Ch 28

The water in the bathroom ran for a long time before River re-emerged into the bedroom. The TARDIS had been kind enough to provide clean, warm clothes for her. The Doctor was sitting on the edge of the bed, lost in thought.

River didn't say anything when she entered the room. She silently went over to her night table, picked a picture out of the drawer and tossed it face down into the wastebasket.

The Doctor looked up at the nose, eyes wet. Her own eyes were red-rimmed as she stared at the trash, jaw clenched. He didn't ask what she'd thrown away.

"...Do you want help getting dressed?"

"I'm fine." She murmured, her gaze shifting blankly to the wall.

He glanced at the waste barrel and then back at her. "I don't think we should tell the kids about this."

"Of course not." She agreed, though didn't bring up the fact that they still didn't know if they'd be able to get their children back.

There was a beat of silence.

"I can take Ohila home if you don't want her here." He offered.

"I'd appreciate that." She nodded, her gaze never moving from the wall.

Ohila was in one of sitting rooms, silently looking at the pictures on the walls.

"Sorry for earlier." The Doctor said when he found her.

"All is forgiven." She assured.

"Been a long day..." He sighed.

"I can tell that it has been. I suspect you have come to bring me home."

"That's correct." He nodded.

"I have means of transportation that will allow me to get home without your assistance so you needn't trouble yourself."

"Oh. Alright. Em, thank for today, by the way."

"You're welcome. I suspect this isn't the last time I'll see you." She pulled out her transporter.

"One can never be sure. One minute you're sure and next... well, you know."

She nodded, "Take care of yourself, Doctor."

"And you." He murmured.

With a nod, she was gone, the faint smell of time trailing behind her. He sighed, feeling that it would be better to give River some more space rather than go right back to her. He went to make tea, thinking about what River had thrown in the waste basket.

The TARDIS hummed warmly, leaving on the kitchen table the sonogram of the baby that River had thrown out.

The Doctor couldn't help but gasp at the picture when he saw it, fingers hesitantly reaching for it like it might spontaneously combust if he touched it. He could understand why she threw this away, but they still had pictures of William and she might want this one day. The TARDIS hummed sadly. He shut his eyes, holding the picture to his aching hearts, then pocketed it and tried to focus on making tea.

Toby slept under the table and the Doctor found Tiber at his feet waiting with him. The kettle whistled once the water was done, filling up the silent room with the noise. He poured two cups of tea, one for himself and one for River, preparing it how she liked.

Tiber followed the Doctor for a short while, then changed his mind and left him be. The door to their room was open, but the bathroom door was locked and the water was running again.

The Doctor knocked on the door. "Riv?"

She cleared her throat to try and steady her voice, "Yeah?"

He didn't bother asking if she was alright, knowing she wasn't. "I made some tea for when you get out... let me know if you need anything, alright?"

"Okay." She agreed. He went to put both cups down on the nightstand, trusting that she would call him if she needed. Both of them needed time to process. Just because this wasn't their first lost child, didn't make it hurt any less, especially for River since he knew she thought of the baby as her last connection to his former face. He hoped she didn't feel like she'd lost him- he was trying to show her he was still very much here in the sense of support and love.

He lay down on the bed, closing his eyes.

River cried quietly in the bathroom for another hour before she finally emerged. The Doctor had fallen into a light sleep. He'd been trying not to, but they'd not had real beds for a week let alone good sleep. He couldn't have helped it.

She paced quietly around the bed, afraid to fall asleep. She knew she would probably have nightmares and she wasn't ready for that.

The tea sat cold on the night stand. The TARDIS was quite aside from the background hums of her engine running. Such quiet was rare with their usually full house, even when the kids slept.

River finally resorted to sitting on the edge of the bed, drinking the cold tea. The Doctor shifted slightly towards her side of the bed when the mattress dipped with her weight.

She stiffened, looking down at him. His eyes were still closed, though his hand had unconsciously reached over to her general area. Looked away from his hand, squeezing her eyes closed.

It went hours like this: just silence and cold tea. River eventually stood, feeling like she had to do something. Just sitting in the silence was driving her mad.

She went over to her closet, opening up the door. Andriod parts were just behind the door, this apparently being one of the places that Ohila had destroyed one of the robots. River jumped back, gasping, the sight startling her.

The TARDIS hummed to assure that this android wasn't harmful. River sunk to the ground, crying quietly, the sight setting her off again and reminding her of what they had just gone through. Trying to help, the TARDIS removed the prices of robot from sight.

River stayed in the same position for a while, not having the energy to move.

The Doctor stirred from the bed, glancing around until he spotted her. "River?"

She quickly brushed away her tears, "Yeah?"

"Didn't mean to fall asleep." He propped himself up on his elbows, wondering why she was on the ground. "Where's your wheelchair?"

"The bathroom, I don't need it." She breathed, trying to calm down.

He didn't agree, but he didn't try to argue with her. "What are you doing over there?"

"I just...want to get something out of my closet." She breathed, attempting to stand. He nodded and wondered if it would be too coddling to offer his help. She made it to her feet, going into the closet. He watched her disappear behind the doors.

She came back out after a moment, closing the doors and leaning against them.

"Maybe you ought to rest." He said gently.

"No, I'm fine. I don't want sleep." She shook her head. He glanced over at the tea seeing she'd drunk some of it, sitting up more. She sat down on the edge of the bed again, closing her eyes.

"River?" He whispered.

"Hmm?"

"If you need to talk, I'm here. You don't have to, but I want us to be honest with each other, no hiding feelings. I don't want you to feel alone so... I'm here."

"Is there something you think we should talk about?" She asked.

He was quiet for a moment. "Well... a lot's happened this week. You saw my planet for the first time, all the things I wanted to show you... and all the things I didn't. We sent our children away. You nearly died. Twice. And now the Capital is gone and we're not the same people we were a few days ago."

"You left out some things." She whispered, the words coming out harsher than she intended.

He tried not to flinch. "Doesn't mean I've forgotten, just not sure if I'm ready to say them out loud."

She bit her lip, "Then what do you want to talk about?" "

Maybe about how we're going to get the kids back?"

"I don't think we should try and get them back until I've..." She stopped, unable to say the words. He assumed she meant until had... passed everything.

"Alright." He agreed.

"Do we even have a chance of getting them back?" She asked quietly, looking down at her hands.

"Yes, we do." He nodded slowly. "I'll need to analyze how stable it is to land where we agreed, though."

She nodded slowly, "So, our chance is good?"

"Yeah. It's good. It's just... em, if it's not safe to land then we'll need to land later than agreed."

"But if we do that, they may not be there." She whispered.

"Then we'll go find them. How far away is the city from... where did we agree to meet them? New Jersey?"

"Pennsylvania, actually." She murmured, "I changed it last minute because I didn't want to risk anyone besides me and Amy knowing where to find them."

"Oh." He nodded in thought. "Well... we can get on a bus then?"

"Yes, or a train."

"We'll get them back."

She nodded, looking down at her hands. He reached for her hand, squeezing it tightly. She stared silently.

"Do you want something to eat?" He asked, knowing she didn't want to sleep.

"I'm not really hungry." She whispered.

"Right. You just look like you could use a distraction."

"A distraction won't make things better."

"Didn't say it would." He murmured.

"I didn't say that you did." She said defensively.

"Right, sorry." He took a breath. "So that's a no then?"

"Yes, it's a no. I already said I'm not hungry!" She snapped.

He held his breath and let got of her hand. "I wasn't going to suggest food again, I was going to suggest a movie." He said quietly.

"I don't want to watch a movie. I'm not in the mood to watch a movie." Her words were bitter and angry.

He was silent. He was silent for a long time before getting up and leaving, his footsteps hardly making a sound.

She moved onto the bed after he was gone, laying on her back and staring up at the ceiling. The TARDIS had made the ceiling appear to fade away into space. She did that sometimes for River if she couldn't sleep or had a nightmare. Despite her resistance, River eventually fell asleep, too exhausted to stay awake any longer.

The TARDIS was still aside from whatever puttering the Doctor was doing. She floated undisturbed through space, serene and quiet.

The TARDIS did it's best to comfort the two grieving Time Lords, humming softly as she floated, making the air warm and comforting.

The Doctor, unlike River, was trying to make himself busy with as many things as possible. He was simultaneously analyzing the medicine to see if it'd been changed, running a scan on the location they were supposed to meet the Ponds to see if it was safe to land, filling out a sudoku, reading up on a bit of Zygon history, and playing his guitar as he walked between the tasks.

The TARDIS tried to provide as many activities as it could for him, feeding into his need to be busy. Some of the things were house cleaning activities that the TARDIS usually did herself but let him help out on. Some were just puzzles or things to make his brain think about something that wasn't how worried he was about River.

He paused when the results from the medicine came in reading it over. The breakdown of the medication showed an ingredient that hadn't been agreed upon by those working on the medication. In fact, one of the healers had outwardly said that it would cancel out the effect of the medication on the baby.

The Doctor stared, nearly dropping his guitar. That couldn't be right. He'd checked it over the night before River used it. The Healers had overseen everything, it didn't make sense. He sat down trying to deny the obvious answer.

The Doctor and the Healers were the only ones that had known about the plan. They were also the only ones that had the particular ingredient that had been put in the medicine, which meant that someone among them must have made a last minute change without notifying the others.

He closed his eyes replaying the events in his head, replaying their last day before the Capital. Before he yelled at Milva, before River got hurt, before he did what he did.

There was one person that seemed to have disappeared over night: Venic. He remembered that. His own words when they couldn't find her, that Venic must have gone over to the Healers. River had noticed, what had she noticed? Pressing too hard. She'd said so, that Venic was pressing too hard during an examination.

Although he couldn't be sure with only the ingredient breakdown, all evidence pointed to the speculation that Venic had purposely altered the medicine. He put his head in his hands, feelings of betrayal and guilt bubbling freshly within him. Why would she do this and what the hell was he supposed to tell River?

The TARDIS hummed, trying to comfort him. "She's the reason our baby is dead, isn't it." He had to say it out loud, no matter the fact that the words shook coming out or that his eyes were starting to blur with tears. He had to say it.

"...Why?" The TARDIS knew he probably already knew the answer. For every friend he and River had, they had five more enemies to go along with it. Not everyone was thankful for what the Doctor had done. Not everyone was willing to risk their lives to help him.

He turned the screen off unable to look at the data anymore. He had to tell River, though he wasn't sure how to. He'd just said that whole thing about being honest but he didn't want to hurt her more than he already had with the other painful truths he'd told her today. That and he was sure she didn't want to see him right now.

"How is she?"

The TARDIS flicked on the screen again to show River's current activities. She was sleeping restlessly, tossing and turning. A worry-crease deepened on the Doctor's forehead before he rose to go to the bedroom.

River was still tossing and turning when he entered the room, quiet whimpers escaping her throat. He went over to the bed quickly, sitting on the edge and touching her shoulder. She shrunk away from his touch, not knowing it was him.

"River," he said softly, "Wake up. You're only dreaming, wake up."

She jumped, eyes opening. He looked down at her as warmly as he could. "You were dreaming."

She nodded, taking a deep breath to calm down. He murmured something he hoped was soothing, staying put. She took a few deep breaths, finally relaxing (or at least getting as relaxed as she could). He wondered if he should wait or just go and tell her what he'd discovered. It didn't seem like the best time.

"What have you been doing?" She asked quietly.

"Keeping busy." He murmured.

"Oh, okay." She had been hoping he'd elaborate, but didn't want to push.

He bit his cheek, knowing that she knew there was more. His hair was ruffled and his eyes were still red. He looked away from her and then back. "I... I did an analysis."

"Oh?" She raised an eyebrow.

His expression made it clear that whatever information he had wasn't good news. "On the medicine."

"Oh..." she whispered.

He was silent for a moment. "Someone changed it."

"Changed it how?"

"They added something. It caused the effects to bypass the baby."

"What?" She frowned, "Why? Wouldn't they have known not to do that?"

He looked away again. "Yes. They would have."

Her expression hardened, realizing his implication. "Who?" She was angry now, her sadness fueling her fury.

"I think... I think it was Venic."

"What? Why?"

"She was gone in the morning. She hadn't said goodbye or anything, but she wasn't supposed to be working on the medicine. She was supposed to be with us."

"I remember she was being too rough… we thought she was just tired." She remembered.

He nodded in agreement.

"I should've gone with my instincts. I knew something wasn't right, but I brushed it off." She muttered.

He shook his head. "We couldn't have known what she'd do."

She squeezed her eyes shut, her hands clenched into fists, "We should have been more careful. We got too comfortable. Too trusting. This is why we cannot trust anyone."

He didn't know how to react to that. There were of course still people they trusted, like her parents, their friends, she was right about having gotten comfortable. River had always had issues with trust thanks to her past, and the recent events only reminded her of those problems. She had learned to only rely on herself and her words seemed to hint that she would soon be slipping back into those habits.

"They're gone now." He murmured, sensing her tone change. "The people from the Dry Lands, the Capitol, they're all behind us. Gone from our lives."

"I don't care. I'm not making that mistake again." She whispered.

He nodded his understanding, wondering if this applied to her friends and family. She stared at her hands, not speaking.

"I'm running checks on the pickup point now." He said after a while.

"Good." She breathed, nodding slightly.

He decided not to ask her if she needed anything as he was sure she was horribly annoyed with him asking by now. "I'll... go check on that."

She looked up at him, looking like she wanted him to stay, "Oh, okay."

He hesitated at her expression, then moved to kiss her forehead before getting up. "I'll come back with the results."

"Okay." She nodded.

He smiled weakly then went to get the results.