Stay with Me
Thanksgiving Kiss
Casey tried his best to take part in the small Thanksgiving celebration Severide had organised, he'd even managed to put some of the autumnal leaf style paper bunting around the hospital room. Casey had smiled at that when he woke to discover him hanging some of it on the infusion pump stand next to the bed.
"Penultimate twenty-four hours," Severide had said, smiling at him. Most of those hours were spent curled up on his side, hoody and beanie on, with his stomach cramping, destroying all hope he'd had of a relaxed day, eating the food the Herrmanns had sent Severide over with, and watching movies.
Severide felt useless, nothing he was doing felt like it was helping Casey right now. He'd left him alone for a short while earlier on in the afternoon, to give him some privacy as his body reacted to the poison running through his veins. Casey had been grateful, but it wasn't like he could hide anything that was happening to him, not unless he pushed Severide away, and he wasn't going to do that, he didn't want to do that.
"Kel… I'm not kicking you out, but don't feel obligated to stay…"
"I don't feel…"
"If I was you, I'd hate not being able to do something. We rescue people for a living, we fix stuff… you can't rescue me or fix anything right now. Wish I could fix it, it feels like I'm doing nothing whilst everyone else is… well, doing everything." Casey sniffed and wiped his nose on his hoody sleeve, screwing his eyes closed for a few moments to try and clear his vision.
"I do feel useless, doesn't mean I'd rather not be here… I'd feel even more useless at home," Severide admitted in response.
A smile graced Casey's face. "Remember last thanksgiving?" he asked, recalling the birth on the highway, the nausea he felt now almost forgotten.
"That's something I'm never gonna forget…"
"Me too… it was so scary, I didn't know what I was doing, so much could have gone wrong, and then it was amazing. Never thought I'd deliver a baby," Casey responded.
Severide was just looking at him, smiling.
"What is it?" Casey asked him.
"Just… the look on your face when you think about kids," he replied, still smiling.
"I have a look?"
"Yeah, you have this look, almost content," Severide tried to explain.
"Only almost?" he repeated.
"It makes you look happy," Severide told him.
"Don't I usually look happy?"
"Most the time you have the weight of the world your shoulders… don't worry you're pretty good at hiding it," Severide added.
"You notice a lot," he commented.
Severide nodded. "About you, yeah."
Casey swallowed and looked away from Severide's gaze, not wanting to say or do something he would regret. But would he regret it? Would he regret leaning in and kissing Severide's soft lips? Would he regret running a hand through his short dark hair? Looking down he could see Severide's hand still resting on the bed, and slowly, still gazing intently at Severide's hand, Casey reached out and hesitantly took hold of it in his own.
Severide squeezed his hand back, and smiled, although Casey's eye contact was fleeting. He felt like a nervous teenager; his stomach was fluttering like there were a hundred butterfly wings inside. He could see how tired Casey was though, and he knew it wasn't just his feelings that were causing him to struggle with eye contact.
He cleared his throat and spoke to Casey. "Do you want erm… do you want your earplugs?"
"Earplugs?" Casey repeated, his heart fluttering still.
"So you can sleep a little better," he explained. "You look like you need some rest."
"Are you leaving?"
"No… unless you want me to?" Severide asked him, feeling like it was a conversation they had almost every time he was with Casey.
Casey shook his head, smiling a little.
"I promise you'll wake up," Severide said, sensing Casey's hesitancy.
"Still in two minds about that…"
Severide pulled his mask down, his lips turned upwards, and he leant forwards to place a chaste kiss on Casey's forehead. Replacing the surgical mask, he sat back without saying a word, watching Casey's reaction.
Casey's face was unreadable and there was silence for the longest moment before he spoke. "Do it again."
"I don't want to make you sick," Severide responded with a small shake of his head.
A huff of laughter escaped Casey before he leant forward and pulled the surgical mask away, planting his lips gently on Severide's. It was short and sweet. Then his weight rested on Severide, leaning into him and relaxing as Severide put his arms around him, holding him softly. Casey fell asleep like that, Severide could tell by his slow breathing, so he gently laid him back into the pillows.
Catalina entered Casey's room quietly, the lights were dimmed and the blind closed even though it was the middle of the day. She didn't know it was the anniversary of his father's death, but Severide did, and he'd FaceTimed him for an hour that morning, not mentioning the 'dad' word, just spending the time distracting him, sad to hear that his mouth was sore again, Severide knew how badly he had struggled with it last time. Catalina had interrupted their conversation, there to give Casey his last infusion of his current round of chemotherapy. He'd fallen asleep not too long after that, happy to ignore the world for now, and had been dozing on and off since.
She smiled when she saw Casey's eyes were open as she checked his central line, she bent down a little so she met them with her own. "How you doing?" she asked in a hushed tone.
He just nodded a little in response.
"Someone's come to see you, up for a visit?"
"Chaplain?" he asked quietly.
"Heather," she told him.
He cleared his throat. "Not showered…" he muttered, hairless brows furrowed in muddled thought.
"I don't think she'll mind, sounds like she really wants to see you, but if you don't want to, I can give her an excuse…"
He shook his head, sitting up a little. Catalina passed him a face wipe so he could feel a little more human at least, she rearranged and tidied the bed sheets once she had adjusted the bed so he was sitting up now. He brushed his teeth, rinsing and spitting into the bowl she was holding up for him before she left to fetch his visitor. He slipped one of his beanie hats over his head, it wasn't going to make him look any less sick, but it felt like the least he could do to make himself feel less self-conscious about his appearance.
"Heather," Casey greeted, trying to look enthusiastic when she entered his room. "You look good, you've changed your hair."
"You changed yours too," Heather said, smiling as she sat down by the bed, a surgical mask covering the lower half of her face.
He grinned back at her. "Yeah, less effort."
She remained smiling but didn't quite meet Casey's eyes, the situation being a little uncomfortable because it was hard to see him like this. He was too tired to notice though. "Erm…" she began, opening up her bag. "The boys made some cards for you."
She showed them to him briefly before putting them on the side.
"They're great, tell them that I loved them. How are they doing?"
"Really good, they're both doing so well in school this year, after everything… I'm proud of them," she responded, nodding.
"You should be, you're doing great with them," he responded.
"They've missed you coming around," she told him. "They wanted to come and visit when I explained everything, I thought it was best to keep them away… for now."
"Tell them I'll try and see them when I get out of here, unless… well, erm… might not be nice seeing me like this…"
"I don't think it matters to them, it'll be good for all of you to see each other," she replied.
Casey nodded, eyes closing for a short time.
"I'll… I'll leave you to it…"
"You can stay if you want, or not… I just tend to fall in and out of sleep," he said.
She smiled. "I'll stay then."
"Won't be offended if I wake up and your gone though."
Chuckling at him she responded, "Get some rest before you fall asleep mid-sentence."
Heather sat with him for a while, looking through one of the magazines Shay must have left behind, wondering if Casey had been desperate enough for entertainment to flip through it as well.
She almost jumped when Catalina entered, doing her usual checks. "Sorry," the nurse began. "He can be quite a light sleeper so I try to be as quiet as possible."
Heather shook her head. "I was just too engrossed in the latest celebrity gossip… I can step outside…"
"No need, just checking on everything," Catalina explained.
"How… erm… how is he doing?" she asked Catalina. "He doesn't talk."
"I noticed," Catalina responded.
"He's been so good to me since my husband… he died on the job last year, working with Matt."
Catalina nodded sympathetically. "He's doing well, he has a few more rounds of consolidation chemo, that's to help make sure the cancer doesn't come back…"
"It's gone?"
"Mostly, but he has to keep going with the treatment for a while," she explained.
"So, this is good," Heather commented.
"He's doing well, it's really hard but so far he's on track," she told her.
"Good… good… I know people must say it all the time but, well, he's such a great person, and he's already been through a lot…" She swallowed, feeling her emotions bubbling up inside. "Can't lose him, not after my husband… erm… I should go, I need to pick up my youngest…" Heather said as she checked her watch and stood up. She held Casey's hand briefly, and then said her farewells to the nurse.
Catalina finished her checks, she made sure Casey seemed comfortable and let him continue to rest.
TBC
