Journal entry N°27- Raph's journal:

Of beers and turtles.

We're all old enough to drink.

Splinter gave us permission only if we moderated ourselves but even so, perfect son Leonardo wouldn't even drink light beer. Fearless has always been a stick in the mud and getting him to relax just a tiny bit it's as impossible as seeing Hun in a tutu having a tea party with The Shredder while Stockman and Bishop play charades.

There have been a few times where he comes down his pedestal and joins the rest of us like a normal teenager but I could count those times with my six fingers only but if there's one thing I'm good at is pushing Leo's buttons till he does what I want "willingly" and drinking is not the exception.

However I always forget this one little detail: Fearless Leader can't hold his drink and that means I have to drag his drunk ass home while he makes a fool of himself.

"Ever… wondered why… why we, why we have six fingers? It's like weird but cute at the same time"

"No, never ever. Now shut up"

"Nonono, lemme fi- fini… fish. We… the fish… haven't eaten fish in a while"

Honestly, I thought he could hold his sake with ease since he has those weird ceremonies with Splinter. Guess I was wrong.

Ah great, who the fuck could be calling right now?!

"What"

"Raph, where are you? Sensei says it's past your curfew"

"Not now, Don. I got a big problem hanging round my neck" Literally hanging round my neck.

"Come again?"

"Leo is shitfaced"

"He's… oh no, don't tell me you tricked him into drinking again"

"How was I supposed to know he couldn't hold his sake?"

"Leo can't hold any kind of alcoholic beverage and you know it! It's like you drag Leo to your stupid competitions just to get puked on a couple of shots later on purpose"

"Don, I'm not in the mood for your bitching. Just tell Sensei we'll be home soon"

"You better have a good excuse when you arrive; Splinter is pretty pissed"

"Yeah, whatever. See ya"

"Rrraaphie?" Aw shit, just when I thought he had calmed down.

"What do you want?"

"Raphie, I don't… aw, I don't feel so good"

"Ooooh no, don't you dare puke right now!"

"…Ok, I ffeel… I -I… I ffffeel better already"

"This is the last time I let you drink straight from the bottle"

"Mmkayyyy. Hey, do you think … do you think we… weeee-"

"We what!"

"We caaaan't stooooop! We woooon't stoooop!"

I gotta admit shitfaced Leo is a pretty fucking funny Leo but damn, this guy better stick to ninjutsu because he's got zero musical talent despite of what Who says.

"… you got pretty eyes"

"The hell?!"

"Yeah like… li-like… uhh… like they shine and sssstuff cuz they're… they're golden, hazel something. Yeah, they're pretty"

Ok? This is taking a weird turn already. Aw dammit, he's back to nuzzling again! "Uh, Leo? You're kinda freaking me out here"

"You're the… you're…. you're the best, Raphie. I lov-… I love y-you. Lovelovelove you~"

"Seriously, cut it out before I knock the green off you!"

"I… I get it. It'sss ok, Raphie"

"Good, because-"

"-I know you don't… you don't love me cuzzzz I annoy you"

"Say what?"

"I'm an annoying fuck, I admit it. B-but… but I'm like that cuz you're… you and the guys are my babies. Can't let anyone hurt my babies, never ever. And-and… and I love my babies!"

Crap, don't tell me he's gonna cry. "Leo. Hey, hey Leo. Listen carefully, no one's gonna hurt your… babies, ok? You do a great job protecting us!"

"Really?"

"Really. And we love you too, don't ever think we don't. Ever!"

"Mmkay. Hey we… we have to sing something. How about the one that goes: Yo ho, yo ho! A pirate's life for me~"

"Leo, can you please keep quiet for just a second?"

"Why? Is… is that a game?"

"Yes, yes it's a game! Now ssshh"

"Okok. Sshhhh!"

Finally some piece and- "Wait, what's the prize if I win?"

Fuck. This is gonna be the longest walk back home ever… but damn was it worthy! Now if I only had a camera.

End of Journal entry N°27


Drink up me hearties Yo Ho!