The door opened to an empty house, dark and unwelcoming. Shane walked in without bothering with the lights, tired and disturbed. She sighed as she slogged with heavy steps to the couch and sunk deep into it. She threw her head and rested it on the couch, finally giving herself permission to cry, to let the tears fall freely. It had only been an hour, but she was missing her peach terribly. She wiped the salty tears that were irritating her eyes and smeared her eyeliner in the process. But she didn't care, the tears flowed as freely as before. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block out the emptiness that was amplified in the house. It didn't work. So she burrowed her head into the couch, and finally… finally let out a series of sobs, finally allowing the inevitable truth to sink in.

She had lost Carmen.


"Papito…"

Carmen greeted her step-father apprehensively, hand clutched Roddy's tight. Roddy gave it a reassuringly squeeze before stepping away; allowing Shane, who had came up behind Carmen, to step forward. Mercedes moved up behind Carmen and Shane, and gave them a friendly shove. Awkwardly, Carmen cleared her throat and said "Papi, this is Shane…" and pointing to her family members one by one, she informed Shane, "This is Carla, my big sister; Jose, my brother-in-law; Ricardo, my eldest brother; Pedro, my second brother, and his wife, Esther."

Shane looked around, the expressions on the faces of Carmen's family members were mixed. Carla looked friendly, being the first to step up and hug Carmen, and extending her hand to Shane. Jose followed closely behind his wife, and politely expressed some greetings of welcome to Shane. Pedro and Esther were next, hugging Carmen and shaking Shane's hand as quickly as they could, as if they couldn't wait to get away.

But the look on Ricardo and Mr. Morales' faces were not of friendly nature. They look menacing, with eyes boring right thru into Shane, acting as if their space was violated. Mercedes came up between Ricardo and Mr. Morales and gave them a nudge. Instantly, Ricardo cleared his throat and stepped forward, extending his hand stiffly out at Shane. He cast a quick glance at Carmen and gave her a half-hearted smile. And Carmen felt the disapproval from her big brother. She held her tears in, her brother, whom she loved and adored, who had never cast a disapproving eye on her, who had supported her every decision, now looked at her like she was some stranger.

She turned sadly at Shane, and then turned back to look at her step-father, the one man whom she looked up to, she needed the approval from the most. He didn't look happy, and very grimly murmured his greetings, before walking off into the kitchen abruptly. And Carmen nearly fell with sadness. Carla stepped forward and held her tightly, and whispered, "Give him time Carmen, give him time." Carmen nodded and leaned into her sister's embrace.

A long pause around.


Shane wiped her tears off as she stood up and dragged her feet towards the bedroom. As she entered it, a whiff of Carmen's Tommy Girl Perfume hit her. She had always complained that Carmen puts too much of the stuff, but the truth was, she had always loved it, it always reminded her of Carmen. Even in recent weeks, where Carmen didn't use it, Shane would secretly splash some of it on her hand, the scent giving her strength to continue during Carmen's time of need.

But this scent, was now distracting. The presence of it was too painful a reminder. A reminder that she could no longer hold Carmen, and sniff her neck, and kiss her soft checks, and…

'Stop…!' Shane screamed inside.

She threw open the closet and parted the racks of Carmen's clothes, and pulled out a big box, covered with tiny hearts wrapping paper. On top of the box laid that 8th rose, withered and dried, from the week previous. She settled herself onto the carpet as she lifted the rose off the box and placed it gingerly onto her side. She eyed the box, heart broken because Carmen had never gotten to the 8th rose. As she ran her hands across the surface with the hearts, she saw droplets of water staining the surface of the paper, and realized that she was tearing again. She quickly wiped the tears away, not wanting to soil the wrapper.

Carefully, she removed the wrapping paper from the box and lifted the lid…

Sigh…


"Come, come Shane… We eat now. I cooked a feast to welcome you." Mercedes' voice broke the uncomfortable silence. Mercedes ordered in Spanish for the family to march to the dining room while she went off to get Mr. Morales.

As everyone settled around the table, Carmen looked around the table sadly. The feast was still there, most of the family members were there, save for Anna, but the mood was really solemn. Everyone looked uptight and it was unusually quiet around. Only Roddy chattered obliviously to Shane, asking about her career, about the hot starlets that Shane worked with, taking special interest in Shakira, which Shane met briefly once.

Shane answered politely, glad for the distraction that Roddy provided away from the grim mood of the dining room. But Carmen knew that she was really uncomfortable. Her usually happy family, who would make everyone who visited the Morales family feel at home, were doing their best to make Shane uncomfortable. She should get angry, she should… But when she realized that she was the whole cause of the grimness, she blamed herself for it instead.

Carla came back into the room with her 3 kids and Pedro's son, Amroy.

"Auntie Carmen!" All of the kids screamed and ran over to hug Carmen in a group hug. Carmen felt all the love, only the children could make the mood of the table lighten up. She hugged each of them dearly, appreciative of the fact that these little ones would never judge her like the adults would.

But Amroy noticed something that everyone had missed out on. He noticed that Carmen didn't have hair. "Auntie Carmen… where is your hair?" Everyone around the table froze. Carmen smiled weakly, "Well Roy, I decided to go for a new look…" She realized that all her family members were staring at her intently, and with unsure fingers pull off her ski hat to reveal her bald head. Her siblings stared, unable to believe their eyes, and only Carla gave a sympathetic look to Shane, as if knowing what Shane must being going through as well. A long uncomfortable pause seemed to rip across the room before the darling children managed to pull everyone back together.

Carla's eldest, 7 year old Diana, spotted Shane sitting beside Carmen and asked inquisitively, "Aunt Carmen, who is that?" Carmen looked over her shoulder and realized that Shane was looking at them with a little smile.

Flustered, she said, "Oh, Deedee, this is my friend Shane," Diana held out her hand, trying to mimic how the adults greet each other, and Shane gamely shook the hand, smiling "Nice to meet you." The other kids followed suit, as they always did whatever Diana did, even little Jose wanted in on the action and Carla handed him to Shane.

Shane, whose only experience with a baby was with Angelica, held Jose apprehensively, and little Jose felt uncomfortable. He started to whimper and Carmen decided to save both Jose and Shane, who was right now looking like she had a time bomb in her hands.

As Carla settled the children into their seats, the mood around the table seemed to have lighten quite a bit. Everyone started chatting easier. The topics started from the little kids asking questions, to everyone loosening up enough to talk about work and live, occasionally directing their questions to Carmen and Shane.


Shane pulled out a simple white dress. She meant for Carmen to wear it at the engagement. She figured that after Carmen said yes to marrying her, the next step was to get her a dress. Now the dress was just a painful reminder of what's not to come. She thought it would be easy, she had gained the approval of Mercedes. She had gained the approval of Roddy. And the rest of the clan were amicable enough. But the father, he was one strong man. Strong in stature and also strong in beliefs.

Shane could only sigh. As long as Mr. Morales was there to hinder the union, there was nothing Shane or Mercedes or anyone else could do. 'Bullshit Shane!' Her conscience yelled. She had been proclaiming her love for Carmen, even go to the depths of the ocean for her… but yet, she seemed to be giving up at such a slight setback. But she wasn't giving up, was she? Mr. Morales wanted what's best for his daughter, and Shane wanted what's best for Carmen. And maybe what's best was to let her go. Just like he said…


Papito never joined them at the table. He wasn't hungry, Mamita said, but Carmen knew better… He could not accept the fact that Carmen was 'not normal'. Carmen sighed as she poked at the food. Ever since she was little, ever since Carmen knew that she wasn't Raul Morales' real child, she had done all that she could to make him proud, so that he would be proud to call her his own. And Raul Morales, he loved Carmen just as much as his real children, he loved them all equally, but especially Carmen, the angel of the brood.

Now… now Carmen was no longer the angel. She was the devil, the devil incarnate. The child of Satan who went against everything in her catholic upbringing. Carmen gripped her fork even tighter, she had even brought Shane back home, to flaunt, to show her step-father. How could she had been so insensitive, how could she had done this without first seeking the approval of her father.

The mixed up feelings, the chemotherapy pills, the radiotherapy, the rejection from her step-father and so much more made the insides of her stomach hurt. She excused herself from the table and ran into the bathroom. She could hear fast words in Spanish between her family members, and she could hear footsteps following her to the bathroom. Knowing that it would be Shane, she left the bathroom door ajar, just so that Shane could come in with her. Squatting over the toilet bowl, she took her time in allowing the churning of her stomach to propel the sickness upwards.

"Hey…" Shane said after Carmen heard the door click shut. With a hand on Carmen's back, Shane kneeled down beside her girlfriend and gave her back a rub down. Carmen hurled somemore, and using her right hand, she grasped Shane's right in silent acknowledgement.


"Hi, er… Mercedes? This is Shane. Erm… yeah… I'm sorry too, has Carmen woken yet? No? Erm well… She… is not going to like this. I… it's for the best I guess… I… I love her very much. No no… I am not giving up… but… he had a point. I… … … … Yes… I understand… I am calling to let you know that it is time for Carmen's meds. You have to wake her even if she doesn't want to. I… sigh… I really miss her. I know… but… I'll talk to her tomorrow okay? Thank you Mercedes…"


"Oh my god, Shane… is my baby okay?" Mercedes asked concerned as Carmen and Shane came out of the bathroom. Shane had her arms around Carmen and was preventing her from falling. "She's fine. Just a little sick." Shane assured.

"Come come. Bring her to her old room. She can rest there." Mercedes led the way to a pretty bedroom and Shane settled Carmen down on one of the beds. "This is Carmen's and Anna's room…" Mercedes said sadly, Shane followed her gaze to a picture frame hanging by the dresser. A picture of Carmen and Anna a couple of years before, their arms around each other and both smiled so widely. She turned back to look at Mercedes and gave her a sad smile.

"Well. I will leave you to put my daughter to sleep, after that you join us in the hall for desert okay." Mercedes walked over to Carmen and kissed her forehead. "Rest well, Carmencita, you rest before Shane bring you home okay."

"Gracias, Mamita." Carmen said before snuggling into her sheets.

As soon as Mercedes left the room, Carmen pulled Shane down to her and they touched foreheads. "Do my breath stink?" Carmen asked.

Shane let out a small chuckle before answering sweetly. "No, but even if it does, I'll still do this." She leaned down to place a soft peck on Carmen's lips.

"Sorry I had to get sick like that. I…"

"Ssh. Stop that. I don't want you to say things like that." Shane scolded. She tugged at Carmen's blankets and pulled it up. "I am going to be right outside okay, you sleep the effects of the drugs off, and I will come back in to take you home, okay?"

Carmen grabbed hold of Shane's arm as she made a move to leave. "No, Shane… I'm afraid. Don't go, I feel like if you leave, I am not going to see you again." Carmen forced herself up and hugged Shane close. "Don't leave, stay here with me."

"I'll be right outside, Peach. I am not going anywhere." Shane tried to soothe her frighten girlfriend. "I promise I will be right outside when you wake up." She tugged at her hand softly and realized that Carmen hadn't let go of her death grip. "I will stay here with you till you fall asleep okay, Peach?"

Shane took off her shoes and scooted into the sheets behind Carmen, spooning and cuddling her till at last she could hear the restful breathing of deep slumber. She untangled herself from her girlfriend and replaced the sheets over Carmen securely. And as her gaze fall on her girlfriend, she placed a soft kiss on her cheek. She placed another few kisses on her temple and her hair and another on her cheek because she couldn't resist herself. And finally she dragged herself out of the room, taking one last look at her girlfriend before closing the door behind her.

Shane walked back into the living room. The whole family had moved there, and so was Mercedes and her husband. He wore a grim expression on his face, having heard that Carmen hurled. He looked hard at Shane, his eyes accusing Shane, as if Shane was all the cause of Carmen's illness. He blamed Shane for all the bad things that had happened in Carmen's life, and Shane could feel the weight of the insane anger in his eyes.

Carla patted the seat beside her and asked Shane to join her. Apprehensive at first, she took the seat that was so kindly offered to her. But no matter where she went in the room. Mr. Morales' eyes followed her.

TBC