The following is a first person telling of Shepard's story. Please see the first chapter for the setting. The re-telling will stray from canon, but will follow the general story (Alliance - Collectors - Reapers).
Reviews and especially critiques are appreciated. Thanks to stnemele for the editing!
Mass Effect is owned by Bioware.
After a nearly disastrous end to the previous day's session, our Pulitzer Prize winner requested to see former Commander Shepard one more time. The prisoner accepted the opportunity, as he wished to finish telling his Mass Effect.
Oh, look who's fucking back. Goddamn fucking Pulitzer himself. Good thing I'm in a good mood right now or you'd be a fucking splat on the wall. I told you not to ask, Pully, goddamnit. I told you. Shit... We don't talk about that anymore, okay? It wasn't my fa...
The interviewer sits and tries to calm Shepard.
Yeah, yeah... Okay... They took her from me, that's all you need. Now you at least have some background flying into the last chapter of my goddamn Mass Effect. Why I did what I did. What was necessary, what was revenge... A lot of fuckers out in the galaxy think that I saved them when fighting the Reapers. Shit, they're a bunch of romantics. I wasn't helping anyone, I wasn't a savior or a goddamn hero... I'm Johnny Shepard, the Butcher, and the war was all about me. Johnny versus the Reapers.
And I fucking won.
The interviewer suggests a starting point.
Huh, yeah I guess we can start there. I'm not going back to the base, okay? That... they took her... Damnit!
Hesitation.
Yeah, Vancouver. For some reason I was being grounded for blowing up that batarian system. Since when was the Alliance friends with those assholes? It didn't make any sense to me, but it was a nice break. The Collectors were finished and it was me pretty much just waiting for the Reapers to show their fucking...faces? Do Reapers have eyes or are they just... there? Eh, science, right? You stick to your English and words, I'll stick to my guns and fucking biotics. We'll let someone else take care of science. Ha, where's Mordin when you need him?
When I got back to Earth, it was not a happy welcome. Last time I was there they brought me in with a giant fucking parade. This time, I was a Cerberus agent "under arrest." As if they could ever fucking catch me...
A question.
Oh, yeah they didn't capture me after blowing up that fucking batarian relay. No, no, it was fucking Joker. He turned me in! Well, not on purpose, but when he docked on Earth, they were less than pleased about the whole Cerberus nonsense. Kicked the aliens off the ship... Garrus went back to Palaven, Tali went to her gypsy fleet, Grunt went to Tuchanka, and I guess Mordin went back to doctoring somewhere.
The humans, we were all fucking taken in. We didn't even get to relax. But, some of the asshole crew got off without even getting a slap on the wrist. Fucking Joker got fly the SR-2 without even getting a trial; Cortez flew that ship just fine so it wasn't like Joker was necessary to fly the ship... Joker wasn't special in any fucking way. They should've put the cripple in fucking jail and let him get... Well, you know what happens in prison. The sarcastic asshole wouldn't have lasted a fucking week, ha ha.
I got "taken in." Pretty much just had my wings clipped is all. I got free roam of the city because I was Johnny Shepard. Spectre-ship has it's goddamn privileges, you know? And it was my city, I knew the place well. It hadn't changed much since my last visit... The Reapers put everyone on edge, though. There was a bit more military, stricter security and they had some martial law in place.
Why is "martial" spelled like "marital?" Marital law...the law of spouses...
Should've done that everywhere, if you ask me. Not the marriage thing, the military thing. Drafted civies...it wasn't like they would be worse than normal Alliance grunts. Fuck, most of them died anyway without ever taking a goddamn shot. The only good thing about the turians: every single one of them knows how to fight. They're fucking conscripted and don't have a goddamn choice. We should have done that...maybe a few more humans would've survived...
Sure, there'd be a lot more dumb grunts, like on Torfan, but there were a few good ones. Vega, he was actually pretty badass. Looked like a grunt, talked like a grunt, but he knew his shit. A good fighter and a better fucking drinker. Alenko showed up again, too. He'd hardened up a bit since our little spat on Horizon. Better biotics, better shot, a fucking Major. All because of me. The gang, we went out a few times during my "incarceration," but I never did anything because I missed her...
The interviewer urges Shepard on track to avoid issues.
Shit...
A sigh.
Well, let's just say it was back like normal time while we were waiting for the Reapers. Owning Vancouver, running wild. The Alliance wasn't too worried about me doing shit locally... As long as there weren't any aliens involved or blowing up space stations, the brass was fine with it. The grounding was the strictest they do to, anyway. I had no issues fucking up a few bullshit guards if I wanted to have some fucking fun, you know?
Seriously, though. There really wasn't much else anyone could do, anyway. Just waiting...
Then the Reapers came and shit hit the fan. And I was happy in a sick, twisted way. A massive fucking "I told you so" to the entire goddamn galaxy.
A smirk as the interviewer murmurs.
Hey, I was right. Well, mostly, but I was right. Fucking politicians, Alliance, turians, aliens, they all just shit on me. I have a goddamn right to be smug. And it was refreshing too because I didn't owe any fucking person anything. No one listened, everyone left me out to dry, so I left them on their own. The Reaper War was going to be fought on my terms. Remember, Johnny versus the Reapers.
Comment.
My team? Fuck my team, they all turned their back on me eventually... That's not now, though, Pully. Later...
The day of the attack, right. I was looking across the city, my city. Nice fucking day, nice fucking view. Vega and Alenko were around, I was just shooting the shit with the two. Both were the closest things to friends, I guess. Vega would've made a nice Johnny Shepard apprentice if the war went longer. Playing cards, drinking... when they were off duty of course... I was always off duty. Nice advantage of being grounded, heh.
Another smirk.
Just another normal day on Earth... until fucking Anderson shows up. "Shepard you're important! Shepard, we can't do anything without you!" He was playing the same old shitty record. He was like a fucking lost puppy when I wasn't around... always did the guy's work, ya know?
Anyway, he comes in and says that the Reapers are on their way. Suddenly, I'm Commander Shepard again and I'm advising the military council on what we should do. What the fuck do you say then, Pully? It was fucking ridiculous... These guys disown me twice then suddenly I'm the goddamn hero again. Those fuckers got what was coming to them when the Reapers finally landed. I'm sure I don't need to describe that shit...every human on Earth saw the squids falling from the skies. The ships just dropped from the sky and everything was a target.
One particularly big one, came down on the Alliance HQ I was in about five minutes before and just stopped. All six, eight, twenty-some legs rested on the ground...then it stared at me...
The interviewer expresses disbelief.
Fuck you, asshole. It stared right at me. They have that giant red eye, some of them. I swear on my... I swear on... I don't know, I just swear on fucking something, that the Reaper looked at me. Giant fucking shit, giant fucking eye, giant fucking lasers everywhere... So I did the logical thing.
I glared right back.
It was an unofficial balls contest. The Butcher trying to intimidate a goddamn kilometer long Reaper. I didn't budge. I'm not lying, Pulitzer. It was a good twenty seconds before our gaze got broken. Alenko tackled me out of the way of a red blast coming from another Reaper across the harbor. Alenko might have saved me, but I've been through things worse than a goddamn explosion.
You might want to document the next part, Pully. The big Reaper, made that loud Reaper horn-thing noise, looked at the one across the harbor and shot it. Not to kill, just to warn. I know what a killing shot looks like... It was like the big one was pissed off at the other... Fucking wild, right?
Shit, though... This whole time there were explosions everywhere. Remember, Pully, we're in Vancouver. My city. My home. I would've ruled that city, I've said that before. But the Reapers, damnit they fucking didn't spare anything. That beautiful skyline was fucked up immediately. I threw up a biotic shield to protect myself and the rest of the fight was a blur...
Interjection.
No, I didn't retreat. It was the only way to survive, regrouping on the Normandy. I wasn't happy about it, I wanted to fucking destroy every last one of those shitheads that were attacking my city. There was an Alliance ship and a Reaper battling above the harbor... After a few volleys, the cruiser ended up in the strait... the Strait of Georgia, if you don't know geography of Vancouver, Pully. It fucking smashed into the water, eezo going fucking everywhere... ruined the goddamn water for years. The old Red grounds, near Hastings, it got fucked with one giant red blast. Just explosions everywhere...
The Reapers, they destroyed my goddamn city. Burned it in front of my eyes. Sure, they husked a few people, killed a shit ton of civilians...I wasn't worried about that. It was the city. Vancouver was my home and they fucking burned it. The most beautiful view in the goddamn galaxy and those assholes ruined it forever. They're still fucking rebuilding the whole damn city... Hell, I probably won't get to see it "fixed." And new isn't the same as the old... Shit, though, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about. Mr. Pulitzer, where were you born? Hell, where were you during the first attacks? Do you have any perspective, here?
Answer.
Ah, Terra Nova... So it wasn't hit that hard. And the Citadel must have been a nice, shiny place when the Reapers first showed up... I bet you lost friends, family, what the fuck ever. But Earth, watching my city, my fucking planet burn... And that asshole Joker flew us out of there. The whole Normandy without consulting the goddamn commanding officer. Fucking Anderson ordered him out of there, but the old guy got to stay! I should've been there fighting rather than running all over the goddamn galaxy for reinforcements.
When we boarded the Normandy, I figured it was to gear up and take the fight to them. Nope, the pussy ass Alliance ordered a general retreat... To all the people who survived on Earth: the Alliance left you to die.
Ha, they fucking left like my father did.
A pause.
Cut that...
Another pause.
Do it, Pulitzer, do it! Shit...
The retreat... Goddamnit. Vega was furious, Alenko certainly wasn't fucking pleased... The whole crew was itching to do something, to blow up some of the goddamn machines. Hell, Traynor was ready to fucking kill a few husks. Damn, if she would switch hit, ya know?
A sigh from the interviewer.
Yeah, I know...I won't get into it. Back to the invasion...we were all fucking furious when we left, but Joker was blindly following orders...
Hackett said something about Prothean ruins on Mars. What the fuck? It's always the Protheans...like they're some god-like species. Remember, they fucking lost to the Reapers. Why were we focused on all of their shit? Sure, the space gun was important, but...
Okay, maybe I owe some shit to those buggy guys. Hell, maybe they were actually worth something... If only I would've met one, ya know?
But Joker... flew us right out of Earth's orbit and high tailed it to Mars. Apparently the barren landscape was more important that Vancouver...
He was such an asshole pilot... Fucking cripple... brittle bones. How about a brittle fucking life?
We sped off to Mars, I had a little conference with the Kodiak pilot, Cortez. Good fucking pilot right there. And he wasn't an asshole.
A concerned inquiry by the interviewer.
Ha, yup. Nice look on your face right there. It's not like I planned it, Pully. I went up to the cockpit with the intent of really only breaking his goddamn arms...but I got a bit carried away. I sent Alenko and Traynor to the AI core to...handle things with EDI so it wouldn't interfere...
Stormed up to the cockpit, biotics blazing... When I got to Joker, he started to give some smartass comment about getting away in time... He shut the fuck up as soon as he saw my face. Pure. Horror. Next thing I know...
Well, let's just say the... altercation ended poorly for the cripple. During the... yeah, he ended up with is skinny little neck in my fucking hand. He weighed hardly anything. Joker, he was like a little kid. Ha, the joke was on him! Shit, I'm clever. Annnddd dramatic pause...
Shepard smirks.
I snapped the fucker's neck just by lifting him. At least something good came out of that day...
A/N: Oops, he killed him? Someone (I can't remember who, sorry) mentioned that they thought it would be a "funny" relationship between Joker and Shepard. I guess I didn't really portray his dislike of the little guy. EDI will be explained in the next chapter so no questions about her!
And as far as reviews: they are not meaningless...they motivate. It's interesting that the two chapters that got the most feedback were ones where I actually complained about the number of reviews. It shouldn't have to be that way, in my opinion. I posted this today (8/7/12) because I appreciate the feedback...remember, continuation and the frequency of updates will be based on said feedback.
Also...some of you feel bad for Shepard? Apparently I have done my job... I certainly don't feel bad for him. I suppose he's better at twisting words that he thought.
The Reaper showdown? Did it happen? Johnny may have been lying there...
