Hey guys, i'm really really sorry. I know i keep saying when ill update and i don't, but this time was serious. I've had a lot to deal with the last few weeks. My boyfriend breaking up with me being one of the more serious ones. I've been a wreck, and really, when you go through something like that, the last thing you want to do is write. I apoligise anyway, and i promise the next chapters will come faster...so long as nothing else that will majorly impact my life happens.
The unpredictability of life--gotta love it.
So here's the next chapter! Some of you may think this is a bit rushed, but in all honestly, it felt right for the characters. I didn't want it to be a teen orientated sort of story where they never speak to eachother again and that's the end. Realistically, they have all matured over this time, and learnt to grow up and accept their mistakes. Hope you all love it, it's very near the end now, only a few more chapters to this, i WILL get back into 'Someday We'll Know'.
Thank you all SO much for sticking with me after all this time. Love you guys. xx
Team Jacob fans, this one is for you.
Bella's POV.
The days passed quickly, and soon i was out of hospital. The one thing i worked on, was my strength, every moment of every day that i lay in that white bed. I found out from Charlie and Renee that Edward was released out of hospital, and the tightening in my stomach at the sound of his name was almost too much to handle. But i fought back the tears. I didn't hear from Jacob, and that hurt too.
Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rose had come to see me the next day, and i welcomed them happily. It had been too long, and i missed them.
"Bella, i'm sorry." Alice had cried. "I want to kill my brother. If i had known--"
"Alice it's not your fault." I had soothed her. "But i can't promise things will be the same, ever again. You'll always be my best friend, but i..."
"- You don't know if you can forgive Edward." She nodded in understanding, and i could see the tears in her eyes.
I had bitten my lower lip and glanced at her. She had smiled softly at me, even through the tears in her eyes. Rose held my other hand, and i knew they would always love me, as i would always love them. I looked up to Emmett and Jasper, who smiled at me with the same support that their girlfriends had.
"You need to do what you feel is right, Bells." Emmett had whispered to me, before kissing my forehead and leaving.
I was weak, i had cried after they left. I couldn't stop myself for that split moment. I loved them so much, and i had torn them apart by this. Everything was broken, and i didn't know if it could be fixed. I didn't want them to be angry with Edward, and i told them that, but i knew what Alice was like.
I spent every waking moment, thinking and trying to decide of what i should do. There is no harder battle to fight then the one between your heart and your head. Logic wanted to destroy love. A part of wanted to never see them again, but i knew my heart could never accept that. I played with the locket Edward gave me, opening it up to see a picture of the two of us embracing. I smiled at the lovely sight, and kissed it lightly. That was when we had it all, when our love wasn't tainted by jealously. When it was all innocence and an unbreakable bond. Were our mothers right about us from the very beginning?
"Ever since i brought Edward to see you when you were born, when as babies he would touch his hand to your forehead, almost protectively, i knew. He made his mark on you, Bella. You and Edward were made for each other." Esme would smile and my ten year old self, stroking my hair.I never understood the intensity of her words, and to a degree i still didn't.
Everyday while i was in hospital i knew Edward tried to see me, i heard him pleading with my father. It broke my heart. Charlie would send him away, telling him i would talk to him when i was ready, if i ever was. I heard Renee on the phone to Esme another time, and snuck out to hear.
"It's killing her to be away from him too, Esme. I just wish we could fix this. I know they love each other, it's just...so hard."
Jake stopped trying to see me after a while, but Edward never did, never gave up, and in all honestly--the thought made my heart warm. I had always had a bond that i never had with Jacob, and this was why. But i knew i had to see Jacob. He had hurt me, no doubt, but i had accepted it. I couldn't leave us in the dark anymore. I could move on from Jacob, i knew that now. Even though a part of me would always love him. The thought made it so much easier, and the day i got to back to school was one of relief. I had to find out the truth, and i had to tell Jacob the honest truth. I didn't know if wanting to see him meant i had forgiven him. I guess i would find out when we came face to face.
Renee agreed, and had driven me to school. I was nervous, but i knew i had to do this. I wanted to be strong and get over both of them, but i needed to get rid of this tightening in my stomach and figure it what it meant. A part of me needed to approach Jacob, even though i knew in my heart that what he had done did barely any damage compared to what Edward had done.
What did that mean?
Everything felt like slow motion as i hopped out. Renee offered to help me, and i declined the offer. I asked her to wait, and made my way inside. When i passed the silver Volvo, it felt like someone had tread all over my heart.
No more tears, Bella.
I stood up firmly and made my way inside. Sure enough, Jacob was there talking to all his friends. They were talking with him, before one noticed me. He quickly nudged Jacob, his face becoming solemn. Of course, everyone knew what had happened. Jacob whirled around, and when he saw me his expression became one of shock.
"Bella."
I looked into his eyes, feeling a slight weakening in my legs. "Jacob." I whispered.
He took a few hesitant steps towards me, and so did i.
"Bella." He whispered again, and a small smile crossed his face. My resolve weakened as he reached forward with his hand and touched my cheek tenderly. I leaned into his touch, feeling everything i once had for him flare up again. Only this time, it was different. I thought back to everything Jake had done for me, the friend that he had been through my heartbroken state over Edward.
Jacob pulled me into his embrace. I sighed deeply, allowing him to wrap his arms around me.
"We need to talk." I whispered against his chest, and i felt him nod.
"Sure, Bella."
He pulled away, and took my hand. That's when it occurred to me why the tears stung my eyes again. I wanted to be angry with them, i wanted to hate them, but more then anything...i wanted to forgive them.
We went outside, and he turned to me. I was about to say something, when he sat me down, and kneeled next to me.
"Jake..."
"Bella," His eyes were full of remorse, "I know there's nothing i can say to you anymore that will make you trust me. But i need to be honest with you."
I nodded for him to go on.
"I knew you needed time away from Edward and I, and it killed me. It killed us. Edward and i will never be friends, but this past week has been torture for both of us, because we have one thing in common that we adore. And that's you." He touched my cheek.
"Allow me to start at the beginning. You were right. I was shallow, and selfish. I was, plainly, a horrible person. I was a womanizer, but I'm not going to lie--you truly caught my eye from the very start. You intrigued me, and i guess a part of it was because you weren't like other girls who opened their legs for everyone. I was insanely jealous of Edward, and it was the day that i saw Edward was jealous of me--of me! When he had you!" He shook his head slightly, and i almost smiled.
"I didn't know what was wrong with him. You were beautiful, sweet, and seemingly kind-hearted. I had Lauren, who was anything but. And Lauren was whom he wanted. I saw that as one thing. A chance to get what i wanted. I thought that if he wanted Lauren, and i wanted you, maybe we could make a trade. I'm sorry." He looked into my eyes. "We both never realized, never stopped to realize, that it would hurt you immensely. But in all honestly--Edward never stopped caring about you. I knew he was blind from the start. I knew he loved you." He smiled sadly at me. "When i began to win you over, i saw the jealously in his eyes. I saw things you never did, because as beautiful as you are Bella, you have an innocence about you that could never see these things."
I nodded, feeling the tears sting the back of my eyes.
"This was when it became a game to me. Seeing that Edward had you for so many years, i wanted him to loose you. I wanted him to be horribly jealous of me, the way i always was of him. So i began to throw it in his face, do things that would make you come crawling to me, and hopefully end your friendship with him." He hung his head shamefully. "Just to see the jealously in his eyes, i made references to how you were a virgin, and how i knew it would destroy him if you lost your virginity to me and not to him. I knew it would get him irate, and it did."
I thought back to the time in the classroom and shook my head lightly. "When Edward pulled you away from me that one time--"
"When he pulled me away from you and punched me, i knew i had won." He looked back up at me. "I knew i had beat him. I had the thing he wanted most, being you. He wanted you back, and i had you. It gave me a great sense of accomplishment knowing this. But as i began to spend time with you, i saw you for the beautiful person you are inside, Bella. After a while, i didn't even think about the sex anymore. I didn't lie when i told you i love you." He looked down at the floor. "I love you, Bella. I think i always will. You became like my best friend, more than a trophy. I couldn't believe i was falling in love with you, when this was only ever meant to be a game. But i did." His eyes met mine, and i knew i was crying.
He smiled sadly and reached up to wipe one of my cheeks. "I was ecstatic when you told me you loved me, even though i never truly believed it." He admitted. "I don't doubt that a part of you loves me. But i saw the way you'd look at me, and the way you'd look at Edward. Even when you were fighting, you'd always be searching for him, and your eyes would light up with happiness when you found him. When we were in the movies, and i had left for some popcorn, i came back and saw the way you two were looking each other. That's when i realized i was fighting a loosing battle. You loved him more then me, you always would. Mostly, that you would never love me the way i loved you. So when we started fighting, i was so angry that he was obviously jealous of me when he was the one who had you, not me. I hated him for it, for not realizing that he would always have your heart, not me."
I felt the tears trickle down my cheek, and i reached for him. "Jake, you had my heart..."
"A portion of it, maybe." He looked down. "But Edward will always be the true owner of your heart. I can see that, now. Even when he hurts you, the way he has."
I felt horrible, reaching out to touch his face. His eyes met mine with such intensity that i had never seen. We were growing up, i realized. We were leaving high school and entering the real world, where we would learn how to truly love, and be loved. And the different types of love you can have for someone. I had learnt so much, but mostly I had learnt about a love that was stronger then no other. An undeniable love. A love that will conquer anger, hatred, and disappointment.
"Thank you, Bella." He whispered softly. "You taught me to stop disrespecting women, and showed me what love truly is and the miracles it can work."
"Jake..." I shook my head, tears spilling out of my eyes. "Why are you doing this, when i can never love you the way you want me to?"
"Because this is something i guess i deserve." He said softly. "I womanized many girls, and what goes around, does come around. In the end, I fell in love with a girl who could never love me the same." He looked up at me.
"I will always love you, Jake." I promised, touching his cheek. "You became like a best friend to me, someone i could confide in."
"I know. And knowing that you love me a portion of that is enough." He managed a smile. "So thank you, Bella. And as much as it's going to hurt knowing that i won't see you again after we graduate, i want you to know how much you mean to me and that i want you to be happy. Knowing that you are will help me move on."
At that, we stood up, and i hugged him with everything i had. He held on to me tightly, as if he didn't want to let me go. But, like he said, he had realized he was fighting a loosing battle. He would never have me that way, and i had no choice but to accept it. Since when had anyone been able to fight the desire of their heart?
He pulled away after what felt like years, kissing my forehead. "I owe you a million apologies, Bella. For hurting you, for originally wanting to use you, for using you to hurt Edward. I can't believe i did this, especially." He motioned to my arm. "I hate myself for physically hurting you. I would never want that. I'm...so, very sorry."
I shook my head immediately and stepped away to look at him. "It was an accident, Jake. And it's forgotten. I..."
I took a deep breath, looking into his eyes. And the words flowed out of my mouth easily, because it was the truth. "I forgive you. For everything."
I couldn't describe the feeling that overwhelmed me. It was a huge wave of relief, and the tears were one of exactly that. It was as though i broken through a cell, and i was finally able to breathe again. My heart swelled with the beautiful feeling of forgiveness for the man i cared a great deal about, but could never truly love. It was as perfect as it could be between us.
His arms enveloped me, and my arms rested on his shoulders as he whispered softly in my ear, "Thank you."
I'd say only about another three chapters left which will cover everything. The last week of school, graduation, Prom, and, hopefully, what you've all been waiting for.
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