it's time you get a taste of your own medicine." The girl said, "Well… we know you're already on psycho medicine." She smiled as they laughed, "Someone grab her."

Freddie gulped a little, suddenly feeling smaller than ever, taking a step back as she looked at them all, suddenly she had this anxiety she'd never felt before. She didn't know whether to run or hide, but she didn't have to.

"How about you lot take a seat."

Freddie turned around, watching as the group of Raven's who sat over by the corner walked over. They sported ripped up clothes, leather jackets, caps and hats and put the fear of God in everyone.

The group facing Freddie immediately lost their smirks as the Raven's stood behind Freddie.

"Nice to know the bikers have your back, Freddie." The girl nodded, backing away slowly as they all split whilst Freddie turned around to the whole group of guys and girls who very rarely even acknowledged her.

"What… why did you do that?" Freddie asked them.

"Family takes care of family." One of them, Rocky, nodded.

"I'm not… I don't have the-"

"We know who your old man is." Rocky said, "We respect him, and we respect you."

"You don't know me." Freddie laughed a little.

"Just… take the help or get beat up next time." Rocky said bluntly as Freddie looked at him, raising her eyebrows and tilting her head a little.

"My dad told you to keep an eye on me, didn't he?" Freddie guessed.

"No." Rocky scoffed.

"Did he pay you?" Freddie asked.

"No." Rocky said, "Can't you just take the help when it's offered." He said.

"Not if it's not sincere." Freddie said, "Next time just let me get beat up." She shook her head, grabbing her bag from the lunch table, pushing by them all and leaving the cafeteria.


"You told them to keep an eye on me?!" Freddie yelled, throwing her bag down as she walked into the kitchen where Punk was standing.

"No." Punk said.

"Yeah, you did. Otherwise they wouldn't have gave two shits. What do you think is gonna happen to me? I know how to defend myself."

"I just thought that maybe you'd get some slack coming back and I didn't want it to… set you back. You've been doing good, so I asked Rocky and his friends to just… keep an eye out, nothing too dramatic."

"You're so weird. You just called up a teenage boy and his pals and asked him to keep an eye on me?"

"It's not weird. I saw them at the owl. They asked me how you were, that they hadn't saw you in school, I told them what had happened and I just asked them to keep an eye out. I know you don't need protection, don't get offended, but I know how rotten teenagers, especially ones from the north can be." He said, "Plus, don't you wanna get to know them a little more?"

"What the hell happened to… you don't have to be a Raven and it's your choice?" Freddie asked.

"It is your choice but I just wanted you to be ok at school, Fred. Is that such a crime?" Punk asked her as she just shook her head.

"I don't need protection from your little minions." Freddie said as Punk made a face.

"My minions?" Punk asked.

"Yeah, your little people who do all your dirty work." Freddie said.

"Hold on, wait… wait a minute." Punk put his hand up, "Since when have I turned into a bad guy?" He asked, "I just told Rocky to keep an eye on you, Freddie, not kidnap you and make you sit with them in all classes." Punk said, "You were the one who said you wanted the tattoo, you wanted to be in with the group."

"That was before I knew my dad was a murderer." Freddie said as Punk folded his arms.

"Are you serious?" Punk looked at her sternly, "What the hell is wrong with you?" He asked her, "In case you haven't noticed, there's a lot of shit going on right now and the last thing I want is for something to happen to you, so yeah I asked a couple of kids to check in on you, I don't know why you're taking it to heart." Punk said as Freddie just folded her arms.

"Are you worried?" She asked him.

"What?" Punk shook his head.

"Are you worried about this? All of this that's going on." Freddie said, "Cause I am, I'm worried my dad is gonna get arrested and took to prison. You're all I have."

"I'm not going anywhere." Punk said. He got the impression she thought that he was worried and that's why he had told Rocky to keep an eye on Freddie. He wasn't. He really just wanted to make sure nothing bad happened at school, he knew it wasn't her favourite place in the world.

"But you could. You could go to prison." Freddie said, "And I… I might not see you again."

"Freddie, look at me." Punk said, "I'm not going anywhere. As long as your mom plays it cool, and me and Julio find a way to get those videos, no one is going anywhere." Punk nodded, "I'm gonna go see your mom tonight, Julio is gonna come, we're gonna figure something out."

"Can I come?" Freddie asked.

"What'd I say last week?" Punk told her, "I don't want you involved. You focus on school, your health, the less people involved, the better." Punk nodded.

"You'd say that anyway." Freddie said.

"No. I wouldn't. Trust me. It's all gonna be ok." He nodded as Freddie just sighed, "It'll be over soon."

"It better be." Freddie sighed.


It had been a few months after AJ had disappeared. Punk was still staying at his parents' house with Freddie, trying to work as many shifts as possible in order to somehow put in for a place of his own with Freddie. He never once gave up on her. It was hard considering he was dealing with the fact AJ had pretty much just walked off the face of the earth with absolutely no explanation.

Although he was doing his best, sometimes he got lost, confused and simply just tired. Sometimes he'd deliberately let Freddie cry until someone else picked her up if he was in bed, or he would happily let his mom take her for a full day just so he wouldn't have had to get mixed up with her feeding times, or he'd ask for help trying to bath her, but really just let his mom do everything whilst he sat watching. He didn't believe he was an awful father, but he was a kid, and he was alone.

Julio and Toni had noticed Punk's almost lack of effort towards caring for Freddie. He wasn't abandoning her or neglecting her by any means, but her certainly wasn't taking full control of her, and they had summoned Punk one night to have a conversation with him. They knew it was hard for him. No one really spoke about AJ. Her exit was a shock to all of them, especially when there was a baby involved, but Toni didn't want her son to feel any sort of pressure, and the last thing she wanted was for him to feel alone.

"What's going on?" Punk asked, sitting down at the kitchen table as his parents stood over across from him. Freddie was in bed, he only knew that because his mom had told him when he got in the door. She'd taken care of her all day.

"We… need to have a little chat." Toni nodded to him, "First of all, this is not us trying to… hurt your feelings or imply that... you aren't a good father, because you are, we know that." Toni said as Punk looked on with confusion, "But… I want you to know that if you're finding this hard, which I can only imagine just how hard it is… me and your father… we don't mind taking custody of Freddie-"

"Excuse me?" Punk laughed a little.

"Now don't get mad." Julio warned, "We're saying this for your best interest and Freddie's. We're not getting on at you but… well you're not as involved with her as you were when April was here. You barely spend time with her, Phil." Julio admitted as Punk just shook his head.

"So your solution is to just take her from me?" Punk asked.

"No, that's not it, it just means we would be her legal guardians if anything were to happen." Toni said, "We know this is hard for you and the last thing I want is for you to be in a position you aren't comfortable in."

"I am fine." Punk warned, "You're not taking my kid from me. She's the only thing that's keeping me going, and you think taking her from me is gonna help? I just don't know what I'm doing yet. I don't know… how warm or cold her baths are supposed to be or… or what time her feeds are all at or… or where abouts you put that rash cream on… in case you both haven't noticed, this is my first time having a kid, and I'm also pretty alone in it." He said.

"We're here." Julio said.

"You know what I mean." Punk said, "And I'm trying to work as much as I can so I can actually move into my own place with her. So no, you guys taking her from me, that's not a good idea because then I'll have nothing else to go on for-"

"Phil don't say it like that." Toni sighed, "I just thought it would maybe ease your stress."

"I got a daughter. I'm always gonna be stressed, it's fine." Punk nodded, "You guys are doing all you can and I appreciate it, helping me when I'm at work, taking over when I don't know what I'm doing-"

"Getting up at 4am because you're ignoring her." Julio added, "If you wanna move into your own place, that's you doing this on your own."

"Yeah I know that dad." Punk looked up at him, "But you're not taking her from me, no way. I'll learn as I go. I'm… I'm eighteen years old. The first time I ever held a baby was holding Freddie. I don't know these things like April did… she just… she just picked it up-"

"She was a natural." Toni nodded to herself. When AJ was with them with the baby for the first few months, she really was a great mother, it came natural to her and for that reason, Punk felt more at ease, it seemed now that he had just gone five gigantic steps backwards.

"Yeah and she's not here now." Punk said, standing up, "I'm gonna be fine. Your help is appreciated from time to time but I don't need you to take over and take her-"

"Phil that's not what we meant." Toni sighed.

"I know it's not, and I appreciate the concern, but I'm gonna be fine and so is Freddie." Punk nodded, "I'm… I'm going to bed. I've been working all day." He told them, leaving the kitchen as Julio and Toni turned to one another and sighed.


A/N: Thanks for all the positive reviews! I appreciate the feedback and I'm glad you're enjoying! Lots to come. Will Freddie do as she is told? Punk Julio and AJ formulate a plan. Will it work? And lots more.