Well, well, well - the little rodent has been keeping secrets, hasn't he! What other mysteries might Pettigrew unravel? Severus reflects on what he feels he should have recognised in times gone by and ponders what lies ahead.
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Chapter 28 - The Secret Keeper
Looking back on it, Severus realised it was around the time the Dark Lord had ordered Severus to apply for a teaching position at Hogwarts to spy on Albus Dumbledore, that he had first been told of the address of the (then new) hide-out for Voldemort and his Death Eaters. Or more specifically, it had been a matter of a week or so after he had heard and passed on his account of the prophecy made by Sybill Trelawney that he, and a room full of other Death Eaters, had been collectively told, by the completely shrouded Secret Keeper, of Lamnordron's location.
'It is possible; based on the timing,' he conceded to himself, 'that the Secret Keeper could have been Wormtail.'
His stomach gave a painful twist when he immediately realised that if he had been aware all those years ago of the identity of the Secret Keeper to Lamnordron he could have avoided the precarious existence in which he found himself today.
Severus vividly remembered the dark days when he was not able to discover, despite his desperate attempts, the identity of Voldemort's spy within the Order of the Phoenix for Dumbledore, resulting in the exposure and ensuing murders of James and Lily Potter and the attempted murder of their infant son by the Dark Lord.
To find out now that the man responsible had been mere feet away from him before that time, and to concede Severus ought to have recognised a clue of some sorts to his identity (as he had known Pettigrew well from their days at Hogwarts) and subsequently should have been able to prevent the disaster, keenly stung the dark man's conscience. 'Another failure,' he thought bitterly of himself, sensing the oppressive cloud that constantly surrounded him, press suffocatingly closer.
Given his audience though, Severus quickly suppressed his dejected thoughts.
"Well, well," Severus remarked, with a small, beguiling chuckle. "Your crowning glory, Wormtail… I am impressed."
Lucius narrowed his eyes at Pettigrew, "Yes… isn't it," he drawled, his tone somewhat ungracious.
Severus suspected the blond wizard rather resented Wormtail's cementing of his position within the Dark Lord's ranks. It had been quite a display of trust the Dark Lord had shown in the rat-like man, to make him Secret Keeper - and so early on - it had been at least fifteen years previous. 'This means fifteen years of obedience to the Dark Lord,' Severus acknowledged, and with an inward smile he mentally raised Pettigrew above Lucius in the proverbial pecking order. 'Well, Lucius had indeed had his chance,' Severus thought amused, recalling the (now destroyed) diary horcrux Severus had learned of from Dumbledore, which Lucius had apparently been entrusted with previous to Voldemort's first downfall. 'Malfoy thoroughly ballsed that up!'
It was tempting to needle Lucius with this comparison, though decided against it when he noticed the poisonous look still on the blond wizard's face. 'It will not be worth the backlash,' he conceded with a tinge of disappointment.
"Well, that is settled then Wormtail, you will need to be present when we bring Lupin to Lamnordron," Severus ordered.
"L... Lupin?" stammered Pettigrew.
Rodolphus nodded, an obscene smile and glittering eyes leaving no doubt of his delight. "Yes, the werewolf will be joining the Dark Lord imminently, Wormtail. And you won't want to miss this… will you?" he insisted, raising his eyebrows in anticipation, his tone distinctly malevolent.
Swallowing, Wormtail just shook his head, reluctantly confirming his agreement.
Severus found it interesting that Wormtail appeared to be struggling with his conscience at that moment. Although, snorting his derision, Severus wondered if it were only Wormtail's cowardice at facing his former best friend that had him nervous. Curiously though, Severus acknowledged that Wormtail had displayed a much more reserved and cowed demeanour in the presence of Rodolphus and Lucius since he had entered the Spinner's End address. Perhaps it was merely his fear of these formidable wizards that had him unnerved. Severus could not feel sure which variance had brought about the altered attitude - he would scrutinise Wormtail a little more closely from now on, he resolved.
The plan was finalised between the five in the room, Severus maintaining the need for him to observe Lupin's movements with regard to twelve Grimmauld Place. "I am certain to discover he will be vulnerable at the house. We will meet back here at my signal," instructed Severus, standing and, not at all subtly, indicating that the discussion was over and directing the three who did not live there, to move to the door.
In a show of restrained defiance, Rodolphus and Bellatrix remained seated and took their time to drain their glasses of the remaining firewhisky, whilst Lucius smirked at Severus smugly. Impatiently, Severus returned an icy glare, barely resisting snarling his demand that they leave immediately. Though fortunately, he recognised that the relationship was fragile enough without displaying even more open hostility and he held his tongue until they finished their drinks and eventually sauntered to the door.
"Snape," they each bid him as they exited through the doorway. Severus just nodded his acknowledgment as they passed by him. When he closed the door, relieved to see the back of them, he heard Wormtail open the concealed door to the staircase behind him. Disappointingly though, the small rat-like man did not immediately retreat up the stairs, instead he turned to Severus with narrowed, accusing eyes.
"So, where did you end up last night?"
Severus did not turn around immediately, he paused to breathe a silent, frustrated sigh, his relief at having avoided the same conversation with Lucius, instantly dissolving.
"I had business, Wormtail," he answered curtly, finally turning, observing Pettigrew's expression and resuming his seat in the armchair.
To Severus' continuing chagrin, Pettigrew snorted quietly in apparent disbelief, though surprisingly did not push the matter further. As it had in fact been a fabrication, Severus chose to act as though he had not noticed Wormtail's doubting response - there was no point drawing more attention to the situation as it were. However he distinctly felt as though the ice he was skating upon had suddenly developed a hairline fracture, he sensed it would only be a matter of time before it shattered beneath him. He knew he could waste no more time - if he were soon to be going under, he'd better start actively seeking the secrets of the Dark Lord; starting with Wormtail.
"One hell of a revelation, Wormtail, I truly had no idea," he remarked, referring to the rat like man's unveiling of his position as the Secret Keeper of Lamnordron. The simpering man's standing amongst the dark side had suddenly become an enigma, and the dark man pondered what other mysteries the rat-like man may be able to unravel. Severus crossed his arms in front of him and leaned back in the armchair, waiting for Pettigrew's response.
"I have a history of being full of surprises, as you may recall Snape," Wormtail said, smugly and Severus suddenly felt a strong urge to hex the smirk from his face, though managed to control himself.
"How in Merlin's name did you manage to fool the Dark Lord of your allegiance all those years ago?" Severus asked, baiting Peter to defend himself.
"I did not need to fool him, he has always had my support!"
Severus snorted, "You only caved in fear, Wormtail - or at least that is what you were so desperately trying to convince Lupin and Black of in the Shrieking Shack, was it not?"
Wormtail flinched slightly at the accusation, "The Dark Lord had reason to trust me, I gave him the loyalty he expected. I gave him-"
"You gave him your friends, Wormtail, that is what you gave him… you are nothing but a coward," Severus cut across in disgust.
"I am not a coward, I am faithful - there is a difference. He has trusted me and I have proven myself - he would never have entrusted me with the key to his power if he doubted my loyalty…"
Severus froze, ever so momentarily, at the mention of a key.
Wormtail did not notice and was continuing with his defence unaware of the vital clue he had just divulged.
"... he made me Secret Keeper and honoured me with his trust." Wormtail was now dragging out a pendant that was dangling from a short chain hidden beneath his robes. "I wear the symbol of his faith in me, reminding me of my commitment to Him," he declared, holding out the ornate, golden key between his thumb and forefinger for Severus to see.
Severus worked hard to suppress his true reaction, ensuring his expression remained completely inscrutable. "Very impressive," he said derisively, "you obviously hold your trinket from the Dark Lord in high esteem. I am positively jealous," he added snidely.
But contrary to his words, Severus knew very well that the key was likely far more than a humble trinket. 'What a fool,' thought Severus with an inward sneer, 'he has perhaps handed me what I seek on a silver platter.'
Wormtail admired the beautifully forged and etched key, "Exquisite, isn't it? It once belonged to Rowena Ravenclaw, I am told," he murmured, enraptured.
This information validated Severus' suspicion, he was positive now that the pendant was indeed the key to the Dark Lord's power. And it was becoming evident to Severus that Wormtail had not an ounce of clue what he held so delicately in his grasp. If he did he would surely jump back as if he had been burned and not caress the object lovingly, as he was doing at that moment. Voldemort's horcrux - the product of a murder; for that is the evil act it took to tear a fragment of one's soul. And more repulsive yet was the desire to separate that fragment from its greater, sealing it within an object. No, Wormtail was simply a mule, he was certainly not aware of what he genuinely had been entrusted with.
'Ingenious really,' thought Severus, admiring the Dark Lord's cunning, 'I would never have suspected Wormtail, of all people, to have been selected unwittingly and cleverly manipulated into becoming Voldemort's walking hiding place, and I certainly would never have recognised the key as a horcrux if I had not been so apprised of the various ways in which each may manifest themselves. I almost missed this one as it was, though it stared me in the face for months.' Severus then sneered, 'Wormtail truly is a dunderhead for believing the Dark Lord sincerely trusted him.'
"Really... well I will leave you to your… fondling then, shall I? I am retiring for the evening, goodnight Wormtail." With that Severus stood and swept past the still enamoured wizard and ascended the staircase to his bedroom. It was still quite early, though the dark man was positively exhausted and welcomed an early retirement. Besides, he rather felt he had risked enough consorting with the enemy during the past twenty-four hours, and preferred the luxury of relaxing somewhat and basking in the unexpected victory of discovering yet another one of Voldemort's horcruxes, this time so quickly and easily.
The dark man settled himself into his bed with a huge sigh. A lot had happened since the beginning of his carefully orchestrated invasion of Azkaban the previous night. Although he was able to breathe easier in the privacy of his bedroom, Severus still remained aware of his own vulnerability within these walls. He would, of course, be given warning of any attack, thanks to the wards he had invoked against intruders, but he was all too aware that those wards would never actually prevent such an attack, only hinder it.
He tossed and turned for several minutes, trying to calm his mind enough to fall asleep, though the thoughts of what he now had to do remained steadfast and naggingly insistent within his head. Soon he gave up fighting them and allowed his consciousness to work through each one.
'It seemed Dumbledore's instincts about Peter Pettigrew were justified after all,' thought Severus, 'the pathetic excuse for a man, it turned out, did still have his uses to Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.' Severus had found the man's occupancy of his Spinner's End house growing more and more irritating, but even more than that, his presence had also become a hindrance to the dark man's covert treasonous behaviour recently. If it were not for Dumbledore's request that Wormtail be allowed to remain in the Dark Lord's service for the time being, monitored by Severus, the dark man could not have guaranteed that Pettigrew would have lasted through the war alive, much less recognisable. He had been extremely inclined to hex the little vermin into obscurity. As it turned out, Severus was thankful that he had not succumbed to his violent desires - the key that hung around the rodent's neck would have been difficult to find six feet under.
Severus' thoughts turned to the horcruxes, 'Hufflepuff's cup and Ravenclaw's key – now I am really getting somewhere.' The dark man ran through in his head, the list given to him by the Headmaster many months ago, 'The diary - destroyed, Slytherin's ring - destroyed, the object Dumbledore had hoped to find following a recent lead before his death - did the old man find it, was it destroyed?' Severus knew he would need to establish the status of this horcrux with Potter, as he would be the only other person to know. 'Nagini - located but not destroyed, Hufflepuff's cup - located but not destroyed, and now Ravenclaw's key - located but not destroyed. Six horcruxes in total, and the seventh part resided within the Dark Lord himself. Severus' job was almost complete, though he was not necessarily convinced the most difficult part was behind him.
'It is time to hand over what I have discovered to Potter,' he acknowledged with apprehension. He knew the boy would be unlikely to respond to any attempt at contact, unless Severus presented a very convincing argument of his unwavering loyalty to the Order, but even then, he admitted, it would be a stretch to get him to listen. So it was with a certain amount of frustration that the dark man conceded that he may never be able to gain Potter's trust. With a soft snort he wondered whether that would have been possible even if none of the events of the previous twelve months had happened, or at least had not involved himself.
'So how will I send any messages and pass on the information?' came his next thought, 'Surely I cannot risk anything but a personal account.' Severus then almost chuckled at the notion. The idea that he hoped to remain in Potter's presence long enough to actually communicate effectively with him, without the boy attempting to hex him into oblivion, was frankly ridiculous.
'Still, I have to try… my discoveries are pointless, even detrimental, unless they are delivered securely to the right person.' After another moment of thought, 'Perhaps a Pensieve memory,' he suggested to himself, 'he may accept the information this way… I am sure the Headmaster has explained how difficult they are to forge or alter convincingly… he would have to recognise them as the truth.'
"Ah, but the boy is stubborn!" Severus whispered harshly in frustration, "this is going to be nearly impossible," and he rolled his eyes and pressed the heels of his hands to them in exasperation. But Severus' mind clung to the one word which allowed him to maintain some semblance of hope, 'nearly impossible', and only time would reveal the truth of success, as he knew he had no other choice but to try.
After a moment he stopped pressing, but he left his hands lightly covering his eyes, he was not looking forward to this…
Severus suddenly sneered inwardly at himself. Merlin, it almost seemed as if he was afraid of the encounter with Potter, he had almost found himself hoping not to have to face him in person. His memories of the night he had ended up on the Astronomy Tower, backed into a corner, forced to follow the ridiculous orders of the old man so he himself would not fall to the Unbreakable Vow, suddenly pierced his heart. And if he truly looked deep within himself, he would discover he was actually a little afraid. He was afraid of what a conversation with Potter would yield if the subject of that night was broached, and he knew it definitely would be.
In actual fact it would be less like a conversation and more like an argument. Potter would scream that he was a coward again, demanding to know what happened on the Tower, demanding to know why Severus had not saved the Headmaster - for it surely must be evident now, to the entire wizarding community, that the dark man was involved in some way in the Headmaster's death. Hagrid, it seemed, certainly blamed him. And then Severus would be forced to defend himself, to explain the unexplainable set of circumstances that had led to the reprehensible act he had committed on the Tower, even though at times he had dejectedly pondered whether there may have been substance to the boy's unrelated accusation of cowardice. But Severus had been there, he knew what had transpired on the Tower, Potter had not seen, had not witnessed how difficult it had been to follow through with the old wizard's orders. It had almost broken him, but he had found a place deep within himself that night, a place that harboured all the hate from his tormented life since his childhood. It had been enough to fuel the fatal curse that took the one true friend of Severus Snape, and left him to fight alone.
Many nights Severus had replayed in his head the events leading up to his having to kill the Headmaster, wondering if, and wishing there had been, some other way. A third option, a loophole, an ally, anything that would have given Severus a choice.
'But I did have a choice, and I made it,' his mutinous mind accused, 'I chose to live, I chose to follow Dumbledore's orders to save myself! Potter is right, I could so easily have-'
He quickly took away his hands covering his eyes. "Enough of this!" he hissed, irate with himself. His guilt and regret were luxurious burdens he could not afford to carry during these tumultuous times, so he pushed the feelings and thoughts away in a clean sweep by his well practiced Occlumency technique. Now, with nothing more than a blank canvas within his mind to focus upon, the dark man promptly sank into a surprisingly restful sleep.
Severus woke early the next morning, refreshed after the restful night. He suspected it had been a very long time since the ever preset dreams and nightmares had not interrupted his sleep.
He cleaned himself up and dressed in a fresh set of his usual black clothes and adorned his cloak - well he cleaned all except his hair, he always seemed to forget his hair. It was greasy as usual, but he had come to accept that about himself, and taking in his reflection that was bouncing back at him from his bathroom mirror, he sighed a little as he scrutinised his appearance. Severus had never considered himself an attractive man, imposing - yes, intelligent - yes, but never attractive. Consequently he had learned to rely on his other traits to earn his accolades and capture the attention of the opposite sex.
Today was no different, he saw the mysterious, self confidant (but not attractive) wizard staring out from the mirror, yet today he was almost shocked when he saw not only his own reflection staring back at him, but that of his father as well. It was quite jarring for the dark man to suddenly acknowledge the strong physical resemblance to his paternal parent. He touched his own face, remembering the very few times he had reached out as a small child to stroke his fathers features as the man held him. The memory was overflowing with the feeling of adoration. The simple, yet powerful adoration a child held for his parents for no reason at all except that they were there, that they were the child's mother and father. Parents did not need to earn that from a child, it was given freely and without expectation - though it was not necessarily forever. Severus had quickly learned that his own father had not earned the right for that gift to continue and his hate for his Muggle father had then developed within a few short years.
Looking defiantly into the reflection he noticed the similarities blur and fade - he was not his father, he would never be his father. Taking in a deep breath, Severus turned away from his reflection, focused his defences and left the room - he had his own destiny to face.
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