Sorry.
As he sat in the back of the taxi, he was deep in thought. The entire afternoon had been a surreal experience one that he was not quite ready to talk about yet. He still was unsure if fate had brought him on that journey or if somehow his subconscious had spurred him on.
Whatever the case, it had stirred up a lot of emotions. It had also shown him just how much he had changed since his accident. Things he had once aspired to now seemed irrelevant. Juxtaposed to that, what he now valued, he would once have laughed at. He wondered what had really brought him to Chicago. As he sat there, he wondered if Neela had indeed been the real draw. Maybe she had just been an excuse. He held his head in his hands.
Ideally, he would have preferred a simpler life so why was he complicating it so unnecessarily. Neela was at home waiting for him. That should have made him happy. Instead, he felt uneasy about it. He really did not know what sort of a reception to expect but that was not the cause of his unease.
Whatever way Neela chose to react to his protracted absence was entirely understandable, indeed justified. He would be contrite and apologise because, oversight or not, he had been very inconsiderate. He had not even thought to leave a note to say he was heading out. Then he simply disappeared for hours on end. How could he have been so thoughtless?
The feeling of unease he had before leaving the apartment had returned with a vengeance and he dreaded the thought of spending time with Neela. This puzzled him greatly. All he knew was that he was now even more perturbed than when he left earlier in the afternoon. He did not understand what was wrong. All he knew was his emotions were in absolute turmoil.
There was no more time to ponder. He had arrived. He paid the taxi driver and got out. First, he had to deal with Neela and without going into detail try to explain what had happened this afternoon. He knew also that he would have to have a more in-depth conversation with her before he left for home. First things first. Right now, he had to deal with the consequences of his disappearance this afternoon. He braced himself and prepared for the tirade.
As he put the key in the lock, he was feeling equal parts anxious and guilty. at the same time he felt strangely deflated. He took a deep breath and smiled nervously. It was just nine o'clock as he stepped into the living room.
The first thing he noticed was the smell of cooking. If his sense of smell was accurate then she had cooked something Indian. Then he saw the dinner table set for a romantic dinner for two. Now he felt worse than when he put the key in the lock.
There was no tirade. The stereo was on full blast. She was standing by the stove stirring a pot but she didn't turn around. He presumed she had not heard him over the noise of the extractor fan and the music.
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She heard him come through the door but she pretended not to. She continued to stir the pot and tried to remain composed but the tears burned. She'd let him do the talking. She sensed him coming closer but still she did not acknowledge him. Eventually he called out her name.
"Neela, I'm so sorry. I really have no excuse. I simply can't explain what happened this afternoon. I just…"
She turned suddenly and he could see the tears in her eyes.
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"You just, what? Let me guess," she commented sarcastically, "you had an epiphany and found yourself just having to respond to some mystical call."
He gasped.
She noted the look of surprise and puzzlement that crossed his face.
"I… I guess that's as good an explanation as any," he said.
Now it was her turn to look puzzled.
"Wh… what do you mean?"
He stared at his hands,
"I'm sorry Neela, I guess its just being back in Chicago, my emotions are all over the place today. I… can't really talk about it right now. I…I don't really understand what's going on. But I had kind of a weird day."
"I was so worried. I didn't know what to think. I really thought something awful had happened." Her voice quivered. "Then when I discovered you had left your phone behind …," her bottom lip trembled, she put her hands to her face and the tears began to flow.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't know I'd forgotten it. As soon as I realised I phoned the ER to ask someone to contact you. Sam did phone you?"
She nodded but said nothing. He started to cry silently as he felt the enormous gulf opening between them and knew that she could feel it too.
They stood there for what seemed an eternity in awkward silence both allowing the tears to flow. Finally, she looked up wiped her eyes and asked,
"Are you hungry?"
Without waiting for a response, she started to dish up the food. She handed him a plate of food without looking at him and he took it to the table and sat. She turned to fill her own plate, which she brought to the table. She went to the fridge and took out two beers and then took a bottle opener from the cutlery drawer and opened both before joining Ray at the table.
They ate in silence. When he had finished he took a swig of his beer and said shyly.
"Neela, that food was really good."
She looked up and smiled sadly, "it was my grandmother's recipe."
She laughed quietly, "my mother cooks it instinctively but she had to write out the recipe in great detail for me. Thankfully, I got it right. Would you like another beer?" she asked politely.
"No thanks, I'm good."
'What's wrong?' he wondered, 'we're behaving like a pair of strangers.'
They sat in silence once more.
Eventually Neela stood up to clear the table and Ray stood to help her.
When they had loaded the dishwasher, she looked up at him.
"I think, I'll head to bed, I'm exhausted."
"Sure," he shrugged.
"Could you sleep out here tonight?" she asked awkwardly.
"Y… yes, of course, I understand."
"Well, I don't," she turned away as the tears started to flow once more.
She couldn't look him in the eye as she said,
"I'll get you some bedclothes."
She went to the airing cupboard and returned with a pillow, quilt and under sheet.
"Thanks, I… need to get my things from your room too."
"Ya, sure, go right ahead," she said despondently as she headed toward the bathroom.
When she returned to the living room, he was finishing getting his bed ready.
"Goodnight Ray," she called quietly as she went into her bedroom.
"Goodnight."
He stopped himself saying, sleep tight.
It didn't seem appropriate under the circumstances.
After she went to bed, he sat staring into space for a long time. He just could not make sense of what had happened in the course of the day and he really had no idea what he was going to do next.
