Chapter 27

I'm walking back from the lake towards the meadow, trying to warm my nose from the cold. My hands are balled up in my jacket sleeves as I press the warm material to my face, breathing deeply. The warm air from my breath only temporarily warms my skin.

I'm thinking too hard. I should be happy that life has gone back to being fairly peaceful. Peeta and I have fallen into routine. Paylor hasn't sent any more Capitol agents to fetch us, aside from positioning none other than Gale Hawthorne in a house at the edge of Victor's Village. She said that it was for protection purposes, but I had no say in whether or not Gale stayed. The nation was supposedly recovering quickly now that Peeta and I had 'cooperated', which did not go unnoticed by Paylor. However, she kept her promise and kept as much of the press away from us as she could.

My boots skid on the hill from frozen dew stuck to the shrubbery as I make my way up the slope. I quickly dig my feet in instinctively and push on til I reach the top.

But I stop quickly when I see who is there.

"Haymitch? Gale?"

Haymitch is sitting on the large flat gray stone that Gale used to meet me at when we would go hunting together. Gale is standing awkwardly next to him as Haymitch pulls a large swig of alcohol before turning to me.

"Hi, sweetheart."

At first I'm confused. Haymitch has never ventured out of his house during the day ever since... well, ever since he figured alcohol would do the trick. But here he is, still drinking alcohol, but outside, and with Gale nonetheless.

Then I'm angry. Oh, so angry. Not just at Haymitch, but at Gale.

"Why are you here?" I demand, not caring which of them answered first. I can feel my muscles stiffening in rage and my lips curling. What gave them the right to intrude on such a private place?

Gale shifts uncomfortably, looking sheepish. "He was outside my house, stumbling around. I didn't want him to pass out on the street, so I tried to get him to his house, but he wouldn't let me. I just followed him until he came here and sat down," he blurts out, almost panicky.

I glare at Haymitch then, demanding an explanation. There's no way Haymitch was a stumbling fool. He has been around liquor long enough that it was pulsing through his veins. "Well?"
Haymitch laughs. Obnoxiously. "Sweetheart, don't tell me that you forgot that today is Sunday."

I scowl. "That's none of your business," I growl at him. "I don't hunt on Sundays anymore. That was the past."

Gale brightens suddenly. "You hunt too?" I stare blankly at him, surprised at his reaction. "I hunt every Sunday," he begins to explain, but I cut him off briskly. "I know."

I shoot a deadly look at Haymitch, who is watching carefully with a face half expressing glee and seriousness. "Gale, can you give me and Haymitch a moment?"

Gale moves further down the hill, a polite distance away so that none of our words would float into earshot. As soon as he's down the slope, I turn on Haymitch.

"Why did you bring him here? Have you forgotten that I don't want anything to do with him anymore? Not when I've finally started to get my life together?"

Haymitch stares back evenly. "So you're going to leave that part of your life in pieces? Leave him in pieces? Sweetheart, he may not remember, but you owe it to yourself to bring him back into your life."

"He doesn't remember me," I snarl, enunciating each word with malice. "I owe him nothing. I don't want him here-"

"That's a damn lie and I can see right through it."

He's partially right. I miss Gale. And now that he's forgotten what he's done and that he was even in love with me at one point, its hard to hold that against him.

"I can't forget what he's done," I grit out. Its almost as if I'm losing Prim again. Or somehow dishonoring her by allowing Gale back into my life.

Haymitch grimaces. "Sweetheart, you're hurting yourself trying to keep her alive. She's gone."

Those aren't the words I want to hear. I turn around and flee, racing down the slope past Gale, who calls out after me. I ignore him and dart through the trees. I can feel the tears threatening to escape through my hard exterior.

Its not until I feel something grab my arm that I turn around. Except I only turn around to lash out rashly at whatever is holding me back.

"Ow! Dammit!" Gale recoils as bright red streaks bloom from his cheek where my nails raked across his skin.

I only turn away, ready to run again, but he stops me, despite my attempts to escape. "Hey! Stop! Ow! Katniss!"

I stop when he says my name because it feels almost as if another knife has cut into my past. No more Catnip. Just Katniss.

I burst, sinking to my knees and just kneeling on the forest floor with my arms curled in at my chest. Too much. Too much is gone. And now its coming back to haunt me in real life.

Gale doesn't know what to do. That much is apparent when he shifts from one foot to the other while I cry, letting lose the tears that have been brought forth due to confusion. In fact, he mutters something about needing to get Haymitch before I hurt myself.

"You don't even know!" I shout at him angrily. And he really doesn't. Part of me wishes he did. I don't know why. He would apologize. I wouldn't forgive him. He'd leave. Maybe that's why I wish he remembered.

But instead, he can't. He doesn't, and I can't do anything about it.

Except maybe help him remember. Like what I did for Peeta.

But did I really want to do that? Is Haymitch right when he tells me how I only hurt myself by pushing Gale away? Should I accept Prim's death? Its been months.

I can't seem to say yes to any of those questions.

"I want Peeta," I manage in between sobs. And I truly do at that moment. I feel as if a stranger has found me on the ground, helpless. I don't want Gale here.

Its only when I feel strong muscular arms snake under me that I realize exactly how much I want Peeta here. No. How much I need Peeta here.

Its true. Perhaps I want to help Gale. Some little part of me must. He'd been my confidant and best friend for years. But what would that mean for me? For Prim?

For Peeta?

But my grief immobilizes me and I let Gale carry me back to where Haymitch is waiting on that damned rock. I have completely shut down at this point.

Its only when I'm back in my own house and left alone that I shut myself into my closet and curl up, wishing I could somehow fix everything.