DISCLAIMER: In addition to not owning Harry Potter or any of its characters, mores the pity, I also do not own the Rocky Horror Picture Show or any variation thereof. Including this ridiculously butchered version of it. Also mores the pity.
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Number 46: It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself too seriously.
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Seamus' step faltered. He gave a slightly nervous look to the boy beside him. "Why am I doing this again?"
Harry giggled. "Because I bought a new whip for Hermione and am holding it ransom."
"Right." Seamus sighed; his eyes going slightly out of focus. "An excellent reason."
Dean sighed, removing Harry's hand from where it was absently rubbing his arm. "I'm not Draco remember?" He patted Harry's shoulder consolingly. "But you can partner with him in class."
Green eyes brightened considerably. "Looking forward to it."
The Gryffindors and Slytherins walking towards the dungeons exchanged worried looks. Except for Pansy and Daphne. They were too busy adjusting the clothing under their robes and fussing with their hair. Not that anyone paid them the slightest bit of notice with the way Harry kept breaking into random giggles and Neville muttered to himself. Almost as though he were memorizing lines. Snape gave them all suspicious looks as they trooped into the class; Neville choosing to sit near the door with Daphne, Harry sitting next to Draco, Seamus and Dean sitting together in the center of the room. The potion of the day was barked out; the students getting to work while Snape retreated behind his desk and glared at everyone.
Seamus rolled his eyes. "Hot damn! Is Lucius still not putting out?" The class seemed to stop breathing. Snape went white with fury as he slowly stood.
"Nah," Millicent Bulstrode offered, not taking her eyes from the potion gently simmering before her. "I know the signs of sexual frustration and that's not it. He's probably just annoyed that Potter's still breathing."
"Ah," Harry nodded, smiling at Draco while his blond continued glaring at Seamus. "So, the usual then." He shook his head regretfully, turning his attention to the man trembling with rage at the front of the class. No one appeared to notice when Neville slipped quietly out the door or Pansy and Daphne met in the back of the classroom. "You know sir," Harry continued conversationally, "it really is a bad idea to take yourself so seriously."
"Exactly," Dean nodded in agreement; swallowing convulsively after the teacher sent him one of his refined death glares. He bravely continued on. "One might presume you aren't human."
No one would admit to seeing who cast it, but two whispered spells later Snape stood before them in heeled black boots, fishnet stockings, silky black panties, a black bustier, and fishnet finger less gloves. Snape, along with the majority of the Slytherins seemed frozen in shock. "I knew it!" Lavender Brown shrieked; jumping to her feet to point at Snape. "I knew you looked too much like Frank-N-Furter for it to be merely coincidence!"
Parvati Patil's eyes were wide with shock. "You mean the Rocky Horror Show is based on fact?"
Seamus' eyes filled with tears. He turned to Harry, giving him a pleading look. "Darling, I swear! He seduced me! I had no choice!"
Harry glared at Seamus. "Don't lie! I saw everything! You wanted it to happen!" Turning to Draco, a muttered spell transfigured his proper school robes into a gold Speedo. Without missing a beat, Harry shoved his potions supplies onto the floor and lay down on top of it; pulling Draco atop his body while singing 'Creature of the Night.'
Snape appeared to snap out of his stupor at the sight. "Mr. Potter!" He glared when his wand was suddenly transfigured into an ice axe.
The roar of a motorcycle filled the classroom seconds before a leather clad Neville burst through the door. Daphne, now sporting a slightly altered French maid's uniform, let out an undignified squeal and shrieked. "It's Eddie!" Pansy, standing beside her wearing striped shorts, a gold brocade vest, and a sparkly gold top hat, clapped her hands in excitement.
Draco, still clad in his gold Speedo, managed to shove himself off Harry. "What the hell?"
"I can answer that!" Dean revealed; a glamour dropping over his features.
"Dr. Everett Scott!" Harry and Seamus chimed in unison.
"Who?" Theodore Nott looked entertained but confused.
"Our old science teacher," Seamus explained loftily.
"But secretly," Dean cackled, waving his wand threateningly, "I am a scientist trying to take down Frank N Furter."
"What?" Draco looked between the groupings of students in shock.
"He created you Rocky," Harry explained with a wink.
"No he didn't." Still confused, Draco ignored the way Harry's hands were roving over his body. "Narcissa and Lucius created me. It's a well documented fact."
Harry chose to ignore the perplexed blond. "Places!" he shouted.
The desks closest to Harry were shoved backwards. Harry, Pansy, Daphne, Dean, Seamus, and even Lavender and Parvati once they figured out what was going on, all stood in uniform fashion. "It's just a jump to the left," Seamus started.
"And then you step to the ri – i- i- i- i- i – ight," Pansy sang.
"Put your hands on your hips," Dean instructed.
Pansy smirked at Draco. "And bring your knees in tight."
"But it's the pelvis thrust," Parvati chimed in.
"That really drives you insa –a – a- a - a- ane!" Daphne belted out.
Harry led the way, shimmying and spreading his spirit fingers over his head as they all chorused; "Let's do the time warp again!"
They jumped to the side in tandem with the music in their head while the Muggle born students sang along and bopped in time to the beat. This time Lavender was in the lead as they repeated; "Let's do the time warp again!"
Snape glared at his students, taking a threatening step towards the closest one. Which just happened to be Neville. "Eddie!" Daphne wailed; pulling at her hair in distress.
Pansy and Daphne turned to Professor Snape holding Superman shield blaster water guns. "You need to go back where you came from!" they yelled; before soaking him. Another whispered spell and a blinding flash of light and burst of smoke covered the room. Snape choked; waving his hands to clear the room. When he finally regained visibility, all the students were properly attired and sitting complacently at their desks working on their potions.
"Are you all right, sir?" Pansy looked at the Potions Master in concern. "You seem rather flushed."
Snape looked down, his hands patting his sides where he was once again attired in his traditional heavy teaching robes. He looked at his wand; the ice axe having disappeared and his traditional wand firmly clenched in his hands. "You look a bit distressed. Maybe you should go to the kitchens and have some cheese," Harry offered. "I love cheese. I find it a great comfort food."
"Cheese?" Seamus snorted. "Don't you mean maybe he should go back to his chambers? I'm sure Lucius has his own brand of 'comfort food' to calm the professor down."
"Perhaps you do need a break, sir." Daphne was all innocence as she prevented Neville from making a foolish mistake with their cauldron. "It's been well documented that not taking breaks at regular intervals can lead to emotional and physical distress."
"Distress," Snape repeated blankly, falling weakly back onto his desk.
"It's true sir," Neville piped up. "Some people experiencing extreme stress even report hallucinations."
"Hallucinations," Snape repeated once again. He looked back down at his wand, his clothes, and around the perfectly undisturbed classroom. "Right." He turned Draco, choosing to accept the blonds' expression of confusion as another example of his mind playing tricks on him. "I need a drink. Draco, you're in charge of the classroom. No fires." With that he turned and walked out the door, pausing to shift uncomfortably as the silk underwear crept up his behind.
In the silence that followed their teacher's departure, Seamus turned to Harry with a pleading expression. "You did very well," Harry grinned approvingly. "It's under my bed wrapped in a bright red bag." Seamus whooped and raced out of the classroom.
Draco found his voice as last. "Are you going to tell me what that was all about?"
"That depends." Harry shrugged. "You going to tell me if my spell work was correct and you are still wearing the gold Speedo?" Without a word Draco stood and exited the classroom; Harry right on his heels.
Neville looked immeasurably satisfied. "Who knew dressing up with leather and entering the classroom on a motorcycle would make Snape crack?"
Ron looked between his friends in shock. "Wait," he muttered, scratching at his head. "I'm confused. If Snape's not the bottom, why was he wearing knickers?"
Dean sighed, kicking his feet up on his desk as he doodled on a sketch pad. Snape was gone; why work? "Nothing wrong with a bit of experimentation, Ron."
