Thump, thump, thump. Blue eyes. Wide blue eyes. Thump, thump, thump. Heaving chest. Panting. Thump, thump, thump. I swallowed, trying to rid myself of a dry throat. Thump, thump, thump; that's how my heart went. It was beyond my control, raging against the bones of my ribcage, making it impossible for me to catch my breath. Which, of course, didn't help me look any less flustered.

Cissy, ever so the true pureblood, found it in her to force her mouth closed, her eyes now lacking any kind of emotion even though everyone in my room knew how shocked she'd been at the scene unfolding before her when she first entered my room.

"I apologize," she stated calmly, and somehow I managed to stay completely still as I stared blankly at her. "Excuse me." Narcissa closed the door behind her slowly, leaving me once again alone with Draco. I wished she'd rather stayed and made us speak of unimportant things, but no. I was left in my room with the boy who could infuriate me so, but that could also suddenly snap on me and throw me into a wall and ravish me.

Thump, thump, thump. My heartbeat was picking up again at the visual and I had to close to my eyes to regain control over my body as I took a few steps away from him. Draco's presence was currently unbearable. I couldn't think or process anything with his grey eyes boring into me like that, as if they expected something from me; something I couldn't give them: assurance.

I had the sudden urge to pull my hair back, sigh in frustration, but that would display my frustration and my emotions were my own. I wasn't obliged to share, or even expose them. Not even to Draco Malfoy.

"Eva..." Here we go. I didn't want to do this; not now, not ever. My eyes, empty of emotion, met his and I swore I could see him flinching even when his face remained still. This was one of our silent contests, both trying to figure out which would cave under the weight of our emotions and, for once, Draco was losing. I could just about hear him yelling and cursing at himself for calling out for me, his voice weakened.

"You have a dinner to attend to," I reminded him, and I straightened my leather jacket before picking up my forgotten wand. I needed out, to release steam. There was no way anyone could expect me to sit down and share a civilized meal after that.

His eyes narrowed at me and I almost wanted to roll mine back at him. Was this his attempt to intimidate me? "It is improper for a young lady to abandon her guests; unladylike," he told me.

"Indeed, if they were my guests. I don't recall inviting anyone to my home," I contradicted.

"But it is your home nonetheless," he pointed out.

I glared at him, but he never smirked back. Draco and I couldn't win anymore. No matter how our conversations went, lately, we both always seemed to lose. "You should go." I was starting to run out of things to say, excuses to not share the same air as him. "Your hosts are waiting for his excellence's presence. Wouldn't want to disappoint and ruin that impeccable image of yours, would you?"

"Do you think I give a fucking rat's ass about my reputation?!"

At times like this, I was reminded that everyone had a limit. Push them hard enough and the tension breaks, their facades break. Draco had reached his... again. I don't know how I kept making him snap tonight. I was on a roll, apparently.

I sighed, looking away from him. Not another argument. I was tired, drained. I spent all day at work before Teddy and Victoire made me play cowboys and Indians. I came home striving to throw myself on my bed and sleep into next week, but no. I arrived home to Draco, who chased me into my bedroom, had a duel with me and then kissed me, messing not only with my head, but with my heart as well. And now he wanted another fight? No. I was too exhausted for this drama. He would have to come back another day.

"How can you do that?" he demanded, frowning at me and I wasn't sure I'd ever seen Draco Malfoy frowning.

"What?" I sighed against, my eyes meeting his.

"Not care."

I wasn't sure when I'd stopped caring. I mean, I didn't. I still cared. I still hurt. I still wanted to fall asleep in Draco's embrace every night and I always looked at the empty side in the middle of the night, longing to find his muscular form beside me. But all this pain... It was numbing me. Slowly, but surely, I was losing the ability to feel, growing more insensitive with each day as I lost hope for us to make amends.

But I couldn't put any of that into words. I was normally good with words, but I knew if I said any of it, then I'd be the one to be exposed and he'd walk out, crushing my heart all over again.

"Isn't that what we're taught? Are we not purebloods?" I questioned him, blinking back.

"That's all you care about?"

"Isn't that why we were engaged in the first place, to restore your social position? Because you care about that?"

The look on his face resembled that of someone who had just been slapped across the face. I wish I could say I felt regret. Or even satisfaction. But I didn't. I felt nothing. I just wanted Draco to leave me alone. Let me be. "You think that's all there is to me?"

"No." I cursed my tongue for working on its own accord. I grunted weakly, closing my eyes for a moment as I gathered my wits. "Leave."

"No." Merlin, why couldn't he just walk out that Goddamn door and go?!

"I don't care what you care about or what there is to you! Just leave, Draco!"

The glare returned to his features. "You do care," he told me, but it sounded like he was trying to convince himself rather than me as he closed the gap between us, his stare becoming more intense.

"Actually, I do not. Sorry."

His lips crashed into mine, evoking a whimper from within me. I must have melted against him instantly and it didn't help that his hands seized my hips, pulling my chest into his. I could have been locked in embrace forever, and I wouldn't have complained. My lips attacked his, my hands clinging to the his shirt as we kissed feverishly.

I don't know where I found the strength to push him away, but I did. "Will you stop doing that?!" I demanded, grunting as I glared at him. "This doesn't magically solved the mess you've cause, Draconious." He glared back at the use of his full birth name. "I don't know what you want from me, but I assure you, this isn't-"

"You!" he blew at me, obviously frustrated, but he quickly recomposed himself, glaring at me as he stepped closer. "I want you," he told me calmly.

My eyes narrowed at him, as if searching for anything that told me this was a lie. Not that it mattered. I wouldn't believe him either way. Not after what went down at St. Mungus. "Just leave, Draco."

"What is wrong with you? I'm standing here, saying that I want you-"

"Oh, you mean after you rejected me at St. Mungus?"

"I didn't reject you at-"

"I seem to remember being present and that's exactly-"

"I said the deal was off."

"And how is that-"

"Because you and your selfless ways are going to get you killed."

"Like you care if I die or-"

"Don't say that," he hissed and for the first time I didn't have the urge to snap back because it had been a long time since I'd last seen Draco's eyes darken like that. "You are fully aware of what your death would do to me."

For a moment, I dared not move. Only because he was so dangerously close and my hands were twitching with anticipation to touch him My body could no longer be trusted in this man's presence. But also, his eyes spoke in volumes his voice could not and in that moment, I knew that if I should ever die before him, Draco Malfoy would become a ghost, broken and torn by my untimely passing.

"I walked away because you were willing to put your health and well being in jeopardy for me," he told me quietly. "And it scared me." You may not think this means much, but for someone like Draco Malfoy to admit he is scared... Well... And he must have found relief in the emotion in my eyes because he kept speaking, almost as if he encouraged me to display more emotion. "It scared me that you may get hurt. Or that someone out there might actually sacrifice themselves for me because I have never had that."

"Cissy-"

"My mother is my mother, Eva. It's her job to look out for me. You did so willingly; no biological bonds, no interest... I was scared I'd lose you for being selfish. And all my life I have been selfish. Yet I couldn't be with you, so I let you go."

All that time, thinking I had been left behind, abandoned, rejected... And as it turns out, Draco Malfoy decided to be selfless, and scared. I scared him. I couldn't help but release a muffled chuckle at the thought. How impossible it sounded... Yet I knew it was true, because even then, I could detect fear in his eyes, as if he dreaded my next move. And, to be honest, I myself dreaded what I'd do next. I was unpredictable, not accustomed to having this amount of emotions cursing through my veins. I felt like I could be crippled by them at any moment and fall apart.

"So why are you here?"

Draco struggled with himself for a moment and I struggled to be patient and not urge him to just spit it out. "I think" he paused, his grey eyes seeking mine "I can't."

"Can't what?" Oh, Merlin, this boy could be frustrating.

"Live without you."

If he expected me to take him back the moment he explained himself.. Well, that certainly wasn't going to happen. I couldn't just forgive or forget. It had been what, nine weeks? And I was meant to just move on and accept him back into my life?

As the silence stretched between us, Draco seemed to realize what my thoughts were, because I never offered him a reply. Instead, I merely stood where I was, staring at him as if silently asking, now what? This confused him and I saw it in the shift of his expression, the way he frowned at me. And, for some reason, this angered me; that he'd just expect me to accept him back with arms wide open.

"I am not Pansy Parkinson," I clarified, glaring at him slightly. "I am not at your beck and call. You said nothing to me for nine weeks. I am not some toy you pick up and play with, store on a shelf until the next time you feel like playing again. You want me? Then show it. Actions speak louder than words. I think it's time you start backing up those."

I tightened my grasp around my wand, walking past him and leaving my room. I needed out of there; out of my room, my house, that entire situation. Everything I'd buried, he'd dug out and now I had to feel everything. I just couldn't do that with him around. I needed to sort myself out. And right then, there was only one person who could handle me in such a state. I didn't even remember calling out an address as I stood in my fireplace, but sure enough I was greeted by the wide, confused brown eyes of Ginny Weasley.