She Comes And Goes As She Pleases (Part 28)
by BrDPirateMan
It's rare for Shiki to come visit me in person. There she was, standing at my doorstep out of the blue just when I was thinking it might be Eri who'd show up. You don't usually intrude on your friends at this time of the evening – unless you were Eri herself and drunk at that – so something must be cooking.
She was naturally soft-spoken and her voice was quiet as she said, "Neku, I… I know this isn't the most convenient time for you, but I simply have to talk to you. M-May I come in?"
"Huh? Oh, uh, sure. Please, make yourself at home."
Come to think of it, this was the first time in a long while that she came to my house, if ever. I wasn't really nervous around her anymore, even when we were alone in the same place. She was as cute as I remembered her, but I couldn't be swayed. I knew which girl I wanted now.
"Um, would you like some cocoa? I can fix you a cup."
She shook her head. "That's quite alright. I could use some water though."
I set two glasses of water down on the coffee table for us both. She seemed to fidget even more as I took my place next to her on the couch. Shiki never lost her neurotic streak and she was prone to letting her anxiety get the better of her, but I guess if you were to compare a nervous girl with a guy who falls to pieces with every nosebleed, I'd say she was faring a lot better than me.
No matter who it was I was talking to, I always made it a point to listen carefully. A few years back, she herself once said, "Sometimes, all people need is a listening ear." So now I did my best to hear her out.
"What's on your mind, Shiki? Don't worry, you can tell me."
Her rigid frame relaxed gradually and she even smiled a little.
"You're so nice, Neku," she giggled. "You've come a long way since our first meeting. But that aside…! I didn't come here for idle chat, so I won't waste any more of your time."
After a sip of water, it was time to talk.
"…I need your help, Neku."
"My help?"
"Tomorrow, my relatives are coming over from Hokkaido to visit. Now, that's fine in itself, but my cousin will be there too… I'm not very keen on seeing him again but I don't really have much of a choice… My parents have been on good terms with my aunt and uncle since forever, so I don't want to sour things up by acting like a spoilsport."
"But why do you dislike him so much?"
Shiki groaned, as though simply talking about it was going to be a demanding affair. You could tell she didn't want to be reminded of this cousin of hers but she steeled herself to spill the details.
"I don't dislike him, but…" – I wasn't quite prepared for this next bit – "…the truth is, he has a thing for me. We're cousins and he knows it, but that hasn't stopped him from hitting on me."
I wiped a hand over my forehead in disbelief. "Are you sure he's not just being ridiculously friendly? Some people are like that, you know." Eri's a good example…
"No, that's not it. He is seriously contemplating a relationship with me, and he couldn't care less if it's forbidden or not. He's already confessed to me on more than one occasion. I always turn him down, but that hasn't stopped him. And I know he's going to do it again this time, just like all the other times. I don't want to hate my own cousin, but at the rate this is going he'll become too much of a bother."
"Whoa." The breath hissed through my teeth. "That's messed up… But where do I come in?"
"Well, it's a rather absurd request, but…" She paused, as though to get her words right. "Could you please pretend to be my boyfriend?"
Needless to say, her request surprised me. It wasn't difficult to tell where she was going with this, though.
"You want me," I said, "to pretend to be in a relationship with you so that you can get your cousin off your back…"
"Exactly!" Her eyes shone like stars when she saw that I had understood her perfectly. "If he sees that I'm already going out with someone, he'll give up and I wouldn't have to deal with his advances anymore. Just telling him about it wouldn't work. He's the type who needs to see things for himself to believe them. All we need to do is to fake it for a few hours tomorrow and it'll be as good as done."
If it really was that simple, I'd feel better about it. But I was often the butt of life's most harrowing challenges. What's to say this wouldn't be another freaking obstacle course?
"Please, wouldn't you help a girl out?" She clutched onto my arm like a vice and my bones were breaking. I had a funny feeling that if I refused, she'd keep pestering me until I gave in or she tore my arm off.
"Um…"
"I thought of asking one of the boys in my class, but I don't know them very well. They might freak out if I asked them. Worse, they might think I'm coming onto them. And I can't ask Beat either. Far be it from me to badmouth him but he's kind of dense… He'll probably blow my cover wide open. So the only one I can ask for help is you."
That actually made sense, but I wished she would rope in someone else. The distance between myself and Eri was becoming ever shorter, and I didn't need chicken brains to know that she too was wrestling with her own growing feelings for me; she was just taking her sweet time sorting her heart out. We were both hovering at a very delicate and important crossroads of our lives; should either of us be derailed it's be hard to pick up the pieces and start over. That's why I was reluctant to help Shiki. It made me feel like I was betraying Eri by 'going out' with her best gal pal. Pretend or not, it just didn't feel right.
But… Shiki was a good friend of mine and she trusted me more than anyone else, so it was only logical she'd make a beeline for me when trouble was a-brewing. I couldn't bring myself to shove her away. Friends should help one another, right?
In the end, my chivalry won the day, and I wound up giving her a hand, for which she was immensely thankful.
"Thank you!" she said, bowing profusely in gratitude. "You have no idea how much of a help this will prove to be!"
"You're too early to be thanking me," I deadpanned. "Let's see if your plan works tomorrow first."
Shiki was ecstatic that I was on her side. I was the last hope she was banking on, so now I had to do my part. This wasn't the first time I had to save a girl's hide. I'd been a knight in shining armour to Eri once, when I helped her fend off a jealous ex-boyfriend – the guy wanted to challenge me to a duel of skills but I just snubbed him in the face and told him to grow up. I guess now it's time for me to be a hero again…
"I'll slide you some more details real soon, Neku," said Shiki, preparing to leave. "There are still some things my family has to finalise with my Hokkaido relatives, so let's talk tomorrow once I get more info."
"Alright. If we're going to make this work, we need to at least formulate some sort of strategy."
"Yeah, I'm counting on you too!" And with a wide grin, she skipped out the front door and into the night.
I went to bed with so much apprehension I could use it as a pillow. What had I gotten myself into?
This had better go well… I didn't want to lose a friend by helping another.
XOXOXOXOXO
Sunday evening. Judgment Day was finally here. Would Shiki finally be free from torment by a disturbingly incestuous cousin, or continue to be ruthlessly pursued to the ends of the earth? Only we could change her destiny. Boy… things were getting serious.
I wasn't comfortable with pretending to be her boyfriend, but at least it was only going to be for a few hours today. Once that's over and done with, I was free to return to Eri. And if all went well, she wouldn't even need to know a thing.
Shiki came directly to my place to dispense some last-minute advice.
"My family is already waiting at our meeting place, but I told them I'd join them in a bit because I wanted to fetch you."
"We've got a bit of free time to prep ourselves before Armageddon begins. Need a drink, Shiki?"
She shook her head and wasted not a second more with the tips that I tried so hard to cram into my head. Have you ever gone for an exam you hadn't studied one bit for, and tried to rely on quick pointers to get by? Well, the pointers never work. Same thing here. There was so much to absorb that the sheer volume of advice overwhelmed me in less than no time at all.
"You're the 'boyfriend' here," she said, as we left the house, "so you gotta take charge. Of course, I'll be pitching in too here and there, but you've got to act the right way!"
"Uh-huh. Got it."
"I told my parents that I'm going out with you, and they're cool with it, but they did ask me for some background details. Since they don't know anything about you, I figured I should use this freedom to my advantage and make you into a more believable character."
"Fair enough. Oh, wait a minute…" And then I joked, "You didn't paint me as some kind of pervert or something, did you?"
"Ha ha ha! Don't worry, of course not! All I said was that you're in the basketball club at your college, and – "
I stopped her. "Huh? B-But I'm not in any clubs at the moment…"
"Y-You're not? Oh, well… no one needs to know the truth, anyway!"
"But what if your mum asks me about how people play basketball? Or maybe your dad's a secret Jeremy Lin fan… and he wants to know if he could connect with the younger generation by discussing slam dunks with me? If they find out I haven't the slightest clue, they might get suspicious!"
"Um… I don't think they'll…" She hit upon the ideal solution. "Ah, I know! Just say that you only recently joined the basketball club. That way, it's okay even if you don't know squat!"
My heart wasn't exactly at ease but it'll have to do. "Fine then… Alright, what else do I need to know about myself?"
Whenever Shiki was thinking deeply, she'd stick the edge of her thumb in her mouth and chew on the nail, which was exactly what she did now. "Mmm, let's see… I did mention that we're alike in many ways and that we enjoy doing a lot of things together, such as swimming – "
"Um, I'm a horrible swimmer."
"– listening to songs by The Prince – "
"Shiki, you know I'm not a fan."
"– and taking part in friendly lacrosse matches every week with your team members from college – "
Ooh, Shiki does lacrosse, huh… Whoa, hold on one darn second! "Lacrosse? ! Team? ! Doesn't that put me in a second club? ! I'm already in a basketball club, remember? ! How does anyone in their right mind attend activities for two clubs? !"
She was about to carry on talking, but when she realized the seriousness of her blunder, no words could come out of her open mouth. Sweat gushed down her face as she struggled to give me a good answer. In an attempt to lessen the burden of her guilt, she let loose a dry rattle of a laugh and replied:
"W-Well, I did add that you're an excellent multi-tasker! Ahahaha…"
I groaned. "You made that one up just now, didn't you?"
She wilted like a dead flower. "S-Sorry… I guess I went overboard. My parents don't know anything about you, so I thought I'd make you a little more… um, believable."
"What's wrong with me? I'm okay, aren't I?"
"Not with your homebody lifestyle, you're not. My parents would be hard-pressed to think that my 'boyfriend' is someone who likes to stay at home. You be yourself and our chances of stopping my cousin go down the drain."
"Ouch…" So what if I liked to take things easy…
"Oh, and if they ask, your favourite colour is viridian."
"Wh-What in the world is viridian? !"
XOXOXOXOXO
A couple of minutes later, we arrived at our destination.
"Here we are!" said Shiki. She took a deep breath to ready herself for the mission. "My family's here already. C'mon, it's time for you to say hi. Remember, Neku: you have to act natural!"
Only a fraction of what she said registered in my brain. I was busy gawking in disbelief at the sight of our meeting place. It was a posh-looking restaurant that gave off a very Western feel to it; the kind of place you went to if you were up for seafood ravioli or spaghetti dressed in olive oil. And you would be served hand and foot by waiters who were polite and charming and wore dashing uniforms that made girls do cartwheels just from the very sight.
Yes… This could only be the popular butler café Tea & Orange…
Why did we have to have dinner here? ! This was where Eri worked under the alias Seishirou-sama! Her shift was in the evening too, which was exactly now. Gah, this was going to be sticky!
Hold on… She told me that she worked from Wednesdays to Saturdays, but today's Sunday, so I wouldn't bump into her at all! Whew… dodged that bullet… Now I could concentrate on thwarting Shiki's cousin.
…Did I really dodge it though?
I was relieved, but what's this feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach? It was as tiny as a pinhead, but it was there. It wasn't gone.
At any rate, we were in before I could get cold feet. Shiki led me towards the table where her parents were waiting. As it was only the two of them, I knew that I had yet to meet the other relatives… and that cousin of hers. But for now, after a brief introduction, the task fell to us to keep up the façade in front of her mum and dad.
They were awfully nice people and their pleasant disposition helped to put me at ease somewhat. They did ask the odd question now and again though, twisting my guts into knots as my brain raced to give realistic answers.
"So you're Neku Sakuraba," said her mother. "Finally I get to see my daughter's boyfriend in person! Shiki always gets excited talking about you."
Her father was a little more cautious of me but otherwise he was as easygoing as his wife. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you two used to date when you were in high school?"
"No, we didn't," I said. "We started going out only fairly recently."
Mrs Misaki's approval of me being Shiki's boyfriend was both immediate and enthusiastic, as though I was the perfect suitor she'd been waiting to come along into her daughter's life. "When I came to know that she dumped her last boyfriend, I was so worried that she wouldn't be able to find someone else. So it's nice that you two managed to hook up. And what's more, you two were high school sweethearts, apparently!"
"Mum…!" groaned an exasperated Shiki. "Don't say stuff like that! It's embarrassing."
Mrs Misaki leaned closer and spoke to me in a soft and secretive way. "She's always too shy to tell me anything about her love life, so be frank with me, Neku… How far have you gone with – "
"Mum! I can hear you!" Whoa… that's one heck of a blush.
Mr Misaki chided his wife's unabashed display of curiosity. "Come now, dear, don't direct questions like that to our guest." Then he turned to me with a rather grave expression on his face. "Sakuraba, I'll be totally honest: you seem like a decent young man, so I'm fine with you going out with my daughter…"
From the corner of my eye I observed Shiki's reaction. She held her breath tight, just as I predicted. The girl had a romantic fixation on me, so seeing her parents think well of me so early must have given her the green light to chase me down even more. Well, great. What's next, a pretend marriage? This was all going splendidly for my love life…
Oh yeah, Dad hadn't finished talking. "…but I expect you two to be a mature and responsible couple, so when you do it, make sure you wear protection – "
"Dad! ! !"
Boy, her parents were something else… and if they were anything to go by, then I could actually see why that cousin of hers turned out to be such a weirdo…
Presently, one of the butlers came along. "Master, m'lady," he said, addressing Shiki and me, "may I have your order, please?"
Slightly dazed by his handsomeness, she spaced out for a second or two but pulled herself together quickly. "Spaghetti bolognese for me."
"Very well." The butler turned to me with a dashing smile. "What about you, sir – "
I stared at the butler, and he in turn stared back at me. We were both dumbfounded, trapped in that little moment where time stayed still. Incredulity was etched deep into his face. My jaw could have dropped to the floor. It took me a while, but when I finally realized who those glasses and that ponytail belonged to, the whole world came crashing down on me.
Why…
Why was Seishirou-sama – the alter ego of Eri – here? !
Didn't she say she worked from Wednesdays to Saturdays? What was she here for? ! I thought having to play boyfriend to her rival in love was bad enough, but doing it in front of Eri herself really took the whole freaking cake! The worst part was, no one knew about her secret identity except me. Right now, she looked nothing like the pink-haired girl I knew so well. She was Seishirou-sama to everyone else. Not even Shiki knew the truth, so she'd keep pretending to be lovey-dovey with me not knowing that her own best friend was right nearby watching. And I'd have no choice but to play along.
This was beyond horrible. Give me a scary movie anytime; I'd rather watch it than endure this ordeal. Compared to yesterday's barrage of misunderstandings with the Bito siblings, this was ten times worse!
Eri quickly regained her footing with her butler persona and despite the maelstrom of emotions that must be surging inside her, she returned to being Seishirou-sama and was all prim and proper again.
"Sir, your order please?"
Her sudden appearance threw me into a great panic and I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "W-W-Water, please!"
Shiki and her parents laughed, innocently thinking it was a stroke of humour on my part. "Sakuraba," her dad chuckled, "you don't need to be so shy. Just order whatever you like! The meal's on us."
"Ah, uh… right!" I glanced through the menu and picked one dish at random. "Sorry, I-I'll have one, um… how'd you read this, penny… ali baba? !" More laughter. Except I didn't find it all very funny.
"It's penne arrabiata," corrected Eri. "Is that what you'd like, sir?"
"Y-Yes, thank you!"
She scuttled away after forcing a smile for all of us. She must be shocked to see me going on what looked like a date with Shiki… and meeting her parents too! Dammit, this was a double whammy!
I wanted to claw my eyes out, but didn't get the chance to do so. Shiki's relatives had arrived on the scene to join us. How's that saying go again? Was it 'the more the merrier' or 'misery loves company'?
I counted three more people. As we said hello and exchanged introductions my nerves were too rattled for me to properly notice her aunt and uncle, who seemed like a pair of ordinary middle-aged folks. Even with a fried brain, however, the third person – that dreaded cousin – stood out very well.
You know those people who go out of their way to be cool, but end up looking like idiots? They walk with an exaggerated swagger, their chests are always puffed out, and when they smile, they make sure to do it with a wink and show every one of their teeth.
This guy was like that. It was off-putting just looking at him, to say the least. He was a lanky guy, his arms all gangly and thin as sticks, and, as though to compensate or his lack of muscular mass, his hair was fashioned into a clump – one of those old-fashioned hairstyles from the sixties or something when it was considered hip to have it bounce up and down in front of your forehead. And I was no expert in fashion, but even I could tell he had horrendous colour coordination. How's a yellow flowery Hawaiian shirt supposed to mix with a pair of striped purple trousers and look good? !
Don't even get me started with the mannerisms. Just see for yourself.
He tried to sound important as he talked to me. "Well now! What have we here? Another addition to the family, I presume?"
"N-Nice to meet you," I said, shaking his clammy hand. "I'm Neku Sakuraba."
"Might you be the by-product of a romantic liaison that I've yet to hear about? Ha ha ha, don't worry, I'm just joking!"
…What.
"Dearest Shiki!" Now he completely ignored me and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, causing her to cringe. "How long has it been since we last met? I can't even begin to remember how many grains of sand I've counted thinking about you." And his hairstyle bobbed about in her face.
"Er, right… Ahahaha…" She gently squeezed out of his grasp. "Um, I haven't actually finished introducing Neku here… and, see…"
The breath turned to ice in my lungs when she bravely hooked one arm around my elbow as a mock sign of affection. This got eyebrows raising, but she quickly added, "Neku here is my boyfriend. We just started going out. I know it's a bit sudden, but I thought it'd be nice if he could, you know, be a part of the family."
The aunt and uncle were delighted to hear this, saying that their niece was finally growing up and that it was high time she found a guy in her life. Her cousin, however, didn't take too kindly to this news. Hardly surprising. His face took on a darker undertone, and his behaviour became a little colder. No one liked rivals, and now I was it.
"Boyfriend, you say," he drawled. "Nekuraba, clarify one thing for me…"
"Um, if it's about my name, it's Neku Sakuraba."
"Aren't you the by-product? Definitely not the boyfriend, right? A by-product can't be a boyfriend."
Somehow… this was seriously getting on my nerves.
The aunt firmly told him to stand down, after which she apologized for him. "I'm sorry, Neku. He didn't mean anything bad. He just has a very eccentric sense of humour."
"It's fine," I said. Eccentric sense of humour? Seriously? He sure got the eccentric part down pat; the humour though…
Oh, I guess I haven't mentioned his name yet. But you know what? Just to show how insufferable he really was, I have decided that for the remainder of this story, I shall refer to him by his nickname. Yes, he has one now. Made it up myself.
Derpboy sounds awfully fitting, don't you think?
So yeah, that's what I'll call him from now on. Derpboy. And you can't sue me. His moniker originally was supposed to be The Living Pain In The Butt, but that's just too long. I mean, come on, how does someone become such an annoying blight? I was starting to see why Shiki wasn't cool with him, never mind if they're related or not!
Alright, quick recap here. Tonight I had to masquerade as her boyfriend, convince everyone that we were going out, discourage Derpboy from making passes at her, and on top of that try not to get Eri too jealous. There were a lot of conflicting matters to juggle, and it was impossible to please everyone.
This was turning out to be a wonderful evening indeed.
Apparently, Derpboy's mantra in life was to know his friends and cousins close, and his enemies closer. While the middle-aged ones were busy catching up with old times, Shiki and I were working our butts off defending ourselves from his many questions. He was desperately trying to find a loophole or weakness that he could take advantage of so that he could drive me away for good and continue being his insane self.
"How long have you been going out again?"
"For the last time," huffed Shiki, "we started dating not too long ago!" And she grabbed my hand in an attempt to show him how 'serious' we were.
"But I need details, details!" He was gesticulating wildly, impatient to know more. "How long is 'not too long ago'?"
This time I helped to answer. "About… uh… a couple of months back."
He fixed a haughty sneer at me, and it was all I could do not to cream him with the flower vase. "That's pretty vague if you ask me, Neru Sakaba."
"…It's Neku Sakuraba."
"So anyway, I was just going to ask you what you two do for leisure, but I won't deny dear Shiki the pleasure of elaborating further. Shiki, if you will?"
She froze. "H-Huh?"
"So terribly sorry to have to put you in a spot, my dear… but you've got the honours this time. Go on, don't keep your cousin waiting!" Oh god, this guy was nuts! I've seen anime fanboys in straightjackets who behaved far more normally than him.
Presently, the hand of fate intervened and brought Eri to our table together with another fellow butler. They brought our food over, and I stiffened, breathless as she laid my penne arrabiata in front of me. I never thought I'd see the say when I'd be scared of her.
Her arrival interrupted Derpboy's train of thoughts and he seemed to forget about his earlier line of questioning. However, he beckoned her over, which caused alarm bells to start clamouring anew inside my head. He motioned her to bow so he could speak in her ear.
I could hear his every word. He probably didn't bother to be quiet about it anyway. "Seishirou, give me a butler's opinion of something, will you?"
"Absolutely, sir."
He surreptitiously pointed at me. "Does he look like a good match for our beautiful lady guest here?"
The cheek of…! Uh-oh. Eri was looking at me. And when our eyes connected, I saw how dangerous her gaze was. This couldn't bode well. These things never did. And I was right. Out of spite (it had to be), yet retaining her gentlemanly politeness, she replied:
"They are already like husband and wife. Quite the couple, I'd say."
Derpboy baulked visibly at the very idea, bringing up all manner of protests until he was eventually hushed by his mother. Shiki, on the other hand, was affected by those words and glowing like a light bulb. I just wanted to go home already. Eri couldn't be helping me with my act because she didn't know about it… She acted this way because she was possessed by the green-eyed monster. Why did she have to smile like that? ! It just made her jealousy even scarier!
Maybe dinner could grant me a brief respite from all the madness. Emphasis on 'maybe'. The tomatoes were a bit on the sour side in my penne – maybe she personally prepared it and handpicked the least palatable ones. I didn't think too much about it, though. Eri was on standby at the cashier's counter, and I could feel my back going up in flames as her laser beam eyes bore right into me.
Derpboy's relentless assault left us gasping for the right answers. When Shiki said he was an observant fellow, she sure meant it. Why else would he notice all the little details?
"Any self-respecting couple," he claimed, "would sneak in the odd lovey-dovey act here and there by now… Aren't you even going to hold hands under the table?"
Shiki looked like she was going to trip up by denying any feelings for me like she was prone to doing, but luckily for her she didn't. "Cut it out," she said. "We're busy eating."
"No footsie at least? Better than nothing, I suppose."
"Dude," I sighed, "we're not going to gross people out with public displays of affection."
"Where there's a will there's a way, unless…" He left the sentence hanging, implying that he knew much more than we thought he did. He must be catching on…
I could feel the cracks in our strategy growing with each passing minute. That oppressive atmosphere brought about by him and Eri in the background… I had to get out of there and stay out. Even just a few minutes would do. Shiki was feeling the burn too, that much I could tell from the crease in her brow that wouldn't go away. We both needed a break.
The two of us finished our meal at the exact same time and got up together, eager to catch our breaths.
To everyone I said, "I-I'll be heading outside for a bit."
"Me too," mumbled an exhausted Shiki. "We won't be long."
Her uncle poked fun at us. "Couples these days… Everything you do is synchronized, eh? Right down to the toilet breaks?"
The whole table went up in a round of good-natured laughter, which Shiki and I forced ourselves to join in, albeit feebly. That damn cousin, on the other hand, didn't even try to pretend to see the humour in it, and couldn't be bothered to laugh.
We went out a side door into the alleyway behind the building and were glad to let our brains go limp.
She groaned, "I got a headache."
"Me too. And it's as big as your cousin's ego."
"Sorry again for hauling you into this. How are you holding up?"
"I'm barely there. God, I wish this would end."
"Everyone's pretty long-winded in this family, so… we're going to have to keep on at this for a bit more."
Damn… no easy ticket out, then.
"Well, for something that we had to improvise on the go, this was a pretty good plan, don't you think, Neku? We had a lot of hiccups and awkward moments but nothing that'd get anyone particularly suspicious… Sure, my cousin has his doubts, but otherwise everyone's fallen for it hook, line and sinker. Look at my family, for instance. They've taken an even greater shine to you already."
"Huh?" Come again? "An 'even greater' shine? What does that mean… You're saying your folks have liked me for a long time?"
Shiki gulped audibly and her face became flushed in a second. It was a classic 'slip of the tongue' moment; she accidentally said something she'd rather have kept hidden. But now that it was out in the open she just chuckled at her mistake.
"Ever since high school, yeah," she admitted. "What they told you is true – you know, about the part that I'm always telling them about you. But what really cemented their impression of you as a nice guy was a little incident that happened back when we were still schooling together. It's that time when I was dreadfully sick… Neku, do you remember?"
I didn't take too long to recall it. "You were down with a bad cold and had to stay in bed for three days. You were so weak you could hardly do anything for yourself."
"Everyone came to visit me… There was Eri, Beat and Rhyme in one group, but we all noticed you were missing. We usually did everything together, so it struck me as strange that you didn't turn up. Frankly, I was kinda disappointed, you know?"
I scrambled to explain myself. "B-But that's because – "
"Hee hee… I actually thought at first that you couldn't be bothered to come see me, but then out of the blue you arrived late, long after the others had left. And what's more, not only did you bring the handouts from school that I missed, you also brought me a homemade bento."
"I wanted to make a special lunch for you so that it could help you heal faster." Slightly embarrassed by the memory, I scratched my cheek. I was in love with her at the time, so I wanted her to notice me better. I put in a lot of effort into making that lunch. "It took a long time to prepare, so I turned up tardy."
"Oh yes, tardy you did," she chuckled, "but it was awfully sweet of you. Not to mention cute. And ever since my parents saw this, they've been pestering me to go out with you. Ahaha! I guess their wish kinda came true tonight, huh?"
When she put it like that, it's hard not to get my face red. Not that I was falling in love with her all over again, of course, but… well, it's a really flattering compliment.
Silence fell over the two of us. We just stared into empty space, letting the sounds of the city wash over our ears in an almost Zen-like murmur. From the corner of my eye, I spied her biting her fingernail again. Whether it was out of habit or nervousness, I couldn't tell this time.
Then suddenly, she spoke up, the words coming out in awkward stop-start fashion. What she wanted to say was on the tip of her tongue, but she kept correcting herself, as though she could never find the right way to put her thoughts into a proper sentence.
"By the way, Neku…"
"Yeah?"
"I've… I've been thinking… What if, uh, the two of us…"
"Huh?"
She rubbed the back of her neck and giggled sheepishly. "Ah, well… never you mind! I was just having silly thoughts, that's all! It happens."
What was that? Whenever a person starts talking and then tells you to forget about it, it just makes you even more curious to know. She knew this all too well, and after a great deal of hesitation she resigned herself to spilling the goods.
"I can't leave this hanging," she sighed, mostly to herself. "I have to know for sure…"
"Know what for sure?"
Shiki shut her eyes and inhaled deeply – took her sweet time with that deep breath. But when she opened them again, she refused to look my way, instead focusing on the ground at her feet.
"Neku," she began slowly, "if you and I… if we were to, you know… be in a – "
Unfortunately, she couldn't finish it. The back door swung open and we were taken by surprise by an unwelcome guest.
"My, my. Am I interrupting something?"
It was Derpboy! He must have been dying to know what sort of business we were up to and come to put to stop to it with his own hands. Who knows how long he's been lusting after Shiki, so heck if he was going to back down without a fight. And so he had come. To bring the fight to me. I could tell this was going to be the precursor for a tough battle of wits. No rest for the wicked, eh?
Caught off guard by his sudden intrusion, Shiki nearly stumbled off her own two feet. "What… What do you want?"
"You know I can't leave you alone, dear Shiki." Creepy!
"I know we're cousins but that doesn't mean we can stick together all the time. I'm in a relationship now, so you can't just hog my own space to yourself."
"Sure, I gotcha," he snickered, "but only if you're really in a relationship."
She grabbed onto my arm, turning to me for protection. My stomach tightened with the sudden horrible thought that Eri would show up and see us at that moment, but thankfully nothing happened.
"You think Neku and I are not serious?" she said. "We're totally serious! We go out once a week, twice if we feel like it! Anyway, what gives you the right to doubt us? !"
He stroked his chin like a detective. "Well, to tell you the truth, I was shocked at first to hear you got yourself a by-product – I mean, boyfriend." He just had to say that, didn't he… "But as I listened to you throughout the evening, your stories began to sound stranger, and I even managed to pick out one or two contradictions." Huh? Contradictions? ! Did we mess up that much? If this was a courtroom we were dining in and not a butler café, I was sure he'd have yelled out his objections much sooner.
"And so," he continued, "unless you can show me definite proof that you two are indeed an item, I'm not going to give up on you, Shiki."
Were we dealing with a mental asylum escapee? I sure was glad I wasn't Shiki… In the meantime, what could we do to dissuade this person from ever laying his grubby mitts on his cousin again?
Shiki was counting on me. I didn't know where I was going to go with this, but I had to say something, anything…
"Look, dude," I said. "Can't you show a bit more respect – "
Shiki interrupted me, directing firm words his way. "Fine. If you want proof, then I'll give you just that. Neku."
"Y-Yeah?"
She twirled round on her heel to face me, and then slammed her entire body right against mine like she was a living sledgehammer. This knocked the breath out of me and I nearly lost my balance on top of that too. Why did she suddenly do that, like she was expecting me to hug her? Ah…! I got it. It's all part of the plan. We could discourage Derpboy for good by showing him how romantic we could get. If nothing else, perhaps our sickly sweet performance might disgust him out of commission, though I wasn't going to rely on that.
But she had other ideas. Her face was beet red and the first few words she uttered were with a stammer so bad I couldn't make her out. Then, with a supreme effort, she willed her throat to work properly and I finally understood her.
"Come on, Neku. Gimme some sugar like you always do!"
"H-Huh? !" My hair could have jumped right off my scalp. She was asking me to kiss her? ! "What'd you – ow!"
"Hey!" she hissed, just loudly enough that Derpboy wouldn't hear her. "I don't like it, but it's the only way I can think of."
I didn't like this either, more so than even her. It must be so easy for her to suggest doing this; as someone who has ever had a boyfriend, she must have already tasted her first kiss. And she was planning to kiss the guy she was still in love with, so no problems there for her, right? But see, there was a huge problem… for me, anyway…
"I'm waiting," drawled Derpboy in an annoying voice. "What's the holdup? Can't do it after all?"
Shiki whispered to me urgently, "It's now or never, Neku."
I gulped. "Is there… no other way?"
"Stop thinking! He's already suspicious as it is. If we don't pull this off, he'll never let me go."
"Can't you just – "
"Neku! Now!"
She closed her eyes tight and raised her head slightly, waiting for me to connect our lips together. How did things get to this stage? We were so unprepared that now we had to pull off shock tactics on the fly to get that cousin of hers to finally get the drift. Kissing? It sounded like it might work in a pinch, but he was unpredictable. There's no telling if he would buy even that.
But more importantly, I couldn't bring myself to kiss her. I already had Eri… and while I knew what it was like to lock lips with a girl, it didn't make it any more right to go along with Shiki's plan. I didn't want to betray Eri by kissing her own friend, but if I didn't do this, that stupid cousin wouldn't leave Shiki alone. What should I do?
…Dammit!
Shiki's face was getting closer. She was not a plain-looking girl by any means… Now, if anyone could appreciate her simple beauty, I was sure they would be eager to take my place. She really was pretty, and she'd obviously been learning to doll herself up more these days, so while she couldn't hold a candle to the likes of Eri, she was still nice to look at. Those lips were starting to look very enticing… I was being mesmerized, slowly and gradually.
…No, this wouldn't do. I loved Eri. Whatever I might have felt for Shiki before… they had to remain locked away forever. That was why this whole act we put up in front of Derpboy had to stop. The whole thing may be a stage play, but I didn't want to jeopardize my loyalty to Eri.
Shiki was steadily approaching and angled her head to facilitate a deeper, more involved kiss. Invigorated by my stern resolve, however, I gently pushed her away and held her at arm's length, much to her confusion.
"I'm sorry, Shiki." I was most apologetic. "But… I can't do this."
"Wh-Wha…?" Then she got impatient, even angry. This wasn't the way her plan was supposed to go. "What're you doing? ! Hurry up with it already!"
I shook my head. "We shouldn't need to go this far, Shiki. Even if you're ready for this, I'm not."
"Neku…"
She understood my plight. With great reluctance she loosened her grip on my shirt, and our grand plan, as well as everything we'd done so far, went down the drain. It's hard to say if it was a pity it didn't work out, or if it was better off done away with in the first place. But I knew that regardless, I had to exercise responsibility for my actions. I was the one who made it all fail, so I should at least be the one to give Derpboy the wake-up call he so sorely needed.
His nose was raised all the way to the sky. He trumpeted his victory with a snort. "Will you look at that! I knew this whole affair smelled funny… So am I right to say you're not going out?"
I answered, "Yeah, it's true. We're not dating – "
"If you think pretending to be a couple is going to stop me, you're darn wrong. Now that it's all settled, I hope you wouldn't mind if I ask you to get lo– "
"If you want me to leave, then sure, I'll do that. But not before I say a few words."
"Fine. But keep it snappy."
Shiki's eyes were full of desperation. It's all over, she must be thinking. What was left to say?
"Dude," I said, "I… I don't think it's right for you to go after Shiki."
"What's it to you? You're not her boyfriend."
"Yeah, but I'm her friend. I care about all of my friends."
"And I'm her cousin. Oh, and don't get me started with the 'cousins can't fall in love' talk, alright? 'Cause I'm through with that."
I was fed up to the teeth with his attitude, but forced myself to calm down and adopted a gentler tone to my speech. "This isn't about whether it's okay being cousins or not. The most important thing here is whether you've considered Shiki's feelings at all."
Unsure what to make of this, he simply shrugged and shook his head slowly, silently asking me to elaborate.
"I know you want to go out with her," I explained, "but if she says no, you've got to respect her decision. It's all about basic human rights."
"What? But… I…"
"Even if you love her, does it feel right if she doesn't feel the same way about you? You have to stop for a minute and listen to what's she's been trying to tell you."
His brows were corrugated in a frown as he did his best to process everything that I had said. Shiki and I looked on, wondering what he must be thinking. I could sense his disapproval for my entire existence and it must irk him to be talked back to, but then suddenly his eyes lit up in a moment of realization. The haughty air about him gradually dissipated. Had he come to his senses at last?
He had to make sure, one last time.
"Shiki," he said quietly, "tell me honestly: what do you think about me?"
Having been confronted with such a straight question, she didn't know what to say at first. Her gaze switched from me to him and back again, but by the time she laid eyes upon him for the second time she had few problems voicing out her feelings.
She apologized.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I like you as a cousin, but I don't love you as, you know, a lover or something."
Then she bowed gravely, and it was obvious from the disappointment on his face that he knew that now was the time to give up. For what it was worth, he took the news relatively well. I was ready to file bets against him jumping ten feet into the sky and tearing his hideous hair out, but I was actually surprised to see him rubbing his neck with nothing more than a deflated smile.
"Ah… I see," he muttered sadly. "All along I thought I had a chance. Well, thanks anyway… for clearing this up."
"I'm sorry," repeated Shiki. "I hope we can still be on good terms."
He snapped back to life in a jiffy, but left his annoying demeanor at home, which was a good thing. "That'll never change! No matter what happens, we're still the best of cousins."
"Yeah!"
Finally this matter was resolved and quite well at that too. With the two of them finally reconciled and at peace with each other, it was time for me to make my exit. My job was done, so I had no reason to stay. Besides, I was exhausted from both the melodrama and the stress of being watched by Eri till I was ripe.
"Sorry for all the trouble I've caused you," said Derpboy to Shiki. "I know I've been a bit too aggressive." Then he addressed me. "And, uh…"
"Neku. Just call me Neku."
"Well… sorry for everything. You must think I'm a nuisance."
"Don't sweat it, man. That's all in the past." I took a quick glance at my watch. "Alright, it's time for me to go."
"What? Why?" asked Shiki. "C'mon, join us for dessert at least!"
I knew it wasn't very proper of me to leave prematurely, but I couldn't stay. The tension built up over the course of this evening was starting to take its toll on me and I could my surroundings swaying. All I wanted was to lie down, sort my head out, and regain my energy before I got cracking on the sure-to-be-difficult task of explaining the whole story to Eri afterwards. And let's face it: even if I stayed, I didn't really fit in. Everyone else was related to each other, and I was the odd one out. If you've ever sat down with a bunch of people with whom you can't share your wavelength, you'll know what I mean.
Even Derpboy, who felt that I was okay in his books now, tried to coax me out of it. "They have monster sundaes, you know. And you can pay the butlers to feed you a spoonful or two if you like!"
…I'll pass on that one. If it's Eri, sure, but…
I declined politely. "Nah, it's cool. I really gotta dash. There's, um, something I have to do. Thanks for having me, and… tell your folks too, that I said thanks."
Shiki looked quite sad that I couldn't stay but promised to cover for me. Once we were done with a rather hasty goodbye, I left and went straight home without making a single detour. As soon as the front door clicked shut behind me, I flopped down on the couch and each of my four limbs went weak and soggy. What a terrible experience… Here's hoping I wouldn't have to help any more damsels in distress for a long time to come! They can save themselves, thank you very much!
Now what do I do with Eri?
I had no heart to lie to her. So many films and stories out there have proven that hiding the facts always has terrible consequences. It's a lot easier to tell the truth anyway, since you don't have to remember so many lies. Thing is, this was a delicate matter. How would you feel if the person you shared a kissing relationship with suddenly up and went out with someone else? No matter what your partner says, it's bound to feel like he or she is…
…cheating on you…
Still, the truth was the only thing I could say. And so, at slightly past ten, when her shift would have ended, I waited at her front door for her to return. There was a light snow falling outside; even in the relative safety of the corridor outside her doorstep, I could feel the chill of winter biting through my clothes.
I didn't need to wait long. Eri emerged from the staircase, still dressed as Seishirou-sama – glasses, ponytail and all – except wearing normal clothes. At first, she didn't notice me, trudging forward without really looking ahead. Then she happened to lift her head, and our eyes met. My appearance at this hour must have surprised her, but she didn't greet me quite as warmly as she used to.
"Neku… what're you doing here?"
Her voice was a monotone that froze the pit of my stomach. But this was no time to back down.
"I want to talk to you for a bit," I said. "Is… Is that okay?"
"…If this is about why I was working today, it's because Tea & Orange is holding a special promotion period. We're giving out limited-edition handkerchiefs to the first 600 customers, and things are getting busy as a result, so they need every butler in the house. I was called in to help out."
"Ah… So that's why…" Hang on, I wasn't here for small talk… My tongue became dry… real dry. "Eri, listen, I want to talk to you about this evening. You saw me dining with Shiki and her folks, and… well, I was just afraid you might have gotten the wrong idea about us."
She gave a long sigh, then removed her disguise. The glasses came off and she undid the ponytail to let her hair flow behind her back.
"That's fine," she said softly. "Really, there's nothing to worry about."
"Huh? Wait, wh-what do you mean?"
She broke eye contact with me and glanced at the cityscape. I was probably the last thing she wanted to look at right now… But the worst had yet to come.
"It's all good, isn't it, Neku? After all these years, your dream came true… Hooking up with Shiki, I mean. Isn't that just great? You could've told me about it earlier, though… Being in a relationship is something worth bragging about, after all!"
Gah, she really bought the whole act, didn't she? ! Why couldn't she have been as sharp as Derpboy? ! I had to sort this out now!
"Eri, wait. Hear me out… This is all a big misundersta– "
"Neku, I said it before, didn't I? It's alright." When she turned back to me, she had a forced smile for me, the kind that you show in an attempt to hide your discontent. "I should – no, rather, I'm happy for you. Ever since high school, people have been saying that you two should just go out already since you match, you know?"
"H-Hold the phone!" I yelped. "You're not listening! Shiki and I aren't going out… What makes you think so, anyway? !"
She glared at me. "Hey, anyone who saw you two linking arms would be hard-pressed to think otherwise… Plus there were a bunch of other telltale signs…"
Ah crud, I forgot about that. But that was all part of the act. This wasn't good… She totally believed it. Our unrefined, haphazardly carried out plan to stop Derpboy… she believed all sixty thousand percent of it! Oh boy, now she wanted to end the conversation already and just go back inside her apartment to stew over what I imagined must be unfair to her. I decided to do away with the gradual explanations, and just dumped everything I wanted to say over her head like a pail of water.
"Give me a chance to fully explain myself, will you?" I was more worried than impatient. She wore the look of a person who had stopped listening, so I had to talk fast. "Shiki asked me to pretend to be her boyfriend so we could fool her cousin into thinking she's unavailable. 'Cause, see, that cousin of hers has this huge crush on her! And she doesn't want that."
No chance. Nothing I said could register in her head. Her mind was too clouded by her own jealousy. And when she next spoke up, it was with some soul-crushing words.
"We've had some good times… you and me. But the time has come for me to step aside and forget them, I think. I shan't get in the way anymore."
What the heck? Refusing to believe me was one thing, but throwing away our special relationship just like that… How could she even bring herself to discard everything that we'd ever done together? All the dates, cooking lessons, heartfelt conversations… even the pranks she's played on me and the weird jokes she's cracked… They were all so precious to me. Did she not feel the same way? She had to! So I knew she wouldn't just toss them out the window!
I grew irritated with her and snapped, "You can't just erase the memories we've forged together! Because… Because…"
She narrowed her eyes. "…Because?"
It took me a few seconds to wrestle for the most appropriate way to deliver my answer. "…Because I know that deep down inside, you don't want to. Not when your feelings for me are, uh, you know…" I couldn't put it in words. I didn't know how to… Either that, or I was afraid she might lash out at me if I said it.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," she grumbled. "Look, I've had quite the busy night, so can we just drop this? I'm awfully sleepy."
Dammit, I wasn't getting through to her one bit. But I had to, by hook or by crook. One way or another, she had to know. Before she could take a single step towards her door, I quickly stood in front of it, barring her way.
"Move," she said, frowning. "I don't have time for this."
"Well, you'd better," I countered firmly. "You have no idea just how serious I am about you. I'm not pulling any mind tricks here, Eri. What I feel about you… is not one big lie. If you think I'm just going to cast you aside for Shiki, you're dead wrong. I mean, I even confessed to you! Doesn't that mean something?"
"But I haven't given you my answer yet. Not since last month. I guess that's all it took, huh? You don't hear from me for a month and then you set your sights on another girl. Is that it? Haven't you ever heard of waiting?"
"Eri!" I seethed, getting frustrated. "That's not how it is at all! I've been waiting patiently for you! I've – "
"Sorry, Neku." She placed a hand on my shoulder, and I could feel her trying to push me out of the way. "I'm through listening to you for today. You know what? Maybe Rhyme's right. Shiki would suit you better. Now please, just move. I'm tired."
"…No."
"I said move."
"Not until I'm sure that you even understand the whole situation."
She gave an exasperated grumble and let go of my shoulder. I thought she was going to finally willing to let it all sink in her head, but I was wrong.
Without warning, I felt such a great crushing pain in between my legs that I fell to my knees and crumpled right on her doormat like a pack of cards. She… She kicked me in the groin! As I groaned in agony, helpless to do anything for myself, she simply unlocked the front door and stepped over my prostrate body. The last thing she had to say for tonight was a very indignant "Hmph!" before the door slammed shut behind me.
So this was the ultimate result of my efforts, huh… I lay huddled on the floor, wondering if I might have been made a eunuch. I really did my best to convince her, but it wasn't enough and she hardly listened to begin with.
At this rate, would we be able to patch up and return to the way we were? I had more than enough reasons to be worried about our future…
…
Author's note:
This chapter was rather challenging to write, maybe even a little problematic. In trying to make the plot sequence realistic, I've had to cut out some ideas and incorporate others. Just when I thought scenario A might go well, a minor detail would crop up and I'd have to chuck the idea into KIV for further viewing/review. And then I'd have to think of scenario B, which might be less than perfect, so then it'd be onto scenario C and so on.
At least three major edits were necessary for this chapter. At first, the big dinner was supposed to take place a week later, but then that would give Neku and Shiki a lot of time to practice their act. However, I wanted things to be tenser by making them go unprepared, and that's obviously not going to happen if you've got a whole week's worth of time. So I switched it to Sunday. But Eri needed to be there to witness Neku 'going out' with Shiki, and her butler shift goes from Wednesdays to Saturdays, so I created the scenario where she had to be called in to help on Sunday. There was a great deal more editing in this chapter than any other, so I took a lot longer to release it – terribly sorry about that! But on the plus side, I'm satisfied with how it turned out.
I don't want to ramble on and on so I'll stop here. Until the next chapter, it's cliffhanger time. Yay! Everyone enjoys cliffhangers! Oh wait, not everyone. Not even myself. Anyway, I'll try to release the next chapter sooner so please stay tuned!
