See? Just like I promised- updating rather quickly now :)
Moving right along and picking up where we left off.
Enjoy! Nightwings93
Chapter Twenty-Six: Max POV:
I let the water run for several minutes before I stepped into the shower. The water was still a little rusty when I first turned the shower on. I let the water run over my sore body. It stung as it hit my raw back. I would definitely be scarred for the rest of my life. I touched my lips. They would scar too. I was hideous. Despite what Nudge had said earlier, I just knew that Fang regretted sleeping with me.
I staid under the water for what felt like hours. Finally, my fingers started to turn to prunes so I got out. I wrapped a towel around my body and looked in the mirror. I almost screamed. I took a step back. It wasn't me in the mirror…but it was.
It was a perfected version of me. My lips weren't chapped and scarred. There were no holes where my lips had been sewn shut. My cheeks weren't so gaunt and my eyes looked bright and healthy. And my hair…my hair wasn't brown but blonde. More than the hair color and the healthy glow, something else was off about my face. I looked almost shiny. Translucent and shiny. And my face was pinched. I looked pinched. And smug. It was the me from my dream about the lake.
Suddenly Fang appeared behind me. I whipped around. He wasn't there…but he was in the mirror. He touched the girl in the mirror gently. She turned towards him, and they kissed. I doubled over and clutched my heart. It felt like someone was burning the heart out of me.
Suddenly my body lurched upwards and I was forced to look in the mirror by an invisible force. The girl in the mirror smirked back at me. She was holding the front of Fang's shirt. He was looking at her completely smitten. He took absolutely no notice of me.
"You see this, Max?" The girl in the mirror asked. "He's mine. He was promised to me. You can't have him. I won't let you."
Then she was gone and the invisible force holding me up was gone too. I had to clutch the bathroom counter so I wouldn't fall over. I looked in the mirror. I was back. I looked sickly and pale. My lips were chapped and scarred and there were small holes all around my mouth.
"Max?" There was a tentative knock on the bathroom door. "You okay? You've been in there a while." It was Fang.
I straightened. The searing pain in my chest had dulled to a constant throb. "Yeah. Fine," I replied, my tone clipped.
"Will you come out?" Fang asked.
I secured the towel around my body and walked into the bedroom. I looked at Fang and felt my face crumble. Why couldn't he love me? I loved him so much. I wished he didn't regret it. I didn't regret it. I would never regret it.
Fang's face suddenly reflected mine. He punched the wall. His fist left a dent. "Dammit. Why am I such a coward? God, Max, I'm sorry. It wasn't supposed to go like this. I never wanted to hurt you." Fang grabbed me and sat me down on the bed. He kept his hands on my shoulders and looked into my eyes. "Can you forgive me?"
"What am I forgiving, Fang?" I asked. I could feel myself shake slightly. "Am I forgiving that you weren't there when I woke up? Or am I forgiving all the secrets of your past that you keep torturing yourself with?"
"Both. Everything. Please, forgive it all."
"I forgive you," I whispered. Relief washed over his face. "But, this is going to keep happening. You'll never feel right about us or about anything unless you forgive yourself."
"I can't."
"Tell me. Please. I want to help. Keeping everything locked away isn't helping." I grabbed Fang's shirt front. "Please."
"I'll show you," Fang muttered as he pressed his forehead to mine.
I was in the kitchen of Fang's house when it was still in good condition. A smaller version of Fang sat on the kitchen counter. There was the smell of burning toast. Fang was staring wide-eyed at Ari who was leaning against the refrigerator.
"Why are you here, Uncle Ari?" Fang asked in a small voice. He could sense that something wasn't right.
"Your dad got called away on urgent business. He didn't have time to find a babysitter. So, you're stuck with me." Ari smiled. Fang could tell it was fake.
"Oh." Fang wanted to get his toast form the toaster but didn't want to walk past Ari. He had never trusted his uncle.
"You know, I heard a story Nicholas." That was another reason Fang didn't like Ari. No one called him Nicholas. His mom had started calling him Fang when he started carrying around the first wolf's fang from his father and the name had stuck. No one called him Nicholas. Only grandmama was allowed to call him Nicholas. She said it in a way that made him feel special. "Don't you want to know what story I heard?"
Fang nodded because he didn't want to make Uncle Ari mad. Uncle Ari always seemed like he was on the verge of exploding.
"I heard that your dad has a secret."
Fang tensed. How could Ari know about dad's secret? No one knew but Fang and his dead mom.
"He does have a secret, doesn't he?" Ari sounded excited. "Will you tell me?"
You can't tell. It's a secret. Dad would be furious if you told. It's none of Ari's business anyway. Don't tell him. Don't. Fang looked blankly at Ari.
"Come on, tell me. Tell your Uncle Ari. You won't get in trouble. What's the secret?"
Don't tell. Don't open your mouth. You can't. Don't tell.
"Tell me! It's alright! JUST TELL ME!"
No! Don't tell him. You can't. It's not your secret to give. If you tell…it would be worse than death.
Ari walked forward and gripped Fang's shoulder. His breath tickled Fang's face as he spoke. "You remember your great-grandpa? The one who left your grandpa, my dad, the dance academy? Well, now your grandpa's dead…and he left the studio to me. He said that there was something your dad had that he wanted his dancers to have. You can make grandpa's dream come true. Tell me the secret."
Don't open your mouth! "Okay…I'll tell you."
Ari smiled hungrily. "Go on, tell me."
Fang licked his lips. He didn't want to tell his dad's secret but Ari scared him. "Dad…Dad's got…he's got, um, he's got…wings."
Ari frowned. "Wings?"
Fang nodded.
"Don't lie, Nicholas," Ari ordered harshly.
"I'm not!" Fang insisted.
"Prove it."
Fang sighed and hopped off the kitchen counter. He pulled his shirt off and turned around. Small black wings peaked out from his shoulder blades. "See…I…I've got them too."
"Extraordinary," Ari breathed. "What else can you do?"
Fang didn't want to say but he didn't want to upset Ari. "Um…Dad told me that we're stronger and faster than everyone else. We can hold our breath longer…Dad says he has more stama…stamin…stamina."
"Yeah…and I bet you can do other things."
"Dad can move things…with his mind," Fang confessed.
"And what can you do?"
"We don't know yet. My powers come when I'm older."
The scene faded away and I was back on the bed with Fang. I could feel guilt radiating from him. Fang moved his face from mine. His eyes were still shut tight. "See?" he asked. "It's all my fault. All of this. Ari never would have captured people to build a super-human troop of ballet dancers with wings if I had never told him my dad's secret."
"Fang, you were eight."
"Yeah…and I knew better." Fang squeezed my shoulders. "I'm sorry. This never would have happened to you if I had kept my mouth shut."
"Fang, I'm not angry with you."
Fang opened his eyes. "What?" he asked in disbelief.
"I'm not angry with you. You were eight and scared. And you couldn't have known what Ari would have done…besides, Ari was so determined, I'm sure he would have gone about much more unpleasant means of discovering your dad's secret." I pulled Fang a little closer. "Is this what you meant when you said you tricked me? Is that why you felt guilty? Did you think I couldn't love you if I knew this?"
"Yes…" Fang muttered.
I sighed. "Fang, you can't keep carrying this guilt. It's been weighing you down for eleven years. You were eight. You did what any eight-year-old would have done. Why are you holding yourself to an impossible standard?"
Fang stared at me. "What?"
"Why are you holding yourself to an impossible standard?" I repeated. "You can't beat yourself up over something you can't change. It's all in the past. You can't look back on your actions with the heart and mind of a nineteen-year-old and expect your eight-year-old self to have acted like you would now."
I watched Fang's face as it screwed up in utter agony and then relaxed. He features became softer than I'd ever seen them before, and he somehow looked more open. There was a rising swell of guilt before it seemed to disappear entirely. "You're right," he breathed. "You're right."
I figured this wasn't the best time to tell him that I'm always right.
Fang POV:
I felt lighter. Freer. I don't know why but something Max said made me feel free. I didn't hate myself nearly as much as I had in the past. The more I thought about it, the more her words made sense. I couldn't expect an eight-year-old boy, who was scared and alone, to keep a secret; so, why was I expecting that of myself?
I'm sure that the guilt will come back more violently sometimes but right now it seemed to be ebbing away. I could never totally be free of it. In the deepest reaches of my soul, I still believe that all this is my fault, but Max had managed to make it more bearable.
"Can I ask you one more question?" Max asked. Her cheeks were turning a little red. It was really cute.
I nodded.
"So…you definitely don't regret it?" She looked down at her hands.
I scoffed. "Regret it? How could I? It was…great." That sounded lame.
Max giggled. It was the most musical sound ever. "It was pretty great."
"Are you okay?" I asked suddenly. I remembered there was some blood.
Max blushed again. "Yeah. I'm okay."
"You sure? 'Cause now is not the time to be acting all tough and stoic."
Max smiled. "I'll live."
"That's good. We'd all be really screwed if you died on us." I smiled too. It was so easy to smile around her.
"I don't know how you guys got along without me." Her stomach grumbled suddenly.
I chuckled. "Maybe we should ask Iggy to take a break from bomb building. I'm starving too."
Max grabbed some clothes and headed into the bathroom. I could hear her say from the other side of the door: "I'm curious to see what he can manage to whip up with the crap we brought." Max walked through our room and started for the hallway. "I still don't understand how he knows how to cook…I thought he had no memory of his past."
And as easily as the guilt had gone, it came back in new waves for a whole different reason. I was still lying to her.
Max POV:
I expected Fang to follow me downstairs. He didn't. But I couldn't really find a reason to mind: he had a lot to process right now. I'm sure he could do with some alone time. He needed to figure things out in his head without other people there offering their opinions. I just hope that he'll stop blaming himself. This really isn't his fault.
I blamed myself after my parents' deaths. Somehow, as their child, I felt it was my responsibility to keep them safe…but it's the other way around, right? It's the parents' jobs to keep the child safe. My parents did that to the best of their abilities. They really gave me everything I ever needed. Not always what I wanted but definitely what I needed.
I wish they were here right now. They would know what to tell Fang in order to make him feel better.
"Hey, Ig," I called as I walked into the dining room. Wires and pipes and other things that I'd never seen before were strewn all over the large wooden dining table. "It looks like a hardware store threw up in here." Nudge laughed. Gazzy looked offended. "Anyway, are you guys at a stopping point?"
Gazzy finished screwing a few pipes together. "I think so," he replied.
"Why do you ask?" Iggy looked in my direction expectantly.
"I'm kinda hungry. We skipped lunch. Can we have a sort of early dinner?" I answered.
Iggy thought for a moment. "It has been a long time since our last meal." Iggy ran his long fingers over several of the objects on the table. "We can't continue anyway."
"Why not?" Nudge asked.
"We forgot to buy cement," Iggy explained.
"Why do you…never mind. I don't want to know," I muttered.
"I can go buy cement while you cook dinner, Ig," Gaz offered.
"You're okay going alone?" I really didn't want him going alone.
"Yeah, I remember where it is. Really, it's no problem. You have some cash, right Max?" Gazzy looked at me with his big blue eyes. What if something happened to him? As if guessing my thoughts, Gazzy said: "Nothing's gonna happen. I mean, we're in the middle of nowhere. I can handle it."
I sighed. "Okay." I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a wad of cash from where Fang and I had hid the money. I had no idea how much concrete cost. "You sure you can carry it back?" I asked as I walked back into the dining room with the money.
"It's a mix…it's not like I'll be carrying cinderblocks back," Gazzy chuckled.
"Okay, whatever. Be careful, yeah?" I felt stupid.
"Yeah, okay mom. I'll be fine." Gazzy grinned at me as he left the dining room. After a few moments I heard the front door close.
"I'm not like a mom," I muttered.
"You totally are," Iggy corrected.
"Just get in the kitchen," I ordered.
"No on appreciates the cook," Iggy grumbled as he walked into the kitchen.
"I appreciate you Iggy," Nudge offered as she followed Iggy into the kitchen.
I rolled my eyes and headed back upstairs. Maybe Fang was feeling a little better now.
I stopped at the top of the stairs and looked in the direction of Fang's old room. I couldn't imagine carrying that guilt for eleven years. I couldn't imagine seeing my dad die at the age of eight: I could hardly handle it at eighteen. Fang had seen so much tragedy in his short life. It wasn't fair. He is so good. He doesn't deserve the life he's got. He deserves to be free. I want to give him that freedom. Freedom and happiness.
I continued on to the master bedroom. When I opened the door, I saw that Fang was still in the same position as when I left him. He almost looked a little worse: like all the guilt had come back while I was gone. I sat down next to him.
"Iggy's starting dinner," I said quietly. "And Gazzy flew back to the hardware store to get some cement."
Fang nodded. He seemed emptier than before he revealed his past.
"Hey, Fang." No response. "Fang…I need you to be a little more awake for this."
Fang stirred himself and actually looked at me. It looked as though he was being tortured.
"What if we just forgot all about it?" I waited for a reaction.
At length, Fang replied: "Forgot about all what?"
"Revenge. Beating Ari. Storming the academy. What if we just went off somewhere? Forgot about Ari, this house, the past? We could start over-completely fresh. You, me, Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy, and a deserted island."
"What the hell are you talking about?" He was angry. Well, at least he wasn't comatose.
"Fang, all this guilt, obsessing over revenge, it's not good for you. It's not going to get any better once you beat Ari, either. Revenge can't ease your guilt. It can't bring your dad back. It-"
"What the hell do you know about it?" Fang demanded. His voice was cold and hard. "What the hell is all this bullshit you're spewing? What are you: a therapist? I don't need counseling; especially not form you. You know nothing about it. You didn't grow up like I did. Forget about it? How the hell can I forget about it? Look at what Ari has turned me into! Look what he's turned you into. He destroyed lives and families. Nothing good can come of having him around. He needs to be stopped. No one else will so it's up to us. It's up to me. I started this; I'm going to finish it." Fang stood up suddenly and started pacing. "I mean what the hell Max? I thought you understood. I thought you got it. How can you be so cavalier? Don't you want to avenge your parents?"
"I don't think my parents would want to see me throw away my life and let revenge drive me," I whispered.
"So you don't get it!" Fang yelled.
"You're not living your life like you could, Fang. You're wasting it. You'll have nothing left if you let this revenge rule your life. I was just thinking earlier about my parents. About what they would say to me if they were still here. They would tell me to go live my life. Let the past stay in the past and start over fresh."
"God, Max, can you stop being so self-righteous for, like, two seconds? You're not always right, you know. What is with you? Is it Pick at Fang Day? Why can't you just let my business be my business? God, we never should have…" Fang stopped and looked at me. I knew what he was going to say.
"Yeah…maybe not. Look, forget I said anything. Just forget it."
Then, as if on cue to help dispel the tension that was fogging the room, there was a knock on the door.
Yeah…so kind of a rollercoaster this chapter :P
hope you liked it.
Nightwings93
(review if you feel like it)
