I couldn't quite explain how I felt.

It was this combination of shock, confusion, and frustration. It was sure to drive someone crazy and I know that I was so close to blowing up. Do you ever feel like you just no longer know what was happening around you? I sure did. You just sit back and try to look for answers, only to end up failing.

It was a never-ending cycle of stress.

"Ally?"

I blinked. I had been lost in my own thoughts, my eyes opened. I turned to look at Trish. "Mhm?"

Trish folded her arms. "Are you okay?"

I swallowed. "Fine. Why do you ask?"

She sighed and sat down next to me, putting a hand on my shoulder. I stared at her, biting down on my lip. "Because you've been acting weird. Don't get me wrong, I know that you're upset, but I know that the way you have been acting has been different. You look...off. Did something happen?"

I shook my head. "No."

She raised an eyebrow. "I don't believe that. You can't lie to me, Alison Dawson!"

Dez folded his arms. "Trish is right, Ally. You look really spooked."

I swallowed and looked away. Sighing, I stood up and began to fiddle with my fingers. "You're right," I said. "Something did happen."

Trish's eyes widened. "I knew it! What did the fucker do? What did he fucking do? I'm going to kick his ass!"

I frowned. "What are you talking about?"

She frowned back, looking confused. "Dallas."

"What? No, he had nothing to do with anything," I explained.

"So, why have you been so...weird?" Dez asked. "Your eyes are always wide and you're pale...paler than usual. You always look deep in thought."

I sighed. "Well, it wasn't Dallas."

"So, what happened?" Trish asked, eyeing me. "You know you can tell us anything, Ally."

"Exactly," Dez said, reaching for his water bottle.

It was him.

It was everything about him.

He made me feel the way I felt. I wanted to tear him apart because I was feeling so many other emotions besides confusion, shock, and frustration. I don't know what I wanted to do with him.

"He kissed me."

Trish and Dez stared at me with confusion for a couple of moments.

Trish cleared her throat. "Who kissed you?"

I swallowed. My heart was unusually beating fast. "It was...it was Austin."

As soon as the words escaped my lips, Dez began to choke on his water and Trish shrieked, her face struck with shock.

"What...what the fuck?" she exclaimed. "WHAT THE FUCK?"

I swallowed and nodded. "Yeah."

"Woah," Trish mumbled, her eyes wide.

Dez looked at me. "You and...Austin. You and Austin?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"As in, you and Austin?"

I frowned. "No. No, no. There's...there's nothing going on between us. God, Austin and I are just friends. I don't...I don't know what drove him to kiss me." I bit my lip. "Or what drove me to kiss him back."

But that wasn't the entire truth. He was driving me crazy.

"Jesus fucking Christ, I'm going to faint," Trish said, placing a hand on her forehead. She took a deep breath. "How did it happen?"

"Right after I left the dining hall," I replied, looking down at my hands. "He came out of the elevator and kissed me."

"How do you feel about it?" Dez asked.

I shrugged. "I don't feel anything." I felt a lot of things. They glanced at each other and then at me. I sighed. "Please don't say anything. Don't bring it up. Please."

"But you need to talk to him!" Trish said, making gestures.

"I know," I said. "But don't interfere. I'll talk to him when I can."

Before they could say anything else, there came a knock on the door. Dez opened it and Lena entered.

"Guys," she said. "The busses have arrived. We can't be late to the airport."

"Okay," Trish said, grabbing her bags. She sighed and glanced around the room. "Goodbye, New York."

I felt happy that we were finally leaving the state. It was beautiful but I ended up spending half of it completely out of my mind. I spent it thinking about the brown-haired boy with warm eyes and a cold heart. Then, I spent it thinking about the troubled, blonde-haired boy who kissed me and I no longer knew what to do.

The way he kissed me.

The way it made me feel.

I was angry with him. I wasn't supposed to be thinking about the way he kissed me and how it made me feel. I wasn't supposed to be replaying that moment over and over in my head like a broken record. It wasn't supposed to happen. But another part of me just wanted to be by his side because you know, everything was at peace when we were around each other.

I sighed and looked at the room. "Goodbye, New York. It has been a pleasure."

I kept my head down when we left the room and I still kept it down when we reached the lobby. Students were bustling around while the teacher was writing things down on a clipboard. She looked at us and then back down.

I scanned the lobby and ignored the stares some of them were giving me. Leaving New York made me happy. But what made me happier was that I had two weeks off because of Easter vacation. I get to spend two weeks away from all of these people who had nothing better to do than to stare at me and whisper to one another.

I looked away from my Abby's group and my eyes averted to the elevators. They opened and before I could look away, Austin emerged. My breath hitched. He looked anything but calm. It wasn't his face or the way he walked. What he was portraying looked like the usual: bitter and estranged. But I had come to know him. His hair was tousled and his eyes were weary.

His head lifted up and his eyes immediately locked with mine. I froze, my body going still. His eyes widened. I wanted to look away but I couldn't. I couldn't help but stare at him. My heart was beating loudly I was scared people could hear. All my mind could do was replay that moment we shared and all I wanted for it was to be gone from my memory.

I wanted to say something. I wanted to have the courage to walk up to him, to talk to him, to ask him. But I couldn't. I didn't have the courage. That and Catherine walked up to him and hugged him.

I swallowed and quickly looked away. I tried to act cool. That was what all people usually did. But I was okay, wasn't it? I smiled to myself. She made him happy. They weren't even dating but she made him happy. That was what Austin needed: happiness.

But I wasn't happy.

"All right, grab your things and get on the bus!" the teacher yelled.

Dallas' eyes met mine and I gave him a blank, straight look. There were no more tears. Just emptiness.

"Come on," Trish said. "It's time to go."

"Indeed it is."

I longed for the safety and privacy of my own room. I longed for answers.


"I hate to say this," Trish began, looking around. "but I've missed Florida."

I nodded.

She turned to look at me. "Are you okay, Ally?"

"I'm fine," I replied, giving her a smile.

She smiled back. "Are you sure your mom is going to pick you up?"

I nodded. "Yeah. She'll be here any minute."

Time passed and Trish ended up leaving before me. I closed my eyes and tapped my foot impatiently, happily embracing the cold breeze that lightly fanned me. I was glad my mother was picking me up. It wouldn't have been a problem for my mom to let Mimi pick me up but it would have been a problem to me if that had happened.

A honk startled me and my eyes flew open. I immediately smiled when I saw my mother's face. She grinned at me and waved. I waved back and trotted towards her. I threw my bag into the back seat and sat in the front. My mother quickly leaned over and showered me with kisses.

I smiled at her. "Hey, Mom. How are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine," she beamed, her eyes focused on the road. "But tell me! How was New York?"

I took in a sharp breath and fiddled with my fingers, trying to push out the eager memories. "It was fine. It's a beautiful state. We should take a trip and visit it."

Mom smiled. "I like the sound of that...maybe in the summer. But come on, I need details!"

I pursed my lips. "Well, the universities were great. I'm really interested. The hotel was very luxurious. I really did like it. Uh, what else is there? The food was good and I did take a lot of walks. It was fun."

"I'm glad you had fun," she said, glancing at me. "Oh! I almost forgot! How was your six-month anniversary with Dallas? Before you know it, it'll be 12 months with that sweet boy!"

My breath hitched and I looked out the window, my hand curling into a fist.

"Alison?" Mom worriedly asked. "Alison, are you okay? Sweetie?"

I turned to look at her and swallowed. "Dallas and I...we weren't compatible. We decided to break it off."

Mom's face contorted into a sad expression. "Oh, Alison. Honey, I'm so sorry."

I shrugged. "I'm okay. I promise."

She nodded and didn't say another word. I also didn't make a move to speak. Soon enough, Mom was parking the car in our driveway. My stomach did leaps. I was finally home. I was safe.

Sighing, I got out of the car and grabbed my bags from the backseat.

"Oh, there's Mimi's car," Mom said. "She just pulled up. Let's go say hello."

I froze, my breath hitching.

My mom's waving and shrieking attracted Mimi. With a smile, Mimi waved back and ushered for us to walk over. I closed my eyes and ignored the throbbing pain in my head. I closed the car doors and left my bags, following my mother to Mimi's car.

"Alison!" Mimi beamed. "Oh, how are you dear?"

"I'm fine, Mimi," I replied. "How are—" Before I could finish, the car door opened and Austin got out. He closed the door and turned around, his eyes meeting mine. I swallowed and quickly looked away. "—you?"

"Oh, I'm fine, dear," she replied. "Did you guys have fun in New York?"

"Something like that," Austin muttered, grabbing his bags from the trunk.

I pursed my lips, giving her a small smile and a brief nod. "It was...it was really fun."

"Anything new happened?" Mimi asked, smiling back.

I swallowed, ignoring the leaps my stomach did and the pace of my heart. "No, not really."

I stared at my shoes while Mimi and my mother chattered away. I couldn't even look him in the eye, let alone look at him. After we kissed, I stayed in my hotel room for God knew how long. I couldn't find the courage to go out. I didn't know how to deal with Dallas and Abby and now Austin. The kiss we shared was a mistake. I regret it. I regret it so much because it was...awkward between us. We couldn't even look at one another. I really did want everything to be normal again. I wanted to walk up to Austin and ask him questions and tease him and he would just brush me off and curse. That was what I longed for. After what happened, could our friendship still remain intact?

I lifted my head up and glanced at him. His head turned and his eyes locked with mine and I almost jumped. I swallowed and I had the urge to look away and walk back to the house. That was all I really needed to do but I couldn't. My knees were glued to the ground and I could no longer move. There was just one burning question I was dying to ask – just one.

Why?

I really did want to talk to him. I think talking to him and being around him was part of how my days usually went. I was always around Trish and Dez and now it was Austin. We have known each other for a long time now and it killed me to think that I couldn't even say one thing. It was different now. I didn't think it could return back to how we used to be. I think I would always remember us kissing.

I swallowed. It was unusual of me to feel that way – to have my palms sweating, my mind racing, my heart pacing, and my stomach dancing. It was all for a kiss I shared with him.

The kisses I shared with Dallas now meant nothing. They were meaningless and a complete lie. It was a facade. But that one kiss with Austin, that one kiss, meant a lot of things. I've said this before but just the thought of kissing someone whom I had always shared a platonic relationship with got me confused and frustrated was bizarre. It really was.

I took in everything about him.

His curly hair, his sad eyes, his bitter face...I wanted nothing more than to hug him. What the hell was he doing to me?

I swallowed again and excused myself. I felt pressured and choked up. Everything was happening too fast. Everything threw itself onto me and left no room for me to breathe. I was still so bitter over Dallas and now I was at a point where I might lose someone I had really enjoyed getting to know. I closed my eyes for a brief moment as I went up the pathway that led to my house. I wanted to turn back around and get a glimpse of him. I stopped at the door and craned my neck but he was gone. I felt a hollow emptiness within me. I wasted no time in going up to my room. Dad was still at the work.

I sighed and unpacked. All I needed to do was take a shower and sleep. Could sleep solve my answers? No. But it would take my mind off of things. That's what I needed to do: to stop thinking because it was driving me crazy.

I hopped into the shower and when I was done, I slipped into my pajamas. I bit my lip and stared at the balcony doors. Mine were adjacent to Austin's. I walked over and grabbed the curtains, quickly glancing outside. His doors were shut and his curtains were drawn. He was now a whole new mystery. I shook off the curiosity, the frustration, the longing, and the disappointment and drew my curtains together.

I guess I was now a mystery, too.