Disclaimer: I do not own AHS.
A/N: So happy some of you guys are still reading this! Thanks so much! I know I haven't updated this in forever but I assure you I'm not giving up on it. Thanks for still reading!
…
CH 28- Heart of Gold
…
"May I come in?" Timothy asked when Jude said nothing else. He knew his presence at her front door at such a late hour must have been surprising.
Jude nodded and stepped aside, letting Timothy in. Timothy walked to the middle of the living room and glanced around. He noticed the portraits of Lux on the mantle and was instantly attracted to them like a magnet. He smiled fondly at one of Lux at the age of two. "She's such an angel, isn't she?"
Jude walked to the living room, crossed her arms and nodded. "She is."
Timothy looked from the photo of the child to the woman standing mere feet away. Lux was so unlike her with her dark brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. She had none of Jude's facial features if only her accent and little wisps of her personality but that was all. However, Timothy admired Jude for adopting a child and raising her as her own. He had spoken to Mother Claudia soon after Jude informed him she had a daughter when she visited him in Boston. She had told him a great deal about the small infant Jude had become attached to in St. Ursula's but he said nothing of the matter.
"I'm going back to Boston, Jude."
"When?"
"Tomorrow morning, if God permits it."
Jude nodded. "I understand." After all, Timothy had spent a great deal of time in Salem. It was about time he returned back to Boston to create the life he wanted.
Timothy smiled faintly. He didn't know why he expected Jude to be a little more devastated over his departure. She wasn't the same woman he put in charge of Briarcliff. She had changed a great deal and obviously no longer worshipped the ground he stepped upon.
"Jude," He placed the portrait of Lux back on the mantle. "I want you to come with me."
"What?" Jude was instantly stumped.
"Come with me. You and Lux." He went to her and took her by the hands.
Jude looked at him, her expression perplexed. Anger slowly rose in her eyes.
…
Lux perked up when she heard voices coming from the living room. She sat up and looked towards the door. "Someone's here."
Lana looked towards the door and listened. The voice didn't sound like Kit but it was one she recognized right away. Lana instantly became tense and turned her full attention to Lux and smiled for the child, "Don't you worry about that."
Lux lay back against her pillow. She met Lana's eyes and smiled but then her smile faded. "Lana?"
"Yes?"
"Can we read the garden book?"
A smile crossed Lana's lips. She casually glanced over her shoulder to the door where Jude and Timothy were talking. She then looked back to Lux, "Of course we can."
Lux quickly leaned over to her nightstand where she opened the drawer and pulled out the book she had been keeping secure until Lana was able to read it to her again.
"Okay, scoot over." Lana said as she sat next to her, resting her back against the pillow. Lux giggled and made room for Lana. When Lana was settled, she scurried next to her and buried herself under her arm.
Lana opened the book and commenced to read to her. They were half way through the book when Lana turned the page and came upon the photograph of newborn Lux. Lana stopped mid-sentence and became tense. Lux noticed the photo.
"Lana, why couldn't ya keep yer baby?"
Lana was speechless. How could she begin to explain to the girl her reasons for giving her up? "I didn't think I could." Was her answer. It wasn't the best answer but the only one she could provide at the moment.
"Do ya miss her?" Lux glanced up at Lana from under her arm.
Lana nodded silently. "I do…but I know she's safe."
"How do ya know that?"
Lana looked at her. "I just do." She gave the girl a small smile even through she was close to breaking.
Lux glanced down at the photo. "Do ya think my real mama misses me too?"
Something strong gripped Lana's chest and tears prickled her eyes but she held herself firm. "You know what? I think she does."
"How do ya know?"
"Something just tells me that she does."
There was a silence between the two.
"Lux?"
"Yeah?"
"Would you like to meet your birth mother one day?"
Lux looked at Lana with those big doe eyes. Lana could see she was taken back by the question but was really considering it. The bedroom door opened just before Lux could answer. Both Lana and Lux glanced up to see Jude standing in the doorway. She looked a little frazzled and for a moment Lana thought she had heard their conversation.
"Lux, its time for bed."
"But we haven't read yet—"
Lana noticed Jude's fed up expression and knew the girl's pleading would not help her case. It was obvious that Timothy's visit had left Jude quite angry. "How about we read tomorrow?"
"Ya aren't gon go back to New York are ya?"
Lana was a bit taken off guard. She had forgotten all about returning home. Her editor was going to kill her. "I'll stay one more day, just for you." She tapped her nose softly. "Now, sleep tight."
Lana stood from the bed and let Jude tuck Lux in. When she was done, the two women filed into the living room. Jude was serious and avoided Lana's eyes. Lana faced her. "That was the monsignor, wasn't it?"
Jude looked up to greet her eyes. She nodded once. "It was."
"By the looks of it, his visit was not a pleasant one."
Jude took in a deep breath. "It was unexpected, that is for certain."
"He seems different…"
"He appears to be a different man now, Ms. Winters."
"I still don't trust him." Lana frowned. After all, it was Timothy who prevented her from rescuing Jude from the grasps of Briarcliff.
"We all have our reasons to be distrusting…" Jude's eyes wandered off at something Lana could not follow.
Lana cleared her throat and stood straight, "Jude, I know I said I'd respect your decisions over Lux's well being, but I was wondering if you would allow me to spend the day with her tomorrow after school." Jude's eyes whipped to Lana. Lana hurried her speech before Jude interrupted with a harsh respond. "I'm going back to New York the day after tomorrow and I don't know when I'll return…"
Jude looked in the direction of Lux's room. "She's grown quite fond of ya. Yer leavin' will surely upset her."
"I know…but what else can I do? My life is there and hers is here with you." Lana met Jude's eyes with a bit of sadness, "I'm at a disadvantage."
Jude quickly wiped an eye with the back of her hand. "Ya could visit as much as you'd like. Ya know that."
"Yes, but the commute is a long one and my job needs me there. My editor is at her wits end with me."
"I understand and I assure ya that Lux will too. She's a smart child, Ms. Lana Banana, give her some credit."
Lana smiled as she made her way to the front door, "Oh, I don't doubt that she's smart." She glanced back at Jude, "She took after her mother, after all." And with this, she exited the front door and left, leaving Jude with an amused smile. Of course Lana did not mean Jude but herself.
Jude chuckled and went off to her room.
Lana was crossing the road to Kit's home when she heard a shuffle followed by the sound of her name. She looked and was startled when Timothy approached her. "Ms. Winters." He said, sounding happy to see her.
Lana took a step back, "Monsignor."
"Oh, call me Timothy." He said, "I am no longer a Monsignor."
Lana was a little perplexed at this.
"I have left the church. I was sure that Jude had mentioned it to you since you're close friends now."
"I wouldn't say we're too close."
Timothy smiled, no less. "Any who, like I had said to you before, Ms. Winters, I am making my peace with those who I wronged in the past. I know it was wrong of me to prevent you from taking Jude out of Briarcliff all those years ago—"
"Like you said…Mr. Howard, it was years ago. There is no use for apologies now. That horrid past is long behind us now." Lana collected herself and continued her way across the road, "Goodnight now."
"She looks like you." Timothy said casually, bringing Lana to a full stop. She stopped and turned her body slightly. A heavy frown crossed her face.
"Excuse me?"
Timothy took three steps towards her. "Your daughter. She looks like you."
Lana was at a loss of words.
"Lux. She is your daughter, is she not?"
Lana took two strides towards him. "Who told you that?" Her voice was grave.
"Now, now, Ms. Winters, I am not going to scream it to the winds. I know how to keep a secret but if you must know, Mother Claudia told me."
Lana relaxed a little.
"She didn't tell me much but I figured it out on my own. I had suspected but when I saw the two of you at the church I figured it to be true." Timothy chuckled, "She has your frown."
Lana cleared her throat. "I hardly believe this is a suitable conversation."
"I have no bad intentions. I understand the reasons you gave her up and I do not judge you. It must have been hard to give birth to the child of a maniac."
Lana clenched her teeth and fought back the surge to strike Timothy, even though he meant no harm by his words. He didn't speak them in a malicious way, but in an understanding and sorry manner. He did not judge Lana or wish her harm. He truly believed he had changed.
He sighed. "I am sorry that happened to you, Ms. Winters. I truly am."
Lana relaxed herself. She took a step back and took in a deep breath of the cool night air.
"She's a beautiful little girl."
"Thank you." Lana said politely, "Now, if you'll excuse me." She turned to walk away.
"I swear I don't have bad intentions." He stopped Lana in her tracks again, "I only want what's best for Jude."
Lana turned to him again. "I don't know what you told her that left her so upset, but I suggest that you leave her well enough alone. Jude has gone through a lot and the majority was because of you."
"I want to mend my mistakes."
"Jude isn't a mistake. She isn't a charity case you can do to make yourself feel better. She's a person, Mr. Howard. She deserves that respect. Now, goodnight." She turned on her heels and stalked away, leaving Timothy to his own.
…
When Lana entered the Walker residence, Kit was sitting on the sofa, a newspaper in his hands. He glanced up to see Lana walk through the door and close it behind her.
"How'd it go?"
"The monsignor arrived unexpectedly." Lana said, "He just left." She finished before Kit could stand.
Kit studied Lana's expression. He could tell something was bothering her. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Lana sat on the love seat across from Kit. She sighed heavily. "He knows that Lux is my daughter."
Kit scoffed. "I don't trust that guy."
"I don't either. He and Jude spoke privately and when he left, Jude was awfully upset."
"Is she okay?"
"I say so."
"I wonder what he told her."
Lana shrugged, "Don't know. Anyway, tomorrow's my last day here. I need to get back to work."
Kit saddened. "Lux will be awfully disappointed."
Lana saddened too. "I know."
"That girl loves ya, Lana. I've never seen her warm up to someone so quickly before."
Lana smiled. "I want to tell her, Kit. I want her to know who I really am but I can't."
"Why not?" Kit stood and sat next to Lana.
"I'm afraid she'll reject me. Besides, she's living her own life in her own little world. I don't want to do anything to ruin it. She's happy the way things are."
Kit placed his hand on Lana's and gave it a light squeeze. "Yer a very strong person, ya knot that?"
Lana smiled at her long time friend, "So I've been told."
"I don't think Lux will ever be mad at ya. That girl has a heart made of gold."
His words made Lana's smile widen. "I don't deserve her love. At all."
"We all deserve to be loved, Lana. Don't ya forget that."
…
When morning came, Lana accompanied Jude to take the children to school. Lux was falling asleep on her feet. She had to constantly push her glasses up and stand straight but would eventually begin to slouch and hang her head.
"All right, I want no foolin' 'round, ya hear?" Jude warned the children as they approached the school. "I am talkin' to ya both, Thomas and Lux." She told the two for they were the most rambunctious of the three. Julia was a much more behaved little girl who Jude thought was far too mature and intelligent for her age.
Thomas was bright too but as rambunctious and mischievous as they came. And as for Lux, she was smart and witty but she just happened to always be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Julia knew how to stay out of trouble, the other two didn't.
Lux held Jude's hand now wide-awake. She kept glancing behind her to make sure Lana was there too. Lana smiled at her every time she did so.
"Will ya be here when I get out?" Lux asked shyly as Lana knelt down to her level and took a hold of her hands once they reached the front of the school. Lux looked so adorable with her thick-rimmed glasses and her backpack, which was too big for her.
"Of course I will." Lana brushed her bangs, "And then you and I could spend the day together like I promised."
Lux smiled brightly, "Okay!"
"Now, go on now before you're late." Lana did not know what provoked her, but she leaned forward and kissed Lux's cheek.
"Bye, Lana! Bye, Mama!" Lux waved as she followed after Julia and Thomas into the school.
Jude stood by Lana's side, her arms crossed. "I hate to say this, Ms. Winters. But that girl is going to miss ya when yer gone."
"I know." Lana said softly, watching as little Lux ran to the front doors of the school. A part of Lana's heart tore off. She never wanted to leave her child again.
