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It was early Saturday morning; Hermione lay still in her bed. A note clutched in her hand. She read the lines over and over again. Her mother wanted to see her. Her mother wanted to see her today. She had not spoken to her since Nathan was born. Hermione had only begun to adjust to not having parents.
The timing could not have been worse. Her fight with Ron was almost as bad as the night they broke up. She wiped her eyes rapidly with her free hand and cursed herself. She said the most terrible things to Ron. She had been so stupid and blind. She had no idea Ron felt that way. Her entire world was falling apart.
A soft knock hit her door. Hermione closed her eyes hoping the person would go away. She didn't want to talk or see anybody. However, the knocking continued. She sighed and slowly left her bed. She opened the door and Harry and Ginny were on the other side. Harry looked just as confused and terrified as last light, but Ginny seemed angry. Hermione's friendship with her had never fully recovered, and this would be another brick in the wall for them.
"I really don't want to talk," Hermione croaked.
"Well, you're going to," Ginny spat before pushing herself into the room.
Harry gave her an apologetic look before walking in himself. Hermione closed the door behind them and slumped back to her bed. Harry stood against her desk and Ginny stood by the bathroom door. Hermione gazed at her fingers in disgust. Her nails looked dreadful. In her nervous rage, she bit each one to a nub.
"Well, are you going to explain what happen last night?" Ginny demanded. Hermione simply shook her head.
"Hermione, why were you two fighting? The yelling was so loud," Harry said softly.
Hermione glanced up at him. "We're always loud."
Harry frowned at her, "Maybe, but Ron doesn't always storm out of your room crying."
"He cried?" Hermione asked feeling her heart fall a bit lower.
Ginny roller her eyes and put her hands on her hips. "Yes, that's why I want to know what you did or said to him. He wouldn't say a word to me or Harry this morning. His face is all red and his eyes are puffy. Ron hardly ever cries. I've known him for seventeen years. He only cries if he's really upset and the only person who can make him so upset is you!"
"Ginny please don't shout," Harry asked.
Ginny gawked at him, "Don't shout? You're asking me not to shout! Ron left in tears this morning because of her!"
Hermione shrugged, "I didn't mean to make him cry. Wait, where did he go?" Before anyone could answer it dawned on her. "Oh, that's right. It's Saturday. We get to spend the day with Nathan."
"You forgot?" Harry asked.
Hermione rubbed her eyes and nodded, "Yeah, I've just had so much on my mind."
"Hermione, what is wrong with you?" Harry asked.
She looked back from Harry to Ginny. Both seemed as confused and upset as she. "Ron and I had a huge fight over some things that we thought were settled. He had to move out last night."
"I know. Hannah told me after she talked to professor," Harry said.
"That's why you two fought?" Ginny asked.
"No, I was angry because I saw him flirting with Susan yesterday during lunch. That's why he wasn't at the table," Hermione explained.
"Wait, you yelled at Ron because you thought he was flirting with Susan?" Ginny asked.
"No, I didn't think he was flirting. I knew he was. He had that look on his face," Hermione breathed.
"He doesn't like Susan. He hasn't talked to Susan in a long time," Harry said.
"Well, I guess they were catching up," Hermione spoke softly.
It was quiet. Hermione gazed at her fingers again. A second later a stinging, hard sensation hit her cheek. "Ginny!" Harry yelled. Hermione touched her face and looked up. Harry was holding Ginny by the waist and Ginny had her hand raised. She had slapped her. Tears clouded Hermione's eyes.
"Let me go Harry!" Ginny barked. She shrugged away from him and glared at Hermione. "I can't believe you! Ron wanted to die when he broke up with you. He didn't care that you completely screwed him over. He loved you anyway. He loves you Hermione. You just can't take him loving you. You want him to be your little pet! Well, he's not. Ron is my brother and one of the best men I know. He's your boyfriend and the father of your child. Be thankful he still cares and that he's sticking around. A lot of people wouldn't! You've hurt him one too many times. I won't let you do it again." She didn't say another word. Ginny swung around and left the room.
Hermione rubbed her paining face. She let her tears fall. She looked up at Harry. He had a blank expression on his face. "What? Why are you looking at me like that Harry?" Hermione cried.
"Every day over the summer, I told Ron that things were going to be okay. It was so hard to get him to even smile again. Seeing him in so much pain killed me Hermione. It killed all of us to watch him hurt. He would walk through fire for you. I promised him that you still loved him. I can't keep making excuses for you. I love you but I hate what you're doing. Ron is my best friend." Hermione didn't have time to respond to him. Harry left her room as well.
Their departure didn't register to Hermione. She couldn't feel any worse than she already did. She picked up the note from her bed again and read it again. She couldn't to the Burrow, Ron was there. She wanted to see Nathan, but she couldn't stand being in the same room with Ron. She wanted to sleep but she feared Ginny or Harry would return. Instead, she brushed her teeth, put on a pair of jeans, and headed to her house. She figured it was best to get everyone's yelling out of the way.
Hermione didn't bother to eat breakfast. She couldn't get the nervous flies out of her stomach. She stood outside of her front door for over half an hour. Both cars were in the driveway. "This is a bad idea," Hermione said aloud.
Before she could turn around the door opened. Her father gazed at her smiling. "Hermione I'm happy you came." She did not return the smile. Her father shuffled his feet. "Come in dear." Hermione breathed and slowly walked up the stairs and entered the house. Her father closed the door behind her and sat on the love seat.
Her mother sat on the other side of him. She didn't look at her. She sipped her tea and stared at the floor.
Already the blood began to boil inside of Hermione. "Look, I'm the one that was invited. You two wanted me to be here. If you can't even look at me then I'll leave."
There was no answer. Hermione rolled her eyes and headed for the door. "No, come back. I'm sorry. This is harder than I thought it would be," her mother said.
Hermione turned around and peered at her. Her mother's face usually gleamed with confidence and authority but at that moment, it was uncertain and scared. For the first time Hermione could see herself in her mother. That more than anything else turned her body and made her sit in the chair on the other side of her parents.
"Why did you write that note?" Hermione asked.
"We wanted to talk to you. We haven't much lately," her father explained.
"But why now? Why wait after so much as happened?" Hermione asked again.
There was a pause. Her parents looked to each other. Her mother nodded. "Because I didn't know if I was ready. There's so much I want to say but I didn't know if I was ready to talk."
Hermione frowned at her mother. "Why would you need to be ready? I've been your daughter for eighteen years. We've always been able to talk."
"Not lately," her mother interjected.
"Why?" Hermione asked. "If it's because of my pregnancy then that's a lie. I tried to talk to you but you didn't want to talk to me."
"You lied to us Hermione. You didn't tell us right away. You waited. You told us the same time you told Ron's parents. You belong to us. Why didn't you tell us when you found out?" her father asked.
"I don't know. I didn't plan on getting pregnant. It was a shock to me as well. I didn't know what to do. I just found out and Ron had no idea. I was confused," Hermione said.
"We could have helped you. I could have helped you," her mother said.
Hermione snorted, "Yeah, I sure saw a whole lot of that when I did tell you. Mother, you acted in the exact way I thought you would. You wanted nothing to do with me or my son."
"Hermione, that's not true-"
"Dad, stop trying to defend her. She wanted to know and I'm telling her. I didn't tell you right away because I wanted to figure out what I was going to with it first. You already hated me and I didn't want to add to it."
"Hermione, I don't hate you and I never have," her mother tired. "I just feel disappointed. You have your whole life to settle down. You're too smart and too talented to have to worry about things like raising a child. You could be anything you want to."
"I didn't choose to be a mother. I made a mistake and I became one. I'm not sorry that I am one. I'm disappointed as well mother. I wanted my parents to be there for me and my child and you weren't. I wanted help and I didn't get it. I needed you two and you weren't there," Hermione cried.
"Well, you didn't need us. You had Ron and his family. You exchanged them for us long ago. From the moment you found out you were a witch you left us. You traded in our tradition and love for powers and magic!" her father yelled.
"Oh, don't give me that! I have never replaced you two. I have not loved you any less since I found out I was a witch. Things have changed but I still see you two as my family. I love you two so much. I want you two to be in my family. I want you two to be apart of Nathan's life. Even after you two have hurt me so much though this, I'm still here. I still need you." Hermione couldn't hold her scorching tears anymore. "I've always tried so hard to bridge my mugg…I mean my life with you two with my magical life. It's been hard sometimes but I've always thought I've done a nice good. I don't have a magical set of parents. It's always been you too! It's always been you. I wouldn't want nor have I ever asked for anything else."
Arms wrapped around her shoulders. Her mother's scent of cinnamon engulfed her. Hermione wanted to sleep. She wanted the world to go away.
"Hermione, I'm so sorry. I love you so much," her mother said. "I've missed you so much."
"I have too. I wish I was there for you. You will always be our daughter. I will always be your father," her father said on the other side of her.
For awhile the three of them held each other. For a few moments Hermione felt like a daughter. She felt apart of a family again, and it lifted her heart. She decided to stay at her house for the rest of the day. She had so much to tell her parents about school and Nathan. They wanted to know everything about him. It was hard to talk about Nathan without thinking about Ron. They were so much alike. She didn't want to let her parents know that once again they were fighting and possibly not together anymore.
Sleeping in her room was hard. She'd grown to love Ron's long legs tangling in hers or his heavy breathing and strong snores. Her family might have been starting to heal but it wouldn't mean anything if she wasn't with Ron.
Hermione woke up very early the next morning. It wasn't a difficult task. She didn't get much sleep. The clock on her side table read 7:30 A.M. Her parents were already at work. Hermione got up and took a shower. She put on blue pants since none of her jeans fit and a loose t-shirt. Hermione looked at herself in the mirror. She tried to smile but it looked forced and untrue. Though her parents may have welcomed her back, Ron was still on her mind. She needed to fix things before they got too out of hand. She felt ready to explain everything to him now.
Hermione wrote her parents a note telling them she was going back to school. She figured they'd understand her not staying. Hermione looked around the kitchen one last time before apparating. A second later she appeared at Ron's' house. Her heart began to race and sweet dripped down her back. She quietly raised her fist and knocked.
No sound came from the other side. Hermione knocked again but again, nothing. "Maybe it's too early," she said out loud. She sighed and kicked at the frog bucket near the door. She turned around to disapparate but the door suddenly opened. Ron was on the other side of it. He wore black pajama pants and a white t-shirt. Though his hair was tossed, he looked wide awake.
Hermione gazed at him. He stared back. She tried forming words but nothing intelligent came out. All she could muster was, "did I wake you?"
Ron shook his head. "No, I was in the kitchen." Hermione nodded stupidly. "Um, you want to come in?"
Hermione nodded again, "Sure." Ron moved out of the way to let her in. Hermione slowly walked in. The first thing she noticed was the absolute silence. "Where is Nathan?"
"Mum and dad took him to the ministry. Apparently it's their turn to show off the grandson. They left about ten minutes ago." Ron smiled at this. Hermione knew he loved having Nathan shown off and being told he looks just like himself. She watched him make a ham sandwich and suddenly her stomach felt very empty.
"You want one?" Ron asked with a grin.
"Oh I'm fine," Hermione assured.
"Really?" Ron asked. He picked up a piece of ham from his plate and slowly put it in his mouth. He crewed deliberately and licked his lips. "Hmm, this is so delicious."
Hermione frowned at him a bit. "Fine, feed me. I'm hungry"
Ron chuckled and grabbed another plate. "So, did you stay at the school last night?"
Hermione rubbed her hands together. "No, I stayed at my house."
Ron stopped making her sandwich. "You stayed at your house? With your parents?"
"Yeah, they asked me to come by. That's why Hannah came to the room. The note was from my parents. They wanted to talk," Hermione explained.
"And how did that go?" Ron asked.
"It went okay. Better than I thought it would actually," Hermione said. She noticed Ron did not seem happy for her.
"So, everything is back to normal? Everything is okay now?" Ron's voice was heavy. He had a frown on his face, and he clutched the spreading knife very hard.
Hermione shifted in her chair. "Nothing will ever be normal but I think things will get better. They want to see Nathan and apologize to you."
"Ah, how nice. Well you can tell them I said fuck off," he said simply.
"Ron, please. I thought you wanted things to get better. They're trying-"
"Oh, so now everything is forgiven. Everything they've said and done has been swept under the rug now?" Ron asked with a raised voice.
"No, I haven't forgotten what happened. I'm still very angry at what they did but I can't just hate them forever. They're my parents. I really need them. I've missed them. I though you would understand," Hermione said.
Ron shook his head. "You're unbelievable. It's so easy for you to just take them back. All they had to do was say sorry and write a stupid fucking note. What about me? I've been here the entire time and all I get is a kick in the bollocks."
Hermione looked down. "Ron, I'm sorry about what happened and what I said. I didn't mean those things."
"Yes, you did. If you didn't you wouldn't have said them." Ron slammed the knife in the sink and leaned over the kitchen table. He placed his elbows on the table and put his face in his hands.
Hermione glanced up and looked at him. She wondered if he was crying again. "I'm so sorry I hurt you. I love you Ron. I love you so much."
Ron lifted his head and to Hermione's relief he wasn't crying. His blue eyes; however, were vacant and dull. "You and your parents just love to throw that word around. You don't love me Hermione. If you did you wouldn't do this every time. You wouldn't freak out every time I talked to another girl. You wouldn't say things that hurt so badly. You wouldn't make me feel like shit all the time. You wouldn't make me feel like my heart is breaking all over again or like I'm dying."
Ron words were soft but packed with so much emotion. Hermione could barely breathe looking at him. She didn't know how she could hurt someone so amazing. "Ron, I don't know what to say. I'm sorry okay? I'm not perfect."
Ron sat down opposite her. "I've never asked you to be perfect. All I've ever wanted was for you to be you. That's perfect for me."
Hermione felt tears cloud her eyes but she didn't let them fall this time. Ron deserved more than a weepy apology. "I just feel like I have to do extra now. There's so much pressure. School, Nathan, my parent', our future-"
"That's not an excuse. I feel the same pressure you do," Ron interrupted.
Hermione nodded, "I know but…I'm so scared all the time. I'm so scared of losing you. I feel any wrong move and you'll leave. You have no reason to stay with me and every time I see you with another girl I feel you're one step away from leaving."
Ron bit his lip and breathed deeply. He looked at her intently. "Hermione, you cheated on me. You slept with a guy that has done nothing but disrespect and hurt me and my family for years. You let him have you for so long without telling me. You didn't even tell me the truth. I had to find out from him-"
Hermione swallowed the lump in her throat. "I know Ron okay? Don't you think I-"
"Let me finish," Ron interrupted again, "I broke up with you. I thought I could make it without you. I missed you so badly it hurt, but I tried to get over it. I convinced myself I didn't need you. That was until you came to my compartment at the beginning of the year. From the moment I saw you and the moment you looked at me, I lost everything. It was like I could breathe again. I knew then that I could never be without you. I came back Hermione. It wasn't right away but I came back. I always come back."
The lump in Hermione's throat grew. "Why? Why do you always come back?"
Ron took her hand into his. The heat from his soft skin heated her body. "Because I love you. I love you and I need you. I need you to live my life. Hermione, you're my entire heart. Without you I have no feeling. I didn't even know I was capable of feeling anything this deeply or this powerful."
"Ron, I'm so sorry. I'm just so scared I'm going to lose you and I can't go through that again. I almost didn't make it the first time. I just…I feel like I'll lose you no matter what so I have to stay a step away. Ron, the past year has really changed me. It's hardened me in places I didn't know I had. I'm always on the defense now. I'm sorry; this is the way I am. This is the way I feel I have to be." Hermione tried her best to swallow the lump. It burned against her throat.
Ron got out of the chair and got on his knees in front of her. He was so tall; she still had to look up to him a bit. "I can understand that. I'm not saying you don't need a guard or that you can easily go back to how you were, but what I can say is that you don't need to be so hard with me. I'm Ron. I'll love you and will be here no matter what. You can show me your soft spots. I promise I won't leave you. I swear I'll always protect you. You don't have to do it all yourself. I'll take care of you." Ron's hand was not longer on her hand it was against her cheek. The tears clouded her eyes. Ron must have noticed because he whispered, "It's okay to cry. I think I've finally learned that."
At that moment the tears feel. Hermione couldn't hold it in anymore. She jumped into Ron's arms and bawled. Ron sad nothing. He rocked her in his lap and rubbed her back. She was no longer hungry. All she wanted- all she needed- was right there. After a while Ron put his hands under her shirt and rubbed her bare back. The hair on her skin rose. She stopped crying. Heavy breaths came out of her. She tightened her grip on his around his neck and placed her lips against his neck. His skin smelled so fresh and was so soft. She lightly kissed his skin over and over as his hands massaged her back and stomach.
Hermione moaned against his neck. His hands softly moved to her shoulders. Hermione broke away from his neck and looked at him. His face was pale but sweat ran down his forehead. She kissed him deeply. Ron took his hands from under her shirt and pulled at the hems of it. Hermione broke away and raised her arms. He took her shirt off. Hermione quickly took his off as well. Once again she returned to his mouth. Hermione gasped and opened her eyes. The next thing she knew Ron had grabbed her by the legs and lifted her up. She held his neck tightly. He moved them to the couch. He lay down with her on top of him.
His hands found her bra straps which his pulled down a bit. His lips broke to her shoulders. Hermione hissed running her fingers over his sweaty back. She pushed into him and he moaned. He broke away. Hermione licked his mouth. "I love you. I want you forever. Don't ever forger that." Ron's voice was husky and deep.
Hermione ran her hand down his face. "I know. I'm so sorry Ron. I love you. You're the only person I think about. The only man I ever want touching me. I know that."
"Are you sure?" he asked quietly.
Hermione smiled, "Yes. I've never been more sure of anything in my life. No matter what I did, I know what I want now. I need you to feel alive."
Ron returned her smile and brought her face down to his. They kissed with such passion they both groaned.
They tangled their legs together and made themselves one again. They made themselves whole again. For a while, they were the only two people in the world.
Aw, so cute… and steamy. Review and see or in this case...READ what happens next!!
CRAZED
