CHAPTER 27: DUST IN THE WIND

~JACK'S POV~

A day after that game against Czechoslovakia, I find myself thinking only about Kim. Last we saw her before she was taken to hospital, she was laying unconscious on the stretcher. During practice, it seems my game is completely off.

"JACK! I have seen a dead animal play better hockey than you do!" Herb yells when I miss the puck again and this time almost bash Rizzo's nose with my shoulder. He quickly avoids the contact with my shoulder pads, yet it still finds time for quick "Watch out!".
"I am sorry, Herb, it won't happen again…"
"It better not."

"Yes, Herb. Sorry, Rizzo."

Near the end of practice, Doc shows up. Herb sent him to hospital to see how Kim is holding on, so his arrival causes…well, a slight chaos. It has never happened before, but as soon as we see Doc, we sprint to the boards in the middle of Herb's exercise. Against expectations, Herb doesn't say a word. Instead, he joins us and looks at Doc: "How is Kimberly?"

"Not good. Can I have a word with you in private?"

"That bad? Craig, take over the guys, please."

When Doc nods, we all look at each other. I see few of the guys shake their heads in disbelief, some of them close their eyes and take a deep breath while the rest of them just look at Herb dumbfounded. And then I see Neal. He looks like he has seen a ghost or maybe became a ghost himself. Koho notices that and moves closer to him, putting his arm lightly around Neal's shoulder. Neal looks at him and shakes head in disbelief, neither of them saying a word. Koho glances over at Mac, but the persnickety Minnesotan doesn't notice that.

"Okay, guys, let's get back to practice," coach Patrick drags us back to reality. But no one can focus on the exercises. After all those months Herb finally got what he wanted in Colorado- a team of players who would stick together and almost die for each other.

Herb follows Doc down the hospital halls to the room, where Kim is resting. There are wires, which are connecting her pale, still body with medical equipment. She is receiving intravenous infusion and her neck is supported to keep it in the right position. Herb loos at Doc: "What's the worse thing that can happen?"

"Doctors fear she might never walk again."

The time seems to stop even for a tough coach, who has grown somehow fond of the only girl on the team. It was her dedication and determination to be better than O'Callahan that made him believe she is one of the players who has chances to make it all the way to the Olympics.

"What are the chances she will recover?"
"Zero. They say it will be a miracle if she will ever walk again. Herb…there is no other option, but to send her home…"

Merciless coach looks at his player through the small window and sighs: "Guess I have no other option but to cut her off the roster…"
"You have to send her home," Doc corrects him gently and looks at the girl as well. His heart breaks at the sight of her and he continues softly: "She had so much waiting for her."

"I can't send her home… I will wait for her to wake up and then see what can I do."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Meet me later. I have to make few calls."

With those words he leaves Doc confused and alone in the middle of a hospital hallway. Herb needs solitude after seeing his player in a coma and on wires. Actually, there is only one person he longs to talk to right now. His wife, Patti.

"Herb, I know it's hard, but she is injured. She might never walk again. You have to send her home."

Herb sighs in defeat and goes through his hair with his fingers: "I know, Patti. I know I should've sent her home, but…I can't. She has given everything a coach could ask from his player."

His wife sighs: "You knew bringing a girl into a team would not be a good idea."

"I know I said that…What if I still keep her here?"
"Herb, she hasn't even woken up from coma. You don't know how long is she going to be like that. You have to think of your team…speaking of them, how come you are talking to me instead of coaching them?"

"Coach Patrick took over. Doc took me to hospital and I am back in the room now."

"Herb, I know that's a tough draw for you, but you have to send her home…"

"I don't know, Patti…thank you."

"Get some rest and then decide. I know you will make a right choice."

"Thank you for having faith in me. How are the kids?"

Another sigh, this time Patti sighs of exhaustion: "It's hard. Danny has games and practices and so does Kelly. And they miss you."

"I miss you too. Listen, I have a meeting with staff…"
"I understand. Take care."

"I will."

After the call is cancelled, Herb stares at it for a bit more before putting it down and burying his face in his palms. He knew it would be hard, but he never imagined it would be that difficult.

After practice, most of the players head to their rooms or to a nearby bar for a drink. Even though coach Patrick is not as tough as Herb, he didn't let them rest and the fatigue is clear on their faces. Ignoring the tiredness, Mark Pavelich or Pav, as his teammates call him, only takes a guitar from his room and heads to coach's office. When he gets there, coach Patrick is still in, apparently waiting for Herb to come back. Pav clears his throat to get coach's attention. Coach Patrick looks up: "Is everything okay, Pav?"

Quiet University of Minnesota-Duluth alumni nods and nervously shifts weight to his other leg before speaking quietly: "Can we see Kim?"

"We haven't been told any orders, but we can try."

Then coach Patrick notices guitar in Pav's hands and looks at his shy player: "Uh, Pav?"

"Yes, coach?" he notices Patrick's eyes on his guitar and chuckles awkwardly: "Well, some say music helps…"

Later Pav sits next to Kim's bed and looks at his teammate for a bit. He has seen hockey injuries before, but he has never felt that heartbroken. Only after that shooting accident… he stretches his hand and puts it on her cold palm: "Kimmy, can…can you hear me?"

He sighs deeply and puts the guitar on his knees. His fingers cause the strings to produce a wonderful, soft sound. And then he starts singing. A soft 1977 song Dust in the Wind by Kansas.

~JACK'S POV~

When I finally arrive to the hospital, I see Pav has already beaten me at being by her side. Our soft-spoken, shy Mark Pavelich is sitting next to Kim's bed and quietly playing a soft tune. Not wanting to interrupt it, I quietly open the door and slip on. With my back leaning on the wall near the exit, I listen to his fingers lure soft melody from his instrument. It takes some time for me to realize he is playing Dust in the Wind and it hits me- the song he is playing fits her pale face and motionless body perfectly. When the final tune echoes through the room, I clean my throat and Pav turns around. His cheeks turn slightly pink: "Jack. I- It's not what it looks like…"
"Pav, honestly, I am not going to tell anyone if you have a crush on her."
"I don't have a crush on her," he whispers and looks at her.

"I feel sorry for her…" he continues as he gets up and heads to the door. He puts his hand on a doorknob and turns to be: "Don't injure her even more."
"You are not going to forget the tryouts, am I right?"

He shakes his head and finally exits the room, leaving me alone with Kim. As soon as the door close, I collapse on the plastic chair next to her bed and take her hand in mine. Her skin is cold and it feels like I am holding ice in my hands. I lift her hand to my lips and lightly kiss back of her hand before putting it on my lap. With the other hand, I brush away a strand of hair.

"God damn it, I don't even know what to say… sorry won't be enough, probably. But I am sorry for acting like I did…It was not nice and I know that. But that's not the point, I mean, it is…but still. Kimmy, cut the crap and wake up. Please? Just wake up and continue to be our annoying teammate."

Maybe I expected her to open her eyes or to smile…I was hoping for any kind of sign she can hear me. When nothing happens, I continue holding her hand for a while and unexpectedly, I feel tears slowly making their way down my cheeks. With no one around, I don't see the need to wipe them. Besides, it feels good letting emotions go at least for a bit.

He doesn't even realize what the time is until a nurse comes in. She taps his shoulder gently: "Sir, it's time to leave."
His eyes are swollen from countless tears when he lifts his chin and looks at the nurse: "Few more minutes."
"You have been here for hours, even though you can only be here for thirty minutes."

"You let me be here for hours, why can't I stay few more minutes? If she wakes up."

"I am sorry, I can't let you stay."

Her words are kind, yet stern. I could try to charm her into letting me stay, but honestly, I don't have energy to do that.

"Scared of a nurse, Jacky," Kim's mocking voice creeps in my brain uninvited and instead of trying to shake it out of my head, I smile and mumble: "You better wake up, Brown. And then mock me."

Her chuckle echoes through my head and I turn around to see if she has woken up.

"Is everything okay, sir?"
"Yes. Just…checked if she is still sleeping."
"Don't worry, your girlfriend is in good hands."

There are words "She is not my girlfriend!" at the end of my tongue, but somehow…they don't slip off. Instead of saying anything, I simply nod and head out. Before the door close, I see nurse leaning to check her vital signs and whatnot. In that second I decide to wait a bit more. Guys on the team wouldn't understand, only Brots probably would, but I have to ask what's her condition.

As soon as the nurse steps out, I corner her. She looks at me with that smart, stern gaze and asks calmly: "May I help you?"
"I only need to know…what do the doctors say? Will she be okay?"

"I shouldn't be telling you this, but…you seem genuinely concerned…"

"She is my…" Should I lie or no? But I really have to know, what's the prognosis. "I am her boyfriend."

When she tells me what the doctors say, I wish I had never asked. It seems like her career is not like dust in the wind. Blown away in a second. A lone tear joins the count of shredded sisters as I think of that. Like Pav played on his guitar... Dust in the wind.