A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in a couple of days. I've had a lot on my mind and I'm going off my Tourette's medication, so I've been driving myself crazy. I hope to start up writing more often.
03/03/2015
Dear Baby,
We've been having weekly ultrasounds to keep check on the placenta previa. I'm still bleeding every once in awhile, but it is lessening which is good. We get to find out what gender you are in four weeks and I can't wait to start decorating the nursery and buying more clothes. Your dad and I decided to buy a crib though. It's very beautiful. It's a cherry wood and has wonderfully ornate carvings in it. It looks like artwork and I almost didn't want to get it because I thought it was too expensive, but your dad insisted.
Even though we have money, I don't want you to ever be a spoiled, rich kid. I want you to go to college, work hard for your money, and do something you are passionate about. Having a purpose in life makes it much more fulfilling.
Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if my mother had not died. I imagine I would have become a lawyer just like her and my dad. I imagine I would be fighting for justice, just like I am now. I might have even been rich on my own accord, because we all know police officers don't make great money. The problem I see though is I would have never met your dad. You wouldn't be in existence. I'm sure your dad would say that we were meant to be together and we would have found each other someway, somehow, but what if we hadn't? I would have never experienced everything I have gained in the last 6 years. My mother may have been still here, and I desperately wish she still was, but what if her dying was meant to happen? What if there was a plan after all? I would hate for you to think that my life is better because my mom died, because in some ways it isn't and I miss her and need her more than ever, but in other ways if she hadn't died you wouldn't be here. I think my mom would have preferred that her grandchild existed than herself. It's the sacrifice mother's would do for their children. I would do that for you in a heartbeat. I remember taking a biology class in college where they said that the main purpose in animals is to perpetuate the species. Animals want to ensure their offspring survive so they pick mates with stronger characteristics of survival. It's natural selection.
That will be your science lesson for the day, but I must go to bed now. So, goodnight my dear baby.
Remember I will love you for always.
Love, Mom
