McCoy gave the Ensigns his harshest scowl as they- very nicely, at least- led him into the brig.

He laid back on the bench, ankles crossed and hands behind his head. He stared at the bright, white, seamless ceiling above. Jim didn't make any sense. He said that kinda stuff all the time. Usually Jim didn't give a rat's ass when McCoy barked at him.

Usually he liked it. Why'd he lost his cool?

He supposed they were all pretty tired and beaten up, if not by some strange creature than by each other. Tempers and tensions were high as the Nile in summer. But McCoy liked to think he meant more than that to Jim- that he appreciated having someone around to question him.

And the Vulcan wasn't the same. They asked different kinds of questions. Khan hadn't been in charge of him. Jim was just- anxious of his own volition.

McCoy felt himself drifting. He didn't have anything better to do; why not take a nap? He turned onto his side, facing the bench on the opposite side of the room.

Something glinted- a rainbow prism in the harsh light. McCoy grimaced and sat up.

On closer inspection, McCoy saw that it was a holocube. Sonuvva bitch. He closed it in his hand and could feel the plastic corner dig into his palm.

He crossed to the forcefield, where he could see an Ensign, performing the easiest job on the ship- making sure McCoy didn't escape. He looked bored to tears.

"Hey. Warden. Mind giving me a minute? I need to bake a cake."

The Ensign looked at him like he was speaking Greek. Or Latin. Something non-Standard.

"You know, clear out some inventory?"

"Sir?"

"I need to excrete waste from my bowels. Does that make sense to you?"

The Ensign suddenly looked embarrassed. "Oh! Oh, I'm sorry. But, you know, I'm not supposed to leave you unsupervised."

"Listen kid- I'm the Chief Medical Officer aboard this ship. The Captain put me in here cause he's the alpha dog and I needed to know it. Capisce?"

The kid didn't get the last part. But he got the gist. He nodded and stepped out. "I'll be back in ten minutes," he called from the door.

"No hurry- I might be a while. Or you can bring a book back!" McCoy called after him. He grimaced and hurried away down the hallway. McCoy gave the door a grin and activated the holocube.

Jim's and Spock's torsos floated in front of him. "Bones!" Jim exclaimed with a smile. "You know me. I would never throw you in the brig if I didn't need you there for a good reason. You'll have a couple visitors soon. This is the first step of what I need you to do…"

McCoy watched the whole thing. It was short, sweet, and insane. Of course Starfleet would give him these orders. He was the only Captain who was young or crazy enough to do it.

The Ensign didn't return for an hour after the hologram message ended. McCoy not only enjoyed his nap, he also managed to escape the brig with his override code (okay, it was Jim's override code, he just happened to remember it), go to sickbay to pick up a few things, and return without anyone seeing him.

Okay, Carol saw him, but she swore on the grave of her homicidal father she wouldn't peep so much as a spring chick.

Beside the Commander's door were two more uniformed guards, their pink houndstooth making them look more fashionable than intimidating.

The door opened and the Commander leaned against her desk, arms crossed, uniform skirt short; boots up to her thighs.

Her?!

As a Romulan, she had the same pointed ears as Spock. Her eyebrows swooped up in that same I'm-Better-Than-You way, too. Who was seducing who here?

Kirk swallowed a little drool and approached her, smiling. She didn't return the smile.

"Captain Kirk."

"Commander-"

" T'Kota. What the fuck are you doing here?"

She cuts to the chase, this one. Her eyes were immediately drawn to Spock's. "You. Spock, right?"

"Affirmative, I am-"

"I know who you are. Wait outside. I'll get to you in a second."

Spock nodded and turned around, waiting for the guards to lead him out. When they were alone, Kirk came closer and took her hand. He kissed it, letting his lips stay there a little longer than was… diplomatic.

"Commander T'Kota, I'm sorry we had to meet in this embarrassing situation."

She yanked her hand out of his- like he disgusted her! "Don't even try, Kirk. Go ahead and tell me your bullshit story so I can disprove it with your walking polygraph."

She poured herself something blue from a table nearby and sipped it. That was rude. She couldn't even offer him a drink? He straightened up and remembered his role.

"What are you talking about?"

"What are you doing here?" She bounced back immediately.

Kirk crossed his arms and pouted. "We had a problem with the ship. An instrument failure. Our helmsman read that we were on course but we weren't. And at the speed we were going, we were here before we had a chance to fix it." He paused to see her expression.

She wasn't buying it. Eh. No surprise there. "I told you it was embarrassing."

"Your lying skills are embarrassing. Is that it? That's the whole excuse? Can I bring in your pet now?

"He's not my pet! … He's my first officer and Chief Science Officer of the Enterprise."

"And a Vulcan. How fancy. You must be very proud of yourself to have such a chic crew member."

"He's not an accessory either."

"You're right. He's not an accessory- to your crime, at least. You know-" She said, crossing past him, towards the door, brushing her fingers through his hair, fingernails just barely scratching across his scalp, "Vulcans can't lie."

Kirk made it a point to leave his mouth open and to look slowly up from the floor to the Commander's face. Did he look afraid? Busted? He hoped so. In reality, he knew Vulcans couldn't lie.

He remembered that day very well- when Spock had tattled on him to Pike and got his ship taken away. And Kirk had even told him, after being backstabbed by his soulless first officer, that he was going to miss him.

Shit. Everything had been off from the start. As soon as this mission was over he was going to march over to Bones and tell him to knock him out any time Khan took over.

No more sparring. No more physical contact. Touch was like an addiction to Kirk. The more he got the more he wanted. He wondered if his brain released more oxytocin when he touched Spock than when he touched other people. He wondered if he was like a gnat or a mosquito to Spock. Some small nuisance that he had to continually swat away.

Did Spock even have oxytocin? Or vasopressin? Or serotonin? He'd ask Bones next time he got the chance. That is, if things went well enough that he'd see Bones again.

Commander T'Kota opened her door. "You may enter, Spock." The guards entered with him.

Spock stared at her for a moment before obeying, adjusting his arms to clasp his hands behind his back. His chest puffed out only the slightest bit. He would listen to her, but he didn't have to.

Shit. Kirk was a ham next to that. Spock was all subtlety. Who'd have thought he knew what he was doing? Then again, he was with Uhura for a while there. Maybe he could watch for some pointers… all he really wanted though were pointers that would work against Spock.

She was not unattractive. But Commander T'Kota reminded Spock of a childhood friend. One who, to his knowledge, had died on Vulcan. Her name was T'Pring. She was… bossy.

She was smart- she considered herself smarter than any of the other Vulcans. Perhaps she was. The others never expressed frustration with her, but Spock had always felt it.

There was no reason for her to put him down. But she did, constantly. Perhaps that was because her family had decided, with Spock's family, that when they came of age they would be married. Neither wanted to marry each other, but Spock never made it as clear as T'Pring did.

T'Kota carried herself in a similar way. Show contempt, pity, or sympathy, and she will destroy you. Spock made a note to behave with the utmost respect. At the same time, Starfleet's orders suggested he attempt to seduce her in order to create a distraction. How was he to do this? How was he to suggest to her that he… favored her in a physical manner?

For a moment he felt he was put at a disadvantage for not being present when the Captain had made his initial attempt. The Captain was successful 56.661% of the time he made advances on females of his own species or other species. He had not seen Jim attempt a physical encounter with a male before… other than himself.

That statistic may seem low, but Spock had observed several of the crew members, and Jim's success rate was triple that of the other crew members. And yet- T'Kota did not seem to express any interest in him. On the contrary, she seemed entirely disinterested, perhaps even angry with him.

Spock would have to extrapolate Jim's probable behaviors and act in the opposite way. He estimated that this would not be a difficult course of action. At the same time, perhaps he should behave towards the Commander in the same way he behaved towards Jim. He was fond of Jim- and Jim seemed to enjoy the attentions that Spock paid to him.

"Spock- You're a Vulcan?"

"Affirmative, Commander."

"Wow. What a privilege."

She circled him, examining him closely. Thankfully, she did not touch him. "How many of you are left, after- Nero?"

"Not twenty thousand."

She stopped in front of him, crossing her arms over her chest. "I'm sorry for his actions. They were unforgivable."

"You are not responsible for Nero's actions, Cap-Commander."

Jim glanced at him. Did he know that Spock was attempting to replace T'Kota's image with the Captain's?

"It's the only thing to say when you see a Vulcan. Just think of it. The whole universe and just over ten thousand Vulcans in it? You're a gem- a rarity. Your- quiet logic- is endangered. You know what they say in economics?"

"Economics is the source of many tenets. To which do you refer?"

"Scarcity creates demand. Do you feel that you're in demand, cherished, on the Enterprise?"

"For what purpose is this your query?" Spock gave a half smile and halved the distance between him and the Commander.

T'Kota smiled at him. "Is it true Vulcans can't lie?"

"It is true." He would not break eye contact with her. He imagined her eyes not their light green but brilliant blue. Now he imagined Jim standing there with wing-lined eyes. He was still quite attractive.

"Then tell me everything. Why are you out here? Why is Kirk lying to me?"

"My orders I choose to keep private. The Captain's purposes, however, are transparent to me. He has undergone significant physical changes in the past few weeks, as well as acting as Captain of the Enterprise. I assume that his physiological shift, the emotional side effects that accompany it, and his Starfleet duties, have driven him to madness."

He watched Jim turn on him. His vein was visible. The transformation was beginning. "What? Spock, what the fuck are you saying?"

"I am telling her the truth, Captain. As all Vulcans do. I suggest you surrender."

Spock watched Khan take him. He had been holding back admirably until this moment. He was developing the skills needed to use Khan's DNA infusion to his advantage.

Jim jumped on the security guards, taking both of them down. He stomped on one's stomach. He got down, straddling the other, punching him repeatedly in the jaw. Spock raised an eyebrow, watching, and turned his expression to T'Kota, as if to underline his previous statement.

She smiled at him and took his phaser from his trousers, running her hands along his waistband, unnecessarily, as she did so. His tact was effective, then?

She shot Jim, stunning him. It held him for less than a second, and he trained his attention on T'Kota instead. Spock stepped in front of her, a hand on her stomach. In his mind his hand caressed gold fabric. He pushed her backwards and heard her clutch the desk. Jim threw a punch at him and he caught it before it hit his face.

He swung the fist around Jim's neck and held it to him, choking Jim with his own limb. Jim tried to say something. Spock leaned in to hear him. Their lips were close. .8 inches apart.

Jim attempted to close the distance and Spock threw him back into the guard who had just risen to his feet, holding his jaw. The guard grabbed Jim's arms. Spock approached and pinched Jim's shoulder, as he had done before marooning him on Delta Vega.

Jim dropped, as McCoy would describe, "like a sack of potatoes." Spock was unsure of how potatoes behaved when dropped, or even of what potatoes were, but they must be graceful, because even with no control, Jim met the floor in a way that incited desired in Spock. He attempted to attribute this desire to T'Kota instead.

She looked at the unconscious Captain and then at him, smiling broadly. She waved at the guards, and they dragged Jim away. It was difficult not to go after him. T'Kota closed the doors behind them.

"All alone," she said, still smiling. "I have more questions for you."

In the brig, McCoy was ready. He frowned at the two Romulans they threw into the cell with him. Sheesh, they looked a lot like Spock. He thought they'd look more like Nero and his crew, but they didn't have any of those moronic face tattoos. The theory was true: beings lost their intelligence the more advanced their culture got.

He stretched out on his bench, forcing the two Romulans to share the other bench. One of the two was that douchebag T'al.

"Subcommander, eh? What kind of a title is that?" McCoy posed.

T'al didn't answer. He removed his sash (clearly the temperature was a little higher on this ship than on the Romulans' ship) and tied it in sophisticated knots in his lap, staring hostilely at McCoy.

McCoy winked at the other Romulan. The Romulan looked away. McCoy wished he had some bourbon to pass the time.

Finally, hours later, the Romulans drifted off to sleep, T'al nestled creepily against the other's lap. McCoy retrieved the hypospray injector from his pants. Finally. That was in the top ten of uncomfortable things he'd hidden in his pants. He loaded it up and injected T'al first.

T'al immediately woke up.

McCoy gave him a swift blow to the side of the head. He conked over the other way.

Huh. These Romulans weren't that strong. McCoy injected the other Romulan. He didn't wake up at all. Lame. He was looking forward to telling Jim how much he'd been beated up trying to fulfill his part of the plan-

Oh- T'al wasn't actually out. He'd been playing. He launched himself at McCoy. McCoy tried his best to keep him back but T'al was stronger than Paul Bunyan. He threw the knotted sash over McCoy's neck and suffocated him.

Then a few things happened at once. McCoy first attempted to shout "UNCLE! UNCLE!" It was half joke, half seriously-come-get-me-or-I'll-die.

Second- T'al was picked up by what looked like the air, and slammed against the forcefield of the cell. He was shaken by the electric current that ran through his nervous system.

Third- the Ensign hurried in, phaser aimed, and saw an unconscious T'al lying on the floor and a perfectly healthy McCoy, staring wide-eyed at him.

Thank the Lord in Heaven for thoughtful women, McCoy silently prayed.

On the bridge, Uhura smiled as she monitored McCoy's much calmer frequency.