Notes --

As a general rule, just remember … I seldom know what the hell I'm talking about. So if it's not accurate, just go with it. 'Kay?

This is not a test, so I'll take partial credit if it's half right. (I'm that desperate for approval. Sad, I know.)

I don't own GH or the characters (still just borrowing and returning, though Jason may be a bit more disheveled than the rest when I put him back), just my little story.

Making A Memory

Chapter 28

The familiar sight of an interrogation room didn't hold the usual annoyance for Jason as he sat in the stiff plastic chair. He stared blankly at the metal table before him, ignoring the detective who continued to ask questions in a way he probably thought was clever. He'd given the same single sentence answer he always gave when dragged into a police station and been silent ever since.

"I have nothing to say without my lawyer."

It was an automatic response that he'd uttered without conscious thought. In truth what the police thought or accused him of had no place in his mind. All that consumed him was the face of the woman he loved.

He didn't even have the comfort of a pleasant picture to concentrate on. The one he saw was of her still body and pale skin on a concrete floor. It tore at his gut and made his blood rush with anger.

He knew when he got his hands on Mark Greer that the cops would really have something to talk to him about. That's if they managed to find enough of the bastard to build a case with.

The detective finally tired of trying to wrest answers from him and left the room. Once alone he looked up at the two way mirror they used to observe the interrogations. The reflection that he saw was of a man lost. The scruffy and angry person with the red rimmed eyes was someone he'd never seen. He rubbed his hands down his face just to make sure he was seeing himself. The man in the mirror performed the same action.

Jason's head dropped in disgust. It wasn't his appearance that caused it, but the action. The fact that he could move, could breathe and eventually leave that room was sickening. He should be dead, not his beautiful and vibrant wife. She should be home with Cam baking those brownies she loved to make. She should be holding Jake and humming the latest song she liked on the radio.

That he was going to go on with his life and watch their children grow without her was unfair and wrong. But he would do it. Not for himself; for Elizabeth and the boys. They needed him to get it together and be strong, not wade in a sea of self hatred and blame. He would save that for the moments when he was alone and free to remember just how horribly he'd failed his family.

As he waited for his lawyer to show up he thought about his sons. How was he supposed to look into those innocent faces and tell them that their mother was never coming home? How could he explain it in a way they'd understand, when he didn't understand it himself? It just didn't make any damn sense.

The obvious reason drifted into his mind then, along with the face that went with it. His rage bubbled to the surface again as Sam's image invaded his head. He banged his fists on the table and shoved it across the room. It toppled the chair on the other side of it and hit the opposite wall, causing the mirror to vibrate.

His hands clenched as he remembered choking her. The interruption of the cops arriving was the only reason she was still alive. Sonny kept him from making a choice that would have cost him the only thing he had left; his kids.

Thinking of them made his fingers release. He flattened them out against his thighs to take away the menace in them.

He stared at them and realized what a double life they led. During the day they robbed people of life, they threatened and fought in service to a world that had once been all he knew. In the evening they were gentle and loving, they changed diapers and tied little shoes, and for a glorious and all too brief moment in time they'd held a woman who'd shown him what love truly means.

The ring Elizabeth put on his finger drew his attention. He turned it on his finger and closed his eyes. He forced his mind past the picture of her death and invoked the one of her walking towards him down the aisle. He saw the silver dress that flowed like liquid over her body, the smile that appeared when she looked at him, he felt her hands in his as they stood in front of the people they loved, and he heard her voice vowing to love, honor, and protect him for as long as she lived. Her face drifted toward him to seal the vow with a kiss.

"Jason."

His lips touched hers and he never wanted to let her go.

"Jason?"

A hand on his shoulder wrenched him from the past and opened his eyes in surprise. His thumbs absently stroked hands that weren't there. He stopped the movement and looked to his side. Diane Miller stood next to him holding her briefcase with a concerned look on her face.

She surveyed the room and took in the overturned chair and table against the wall, eventually returning to his face. When she'd walked in he had an almost peaceful look, but the scowl she was more familiar with had returned. It made her sorry for jarring him out of his thoughts.

"Sonny told me what happened. I'm so sorry Jason." She sighed sympathetically. "It's just so awful. I didn't know Elizabeth very well, but I liked her."

Having no response, Jason nodded his head once in acknowledgement.

Diane was a good attorney Sonny had found not long ago who had an excellent record for winning cases. She didn't particularly care for their line of work, but the exorbitant fee they paid eased her concerns. Most of the time she treated them like annoying children who wouldn't do as they were told, but always protected their interests. They also benefited from the fact that she loved to win, no matter the circumstances.

"I've spoken to the kindly officers here in Mayberry and … "

She tried to move the table back into position while she spoke, but was surprised to find out how heavy it was. Only managing to scrape it forward an inch, using both hands, she was grateful when Jason got up and pulled it back into place for her. How he'd done it with one hand and almost no effort was a mystery. She righted the overturned chair that was beneath it and sat down.

Clearing her throat, she went on with what she'd been saying. "I think they're convinced that it would behoove them to let you all go. The very idea of grilling a widower who's just discovered his wife's body is appalling! Not to mention the fact that it would make them look like the ogres they are in the press."

Jason attempted to listen to what she was saying; the word widower ringing in his ears. He put his elbows on the table and ran his fingers through his hair.

"They seem interested in doing the right thing. This is a pretty small town. I don't know that anything this shocking has happened here before, and they're probably just overcompensating."

Hoping some of her words were penetrating the fog he seemed to be in, Diane reached for the briefcase she'd dropped in her efforts with the table. She pulled out a sheaf of papers that she'd brought with her.

"Since your release is imminent, we should talk about something else that I'm sure is on your mind; your children." Seeing Jason's head jerk up to look at her, she knew she had his full attention. "I brought this with me when Sonny told me what was going on." She handed him the papers she held and watched his eyes widen at their contents.

"Elizabeth's will? How'd you get this?"

"Your wife called me about a week ago and asked that I amend it for her. Apparently she'd had occasion to see your will and it made her think about how her life had changed since she had hers drawn up."

Jason thought back to the day he'd shown her the panic room and the worried look on her face when she saw his will. He only wished it were her here having this discussion with Diane instead of him.

"Everything stayed pretty much the same. She wanted to make sure her grandmother was cared for in the event that she was still living and she wanted to make sure that her children were, in her words, 'where they belong' … with you."

He scanned the document and rubbed a finger over the signature on the last page. Elizabeth Morgan. She'd wanted to be certain that their children would stay with him. He remembered how scared she was in the elevator during the Metro Court hostage taking that Cam would be raised by her sister instead of her grandmother because she hadn't specified her wishes in a will. She'd probably had one drawn up afterward and amended it after seeing his.

"I'm sure she was going to tell you about it," Diane affirmed. "When she came to me a few days ago to sign and notarize it, she looked very happy. She said it wasn't a good time to bring up morbid things and that she didn't want to worry you."

He couldn't help the hint of a smile that appeared on his face. That sounded just like Elizabeth; always thinking about everyone else. A breath caught in his throat unexpectedly and he coughed to cover it. He had to keep his controlled façade in place, or he might shatter.

Diane purposely ignored the slight crack in his ever present wall and continued. "Of course there would have been no doubt about your rights to Jake. You are his biological father. Cameron however could have been a different story. Elizabeth informed me that there are quite a few people who might have attempted to claim him. Her grandmother, her sister Sarah, even Lucky Spencer as her former husband could possibly have had a case, since he was the boy's father for a time. But I made this ironclad," she said tapping the papers once. "No one will be able to dispute your wife's wishes."

It hadn't even occurred to him that anyone else would raise Cam. No matter who would have come forward to say otherwise, he was Jason's son. He would never let either of his children be taken from him. He still was in awe that his wife had made sure of it.

"I want to make it permanent though," Jason said, speaking for the first time. "I intended to talk to Elizabeth about it, but … " His voice drifted off at the allusion to her being gone. "I want you to start adoption proceedings so that I can legally be Cam's father." He emphasized the word since it was the only way in which he wasn't Cam's father.

"It's not exactly my area of expertise, but I'll get on it."

Diane noticed how tired the man across from her looked and wanted to get him out of that place and back to his children. She rose from her seat and moved to the door.

"I'm going to go light a fire under some butts and get you out of here. Apparently these people don't know who they're dealing with. And I mean me, not Sonny." She straightened the hem of her smartly cut jacket and opened the door.

"Diane."

She turned back at the sound of her name.

"Thank you."

With a quick smile she left the room and shut the door behind her. The softly uttered words got her in the heart and caused tears to prick at her eyes. Blinking rapidly, she chased them away. No one feared a shark who wept all over her Manolo's.

Within about ten minutes a detective came to tell Jason he was free to go. He followed the man out to the front of the station and found Sonny and the guards standing with Diane.

"Ta-Dah," she said to Sonny as Jason joined them. "All present, accounted for, and free as birds."

"Wonderful job as always Diane," he said to appease her.

"Yes, I know."

They watched as the desk sergeant handed Jason a plastic bag with his confiscated belongings, as he'd done with all the men. All the guns had been unloaded before they were returned as was procedure, and none of the men attempted to reload them in the station. They didn't even open the bags to check they'd received everything. Everyone wanted to leave without causing another incident due to a misunderstanding of their intentions.

"What about Sam?"

All eyes turned to Jason at the mention of that name. The clench of his jaw was all that betrayed his feelings on the subject. It was obvious he was trying to stay in control.

"From what I gathered, they believed the story they got from all of you. With Miss McCall's history of scamming men for money, which the police are looking into thanks to your information, she will be charged with bigamy for marrying all those men and never sticking around long enough to get a divorce. The fact that Elizabeth was killed in her "husband's" house, whom she also killed, will help to convict her as well. They believe the charges will be kidnapping and conspiracy to commit murder."

Diane's news was not unwelcome, but Jason knew that the punishment would in no way fit the crime. He supposed he would have to be satisfied that she would be punished, even if he didn't get to inflict it.

"I need to make a phone call," he stated to the gathering and walked over to the desk of one of the detectives.

Sonny watched him get permission and pick up the receiver to dial.

"I don't know how he's going to get through this," he said to no one in particular.

"I'm sure his friends and family will make sure he does, somehow." Diane spoke directly to Sonny and smiled when he nodded at the truth of her statement.

They watched curiously as Jason had a conversation that lasted a few minutes. What was said was unknown, due to his distance from them and the fact that his back was facing them. After he hung up they saw him write something on a piece of paper and walk over to one of the officers who was standing nearby. He spoke to the man and handed him the paper before returning to join them.

"What was that about?" Sonny asked; the only one willing to do so.

"Just some unfinished business," Jason replied.

Not wanting to push, Sonny let it go. "You ready to leave then?"

"In a minute."

When he just stood there, everyone looked at each other in question as to what was going on.

Officer Moore walked down the corridor to the holding room where Miss McCall/Mrs. Zacarra/Mrs. Whoever was awaiting her lawyer. He entered the room and stood at the door.

"Ma'am?"

Sam raised her head at the address, since no one else was in the room. Her face was still streaked with make-up despite her efforts with a tissue to make herself more presentable. Her looks had gotten her far before, and she figured it couldn't hurt to use them now to help get her out of the mess she was in.

"There was a message left for you from a … " he looked down at the paper he held to make sure he had it right, "Jason Morgan."

Her eyes lit up at the name. She knew Jason hated her right now, but he had to still harbor some good feeling about her. They had almost gotten married and had a family together. Feelings that strong and deep didn't just disappear overnight.

"Yes?" she said hopefully. "What did he say?"

Officer Moore held the paper down by his stomach so that he could read through the bifocal half of his glasses.

"He says here that he knows this must be a difficult time for you, and that you would probably like some support."

Sam closed her eyes for a second to cherish the words she'd just heard. It was all she needed to keep her strong through the storm she knew was coming her way. She opened her eyes when she heard the officer clear his throat to get her attention back.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said. "Please go on."

"Right." He put the paper back in position to read. "Where was I? Oh yeah … you'd probably like some support and since he can't take care of you the way he'd like, he called your husband for you."

The man didn't notice Sam's eyes widen at the statement and continued to read.

"Uh, he says that he told Mr. Zacarra where you are and what's going on and that he seemed very upset. He says that he is comforted to know that even though he can't do it himself, that your husband will take care of you the way you deserve."

Officer Moore looked up from the paper to find a shocked and rather shaken looking young woman staring at him. Not quite knowing what to make of her reaction he turned to leave.

Sam regained her senses in time to see him shutting the door. She jumped up too late to stop him.

"Wait! WAAAIITT!! You can't leave me here!" She banged on the door loudly and tried the knob only to find it locked. "He's coming after me! You have to get me out of here! Witness Protection, something, ANYTHING!! I know things, I can tell you whatever you want to know, but PLEASE don't leave me here where he can get me!"

As she banged on the door and received no answer, her mind went to the things she'd heard about Anthony Zacarra and what happened to his first wife; knowing that she committed the same sin of humiliating him. She also thought of the things she'd heard that he did to his enemies.

A loud scream echoed through the police station causing everyone to turn towards the hallway it came from; everyone but Jason.

As they all stood staring he turned to exit the building, walking past Sonny.

"Now we can leave."


Mark looked over at Elizabeth sleeping soundly next to him in the car. She looked like an angel with her hair down around her shoulders. He hated that he'd had to trick her, but he needed time to get her someplace safe where he could figure out what to do.

Nothing had turned out the way he thought. He really had only wanted to help her. In the short time he'd known her, she had touched him in a way no woman had. She was kind and thoughtful when she didn't have to be, just because it was in her nature. Her soul was gentle and loving, yet she possessed a fire and spirit that made her fight for her life and her children.

He hadn't expected it, but at some point he'd fallen in love with her. She was one of the few people he'd ever let himself connect with.

When their parents died when they were younger, he and his brother Cane were sent to live in the modern day equivalent of an orphanage. It was pretty awful, but they'd survived it together. They survived the disappointment of no one wanting to adopt them, whether it was because the boys were too old, or too rowdy, or they simply didn't want to take two kids. Whenever it looked like someone might want to take one of them and not the other, they found a way to effectively sabotage the adoption. They were all each other had and they refused to be separated.

While there they'd met James, Kevin, and Harry. The place felt to them like prison for kids. One of the "jailers" had dubbed them the Five Cards; being a poker fan. They were always together and could turn on you on a dime, so he'd claimed. While it was true that they were pretty inseparable and could be terrors when crossed, they never turned on each other.

After they'd been together for about three years, Harry was adopted. He'd always been the most manageable of the five. He never forgot them though. He wrote them all the time and called when he was allowed. He even got his new mom to send them things like cookies, comic books, and gum. There was only so much the jailers let them have though, sometimes taking it for themselves.

The remaining four eventually aged out of the system. As they turned eighteen they were shoved out into the world unprepared and unloved to make of their lives what they could. James had gone first, then Kevin, and lastly the twins.

James left the home in New York and got set up in Florida working as a numbers runner for the Corelli family. As the other guys aged out he convinced his boss that they were willing to work and could keep their mouths shut. Mr. Corelli also had a small chop shop business on the side and put them all to work there.

Mark had learned to drive like a pro and was given the job of getaway driver. James would go with him as lookout. Cane and Kevin were good under the hood, and did the actual stripping once the cars were brought in. They'd done good work and made plenty of money for years until the shop boss was busted and the operation shut down. Cane and Kevin were caught since the worked in the shop and each served almost two years in prison. James and Cane managed to avoid the bust, and no one snitched on them or turned them in.

Left to their own devices, they continued to work for Mr. Corelli to get by. Mark didn't want to live that life forever, so he went to a driving school, thinking maybe he could do it as a legit job. James was satisfied to keep on the same road he was on. They gradually began to drift in different directions.

Mark kept tabs on his brother while he was on the inside and unfortunately noticed him becoming more dangerous and reckless. Prison life made him harder and broke some of the strong bond they'd always had.

When Cane and Kevin were released the four of them got together to celebrate. It turned out that their friend Harry was getting married in New York soon, so they decided to go and surprise him. Kevin was too edgy from having been locked up for so long and passed so he could let loose his own way.

James, Mark, and Cane met up with Harry and helped him celebrate with a bachelor party. Kevin ended up not being able to stand being left out and showed up by the end of the night. It was the first time they'd been together like that in a while.

Harry had gone to medical school and become a doctor specializing in research sciences and drug therapies. His bride-to-be hated the long hours and days when she'd never see him because he was lost in the lab working on projects, so he changed his specialty to dentistry and eventually started working in a practice in Great Neck.

Mark envied the life his friend had made and wanted some normal for himself someday. After the wedding Cane, Kevin, and James went back to Florida and Mark decided to start over in New York.

Of course, a person couldn't just remake himself overnight. So Mark found work driving for an associate of Mr. Corelli's. He'd gotten pretty good at it and was later recruited by a man named Sonny Corinthos.

Mr. Corinthos was also an acquaintance of Mr. Corelli's and received a good report about Mark. Since finding good people you could trust in the business was difficult, he was hired immediately.

He worked for the Corinthos organization for a year before he was asked for by Jason Morgan, Mr. Corinthos' second in command. He was getting married and wanted an experienced driver for his wife and kids.

With his boss's permission, Mark became the driver for Elizabeth and her children a couple weeks before the wedding. It was a welcome change from his usual employers and made his life feel more normal.

He'd remembered seeing her around town before, but never had occasion to speak to her. The first morning she'd been introduced to him she seemed a bit shy and unused to many luxuries in her life. She asked him right off to call her Elizabeth and never made herself out to be above him in any way, unlike some of the other girlfriends or wives he'd driven before.

They spoke easily with one another and he often laughed at some funny story she told him on their drives to and from the hospital. He'd been more comfortable with her than anyone else in a long time.

He'd thought Jason was a lucky man to have found her, but had found himself feeling more for her than he knew he should. It pained him to see her live with the threat of violence on a daily basis. She was like a delicate flower surrounded by iron bars.

That was why his accidental discovery of the plot to kidnap her moved him to action. He felt a responsibility for her safety and a personal drive to make her happy.

He'd also wanted to keep his brother from getting himself killed. His time in prison had made Cane more prone to get in trouble than not. During the year Mark had driven for Mr. Corinthos he'd gotten a call from James that his brother had done some time for robbing a convenience store. It wasn't even that he needed the money, but had just done it for the thrill. The idiot.

That need for adventure made him an easy pawn when James got wrapped up in the scheme with 'Mrs. Zacarra', and made Mark angry at James for taking advantage. James was just interested in getting capital to start his own chop shop in Florida. He'd always been ambitious and wanted to work for himself instead of handing his money over to a boss. He saw the proposition by the crafty brunette as easy money.

Kevin had also gotten mixed up in it for the money, but had taken off at some point for parts unknown. That was his MO however, to take off when the mood struck, so no one thought much of it.

That did leave an empty spot in the plan though which Mark ended up filling. He couldn't believe how wrong things had ended up when he'd started with good intentions. But they said the road to hell was paved with those, and he saw the logic in that. He could already feel the heat.

James was who knew where, probably trying to cover his own ass after he'd gotten them all mixed up in his mess. His brother Cane was dead, shot to death by a virtual firing squad without benefit of a trial. And here he sat in a stolen car with a woman he loved that he'd drugged for a second time.

He ran a hand through his hair in desperation and wondered what to do. He never seemed to have time to think. First he'd had to run out of the house and leave Elizabeth for others to presume dead. Now he had to keep her until he made a decision.

He looked over at her again when he stopped at a red light. The movement of her chest as she breathed in and out was a welcome sight.

When he'd gone to his friend Harry and asked for his help, he hadn't known what to expect. If his friend had turned him down he didn't know what he'd have done. But luckily the bond they'd formed growing up still held. He gave Harry a semi-explanation of what he needed and why, making clear that he was trying to help someone, not hurt them.

Harry still had access to the laboratory where he'd worked as a researcher, as he occasionally did some consulting work for them. There was a drug they were working on for patients healing from severe trauma. It slowed the nervous system enough for the body to come as close as possible to shutting completely down so that it could give itself time to heal. A form of a medically induced coma, but more extreme and therefore they hoped more effective. It was not yet approved for use since it was still in trials.

Mark had taken the two hypodermics Harry handed him and listened carefully to his instructions on how and when to administer them. Everything went fine with the first dose. He'd given it to Elizabeth and stalled her "murder" long enough for the drug to take effect. By the time Sam had come to see his victim, Elizabeth almost had him fooled. He'd actually worried for a minute when he saw her not moving.

Then it all went to hell.

Jason showed up and botched the whole thing and killed his brother to boot.

Mark banged the steering wheel in frustration as he drove, feeling tears build behind his eyes. His brother was a danger junkie and could be messed up at times, but he didn't deserve to die like that. He was the only family Mark had and the one person he always knew he could trust.

He thought about how screwed up their lives had been since they were kids and how they'd ended up. It just seemed damned unfair.

The only time he could remember really being content and not just surviving was during his rides with Elizabeth. Her smile made him glad to get up in the morning and made him feel that life wasn't always out to short change him.

He reached out and stroked the hair from her face, shifting his gaze between her and the road. If given the chance he thought he could make her happy. There would be no threat of danger for her everywhere she went anymore. They could both be free together.

His gaze drifted to the half empty water bottle on the floor. She would be angry when she realized it had sleeping pills in it. He'd told her that the drug he gave her caused dehydration and she needed to drink water. He hadn't known what else to do; he had to keep her until he'd figured out what his next move was.

Maybe now he had.

He'd tried to do the right thing and it blew up in his face. Morgan had killed his brother, and if he took Elizabeth back he'd be alone again. Since Jason took away his family, maybe it was only fair that he got Elizabeth in exchange.

But how to make her stay, that was the question.


It was dark when Jason rode back to his house on his motorcycle. He'd gotten there earlier, having been dropped off by Sonny from the police station, and couldn't bring himself to go inside. Once he stepped through that doorway, his life without Elizabeth truly began.

To avoid it he'd gone to the garage and taken out his bike. He rode faster than he remembered ever going. At times he thought he was trying to get in an accident.

Perhaps in an unconscious effort to join her.

Nothing registered about the ride. He didn't go anywhere familiar on purpose, everywhere seemed to remind him of her. His heart tried to pull him to the cliff road, the bridge, the Overlook; but he ignored its call and kept going until his tank was low.

He knew he couldn't stay away from home, and didn't really want to. He needed his children as much as they needed him. They were what would keep him going.

After refilling his tank at a gas station, he'd headed home.

Now he stood in front of the home Elizabeth created for them all. The home she'd dreamed into existence and filled with her warmth and light. Every piece of it held her essence. The stones on its face, the furniture inside, the garden she'd begun to plot out that was still only turned earth; all of it came to life through her.

He opened the door and took a breath, hoping to feel her there. Nothing felt different like he'd imagined. It was still as if it awaited her return.

Listening intently, he could almost hear her voice drifting to him from somewhere in the house. She could be in any room about to come in and prove that the day never happened. He waited but nothing changed.

A laugh came from upstairs. It was such a happy sound that it startled him. He dreaded the time when he didn't hear it sound the same anymore. And when he spoke the words he knew were coming, it couldn't help but change somewhat. Losing a person you love changed you; greatly in some ways and some ways were so small no one recognized the difference but you. Your eyes don't shine anymore, your smile's not quite as wide as it was, or maybe your laugh doesn't sing like it did.

It killed him all over again to have to do that to his kids.

He walked heavily up the stairs and announced his presence. A small bundle of energy raced from his bedroom and flung himself into Jason's arms.

"Hi Jason!"

"Hey buddy."

He hugged his son and tried not to crush him with the weight of the need he felt. So much like her, he thought.

"Did you have fun with Leticia?"

"Uh huh. We made planes and flew 'em down the stairs. And Jake rolled over!"

Jason looked surprisingly at Leticia. The nanny smiled and nodded in agreement with Cam.

"One second he was on his stomach on the play mat and the next, boom, he was on his back."

He walked into the baby's room still holding Cam and looked into the crib. Jake was sleeping peacefully with his mobile playing overhead.

Tears stung his eyes as he thought of all the firsts that his wife would miss in their children's lives. He took advantage of the dark room to surreptitiously rub at them.

With a gentle finger he touched his son's cheek and walked back out into the hall.

"That's great," he said. "I can't wait to see that."

"Is Mommy home now?"

Jason felt the air escape his lungs at the question. He knew there would be no good time to tell him the truth about Elizabeth and that he should do it now.

When he looked in his son's bright eyes, the words wouldn't come. Something inside held him back. He couldn't distinguish what it was, but it was a similar feeling to the one that had told him to go with her the morning she was taken. He hadn't listened to that instinct and it impacted his world with the force of an atomic bomb.

That mistake could not happen again.

"You know what? It is time for you to be in bed." He carried the little boy into his room and placed him in his train bed, pulling the covers up over him. "I'll tell you about Mommy in the morning."

Cam put on a pout that lasted for all of a second. The expression reminded Jason so much of his wife that he wanted to scream at the cruelty of her being gone.

"Okay. G'night Jason."

"Goodnight buddy."

He placed a kiss on the boy's curly head and moved to leave. As he turned out the light, a small voice reached him again in the darkness.

"I love you."

Jason leaned against the wall as the words hit him in the heart. He tried to gain his composure but it was quickly failing him. He turned enough to be heard but not be seen.

"I love you too Cam." Barely managing to keep his voice from cracking, he left the room.

Leticia looked worriedly at his face as he returned to the hallway.

"Jason, are you okay?"

He looked at her and saw the sympathy in her eyes, but couldn't accept it right now.

"I'll tell you tomorrow."

Without further explanation he went to his bedroom and shut the door. He leaned against it and did his best not to look around. Everything there would remind him of her and might very well drive him crazy.

He went to the bathroom and stripped. Turning on the water as hot as he could stand it, he stepped under the spray of the shower. It stung initially, but his body got used to the temperature. He scrubbed his skin until he could barely feel it; determined to remove every trace of the day from his body.

After he was clean almost to the point of rawness, he stood there and let the tears seep slowly from his eyes. They blended easily with the water that pelted him and fell to the tiled floor; cooperatively pretending that they weren't what they were. As they swirled down the drain, they were only water and not evidence of his aching heart.

When the water began to cool and his tears stopped falling he got out and dried quickly, avoiding Elizabeth's things and her robe that was still on the hook. He tossed the towel on the floor next to the clothes he'd taken off and kicked it all under the counter, reminding himself to burn them when he got the chance.

He went to the dresser and picked out a pair of sweat pants to sleep in. Once they were on he stood at his side of the bed.

He stared at the empty place on the other side.

After an uncertain amount of time he sat and then stretched out along the edge, careful not to touch any part that could remotely be referred to as her side. He lay very still and looked at the ceiling; waiting.

What he waited for he didn't know. Maybe for the ceiling to fall on his head and put him out of his misery, or for a dark haired angel with the bluest eyes in heaven to drift down and kiss him.

He abruptly turned over on his side and faced his future.

Cold … lonely … empty.

That side of the bed.

Her side of the bed.

It was strange that someone who'd only occupied a space for such a short amount of time could so thoroughly lay claim to it. Just a week, only eight years … so short, not enough.

Jason grabbed a pillow and jumped up from the bed to head for the couch downstairs. He made sure not to wake the kids as he passed; a ghost haunting the hall, searching for a place to rest.

Downstairs he dropped to the sofa and lay down. The open area of the living room seemed to calm him a bit. He turned to his side and shut his eyes, hugging the pillow in his arms, bidding himself to sleep. He needed his strength for tomorrow. It would be a new day to conquer, filled with things that would test his soul.

Having gone without sleep for two days his body reluctantly succumbed to the vulnerable state of sleep. In that state he could forgive his own weakness and hug the pillow a bit tighter.

It was her pillow.

To be continued …

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