I trudge up the steps to Aiden's new apartment building, holding the smallest box in his car.
It was a long, uneventful drive. Aiden could tell something was on my mind, and he probably knew it was about Spencer. So he just listened to rap music until I made him turn it off.
Then he kept trying to play the license plate game, until I shut him down on that, too.
Then he just kept nagging me. Same old Aiden. Hours and hours later, we arrived. It's pitch dark.
I'm tired and bored by the time I let myself fall on Aiden's apartment floor, throwing my purse down next to me.
"Thanks for the help." Aiden says, setting down an armful of heavy boxes.
"I'm stiff from the car ride." I say, stretching out on the floor.
"So am I." He sits down next to me, taking a deep breath.
"You'll get over it."
He just shrugs. "So, this is it."
I glance around. It's pretty roomy. His parents must have shelled out a pretty penny. "Is this their thank you for getting a scholarship?"
"I guess." He doesn't sound too happy about it.
"What's wrong? It's nice and roomy."
"I dunno. It's gonna be weird. Lonely."
"Ah, you'll get to know people. You're a social guy." I tell him.
"I guess." He shrugs. "I'll miss home, though. All you guys."
I just nod.
"I'm really glad you decided to drive with me, Ash. It's not much, but it's.."
"No big deal." I finish for him, before he can get too mushy. As Aiden tends to do.
"No, it is." He presses on. "I mean, I thought you guys would hate me forever."
I laugh at this.
"So...it's not no big deal." He says sincerely.
I reach over and pat his shoulder. "You're just a big softie, aren't you?"
He hides his smile, shaking his head. "How are you and Spencer?"
The atmosphere of the apartment is much more calming and comfortable than the cramped car, so I just sigh. "We're okay."
"She was fine with...us driving up here together?"
"Why wouldn't she be? She trust me." I say, trying to sound nonchalant.
"I dunno..." Aiden trails off, not sure what to say. "Well, I'm glad you two made up."
"Made up?"
"You know." He shrugs one shoulder. "My stupid prom night stunt."
"Stupid, it was." I agree, noticing that talking about this isn't as strange as I thought it would be.
"I'm real sorry about that. About everything."
"So you've said."
"I know..."
"You can stop saying it, now." I tell him genuinely. He nods slowly, understanding. No hard feelings.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Uh, probably not." I say, not liking his tone.
"Shutup." He says. "Come on."
"I promise I might not tell the truth." I warn him.
He straightens his shoulders. "If you weren't with Spencer - "
"Not an appropriate question." I cut him off.
"Ashley, come on. Just tell me. If you weren't with Spencer, would I..."
"Would you have a chance?"
He nods, bravely meeting my eye.
"Aiden..." I shake my head. "We've been there before, you know? It..it just didn't work."
"But - "
"No buts. Spencer was right that night. You had your chance." I don't sound harsh, I just call it the way I see it.
Aiden doesn't look sad, just resigned. Like he knew this. "We had good times, right?"
"Sure." I say. "We probably couldn't improve upon them if we tried."
He tries to laugh. "That's a nice way of saying 'never again, asshole.'"
I laugh along, hoping to lighten to moment. "Never again, asshole."
"Yeah.." He stops laughing, but there's a small remnant of a smile on his face.
"Promise me something, Aiden."
"Hm?"
"Date lots and lots of chicks, okay?"
After I get him to agree, he breaks pillows out of the box, along with two blankets, and we make separate beds on the floor - a good distance away from each other.
I know he isn't asleep yet, but I pull out my phone in the dark apartment, dialing Spencer's number. She must be sleeping, so I just get her voicemail.
"Hey, sweetheart." I try to keep my voice down. "Just wanted to tell you I got here safely. Aiden's as boring as ever, and we're going to sleep now. So, goodnight, and I'll see you tomorrow night sometime. Love you, Spence."
I hang up. The last thing I hear before I fall asleep is Aiden telling me I'm lucky.
I dream of Spencer.
When I wake up, Aiden's still sleeping. I pat my foot against his bare stomach, just like old times.
"Wake up, ass!"
He groans. "What?"
"I called my cab."
He pulls himself up to a sitting position, then stands. "It's on its way?" He rubs his eyes.
"Yeah. So I guess that ends our last official sleepover." I tell him brightly.
He barks out a morning laugh, smoothing out his hair. "I guess it does."
We stand there for a while, and it's just like I said. I know he's still in love with me, and now he knows I don't return those feelings. We both know we can never be what we once were, but I'm the only one who doesn't want to go back. Always an undercurrent of sadness and awkwardness that won't go away. It makes me a little disappointed, but maybe that's the way things have to be.
"This is it, big guy." I tell him, when I see my cab pull up outside.
He pulls me into a hug, and I let him, lying my head against his chest. I hug him back. He really was a good friend, for as long as he could stand it. I can't blame him, not anymore.
"Hold on to Spencer, okay?" He plants a quick kiss on my head. "She's perfect for you, Ash."
"I know." I sniff a little, pulling out of the embrace. "Do good for yourself, Aiden."
"I will." I know he will. We stand at arm's length for a few seconds, then I reach out and pinch his cheeks, giving him a smile. "I think I might miss you, you stupid lug."
"I doubt it, but thanks for lying." His lips curl into something of a smile.
"Yeah." I head towards the door. Everything that needs to be said has been said.
"Ash?" He calls out.
I turn around. "Yeah?"
"Maybe you could visit sometime?" He sounds hopeful, but reserved. I think he knows my answer.
I'm shaking my head slowly before I open my mouth, and he just nods knowingly. "Okay. Yeah. That's fine..."
"Bye, Aiden."
"Goodbye, Ashley."
I don't look back. It's not as sad as I thought it would be, but I know I'm probably leaving Aiden forever.
The ride home is much shorter.
