Snooky's morning is not starting out well…

"Okey dokey. Commander Riker, who's our next victim?" Harry looked at his docket sheet and let out a whistle. "Our next defendant is an oldie but goody. Oh, there you are! Miss Snooky."

I was seated at the defendants' table, trying to figure out what to do about an attorney. I was woefully unprepared. I was expecting Mason, and instead found a bombastic, although talented, surgeon. For now, I figured I would have to stick with Charles. My brain was numb, and I couldn't think of anyone else.

"Objection! Judge. Baby boomers do not consider themselves to be old. Middle-aged maybe."

"I didn't mean it in that respect, Major."

I put my head in my hands.

"Riker? You have any witnesses to call?"

"Yes, your honor. I do. Detective Dixon Hill."

I turned around and spied a man in a hat and trench coat approach the bench. I quickly pulled at the sleeve of Winchester's medical coat. "Object!" I whispered. "That's not a real detective. He just plays one on TV. I mean on a holodeck."

"What, my dear lady, are you talking about?"

"That's Picard. Riker's captain. His boss."

Picard/Hill removed his hat and took his oath on a copy of one of Raymond Chandler's novels. He smiled.

Winchester coughed. "Objection to this witness. That's Captain Picard, not Dixon Hill, the famous detective." He bent down and whispered. "I've never heard of him. I'm not one for the hard-boiled detective genre, but I do have a fairly large grasp of literature, if you can call it that."

"You couldn't have heard of him. He's not real! He's from StarTrek." I again put my head in my hands. "How can he be objective, if he's the Captain?"

Picard turned to the judge, and said, "Apparently, Miss Snooky has an issue with my testimony, which I might add, I have yet to give. I assure you, Judge, I have no prejudice in regards to this witness, or case," he stated in a beautiful British accent, although he was French.

"Objection overruled!" Harry slammed his gavel. "Commander, start your questioning. And you had better show why your captain is here playing dress-up,"

"Detective. Please tell the court what you, in your capacity as a man of law, were hired to do."

"Well technically, number one, I wasn't hired to do anything. You see, we don't use money in the Federation." That statement caused the entire courtroom to begin muttering. "But I did this in order to serve justice."

"My mistake, sir. So in your capacity as part-time detective, you…?"

"I was able to retrieve, from this defendant, unpublished material."

I sprung up from my chair. "You what? Did you hack into my computer?"

"No, well, yes. But in addition, we found notebooks and papers of stories, some completed and others not, that prove malice aforethought!" Picard stated.

Riker walked over to his table and retrieved a large stack of paper.

"Your honor. These are printouts of this material. We copied them onto a data padd, but in order to accommodate this century's technology and the court, we have them on paper."

I was livid. "Judge, they broke into my computer and my house! They're the ones that should be on trial, not me and not the rest of us!" I turned to the plaintiffs. "This is a blatant violation of the constitution. What you are supposed to be fighting for."

Hogan shrugged. "Well, we've broken into plenty of things, and copied lots of stuff. You do what's necessary."

"If I may!" Riker interrupted. "We didn't break into your house. We transported in while you were on the run. We used the computer to try and track you down. And while there, well, you know how it is. And then there was a file folder."

"Objection!" Oh finally! Winchester found his voice. "Judge, my client is absolutely correct. What these cretins have done is beyond comprehension. Don't you people in the Federation have some kind of code prohibiting these sorts of shenanigans?"

"Just like they have a prime directive?" Harry asked. "That they keep violating. I think you are putting too much faith in Starfleet, Miss Snooky."

"But, but…What about IDIC, and to boldly go where no one has gone before, and all that stuff." I began to walk towards the witness chair, ready to give Picard, Riker and Stone a piece of my mind.

"Miss Snooky, calm down." Stone tossed me a stress ball. "Here use this. It feels sooo good! And return to your seat."

"But, Judge," I argued. "He had no warrant."

Worf suddenly appeared in front of me, dressed in western attire, and chewing on a big wad of tobacco. "Where we come from, we don't need no stinkin' warrants!"

"I'm taking this to the Supreme Court. This is a gross violation of my rights. And
Worf, you used a double negative. Shame on you!" I sidestepped the Klingon and flung myself at the judge's bench. Standing on tiptoes, I wagged my finger at Stone and said three words.

"Mapp versus Ohio." (1)

"Oops." Stone put down his giant Slinky and leaned over the bench. "You're good."

"Thank you," I said. "I'm one of those weird people who read their kids' textbooks. Plus," I whispered, "Don't tell anyone, but I was a law librarian."

"Oops," Harry repeated, as Riker and Winchester approached the bench.

"Oops. What do you mean, oops?" Riker asked.

"Not up on your Supreme Court cases, I see," Winchester chuckled.

Suddenly Picard was no longer dressed as Dixon Hill. He was back in his crisp Starfleet uniform. He stood up and adjusted his tunic. He smiled at me. "Miss Snooky, if I may, you are overreacting. You haven't heard my entire testimony. If you sit down and listen, I'm sure we will all come to an understanding."

"That's right," I heard in the background, from everyone, including the authors, spectators and plaintiffs. "Give him a chance."

'Well, all right." I looked at Winchester, who nodded. (I really needed a new attorney. I couldn't quite figure out why I was allowing the good doctor to handle this.) I took my seat and waited.

"Where was I?" Riker asked the stenographer.

"And then there was a file folder," she repeated.

I squirmed.

"Captain. Go ahead. Make it so." Riker gave Picard the floor.

"Will, those are my lines."

"Of course, sir. You were saying."

"Ah, yes. Miss Snooky …." Picard, a malevolent look in his eye, pointed his finger at me and said. "Miss Snooky, give up. Resistance is futile."

"Hey, Sue…wake up. You dozed off. You're next! They called your name." Denise was shaking me.

"Oh, geez. I just dreamt that Picard was on the stand and… Never mind." I sullenly headed toward the defense table, and took my seat besides Winchester.

"It's the case of Snooky-9093 vs. all those guys. Welcome back ma'am." Harry looked down at me from the bench.

"Ugh," I said.

"Wow, someone got up on the wrong side of bed this morning. Commander Riker, do you have any witnesses you would like to call this morning?"

"Yes, Judge. I do."

Mapp v. Ohio, 367 U.S. 643 (1961), was a landmark case in criminal procedure, in which the United States Supreme Court decided that evidence obtained in violation of the Fourth Amendment, which protects against "unreasonable searches and seizures," may not be used in criminal prosecutions in state courts, as well as federal courts. (Courtesy of Wikipedia)

a/n I was originally going to use Picard and Dixon Hill, and the scenario I thought up, but I realized it wasn't in Picard's character. I also consulted with ColHogan and she agreed. In the very first Fanfic Court, Picard actually berated Riker for giving Hogan a flash drive with our e-mail addresses. But this amused me so much, I couldn't resist.