Disclaimer: Everything Twilight-related belongs to SM, you know the drill. Everything else mentioned belongs to their respective owners. I merely own the storyline. =]
Info to this chapter: Just to avoid any confusion the timeline of this chapter this chapter follows up after the last JPOV (Chapter 26).
Previously
The officer didn't pay any attention to me, asking her now if it had resulted in intercourse. This time there was a longer pause before she quietly whispered, "Yes."
JPOV
As soon as Alyssa's words and their possible effects registered in my brain, I froze. The rest of the policemen's questions grew into a vague background noise as did Alyssa's answers. I was only thankful when the police finally left and I had the chance to inquire about all the things I heard; for once I wanted the truth – no more lies, there had been enough of them already.
"Are you going to explain?" I asked calmly after several minutes of pressing silence.
"What's there to explain?" Alyssa sighed and my level of anger rose steadily.
For a moment it took every ounce of willpower to regard her calmly, instead of giving in to the desire to yell. "I want to hear the truth, all of it. No more lies of omission and more hiding of past events. I have a god damn right to know, don't you think?"
Alyssa's eyes locked on me and after a little while she gave a tiny nod and relented in a quiet voice, "Everything I told you in the hospital, about the time before I moved here, was true. Juan almost killed the man I had been with, how he got rid of the charges and still walks free, I'll never know.
When I came to Barcelona, I wanted to start life anew. At first I had been paranoid, but gradually my fear lessened and I'd grown more outgoing. Meeting you was a whole new experience; you were the first man, beside my father, who I wasn't afraid of. Our friendship, as unexpected as it came to me, was easy and I could relax with you. And then I fell in love with you."
Closing her eyes, Alyssa leaned her head against the couch and drew a deep breath. Even from the distance between us, I could easily see her whole body shaking, yet I found myself rooted to my seat, not able to give her even the simplest words of comfort. When her eyes opened, she stoically fixed them on a point in front of her and continued talking, her voice mechanic and cold, "I still didn't know that Juan was in Barcelona when we slept with each other, else I would've never slept with you and put you in danger of Juan's wrath.
But as it was, I got the shock of my life when I opened the door two nights after our night together and Juan stood there. I was shell shocked and he easily forced his way into my apartment. He started rambling about reclaiming me and how he would hurt everyone close to me if I didn't comply."
By now, tears overflowed her eyes, falling onto her cheeks as she shook her head almost apathetically. No matter how angry I was at the moment, it was still hard not to gather her in my arms and shush her fears, but in the end the burning need, to know what had happened, won.
Instead I sat still and silently watched her shudder, taking shallow breath after breath until she continued talking, her voice impossibly colder. "I know that you don't approve on how I handle these situations, but trust me, it wouldn't have mattered. Juan would have taken what he wanted, no matter what. I was afraid of him then and I still am because I know what kind of psycho he is; the one who always follows up on his threats. Talking to the police today was possibly the worst thing I could've done."
"What else?" I asked; swallowing the question, which was on the fore front of my mind, back down. Alyssa should have the chance to explain things on her own before I pestered her with more explicit questions.
"Nothing else, I swear," she sobbed, her eyes big and glassy. "As if that wasn't enough already."
She couldn't possibly think that I wouldn't ask the most obvious question, could she? She couldn't truly think that I wouldn't mention the issue of Aden's paternity, especially after Edward planted the seeds of doubt in my mind and even confronted her about it himself? She just couldn't be that self-absorbed and ignorant.
Hastily I pushed the thought of Edward away, it still hurt too much to even think his name and right now I had to focus on the problem at hand; Aden and Alyssa. Focusing on Alyssa, it almost seemed like too much effort to ask even one question. The thought alone had hurt me already badly, what would I do if Aden wasn't my son?
"Nothing else, huh?" I repeated and was shocked at the artificial, high sound of my voice. "What about Aden?"
I didn't need to say more as all the color drained from Alyssa's face and she froze into place; she knew exactly what I was asking and her reaction only confirmed my fears further.
"I don't know," she whispered, her breaths coming in fast, little puffs as if she were about to panic. "It's been two fucking days apart, how the hell am I supposed to know?"
"I can't fucking believe you," I exclaimed as it became harder and harder to control the swelling anger. "Edward and I broke up because of this; because I swore up and down that Aden was my flesh and blood and now you tell me that you've been fucking lying to me for over a year? What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"Can't you see that I'm scared?" She whispered. "Scared because I am in love with you, scared because I became a mother at the age of twenty-two, scared because I have a violent psycho ex who forced me to have sex with him and might hurt me further and my loved ones on top of it? Scared because Juan might take Aden in a second if he knew that he might be his son."
"And it never occurred to you that I would have stilled helped you if you had talked to me?" I snapped. "Did you even think about what would happen if I ever found out the truth?"
"I wanted Aden to have a father, one that wasn't a sick bastard which I can't guarantee him anymore," Alyssa sniffed.
Angrily I stood and started pacing back and forth; the more the possibility invaded my mind, the harder it was to sit still. I had given up my whole life for Alyssa and Aden; my mother, my friends and the lover I had always dreamt off. I had done it gladly and now this is where it brought me.
The pacing at least helped with the aggression welling up in me, enough to allow me to speak in calm tones once more. "I want a test done and then I need to start fixing some things in my life that have gone terribly wrong and I advise you to do the same, Alyssa."
"What is there to fix? Everything is ruined now," she whispered, looking utterly broken.
And that at least, was one thing I was scared of as well; that nothing was left to fix. I had majorly screwed up in many aspects. The relationship with my friends as I had avoided them for weeks was one thing I fucked up; although they probably would be the most forgiving. Fixing things with my mum would be definitely harder, especially now that she already demanded an explanation by the end of the week.
Edward though, was without doubt the hardest to reconcile with. Not only had I lost a lover in him and also my best friend, but he was the one to warn me of Alyssa; he had assumed that Aden might not be mine while I had blatantly ignored him and basically threw him out. The mistake with Alyssa was the first one to be corrected though. The only thing I still felt for her was pity as she sat there and cried softly. She'd need help, maybe a therapist and good friends, but I couldn't be her lover any longer – our relationship was just another lie, from my side at least.
"Look, I think we might be able to rebuild our friendship and I don't even need to tell you that I love Aden," I explained cautiously. "But I can't be your lover any longer."
"No, no, no…," Alyssa whimpered, burying her face under her arms.
"I'm sorry," I said quietly and I truly was because I'd lied to her almost as much as she lied to me, even if I hadn't done it completely conscious. "I… my feelings for you aren't the ones for a lover. I tried really hard because I wanted Aden to have a real, complete family and convinced myself that it was the right thing to do, but it wasn't. I'm so sorry."
It was bad to see her so broken, knowing that I partly contributed to it, but the pain about the truth she had just told me, was still too fresh for me to comfort her. She just nodded and shuffled off towards the bedroom with a bowed head. After only a couple of steps, she froze.
"It's fine, I'll sleep on the couch," I told her, guessing her problem. This time she gave no sign of understanding, simply walked on and closed the bedroom door softly behind her.
Sighing I bent down and retrieved Aden from his portable crib where he had fallen asleep while the police was here. Entering the nursery, I carefully settled him in his crib and watched over him. Seeing it realistically, Aden didn't look like me in the slightest, but that didn't mean that he wasn't my son; he was basically a small, male duplicate of Alyssa – except for his eyes. Aden had blue eyes and so did I. And so does Juan, my mind supplied.
Shaking the thought off, I told myself over and over again not to panic until I had clarification. Sadly that was easier said than done as I spent most of the night lying awake and worrying what the morning might bring. As soon as the sun rose, I stopped torturing myself by rolling around on the couch, not able to sleep anyway and got up to take a shower.
The hot water felt really good on my tense muscles, but in a manner of minutes the tension was back. I waited for Aden to wake up before I fed and bathed him. By the time we were ready to leave, Alyssa still hadn't shown her face and in afterthought of her panic of Juan, I wrote a quick note, saying that we went to the doctor and left it on the kitchen table. I only hoped she would find it before she panicked about Aden being kidnapped by Juan if she woke up and her son wasn't in the apartment.
The drive to the doctor's office was short, as was the time in the waiting room. I delicately explained the situation to the doctor who assured me that with a little salvia from me and Aden, I'd have clarity in one or maximal two weeks. All in all the doctor visit had taken forty minutes and then the waiting for the test results began; for now, I could only guess how many sleepless nights I would spend in the next week and with that thought I was on my way home.
The days after the doctor visit were even worse than I had anticipated. My dreams though nightmares might be the better word, were filled with Juan mocking me about not being Aden's father and how he would make a much better father anyway. After being haunted by Alyssa's psycho ex in my sleep for two nights, I decided that no sleep at all might be the better choice; that lasted only two days though. According to my boss, I was walking around like a zombie by Friday and didn't really take notice of anything around me.
It took only a handful of questions before I told him all about the source of my distraction in as little details as possible. Luckily, my boss was one of the most compassionate and understanding people I ever met, only Carlisle would've surpassed him, and I was told that I had more than enough over hours to take off until I had the test result. On one hand it was the best solution, but on the other hand, it gave me even more free-time, in which it would be easier for troubling thoughts to invade my mind.
On the way home I remembered that I still owed my mother an explanation and it was high time to give it to her before she boarded the next plane to Spain and came barreling into this whole mess I called life right now. With a little contemplation, I decided for one more lie, this time though it was for both our nerves. I wanted to have the test results when I told her about the question of Aden's paternity and I would tell her no matter if the result was positive or negative.
For the moment I only told her about the tensions between Edward and Alyssa and how it had put a strain on our relationship. She wouldn't be my mother though if she hadn't wanted details and it was a hard piece of work to shake her off with the argument that the details were ultimately something between Edward and I. In the end I thought that she only gave in because I've told her that my relationship with Alyssa was over as well; it wasn't like my mother had ever liked her anyway.
Alyssa kept out of my way as she mostly barricaded herself in the bedroom and left Aden to my care whenever I was home. I didn't understand why she acted the way she did, but I was thankful for the extra time with Aden. Sometimes it was weird to spend time with him, knowing that I could be told in a couple of days that he wasn't my son and all the more I cherished my alone time with him.
B y the time the letter arrived on Wednesday morning, I was a nervous wreck. Alyssa was in the bedroom as usual and Aden was taking a nap when I retrieved the letter from the mailbox. My hands shook badly enough that I needed three tries to unlock the door and let myself back into my apartment where I placed the letter on the kitchen table and sat down in front of it.
With my heart beating like I'd run a marathon, I contemplated calling for Alyssa, she would want to know as well, but swiftly decided against it. I would have enough trouble dealing with my own emotions; no need to add Alyssa's. The envelope looked harmlessly enough, a plain white standard envelope and yet I couldn't bring myself to open it.
It would decide my whole future for me; whether that would be in Spain or America I had yet to figure out and only the words inside that damn envelope could help me to make that decision. Would I be going home to friends and family in America or would I build my own family right here in Spain?
The only thing I knew without a doubt though that I would always love Aden no matter what the piece of paper would tell me about his paternity. He would always be a part of my heart and that was the most important, I told myself.
Without further thought, I grabbed my car keys, made my way to the car and drove. There wasn't a special destination I had in mind, all I knew was that I needed just a little more time before I could open the letter which lay safely on the passenger seat. I didn't know anymore if I was ready for the truth, but when I stopped the car again, two hours later, it didn't matter anymore if I was ready or not; I had to know now and the rest could be figured out later on.
Sitting in my car, I grasped the envelope in both hands opened it quickly before the courage left me again. My eyes flew over the paper as my mind vaguely perceived that the test had a certitude of 99.9 % and then my eyes finally found the words which would decide not only mine, but also Aden's future.
There, in front of my eyes, was Aden's paternity; in black and white.
AN:
Is Aden Jasper's son? Even though I know how most of you think, it's your last chance to guess or change your mind ;)!
Thanks for the reviews, PMs and adds on the last chapter :) This week I've got an even better excuse why I didn't reply; life decided to be funny and reward me with another klutz moment, the last was after all in January when I put an almost 2 inch long gash into the inside of my left hand. Well now, I've broken my left hand altogether. Thanks life, you are awesome! *End rant* Sorry about that ;)!
Ohh another important thing, exactly one year ago, I woke up and nervously checked out my first reviews on this story! Yes it's been a year already, damn. I know that other writers do 90 k words in something like a month but nonetheless I'm a little proud that I've gotten this far with 2 jobs, school, study group and other little projects on the side. Thanks again to all of you!
And also thanks to Jasper's Darlin' Kathy for letting me borrow her amazing beta skills!
Enough from me; see ya in two weeks!
Sanny
