A/N: Quite a few people to thank for reviews of the last chapter: KOTR13, suedarau, NieveDrop, SaviorEmmaJones, Just Veia, KitElizaKing, The Last Kenpachi, crimson sana, Assault Godzilla, Dragon and Sword Master, and Zelenal. And thank you to everyone who put this or its author on their lists. Sometimes I hate real life. Between injury, allergy, and personal responsibilities, it can really interfere with writing. I was supposed to give you all a treat for the rest of the "Twelve Days" but a sprained wrist put an end to that. Don't worry, that special treat is still in the works. This chapter just demanded to be written first. I hope you all enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Bleach characters, manga, anime, movies, etc. They belong by copyright laws to Tite Kubo et al.
The Kurosaki Affair
A Little Thing Called a Bachelor(ette) Party
Ichigo sat in a small corner of the hospital cafeteria trying to stuff as much nutritionally questionable food into his mouth as he could in the minuscule amount of time he'd been given for his lunch. He was reading an e-mail from Tatsuki, laughing softly at his childhood friend's description of the events that had transpired the night before. Since Rukia hadn't sworn her friends to secrecy, some of them had had no hesitation in sharing with him what had happened. They'd wisely kept things from Byakuya and the others of the Gotei but it had been apparently too good to keep to themselves.
"Yo, Ichigo!"
An orange head shot up in alarm, the familiar baritone of his redhaired friend sending shivers down his spine and alarm bells sounding off in his head. "Renji…" he returned hesitantly.
"Got a minute?"
"Barely, have a seat." Still trying to eat, he listened with half an ear as the other man chatted about the daily goings-on of the Gotei for several minutes before two words froze him in terror.
"Bachelor party," Renji repeated when Ichigo looked at him in horror and asked him to repeat what he'd just said. "It's a Western tradition. Some of the others thought that since you were going with a semi-Western theme that it might be a good idea."
"I know what it is. I also know I don't want one. It'd just be another stupid reason for all of you to get drunk. We've got too much in the works to get smashed the night before the wedding. Plus, it'd be a pain if something happened during it to make me late to my own ceremony. I don't fancy any of us want to know what Rukia would do to us if that happened."
"You're right, that's why we were thinking of doing it next week or so. That way, we could let loose, have some fun, and won't get into any trouble. I ran it passed the old geezers and they all thought it'd be a good idea."
"You did, huh? You're not including my old man in that category, are you?"
"Of course, but I ran it passed the others too."
"You realize that they just love an excuse to party."
"Hey, if the soutaicho thinks it's okay, then it can't be that bad."
"Yamamoto did? Wait, he does know what a bachelor party is, doesn't he?"
"His lieutenant has been keeping him up-to-date on the lingo."
"Great. Still, the answer is no."
Renji frown at him and studied him light a bug under the microscope. "Fine, have it your way. You're going to be such a stick in the mud as a king, aren't you?"
"I am not," Ichigo denied before taking a swig of his orange juice. By his estimation, he had five more minutes. "Anyway, what are you doing here, future captain?"
"Had to run some papers to Byakuya. Just thought I'd give it ago about the party." Renji rose and looked over the rest of the food before stealing a piece of teriyaki chicken on a stick. He walked away while his friend protested, grimacing when the taste was the less than expected. When he was out of sight, he opened his soul pager and sped dialed the first person on his list.
"It's a go," he said when they answered. "It was as you thought, so we'll just have to kidnap him when the time comes. He'll forgive us eventually." After a few minutes of the other person gushing enthusiastically, Renji hung up and returned to his duties in the Soul Society.
Ichigo should have known better than to try to turn them down.
Rukia held her head in one hand and tried without much success to focus on her paperwork. Despite the precautions she'd taken upon returning the night before, it seemed that her indulgence in the brandy had gifted her with a hangover. Every argument that the two third seats engaged in was like a hammer to her skull, and more than once she had almost frozen them solid for their actions. Knowing that it wasn't their fault she'd been foolish, she was trying to ignore them but it wasn't easy.
"Drink," a kind voice commanded and she glanced up to find her captain giving her an understanding smile. "I am well versed in hangover cures." Since Ukitake had Kyoraku for a friend, it wasn't any surprise.
"Who blabbed?" she demanded and winced when the sound of her own voice made the pain worse.
"I know the signs well."
"Ah, you would," she agreed and sipped at the odd smelling tea. Grimacing at the taste, she finished it under his firm gaze and sighed when the pain and sensitivity started to lessen immediately.
"If you are feeling the need to talk, please know that I am here, Kuchiki-san. No doubt there are many things that you are unsure of and I don't want you to feel that you have to carry the burden alone."
"It just surprised me how close the wedding is, sir, that's all. Some days I thought we'd never get to where we are now."
"Perhaps you should take a break and have a little fun with your bridesmaids. I hear that there is this Western tradition where the bridesmaids have a small party with the bride, usually the night before the wedding. Now, the night before wouldn't be a good idea, but perhaps sometime next week would be good. Shall I pass the idea on to Lieutenants Ise and Matsumoto?"
Rukia considered the idea and nodded cautiously. "It sounds like a good idea, I suppose. Please do, sir."
"Excellent," the captain replied and gave her a fatherly smile before returning to his office. Sending a butterfly to the two women he mentioned, one of the "old geezers" sat back and hummed. He had the best of intentions for one of his favorite officers.
Too bad the path to hell was paved with just that—good intentions.
Matsumoto looked up from the pile of paperwork that threatened to bury her when the messenger came into her window and grabbed for it gratefully. Her captain was too busy sweating in the July heat to notice her gleeful abandonment of her duty and for once she didn't tease him. As an ice Zanpakutou wielder, he didn't do well in the heat and she could sympathize to an extent. Haineko didn't like the heat too much either despite glorying in the sunshine.
Listening to Ukitake's message, she pursed her lips in consideration before she began to make notes, ideas for this type of party flooding her mind quickly. She'd have to do some research to see what humans did in these instances but from all the other Living World parties she'd been to, she didn't imagine this "Bachelorette Party" would be too different from what they'd do here.
"Captain, I have to go run a last-minute wedding errand. Do you want me to bring anything back?"
"Iced Watermelon," came the grumble and she smiled and the white drooping hair that she could see over the edge of the couch.
"Got it." Going passed the prone teen, she paused long enough to study his face. Teal eyes were closed against the sun pouring in and beads of sweat coated his forehead and she made a mental note to send one of the other seats to him with a towel and a cold drink. "Be back soon."
"Hn."
Holding in the temptation to ruffle his hair, she went about her business, stopping at Nanao's briefly to collect the other woman before heading to the Research and Development lab where they knew Nemu was hanging out to enlist her help. If there was one person who could be counted on to gather accurate information on this occasion, it was the reticent lieutenant.
Kurosutchi's "daughter" greeted them kindly, offering them a cold drink and a chance to get out of the heat in the cool laboratory. They accepted both invitations, both discretely dabbing sweat away from their own foreheads before beginning to explain their conundrum. Nemu listened patiently, nodded minutely every so often so that they'd know that she was listening. Afterward, she turned to her computer screen and punched in a few inquiries, the printer spitting out a thick pile of paper shortly thereafter.
"Oh, wow, Nemu. You are really awesome," Rangiku gushed, taking a small stack and reading through them.
"I came across this information while doing other research and thought it might become useful down the road. I see I was correct."
"Indeed, you were," Nanao complimented. "Hmm, we will need to find an out of the way venue that the men are unlikely to intrude upon."
"Might I suggest the estate of a noble that Lieutenant Kuchiki is familiar with? Her position as an aristocrat gives her a wider range of acquaintances than most Shinigami." The underappreciated girl almost squeaked in surprised when Matsumoto enveloped her in a hug.
"You're a genius, Nemu! I know just the one, too! Don't plan anything for next Tuesday," the busty adjunct ordered and turned to dash out of the laboratory. "Come on Nanao, we have to go see a noble about a party venue."
Nanao sighed and set her glass down. "I thank you for the drinks and information. Have a good day, Nemu-san," the lieutenant said and stowed the mountain of papers into a folder before bowing and following her friend.
"You as well," the researcher replied softly and turned back to her work as if the disturbance had never happened.
Nanao caught up with her friend out in the courtyard, the blistering heat having slowed the blonde down long enough for her to catch up. "Rangiku-san, let's slow down. We'll pass out from heat exhaustion if we rush."
"Captain wanted iced watermelon. I'm starting to think some shaved ice is a good idea. Better bring some to him before we go to the Kasumiōji estate."
"Why there?"
"We're going to ask Lady Rurichiyo for her assistance, of course. I'm sure she'll be more than pleased to help. She does have a soft spot for our future Soul King. Plus, it would be a grand feather in her cap to host the future queen, wouldn't it?"
"Trust you to think of all the angles." Nanao followed her friend to the nearby shaved ice stand, the businesses having popped up all over the Seireitei due to the heat. The operators were those that had a small amount of reiatsu and able to use low level kido spells to create and maintain the ice. The whole concept had been brought from the Living World because of a comment made from one of the humans on their rare visits that had nothing to do with impending doom.
Business was booming at the stall they stopped at, the attendants rushing around trying to fill the orders as they came. It took them ten minutes to get their order, the "iced" watermelon that Toushiro wanted was actually frozen fruit juice mixed with the shaved ice while theirs were flavorings poured over plain ice. Deciding not to tempt fate by walking, the two female Shinigami used shunpo to return to the Tenth Division before the treats melted.
They found Toushiro sitting up, a fan waving back and forth lazily in a vain attempt to cool him door. A bag of what had been ice sat in a bowl on the coffee table, an empty glass next to the ceramic piece. "Finally," the young man grumbled, snatching the treat out of his subordinate's hand, a slight nod to Nanao the only indication he remembered his manners.
"I'm afraid that you are not the only who enjoys such treats, Captain Hitsugaya," Nanao replied, a slight scold in her voice. Teal eyes gazed at her in sudden wariness, her reputation preceding her enough to make even him cautious of her temper.
"Did you go to the one right near the R&D department?"
"We did," Rangiku answered, her own shaved ice bring a cooling sensation to her heated skin. If she thought he wouldn't get heat stroke, she'd strip down to her under clothes, regardless of her captain's young age.
"Hn, it is little wonder it took so long," he continued. "They are the ones who do this the best." The women exchanged a glance, knowing that he never went farther than he had to, to get his sweet tooth satisfied.
"I take it all is forgiven then?" Nanao asked, her firm tone telling him she was still put out with his rudeness.
"It is, Lieutenant. Tell me, did the trip you took have anything to do with some stupid party the guys wanted to give Kurosaki?"
"No, it had to do with a party the bridesmaids are going to give Lieutenant Kuchiki," Nanao answered. "Though I supposed it could be along the same lines. We are going to search for an appropriate place to have the party now but Rangiku-san wanted to get the shaved ice to you before then."
"Very well, you may go, Matsumoto. Stupid human nonsense. You know that Kurosaki and Kuchiki don't care for tradition. I heard that Kurosaki even turned down the idea of the party but the fools are going through with it anyway."
Smiling in open amusement, Nanao opened the door to Momo who had arrived baring similar gifts of shaved ice and cold drinks. "One of those 'fools' would be you, Captain Hitsugaya."
"Do not be ridiculous. I am not participating in some outlandish party meant to get the groom drunk and put into embarrassing situations so that his so-called friends can harass him about it later."
"But you must, Shiro-kun," Momo put in, having got the gist of the conversation from her friend's words.
"Why?" he demanded, snatching the other iced watermelon from her hands.
"Because you're a groomsman," Rangiku chuckled.
"Damnit."
The Kasumiōji household greeted them with honest welcome, Rurichiyo seeing them almost immediately. Rangiku and Nanao had left Momo to cool Toushiro's ire, chuckling at the way he'd remembered that he couldn't get out of participating in the human ritual.
"My attendants said that this visit has to do with the future king and queen's wedding and that you wish for my assistance. I am ready and eager to help in any way possible."
"Yes, we are hoping that you will be willing to open to your home to a small party for the bride. In the Western tradition, a party is given to the bride and one to the groom by their wedding day attendants prior to the ceremony as a type of celebration. As her bridesmaids, we want to give her a relaxing time so that she will not be as tense and nervous as she has become." Nanao adjusted her glasses, glad that they'd decided not to bring up the fact that Rukia had gotten drunk last night.
"It would be my pleasure. Please, allow me to provide the food and drink. What day would you like to do this?"
"Next Tuesday," Rangiku answered. "We will provide the decorations and plan the entertainment. Small gifts would for the bride would be welcome. These would be separate from the wedding gift you may have already prepared."
"I see. Yes, Shu and I have already prepared an appropriate gift for the couple. I can think of something that would please Lady Rukia. Very well, please leave the rest to me. Oh, if it would not be too much of an imposition, would you please give me your honest opinion on the outfit I have chosen for the Living World wedding? I was assured that it was very stylish." Rurichiyo sipped her beverage while waiting for the other women to answer.
Warning bells rang in Rangiku's head and she shot Nanao a look. "It would be our pleasure. Is there some reason that you think it would not be acceptable?"
"It seems a tad bright to me." The young lady nodded slightly to the nearest maid and the servant left to retrieve the garment under discussion. When she returned, neither Shinigami could hold back their shocked gasps. They had heard about horrible bridesmaids' dresses but they hadn't believed something so ugly could exist. It was a good thing that Rurichiyo wasn't a bridesmaid to begin with.
"That certainly is something," Nanao managed. The bright purple dress defied all sense of esthetics. "No sane person would be okay wearing that color. Please allow us to provide you with an appropriate outfit. If you will give us your measurements, we will make sure it is ready for you the day of the wedding."
"Lady Rurichiyo, please don't tell me that you got that somewhere here." Rangiku cringed, the sudden itch to light the dress on fire filling her.
"Thank goodness," the young maid said out loud. She flinched when she realized she'd said it out loud, eyeing her lady warily.
"If that is the consensus, I really wish someone had told me before allowing the dressmaker to make it," the blonde girl scolded. "If you two hadn't arrived, the Kasumiōji clan would have been made to look foolish in front of the royal family."
"You can trust me when I say that the dressmaker for the wedding party would never have let you be seen in public once he knew. I am going to put in an SOS to him this minute." Nanao pulled out her phone and began dialing Ishida's number.
Rurichiyo smiled gratefully and ordered another round of drinks. The maid took the dress away, intent on finding the nearest fire pit to toss it into. Or the nearest Shinigami who knew fire kido considering the temperature out.
Nanao smiled grimly when Ishida began to spit and sputter about her last-minute request. "Trust me, Ishida-sensei, you would not be able to stomach the sight."
"Why is it that the Soul Society seems to think that the 'in' style of the World of the Living has not changed in the last forty years?" the young doctor asked irately. He was loud enough for the others to hear him.
"I cannot answer that with any certainty. Need I remind you who my captain is?"
"Point taken. Fine, send me her measurements and I will do my best. In exchange, there is something I require in return."
"I will do my best."
"Get me out of this absurd party Abarai is planning for Kurosaki."
"You mean the bachelor party?"
"Indeed."
"I cannot and you cannot get out of it, either."
"Why?" he demanded, forgoing all politeness.
"Because you're a groomsman, Ishida-sensei."
"Damnit."
Nanao smirked as the call was abruptly cut off and she contentedly tucked her phone away. "You are in good hands, Lady Rurichiyo."
"I will remember to tell him how grateful I am. Tell me though, why is it that Ichigo's own friend does not want to go to a party for him?"
"I too was confused about why my captain would not want to go," Rangiku commented.
"You have not heard anything about these types of parties, have you?" Nanao asked.
"Not really."
"From what I could gather from the brief perusal of the literature, these types of parties can get quite rowdy. The activities involved can become questionable, and there is apparently a whole lot of drinking. Our party will not come to that but Abarai is taking charge of this on the guys' end so be both know how that will end."
"Oh, yeah, there is that." Rangiku sighed. "Who suggested these parties again?"
"The old geezers, who else?"
"Doesn't that include the soutaicho?"
"Surely if such an esteemed person approved, nothing bad will happen," the young noble interjected.
"It is unlikely the rest of the old coots told the whole story. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if they kept secrets just to get his approval." Rangiku sighed and took a nibble of the mochi that had been brought with the second round of drinks.
"Perhaps you should warn him?" Rurichiyo suggested.
"Nah, he'll just shake his head and ignore the rest. No, we'll go put the Fourth on alert," Nanao decided. She finished her refreshments and rose to bow formally at the aristocrat. "Your hospitality is lovely as always. We look forward to coming again next week."
Rangiku got to her feet and did the same. Following her colleague out, she hummed under her breath briefly. "It's only a small party for close friends. There's nothing to worry about, is there?"
"What do Renji Abarai, the Gotei Thirteen, and alcohol equal?" Nanao asked in return.
"Ichigo's going to go bankai on us."
"Exactly."
