Olivia kept her breathing very soft so as to better hear the regular thumping of Alex's heart, pumping steadily away just beneath her ear. She liked to lie like this. That relentless rhythm reminded her that Alex was really here, was really alive and with her. It was more than she had hoped for to be able to hear it again after Alex had been so suddenly taken from her. Closing her eyes, she brought her hand to curl around Alex's hip and held her as tightly as she could manage. In a more rational part of her mind, Olivia scolded herself for such childish clutching at Alex's body. However, she could not listen. She didn't have the strength. She was tired and in pain and too wordlessly grateful for Alex's body to care. Warmth licked at the deepest places in her heart in time with the caresses of Alex's fingertips against her cheek.

She felt Alex speak the words first, the vibrations in her throat gentle against Olivia's scalp. It took another moment for the meaning of the words to sink through her heavy thoughts. "Tell me something, Olivia, about before I came back." Olivia opened her eyes a little, just sufficiently to look across her girlfriend's collarbone and see the warmth of the lamplight on her skin.

"Like what?" she whispered.

"Anything."

Olivia let her eyes fall closed again and listened to Alex's heart beat for a long time. Finally, she spoke. "I went to your funeral. Even though I knew you were alive, seeing the casket was… No one else knew. Your parents held my hand and tried to comfort me." She paused and swallowed, catching the breath that emotion tried to take away. "After that I went back to work. You weren't there but everything else was the same. I moved back into my apartment. I couldn't stand to be in yours without you." She fell silent.

Alex bit her lip as Olivia spoke, listening carefully to make sure she caught every one of her incredibly soft words. This was not what she had intended but she listened anyway and resisted her quick urge to quiet her. If this was what Olivia wanted to say then Alex wouldn't be the one to refuse her.

"I took your slippers, you know. Not all of them. Just a few. They don't fit me. You have big feet, Alex." Lost in thought and welling tears, Alex choked in surprise. She coughed as the sudden laughter caught her and she hugged Olivia close.

"God, Liv," she spluttered. "My feet?"

Screams echoed too loudly in her ears and she screamed to be taken away from them. She gagged desperately but the choking penis was shoved even deeper into her throat. She tried to bite down but her jaw wouldn't move. Retching hollowly, she shook her head wildly and jerked her arms. She couldn't move her hands. She felt the ropes snaking around her wrists, pulling tighter and tighter until her hands stung and deadened. Nothing worked, nothing helped. She wailed but heard only laughter. It rang hideously in her mind and seemed to warp into two voices and then more and more until it was all she could hear. She couldn't even hear the beating of her own heart.

Despite Olivia's feebleness, it took all of Alex's strength to keep her on the bed. It was as if she had been possessed. Gasping raggedly for breath, Olivia gnashed her teeth and bucked wildly to get free. Alex locked her arms around her, trapping Olivia's arms between their bodies, and wailed for her girlfriend to wake up. Clenching her teeth, Alex tried to sneak one hand away to press the call button but could not. Olivia immediately sensed the opportunity and writhed frantically, seemingly struggling for her life, and Alex was forced to give up her efforts. Choking, Olivia heaved to the edge of the mattress and retched. Alex held her as she fought to bring something out of her empty stomach and, gathering her breath, screamed for help.

Blessedly, Alex seemed to hear the rapid footsteps of the nurses even before she finished her desperate pleas. As soon as Donna took in the scene in the dim room, she sent her partner for medication with terse instructions and went to see to her struggling patient with as much calm and efficiency as she could manage. With strong hands, Donna firmly unwrapped Alex's arms and pushed her away. Donna was trained for this. She would be able to hold Olivia more safely until the medication came. She knew that Alex hovered and stared, but she ignored it. It was a skill long developed in her years in the hospital. It was easier for everyone this way.

Olivia again found her voice as the veins in her arm seemed to burn from the inside out. It was happening all over again. They were forcing the meth into her body. They would take away her sanity before they took away her security. She knew the routine. While her teeth chattered and her heart pounded violently, they would rape and break her body. She knew that it would be easier to just give up, but something kept her struggling. There was something or someone she had to survive for but she couldn't remember. It was just beyond her grasp.

Unable to do anything else to save herself, Olivia rolled her head back and dragged her resisting eyelids open. She wanted to see their faces, the ones who were doing this to her. She wanted to see if they were human.

The first things she saw were teeth, long and dripping, and eyes burning with evil. She moaned, feeling her body slipping away from her, and blinked with great effort. This time, she saw no monsters. These were human faces, human expressions contorted with worry instead of hate. Struggling, she blinked a third time. She no longer saw just a human face. She saw Alex. Alex was here. Numbly, she repeated the statement over and over in her head until it ran together and became unintelligible. Even without meaning, the syllables were strangely comforting. Unable to resist any longer, she let her eyes sink shut without resistance.

Alex held her breath and dug her fingernails into her palms as Olivia rose up to fight against the medication. She couldn't help but let her thoughts turn to the drugs she knew Olivia's captors had used against her will. She couldn't help but think that she was doing the same thing. Fighting these thoughts, Alex repeated her mantra that this had to be done, that it was for Olivia's own sake. Despite her efforts, the insidious voice continued to nag at her. She was no better than they had been. She was taking Olivia's choice and control away from her for her own comfort.

Finally, after minutes that seemed to stretch out much longer, Olivia's stiff body collapsed by fractions until she laid still but for the rapid rise and fall of her chest. Once she was certain that Olivia was no longer a danger to herself, Donna carefully laid her patient back onto the pillows and gave her a quick once over. Everything seemed to be in place. The monitors were still functioning and the IV was still securely taped to the back of Olivia's hand. Satisfied that her patient was safe for the moment, Donna took a deep breath and turned to Alex.

"Ms. Cabot, she'll be out of it for a while. She should sleep for the rest of the afternoon, but I want you to call us if she wakes up. I think it was just a nightmare but I want to have the doctor talk to her. Alright?" As she expected, Alex only nodded in response. Donna had enough experience to know that a simple nod was probably the clearest sign of understanding that Alex could manage after being so frightened. She squeezed Alex's arm and left, beckoning for her assistant to follow. She had done all she could do and now she would leave the two women alone to comfort themselves.

Alex numbly watched the nurses leave, hugging herself tightly. Her heart was still pounding with adrenaline and she could hardly bring herself to check on Olivia. She just wanted to believe that she was alright for the time being. Instead, Alex focused on a spot of nothing on the wall and let herself just stare blankly. Unexpectedly, a wave of pure hatred washed over her like a crushing, cold wave. She gasped at the sensation and gritted her teeth as the emotion surged again. She hated them. She didn't know who they were, but she hated them for what they had done to Olivia. She hated them for what they were making her do to Olivia. There was no other word for it. She hated them.

Dimly, Alex became aware of the pain radiating from her elbows and realized that she was digging her fingernails into the joints with all of the force in her body. Trembling, Alex forced herself to let go, one finger at a time, and pushed her tense arms down to her sides. Though her body was stiff, her thoughts were clearer than she could remember. She didn't know how much she missed that feeling until she felt it again. Since going away to Wisconsin, Alex hadn't had a real purpose. Now she had one. She would find those bastards and kill them. With her new clarity, Alex closed her eyes and systematically released the tension from each of her straining muscles. Her goal was in place. She could take this moment to hold Olivia in her arms.

Her effortless grace restored along with her steely thoughts, Alex eased herself to sit on the mattress and lean against the raised pillows. Maneuvering Olivia's limp body with strong, steady hands, Alex gathered her girlfriend into a secure embrace. She pressed Olivia's head to her chest and breathed deeply. She hoped that the sound of her heart would soothe the restlessly sleeping woman even through the haze of sedating drugs. It was all she had to give her. At least, it was all she had right now. Soon, she would be able to give Olivia the comfort of her attackers behind bars or dead. She swore it would be so. Laughing grimly, she swore it on her own grave.

Under the sounds of her breath, Alex slowly became aware of Olivia's whispering. She craned her neck to see and hear more clearly and felt her iron resolve become tempered into cold steel. Though the words were quiet and breathy, they were clear. Olivia was almost chanting. Her face was beautifully calm and Alex smiled protectively. She would get them through this and they would see the light on the other side together. She shut her eyes and willed herself to relax into sleep with Olivia's barely audible words echoing in her ears.

"Alex is here. Alex is here. Alex is here."