Title: The Girl who would be Queen
Author: Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)
Fandom: Once Upon a Time
Pairing: Swan Queen
Rating: NC17 for trigger warnings and language (and eventual sexy times)
Summary: Spoilers for Stable Boy S01E18 & Fruit of the Poisonous Tree S01E11.
Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing the story of the Evil Queen's past and it makes her question everything she knows. I am ignoring the whole M&M jail storyline. (Mixed Fairy Tale Land with Storybrook) warning this is dark & twisty, see triggers below.
Trigger Warnings: Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing. Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in no way saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know has been affected by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who can and will help you and if the first person doesn't believe someone else will.
Disclaimer: I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various Evanescence songs; part twenty-eight is taken from Anywhere. All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.
A/N: So this is the final chapter. I hope I have written a worthy ending for all of you. Thank you so much for all of your many comments, especially to those who commented on every part. Without your continued encouragement, I'm not sure I would've stayed as focused without you. Even if you haven't commented but have just read, I hope you have enjoyed this and I thank you for sticking with me. You may need to grab a box of tissues. There will be more when I finish the epilogue.
Also I really wanted to make a crack about Goldilocks asleep in Emma's bed but it just wouldn't work with the mood of the scene.
Part Twenty-Eight - I have dreamt of a place for you and I.
Forget this life
Come with me
Don't look back you're safe now
Unlock your heart
Drop your guard
No one's left to stop you.
- Anywhere, Evanescence.
Regina should have felt empowered; she had finally stood up to her mother and broken all ties with Gold. Each of these things separately should have made her feel invincible, together doubly so, but as she sank down onto the couch in Mary Margaret's apartment all she felt was an empty void tightening around her. She sat still for a moment, taking in her surroundings. She'd come here partly because she didn't want to go home and her office had seemed so impersonal.
She hadn't intended on coming here but as she left her office with nowhere else to go her car seemed to drive itself the block and a half to her arch nemesis's apartment. She supposed she couldn't really call Mary Margaret her nemesis anymore but she had hated her for so long that it was going to take some time to get used to not thinking in those terms.
Regret steeped in guilt bubbled up inside her and for a moment she was glad she could finally feel something. Being here, surrounded by Mary Margaret's possessions, the smell of her home and the smell of her, made Regina feel so alien and unwelcome. How could she think that it was ok to come here? She instinctively grasped at the tendrils of hate to protect herself from this feeling of rejection but there wasn't enough hate left to cloak herself from the guilt of what she had done. She recognised the impulse and stopped looking for the threads of her own hate for protection; she was so tired of hating and even more tired of the self-loathing that drove her hate.
She looked around the room, willing to belong here, this place where Emma Swan lived. But how could she ever seek forgiveness from Mary Margaret when she could never forgive herself?
It was almost dawn and the first rays of morning light peeped in at the window. Regina rubbed her eyes as she eased herself off the couch. She wandered up the stairs, looking for some place that would welcome her; unsure if such a place existed here. She came to a halt in the doorway of one of the bedrooms. The smell was different, less Mary Margaret and more Emma. Sudden tranquillity washed over her as she stepped into the room. Traces of Emma littering the room: clothes discarded, one of her leather jackets draped over a chair and one of her necklaces hanging on the mirror above the dresser.
Regina sank onto the bed, pulling one of the pillows out from under the covers. She hugged it to herself and curled up on the bed, breathing in traces of Emma's scent and feeling serenity wash over her. 'Emma,' she moaned into the pillow as the first drops of silent tears soaked into the pillow. Just being in Emma's room made her feel such an overwhelming sense of safety and security. She fought against the feeling that this was weakness, admitting to herself that all she wanted was Emma's arms to hold her and never let go.
She had pushed Emma as far as she could but the blonde had stayed until Regina's final confession. Was it all too late? What if she'd left town? A small voice inside echoed with doubt.
Emma arrived at Gold's shop moments too late. Regina was gone and there was broken wood and glass all over the floor.
'Gold, what happened here?' Emma asked as she stepped over the broken glass in the doorway. She observed Gold for a moment, a broom in his hand as he regarded her.
'Nice of you to show up Sheriff. Our lovely Madam Mayor is what happened here and I want her arrested for criminal damage and intimidation,' He said as he scowled.
Emma let out at laugh.
'Really? What did she do exactly? I find it hard to believe that she could intimidate you,' Emma scoffed, taking another step forward, glass crunching under her boots.
'I'm sure you can see what she did Sheriff, now I suggest you do your job and find her,' Gold said sardonically.
'Hmm… I don't suppose there were any witnesses? Or perhaps you have security cameras in here?' Emma glanced around and then matched Gold's cold glare, she knew very well the answer to both.
'You have a job to do Sheriff and if I were you, I'd learn to keep my personal relationships separate from my work,' He asserted dismissively, ignoring both questions.
'Frankly I don't need you or Regina to tell me how to do my job. When I find her, I will talk to her but without a witness or any evidence its just your word against hers and I'm pretty sure she's not going to own up to this,' Emma said evenly, staring Gold down. She broke the gaze, 'I'll let you know what I find out,' she added with sarcastic professionalism as she turned around and headed out the door, leaving Gold to clean up his own mess.
The storm had abated and the wind was blowing the few remaining clouds away, leaving a brightening dawn sky. Emma rubbed her tired eyes as she headed home from the town hall, her stomach a bundle of nerves. There was nowhere else to look. She'd tried Granny's as well as the B&B but neither Granny nor Ruby had seen the mayor. She wasn't at Gold's or her office or anywhere else that was open or accessible.
She'd checked up on Hank and Cora before she had headed over to the town hall, leaving him with strict instructions to call her if anything was amiss. Now that her final few stops had come up empty Emma had no choice but to give in to her body, aching with exhaustion.
She opened the front door of Mary Margaret's apartment wearily, slinging her jacket over the back of the couch and kicking off her boots. She frowned as she flicked the lamp off, she was sure she hadn't left that on when she'd left the day before. As she approached the stairs a foreboding gripped her insides, something was off but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Maybe it was just residual apprehension after the day's events but her fingers made their way down to her weapon all the same. At the top of the stairs the fine hairs on the back of her neck rose, sending a shiver of trepidation down her spine. She unclipped her gun and pulled it from the holster, gripping it tightly as she made her way down the hallway to her room.
Emma stood in the doorway, her gun trained on the bed, the person sized lump clearly visible in the dim light of dawn. For a moment Emma hesitated, pondering her next move. The person was clearly asleep and she sent out a silent prayer that it was actually Regina. She moved over to the bed slowly, relief flooding her as she gazed down at the sleeping mayor. She had a large purpling gash to her temple, as she had in Emma's dream, but there was also an angry looking cut on the back of her head, her hair matted with blood.
Regina sat up suddenly, a looming figure standing over her. She looked up at the weapon in Emma's hand and then into the blonde's face, her eyes fearful. For a moment her brain didn't connect where she was with the person standing over her.
'Shit, no… Emma what are you doing?' Regina wailed her eyes back on the weapon, fixating on the execution in her mind.
'Oh no, honey,' Emma said quickly, holstering her gun and unbuckling her belt, she let it slip to the floor. 'God, I'm sorry. I knew someone was here and with the night I've had… I went to your house, I found Cora,' she stammered out as Regina continued to frown up at her.
'What? Where is she?' Regina bit back, panic at the heart of her tone.
'It's fine,' Emma said hurriedly, trying to assuage the sudden fear in Regina's eyes, 'She's locked up where she belongs,' she reported, watching the relief wash over the brunette's face.
Emma's fingers moved to the gash at Regina's temple and the mayor winced, taking Emma's hand and pulling it away from her wound.
Emma sat beside Regina's crossed legs taking her other hand, half afraid the mayor would pull away but Regina pulled her into a fierce hug, clinging to her and burying her face in Emma's neck. Emma's arms came around her, pulling her closer as comforting warmth embraced Regina. Regina choked back a sob as Emma's arms held her, the strength of her feelings overwhelming her.
'I'm sorry, Emma,' She mumbled into her neck before pulling away to look her in the eye. 'I'm so sorry, for everything: for pushing you away, for Graham,' she half choked on his name, guilt flooding her chest, 'for telling you like that…' she added solemnly.
Emma reached up, tucking a lock of dark hair behind Regina's ear, her thumb lingering on the side of the brunette's face.
'I know I can never make up for it,' Regina continued, searching Emma's face, 'I know I can never take it back and I wish to the Gods I could, but I swear, I'm sorry, truly.'
She paused for a moment, gathering her courage as she felt Emma brush her thumb across the soft down on the side of her cheek, her fingers lightly touching her neck.
'I don't deserve forgiveness but I will…' She continued her eyes downcast as Emma interrupted.
'Shhh… I forgive you Regina,' she said, her voice soft and deep as she stared at Regina, her eyes filled with compassionate tears.
The simplicity of Emma's words echoed around the small room. Regina looked up into Emma's face. She shook her head, not understanding how she had earned this.
'How?' Regina asked simply, a lump in her throat.
'Because I know how sorry you are and I have faith in you, even if you don't have faith in yourself. And because I love you,' Emma assured with simple sincerity, emphasising her final words of devotion.
A tear slipped down Regina's cheek as she visibly struggled to gain control, swallowing her emotions in a lifetime's habit of suppression.
'Don't,' Emma whispered softly as she moved her thumb to wipe away the tear, 'Let it go, let it all go. I've got you. It's okay to cry,' she assured her, running her other hand up her arm.
Regina laughed through her tears as they continued to get the better of her.
'I might never stop,' Regina admitted, trying to smile.
'It doesn't matter; you need to let it go. You need to let yourself feel… It's okay to feel,' Emma reassured, half smiling.
Regina frowned then, looking away as she took Emma's hand away from her face and held it tightly between her own. She swallowed hard, struggling with those four little words that held so much meaning as they danced on the tip of her tongue. She loosened her grip, looking up into Emma's face and reached up to brush strand of blonde hair away from her green eyes.
'Emma… I… I love you,' she said, the words barely audible as her chest choked with the emotion behind them.
Tears slipped freely from Emma's green eyes, she knew the truth of those words, the truth of Regina's feelings and the truth behind her apologies. The feelings from their connected dream rose up inside her as she pulled Regina against her, the brunette's arms pulling her closer, clinging to her as Emma let out a sob.
Regina pulled back, cupping the blonde's face between her hands as doubt crept in, aching uncomfortably in her stomach and tightening its grip
'What's wrong? Did I do something wrong?' Regina pleaded, her own tears falling freely now too.
'No, God, no… It's just… you said it. I wasn't sure if I would ever hear those words,' She said, pulling Regina back against her, tightening her hold as Regina breathed in Emma's scent, nuzzling closer to her.
Emma continued, 'I'm crying because it's going to be okay, really okay. Because whatever happens we will get through it together, the three of us as a family. I know it won't be easy but as long as we're together we can do this,' Emma said with certainty as she kissed Regina's ear, the brunette pulling away to look Emma in the eye.
'How can you say that with such conviction, after everything I've done?' Regina asked, her voice choked and her face streaked with tears as she searched green eyes for reassurance.
'Because this is your happy ending,' Emma said smiling.
Unheeded tears fell from Regina's eyes as Emma pulled Regina's lips against her own, kissing her gently before pulling her close again. Regina slipped easily into Emma's warm embrace and finally knew she had come home.
