Rowena felt at peace as her son snoozed in her lap. She had never appreciated his amazing capacity for sleep as an actual infant. She really should have when she had the chance. These moments of closeness with her child were incredible and heartening. With him in her lap she could do anything. She was invincible with him there. It would be all the more heartbreaking to say goodbye to him later in the evening. She cuddled him, and he nuzzled into her further. She surprised herself by how tender she could be. She still wasn't used to this fragile glass world of her son trusting her to take care of him. It still seemed too much like a dream.
When he began to stir, she began making preparations to give him a bottle to drink. The day was beginning to wane, and she knew her time with him was limited. She had to make the most of it. With an aide tailing her, she got permission to take her boy out to the gazebo. She set him down nearby in the grass and watched him run around, squealing happily as he rolled around in the grass. She watched him for just a few minutes before she couldn't resist any longer. She got up, suddenly full of laughter and joy, and she chased her boy around the gazebo. She picked him up and twirled him around in her arms. She blew raspberries on his stomach and heard the magic sound of his giggling. She felt herself loosen from the self possessed woman she presented to the world to the happy, devoted mother hidden underneath. For one moment of absolute pure bliss, she did not care what other people thought of her. For a single instant, she was free.
Unbeknownst to her, Sam Winchester stood watching the two of them interact. He had returned a short while ago to bring Crowley back home to hell. When he had gone inside to the community room and hadn't found her, he was about to go check the dormitory, when he heard a child's squealing laughter. He followed the sound to see Rowena holding Crowley high into the air, twirling him around above her head, and looking happier than he'd ever seen her. He heard Crowley laugh with a child's uninhibited abandon. It was the first time that he had ever thought of him as human. Even when he and his brother were trying to make him human, he had still seen him as a demon. Just as he had only seen Rowena as a witch, not as a mother. Even when he had witnessed the small interaction, what he had seen had been so odd and unexpected that he didn't think he had a chance to really let what he was seeing sink in. Now, everything was finally coming together. It had finally clicked that Rowena and Crowley had truly mended their fences and had let any bad blood between them be expunged.
They were, for once, mother and son. Nothing more.
He felt a sense of guilt overcome him as he realized that he would have to end the union. He let the moment between them linger a few moments longer before he came forward and cleared his throat.
Rowena was still smiling when she turned to see what that noise was. It took her a moment to register that it was Sam Winchester standing in front of her in the sunset, but when she did, her smile faltered, then dropped completely. She slowly brought Fergus down from his position high in the air and moved to cradle him to her chest. Crowley, sensing his mother's sudden change in mood, suddenly quieted down and grew clingy, clutching the fabric of her dress as he started sucking his thumb.
"It's time." Said Sam.
"Oh…" The amount of regret in her voice surprised him. "Yes… Right."
"I'll be waiting by the car." He said.
Rowena made her way back to the community room as painstakingly slowly as she could manage to get his diaper bag. By then Fergus had filled the quiet with babbling, although unsure of what was happening, it wasn't cheerful. It was more to fill the void. Maybe if he talked more it would make Mummy happy again.
She took her time taking him back outside. She made sure she got out his pacifier and his beloved blanket before she made her way out. Sam Winchester was leaning on the Impala's hood casually as to not attract attention. When he saw them coming, he got in the driver's seat and started the car so that it would be cool inside for Crowley, and to give mother and son a moment to say goodbye. Rowena paused just outside the parking lot, suddenly overwhelmed by the thought of saying goodbye to her baby. She kissed his head, then sniffed it once, twice, three times. The scent of him calmed her.
"Mummy loves you so much, Fergus. More than you could ever imagine. You gave me hope. And I'm going to miss you so much. Come back and see me soon, Dearie. I love you my wee sausage. More than anyone or anything else."
As if in reply, The babbling grew into words. One word. Over and over and over again.
"Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama!"
The word served to further break her already broken heart. She carried him to the car, trying her damnedest not to cry. She opened up the car door where the car seat had already been installed. With more than a little regret, she strapped her babbling son into the seat. She took one long, loving last look at him, then tenderly kissed his forehead.
"Mummy loves you."
When she pulled away, his expression broke, and he started to cry, reaching for her. The hardest thing she ever did was shut the car door. With a heavy heart, she watched them drive away with fresh tears streaming down her cheeks.
