28) Good Boys Gone Wild

The occasion was pretty rare. And it cropped up by surprise after the last quarter budget was announced and the city had sunk more money into the police department at the demand of Las Vegas citizens. Oh… If only they knew what holy terrors they created with that move. It meant that night shift suddenly could afford to hire two more CSI and three more lab techs – that made Grissom and Catherine happy, yes, but those that had worked long hours, given up days off, were ecstatic. Because that led to this rare, diamond moment: Nick, Greg, and Archie had all been granted the same vacation days off. Leading to the three reeking chaos across town.

The first night, they invaded Nick's house to watch a basketball game.

The next night, they went to a bar and discovered Archie was a light weight – and prone to hitting on anything that moved when he was completely hammered.

The third night they decided to take in a show – at a strip club – and not one of them went home alone that night.

The fourth night, they decided to take in a matinee, and then another matinee, and then another, and then there were no matinees, so they just went to three more movies.

The fifth night was an entire day at the amusement park. They left sunburned and went out clubbing until Warrick and Bobby got off, then they met for breakfast.

That is when things went south…

Warrick suggested they hit Greg's condo and watch a game. The game was good; the beer was good. The beer led to much harder liquor. Then one of them (they would blame it on Bobby later although they would never really be certain) decided that maybe they should take Nick's truck, go around town to find free furniture, and furnish The Wall.

So here they were… Parked in the back of the station where the broken door had no alarm – if Las Vegas knew about that door they'd all be in trouble -- trying to get a sectional to the basement without anyone seeing or hearing them, while drunk.

"Slow down! Damnit, Warrick, slow down!" Archie giggled.

Warrick, who was at the back suddenly sat down, his end of the section they had sitting on his lap. He pressed his face into it to mute his laughter. Below them, Nick and Greg looked back, but they were in no better shape. They were having as much trouble holding it back as Archie and Warrick were. Far below, at the basement door, Bobby was looking up the space in the stairs.

"What? What happened?" Bobby giggled.

"I don't know!" Nick laughed harder. "Bobby. Bobby! Go check the hall, we're almost there. Go!"

Bobby dashed back to the door and peaked through the window. He turned, grinning. "Clear still!"

Greg and Nick made it to the bottom and with Bobby playing scout, slipped into Records. Bobby trotted back to the door to wait for Archie and Warrick. Warrick was still laughing too hard to move, which was making Archie laugh harder.

"Come on!" Archie gave their section a little shove. "Get up. Come on!"

Warrick held his breath, able to gain a little control over his giggles. The two started down again. They reached the bottom as Nick and Greg came in. The two dashed up the stairs for the next section.

Bobby scouted the way for Warrick and Bobby, and then returned to wait for Nick and Greg. Warrick and Archie trotted back, heading up the stairs, and finding Greg and Nick at the door, stuck. Nick was stuck. He was caught between the section and the door, and laughing so hard his face was red.

"I'm stuck!" Nick laughed at them.

The four used the stair railing and wall and sectional for support. Bobby trotted up the stairs, took one look at the sight, and sat down on the steps from laughing so hard. It took everyone almost a half hour to get control of their laughter, which only started again as Warrick and Greg helped Nick get unstuck and back on the other side of the section. The men got the section through the door and Bobby, Nick and Greg started down the steps. Warrick and Archie unloaded a bright orange recliner from the truck and headed down with it. Greg met them at the door, this time playing scout. Nick and Bobby jogged past them, still infected with giggles, which the other three quickly caught. The men carried the chair into records, then met Greg and the door and hurried back to the stairwell. They suddenly got silent when they heard a voice down the hall, and made a mad dash to the door. Greg grabbed it and pulled against the hydraulics.

"It won't close! It won't close!" Greg said, trying not to laugh.

It set Warrick and Archie off, but Bobby was able to still help Greg. They pulled and straightened, too inebriated to realize they were fighting a mechanical device that was closing the door when it wanted to. Finally the door was closed and the two let go, sitting on the floor. Nick and Bobby came down the steps, both carrying two very hideous side tables and even more hideous lamps.

"What's going on?" Bobby asked.

"SHHHHHH!" the three told him – although it was twice as loud as Bobby had been.

Nick was composed enough he was able to get down the last few steps and go to the window. He looked out it and suddenly ducked.

"What? Who is it?" Warrick asked with giggling grin.

"Grissom! Shhhh." Nick whispered as he tried not to laugh. "He's talking to Robbins at the end of the hall. Be quiet!"

Quiet was harder than it sounded. Drunk and already raging with the case of giggles, the men had a hard time keeping it down. And it was made worse by Nick constantly popping up and down to check on Grissom and Robbins. Finally he stood and leaned as close as he could.

"Is it clear?" Greg laughed.

Nick waited a minute, and then nodded. "I dunno!"

Bobby suddenly fell over from laughing, pressing both hands against his mouth. The other four started laughing with him. If Grissom was around, he didn't hear them because no one came to check on the noise. It took them another half hour to calm this laughing fit. They slipped into the hall and headed to Records. They made their way to the back where the furniture had been collected until they could re-gather. Between fits of laughter, they moved the filing cabinets – with a lot of scraping and 'shhh' involved, and then moved the furniture into the room.

Warrick and Bobby moved the filing cabinets back, grabbed beer from the recently deemed 'cold storage,' and joined the group. With the door closed, they started talking loud as they arranged the furniture, wrote some rules, re-arranged the furniture, drank some more, wrote some rules, re-arranged the furniture some more, wrote a few more rules, drank a lot more, then re-arranged the furniture again until Archie pointed out that it was six in the morning.

They clamored out of the room, snuck back up the stairs, and hailed a cab to go back to Greg's condo. Where they one by one exhaustion and alcohol knocked them out.

#

"Are you aware that you're sleeping in a bathtub?"

Nick opened his eyes. The figure standing before him was blurry at first, and his aching head wasn't making it any better. He blinked.

"Nick… Are you aware that you're sleeping in a bathtub?" The voice sounded familiar, but his brain was still so intoxicated it was having a hard time just telling him his hands weren't floating and his feet weren't sunk into the ceramic of the tub.

"Wha'?" Nick asked.

"Yeah. They're wasted, Grissom. I didn't get any of the other four to wake up," another familiar voice said from behind the blurry figure.

"I think I have a live one here."

"Grissom?" Nick muttered.

"Yes. Nick, are you aware that you're sleeping in a bathtub?"

Nick rubbed his eyes and tried to wet his cotton mouth. The eye rubbing worked, wetting his mouth didn't. He was able to focus on Grissom standing over him. Catherine was behind him and for a moment he thought he was dreaming. She was checking her lipstick and fixing it.

"Are these yours?" Grissom asked.

Nick focused on him, and then the keys dangling from his fingers. He recognized the University of Texas keychain.

"Yeah. Where'd you get those?"

"From the ignition in your pickup that you left parked and wide open behind the police station."

"What? I did?"

"You probably don't remember last night, do you?" Catherine asked. She turned, smiling at him.

"Not really. No."

"Chances are none of you will. I hope you didn't drive the truck over to the police station drunk."

"No."

Nick watched Grissom pocketed his truck keys.

"But… Those are mine," Nick told him.

"I'll keep them for safe keeping until tonight when you come to work."

"Tonight? What do you mean? It's not Sunday."

"Yes it is. Check your watch."

Nick did. Sure enough, 'Sun' showed on the face.

"I'm, uhm…" Nick tried to collect his thought. He looked down at himself, half expecting to be naked. He was wearing his clothes from last night, except for one missing shoe. "I'm missing a shoe."

"It's in the toilet," Catherine told him.

Nick sat up a little, looking in the toilet. Sure enough. That's where his shoe was. He looked up at Grissom as he sank back in the tub.

"I need my keys."

"No. I've confiscated keys from all of you until you get to work. It's safer that way."

"But… We won't drink. We have to work tonight."

"Yes. So you'd better not be late. See you tonight." Grissom turned and left.

Catherine smiled.

"You might want to take a shower, too. You've got something on your face."

"Okay. Thanks."

He watched them leave. He felt he should say something, but he didn't know what. Everything felt surreal. Nick slowly climbed out of the tub and staggered over to the sink. He splashed his face with water and then looked up. Written on his forehead in running lipstick, backwards, and inverted so he could read it: Work. 9pm. Don't be late.

Nick leaned over and scrubbed off the writing. Why had Catherine done that? Nick fished his shoe out of the toilet, and then stumbled down to the living room to wake his co-workers and tell them to go home. They had work tonight. There was a little confusion about the subject, but hearing Grissom and Catherine had been there to check on them convinced them to go home and sleep for their shift.

#

Warrick walked into Grissom's office and knocked on the door. "Any cases?"

Grissom paused, as if he was considering the answer. Instead he coughed a couple of times and looked up. "No. It's been a very quiet night."

"How's the head?" Mandy loudly asked as she walked by Warrick into the office.

He grimaced, watching her walked up to Grissom's death.

Very loudly she told Grissom, "Here are your fingerprints. I have another set running for comparison. Is there anything else you can do for me?"

"What?" Grissom asked. "You'll have to speak up."

Warrick closed his eyes against his hangover headache.

Louder, almost screaming, she repeated, "I said: Here are your fingerprints. I have another set running for comparison. Is there anything else you can do for me?"

"Okay. I'll let you know. Thank you Mandy."

Just as loudly she answered, "You're welcome." She turned and passed Warrick, saying, "See you around, Warrick."

He waited a moment until she was gone, then looked at Grissom.

"Why was she screaming?"

"Who?"

"Mandy."

"She wasn't screaming."

"Are you kidding?"

Grissom smiled. "No. Did you think she was screaming?"

Warrick's brow furrowed. Something odd was happening. He'd sensed it since he came in the building. The guards were talking very loud, or so it seemed. Then Gina was fiddling with a flashlight and kept flashing it in his eyes when he spoke to her, flaring his headache. He kept asking her to stop, but she acted like she didn't know what he was talking about. And now this…

"Bobby volunteered to sterilize tonight. Since you don't have anything to do, would you mind volunteering too? It really is a two man job."

"I guess. Let me know if anything comes up."

"I'll see you later," Grissom said.

Warrick left the office.

Behind him, Grissom waited until he was out of sight to let out the short laugh he'd been holding in.

#

Wendy smile when Greg walked up to her and sat down on the stool next to her.

Without energy he said, "Hey."

"Hey. You look like hell."

"I think I partied too hard. Or maybe I'm getting old. I can't tell."

"Oh."

"Need any help?"

"You want to volunteer to help me?" she asked.

"Yeah. Grissom said there's no call tonight and all the work on my cases is done."

"Well…" She frowned at him. "All I really have is filing."

"Well, what are you working on here?" he asked.

She looked at the test tubes and then him. "Well, I've been working through these DNA samples since yesterday. I really don't want the chain of custody broken."

"Yeah. I can understand that. What filing?"

She turned and pointed. He turned and stared. The counter was full of stacks of case files. He looked up at her. She was smiling sweetly.

"All of that? There has to be a few thousand files there!"

"Do you mind? You did volunteer your time."

Greg looked at the stack, then her sweet smile. He smiled back. "Not at all."

Greg got up and went to work filing the huge stack of folders.

#

Nick passed the conference room and spotted Catherine working her way around a table with stacks of paper laid out. Archie was doing the same. He came back in.

"What's going on?"

"Putting together Citizen's Police packets. Would you mind volunteering a hand? We have to put together two thousand by Monday."

Nick hesitated. "Monday?"

"Yeah."

"You mean in the morning?"

She smiled. "Yeah. What did you think I meant?"

"I feel like I'm off a day too, Nick," Archie commented.

Nick walked in, starting at the first page. "Where did my vacation go?"

"Into a bottle from what I saw this morning," Catherine teased.

"Ha. Ha."

"Catherine," Henry said from the door.

She looked up. "Yeah?"

"Can I talk to you a moment?"

"Sure. Be right back guys."

Catherine left and the two were so focused on their work, they didn't realize she didn't come back.

#

Catherine passed the smallest of the labs. She stopped and turned, staring. The room was full of tall, stainless steel autoclaves – machines that would expose items to steam at a high pressure in order to decontaminate the materials or render them sterile. It was also equipped with several vacuum sealers that would seal items in plastic. Bobby and Warrick were both dressed in sterile hospital gowns and in a system, moving equipment through the autoclaves. Items that didn't need to be sealed were stacked on catering carts so they could be moved to labs more easily.

Catherine's face contorted as she tried to keep her laughter held in. She failed when Grissom sidled up to her, watching them. Catherine covered her mouth, turning away from the room.

"How are our volunteers doing?" Grissom asked with a perfectly straight face.

"Good!" she answered.

He looked at her, smiling. "Good. Why don't you tell your volunteers to meet us in an hour?"

"Sure."

He smiled a little more when she grinned at him.

"You, Gil Grissom, have this evil side that so few people get to see. I feel honored tonight."

"Thank you."

She walked off. Grissom stepped into the steamy room and both men turned to him.

"In an hour, take a break. I thought we could see if there's anything new on The Wall."

The two stared at him.

"What?"

"Are you sure there's no ballistics I need to be processing right now?" Bobby asked.

Grissom frowned at him. "For the thirteenth time, Bobby, no. And before you ask again, Warrick, no. there are no calls or evidence I need you to work on. And thank you both for volunteering to do this."

"You kinda hinted we should, I don't think there was much volunteering," Warrick retorted.

"You can leave if you want. Course, you'll have to help Greg file if you do that."

"No. We're good," Bobby said.

"Okay. See you in an hour."

Grissom closed the door and turned, working very hard to keep from laughing until he was out of sight and earshot.

#

Warrick collapsed on the sectional next to Nick, who was nursing his paper cut hands with ointment. Beside Nick, Archie was doing the same thing. On the other end of the sectional, Greg stared at the wall, apparently mind numbed from filing for six hours. Bobby was sprawled on the square of rug that had mysteriously appeared since last night. In the corner between the couch and chair, a small, much abused, refrigerator had also mysteriously appeared, topped with an ancient microwave. Nick had discovered it worked if you slammed the door, stuck the wooden spatula inside it in the door, and smacked it on the side. It's what he'd used to heat up the hot cloth wrapped around his wrist. Against the opposite side was an old velvet loveseat with a mysterious stain in the middle of it – another mysterious appearance.

They heard people talking as they came near, and then the rest of The Wall crew entered – minus Ecklie. There was a short exchange of friendly chatter as the others settled into the room. The conversation meandered along conversations about cases, a little bit about home life, and some gossip.

Grissom, sitting next to Bobby, turned to him. "You and Warrick finished sanitizing all the lab equipment?"

"Yeah."

"Oh good!" Catherine said, smiling. "That's one less job we'll have to do tomorrow night."

Gina sat down next to Bobby's chair. "I was worried about you when I couldn't reach you. You five must have had quite a night."

Warrick smiled. Nick and Bobby both laughed.

"Where do you think the couch, recliner, and lamps came from?" Archie asked.

"I don't even know where they came from, and I was involved in it," Bobby admitted.

"So you guys were pretty trashed, I take it?" Hodges asked, smirking.

"Yeah. A little."

"You drove drunk?" Wendy asked.

"No!" they answered in unison.

"Well…" Grissom looked at Nick. "Then how'd your truck get here?"

"I left it here. Before we went to Greg's place."

"Why?"

Nick shrugged. "Sounded like a good plan at the time."

"And you intentionally left the keys in the ignition and the doors open?"

Nick frowned. "Ya know… I don't remember. I can't remember."

"You know, guys," Wendy told them. "You're not supposed to be in the building drunk. If Ecklie had caught you he would have fired you on the spot."

"Or suspended you," Hodges pointed out.

"Or written you up," Mandy added.

"Yeah, well, he didn't. Lucky for us."

"Still, it is against policy," Grissom told them.

The five didn't respond. They hadn't expected a public reprimand.

Grissom suddenly started laughing, and the other Wall Crew joined in, so the five did too. There was a rule about answering yes when you didn't know what the question – unfortunately for them there was no rule about not laughing when you didn't know what the joke was about.

"But…" Grissom started. "It worked out in the end. You came here drunk, drove drunk – I actually knew about that because a uniform followed you five all over town to here and told me about it. I should be upset, really, but I figure that I'll let you off the hook since you five gave up your last day of vacation or day off to voluntarily do work around the lab."

The five stopped laughing, even though the others started laughing harder.

"What?" was the unison question.

"Today is Sunday morning," Wendy told them. "Not Monday."

"No!" Nick argued, looking at his watch. "It's Monday!"

"No. It's not," Catherin told him. "I took the liberty of making sure any of your watches that told the day were working when Grissom and I came over to tell you five you were suspended."

"We're suspended?" Archie asked.

"No. You volunteered your day off." Grissom smiled at him.

"I didn't volunteer!" Archie argued.

"Actually…" Catherine walked up to him, smiling smugly at him. "I did ask, 'Archie, there's really nothing I can have you work on right now. Would you volunteer your time to night to put together Citizen Patrol packets?' Remember that conversation."

"You lied to me!"

"I knooooow Archie! Didn't I do a good job, too?"

"I should have known…" Warrick was stunned at how well his co-workers had just shanghaied him and his fellow drinking buddies. He shook his head. "That volunteering thing, the way people kept yelling and acting like they weren't… I should have known something was up!"

"The no cases or evidence to work on should have been my clue," Nick complained.

"I second that thought," Archie complained. "And here I thought the guy on the radio tonight was just off on days. I can't believe this! I cannot believe this. Grissom, you punk'd us! I can't believe Grissom actually punk'd us!"

"I doubt he knows what that means," Greg grumbled.

"Oh, Greg, I know more than you imagine. Just remember, while I do not condone practical jokes to the extent this crew does, that, by no means, makes me incapable of pulling one off."

"I hate everyone I work with," Greg grumbled.

"But look at all the wonderful rules you five left us in your inebriated state," Brass pointed out. "What ones we can actually read."


422. If it looks like marijuana there's a 90 chance it is, and a 10 chance it's just a smelly weed. (Nick's handwriting)


Greg laughed. "But it looked like weed!"

"It wasn't weed. I told you it wasn't weed, dork," Nick scolded him.

"Yeah, but it looked like weed. That's the key here."

"You really have no clue, do you? Are you sure you're a CSI?"

"Most of the time."

"Perhaps you have your career and your hobby confused …"


423. I will not get sidetracked at a crime scene to instigate an impromptu archeological excavation. (Nick's handwriting)


"There were bones."

Warrick smacked the back of his head. "It's a crime scene. There's supposed to be bones!"

"Not all crime scenes have bones," Grissom corrected.

"When there's a body, there's bones."

"Inside the body," Greg argued back.

"I give up!" Warrick shook his head. "This is like arguing with a wall."

"Alright, Miss Green," Henry taunted Warrick.


424. I will not introduce myself to a suspect at "Mister Rogers," "Mister Jones," "Mister Watson," or "Miss Green" – especially if I'm of the opposite sex. (Warrick's handwriting)


"Aw! The guy was drunk, stoned, and zooming on uppers. He woulda believed me if I said I was the Easter Bunny."

"So then why did you add it?" Catherine asked.

Warrick looked at the rule, then her. "Cuz, uhm… I was drunk?"

She nodded. "And now the CSI looks a lot like the suspect. Interesting."

"You arrested someone for that?" David asked Nick.


425. I am not allowed to arrest someone for "looking like they just robbed a candy store." (Nick's handwriting)


Nick plastered a wide grin on his face, looking at someone behind David. Everyone turned, staring at Brass. He smiled.

"Heeeey. What can I say? The guy was grinning like an idiot, he looked like he was doing something wrong, I went with a hunch. I was wrong."

"Brass just admitted he's wrong," Archie told Nick.

Nick looked at Warrick. "Hey, Warrick, Brass just admitted he made a mistake."

"Okay. Alright." Brass told them.

Warrick looked at Greg, "Greg, did you know that Brass—"

"Got it!" Brass told them. "Thank you for clearing that up, boys."

"I'm a man!" Archie retorted.

"That remains to be seen," Mandy jabbed.

"You aren't."

She cupped her breasts, perking them up. "I'm reminded of that daily, thank you very much."

Catherine laughed, smacking Mandy's hands down. "MANDY!"

"Hey look, Grissom, we actually listened to Ecklie. Sort of," Greg told him.


426. The paparazzi can only be arrested if they actually break the law. (Greg's handwriting)


"Only because she stalked me for the next two months for it," Greg muttered.

Warrick and Nick laughed.

"You can't arrest people, Greg," Ecklie told him.

"She didn't know that… Well… Not until I brought her in and the booking officer said the same thing. In front of her. I thought that was kinda rude, actually. I mean, I am a fellow officer and all."

"You are not a fellow officer."

"I'm close to a fellow officer."

"You're not even close!"

"I'm a distant cousin three times removed to a fellow officer?"

"You're trying my patience is what you are."

"Yeah, well, Bobby lets his sheep drive around town."


427. Inflatable sheep must not be seen driving LVPD vehicles. (Bobby's handwriting)


Bobby and Gina both started laughing.

"Care to share?" Catherine asked them.

"You really want us to?" Gina asked back.

"Is it that bad?

"Might be."

"I don't even want to know then." Catherine quickly changed the subject.


428. I will not taunt my co-workers on a diet with pancakes or bagels. (Bobby's handwriting)


"Who made you think of that one?" Wendy asked.

Bobby pointed at Gina. "And then I had to eat my Brussels sprouts without complaining."

Gina smiled up at him. "Oh poor Bobby."

"I see, Greg and Nick, you've finally listened to my complaints," Grissom said.


429. We do not refer to the trip to a long distant crime scenes as "Road trip!" (Nick's handwriting)


"I was drunk. That rule doesn't count," Nick retorted.

"Oh, but it does. Unless you can erase it before one of the rest of us sees it, it sticks, Nicky."

"But… We didn't mean it. He didn't mean it." Greg argued.

Grissom smiled at him. "That is a shame.


430. Experiment pigs are not to be laid out on the lab tables with apples in their mouths, wearing fake grass skirts, and adorned with flower leis. (Bobby's handwriting)


"Bobby!" Mandy said.

He looked up. Grissom was watching him with a stern expression.

"What?"

"So you're the culprit?" he asked.

Bobby looked at the rule, then Grissom. "No."

"Then why did you write it?"

Bobby stared at him so long that Grissom couldn't help but smile. "Do you even remember writing the rule, Bobby?"

"No."

"Do you recall doing that?"

"No. I recall Henry and Hodges doing it."

Grissom turned his head. Hodges was staring at the floor, pulling a string he'd found somewhere. Henry was staring at the wall, acting like he didn't notice.

"Henry? Hodges?"

"Yes?" they asked in unison.

Grissom waited for a response other than that, but it never came.

"The pig, men. Was that your doing?"

"What pig?" Henry asked.

"Yeah. What pig are we talking about?"

Nick snickered. Grissom looked at him. With his face beet red, Grissom could tell he knew more about this prank than either Henry or Hodges.

"You put the pig in there like that, Nick?"

"What pig?"

Catherine shook her head. "Face it, Grissom; these guys are going to hell for all the crap they put us through."

"Mom, Dad, I'm too cute to go to hell," Nick said.

"We are not to be referred to as Mom and Dad, Nick. That's a very old, long standing, rule."

"Right… Mom… Dad…"

Grissom shook his head. "And Warrick will be joining you three."


431. I will not advise rookies that chewing menthol rub versus putting it under their nose works best against the smell of decay. (Warrick's handwriting)


"Hey, if the rookie is stupid enough to believe me, I can't be blamed for that. I mean, really, he should have had enough common sense not to eat it! What was he? Like five or something?"

"That kid was so sick after that," Hodges laughed. "I thought he was going to kill you, Warrick."

"Again, I cannot be blamed for someone being just stupid."

"And that's my excuse for the next one. Those volunteers shoulda known better."


432. We do not tell volunteers to "just give that arm a good yank" when trying to get a week old corpse from a tree or other overhead location. (Nick's handwriting)


"Why would civilians who don't know what happens to a corpse, left in the heat, in a tree, know better… Exactly?" Wendy asked.

"Watch the discovery channel?" Nick asked back.

"Read a book," Greg added.

"Ask us instead of believing us," Warrick threw in.

"It's a wonder we even have volunteers with you three!" Wendy scolded. Any seriousness it was meant to have was lost with her smile. "You and Nick acting like he's Billy the Kid!"


433. My name is not Wyatt Earp. I cannot outdraw anyone. (Nick's handwriting)


"Billy was the bad guy. Wyatt was the good guy. Don't be grouping me with bad guys!" Nick retorted. "I'm a good 'ol boy."

They all laughed at his hugely exaggerated comeback.

"What? I am!"

"And I'm Hugh Hefner, complete with five suicide blonde wives," Warrick told him.

"I thought you were Warrick Brown, divorcee?"

Warrick shot him a dark look. "Ya wanna fight about it?"

"Yeah!"

"Alright! We'll fight about it!"

Silence.

And the two friends started laughing.

"That requires moving and that's just too much work now. Raincheck?"

"Sure. Maybe we'll fight about it tomorrow or something."

"You two have been hanging around each other way too long," Henry told them.

"You should see us drunk."

"I did."

"Oh yeah… You should see us drunk with guns in the desert."

"I don't think I want to."

"I don't think I want to know about it," Grissom told them.

"But—"

"Greg are you superstitious?" Catherine asked, derailing the conversation before the two had a chance to make Grissom found out more about them than he needed to.


434. Religious ceremonies will not be held for the death of bacteria, arachnids, or black matter. (Greg's handwriting)


"Yeah. Why?"

"Greg… Why do you have to find and interesting ways to demonstrate reasons why I have to keep a close eye on you?" Grissom asked him.

Greg looked at the ceiling. Thinking about that.

"Like that? You didn't really do that, did you?" Grissom asked.


435. The centrifuge is not to be used to make old fashioned picture movies. (Greg's handwriting)


Greg looked from the rule to Grissom. "I cannot tell a lie. Henry did it. Or Mandy. Can't remember which."

"WHAT!?" both cried.

Greg looked at them. "It wasn't me!"

"It was so your idea."

"It was my idea, yeah, but I didn't say we should actually do it."

"You said, and I quote, 'you know that old movie thing with the running horse pictures in a circle, and you spin it, and it looks like the horse runs? We should do that with the centrifuge sometime,'" Henry told him.

"Yeah, but I didn't say we should actually do it. I was merely suggesting.'

"That was no suggestion, Gregory," Mandy argued.

"Did I make you two do it?"

They didn't answer.

"Did I blackmail ya into doing it?"

No answer.

"So then it wasn't my fault Lawrence caught you doing it, was it?"

"Day shift supervisor Lawrence?" Nick asked. "Easy going, never gets mad about anything, Lawrence?"

"Yeah."

"He got mad?"

"Not really," Grissom said. "He told me he suggested that they don't do it again, in case a supervisor that cares caught them."


436. The old slide projector is not to be used as a revenge tool. (Archie's handwriting)


"Is that how you found out about the slide projector?" Archie asked.

Grissom laughed. "No, Archie. That I saw myself."

"You didn't have to take my iPod away for it."

"Again, iPod or suspension… Your choice."

"I want my iPod back," Archie told him with a pouty lip stuck out.

"In a week."

"A week?" Warrick looked at him. "How long ago was that?"

"Three weeks ago."

"You lost your iPod for a month?"

"Yes!"

"Wow. That's real cruel, Grissom."

Grissom only laughed, shaking his head. "You men have a strange concept of cruel."

"I think our concept of cruel is in line with our overall mentality level," Bobby told him.

"Speak for yourself!" Hodges told him.

Bobby smiled up Hodges. "Say, Grissom, who did rule four hundred and thirty-seven?"


437. Replacing the CSI trainer's transparencies with porno transparencies will result in retraining. (Bobby's handwriting)


Grissom looked up at Hodges, openly surprised. "That was you?"

"That was you?" echoed around the room.

Hodges shrugged his shoulders, trying to look innocent. "I have no idea what that rule is talking about."

"You switched Darcie's transparencies? You?" Greg asked.

"I don't know what we're talking about."

Nick laughed hard, his head falling back against the couch. "I think I've left my normal dimension and entered the Twilight Zone here! First we're punk'd by Grissom and now Hodges is pulling pranks with porno! This is a great night, even if I was tricked out of my last day of freedom!"

"Hey! I'm capable of pranks!" Hodges told him.

Nick looked at him. "You, Hodges, have very rare moments of cool, but when they hit, they are pretty damned intense! Kinda like a supernova."

Hodges blinked. He looked at Wendy. "Was that a compliment?"

"Yeah, Hodges, that was a compliment."

Before he could drown everyone in his Academy Award winning thank you speech, Grissom told them, "There is a light at the end of the tunnel!"


438. Drawing crime scene 'game plans' on the glass walls is forbidden. (Nick's handwriting)


"Ya now, Grissom, those game plans are really beneficial. We should use them."

"Not all of us get football diagrams," Mandy got. "Especially those of us that think the sport is for pansies."

"It is not for pansies!"

"It's for pansies!"

"I am not a pansy!"

"You are if you play football with all that stupid padding. Now, if you're a real man, and you play it without the padding, and you get concussions and still keep playing, then you're not a pansy. Like soccer players. Now those are real men."

"I like soccer players too. They sure can bend it," Wendy commented.

"Bet you couldn't get a football player to bend it like that."

"I wouldn't want a football player to bend it like a soccer player!" Nick shot back. "Then they'd be kicking the ball instead of carrying it or tossing it."

"Not that I know much about the sport, or anything," Hodges began, "But—"

"Something you're not a fan of?" Greg gasped.

Henry and Grissom laughed at the inside joke.

Hodges ignored him, continuing his question, "But don't most football games start off with the guys kicking the ball?"

"Yeah? So?"

"You just said you wouldn't want to see them kicking the ball."

"Shut up Hodges!"

"It's okay, Hodges," Mandy said, putting her arm around him, "Nick's just a little sore from all his paper cuts and drinking. He'll be your buddy tomorrow."

"Football is not for pansies."

"And he gets over being insulted about football?" Hodges asked.

"Probably," Catherine answered, smiling when Nick looked up. "And you had better not prank these two for that."

Nick just grinned, nudging Warrick. "We'll plan our attack."

"How?"

"In secret."

"We can't. I apparently was drunk enough I stupidly added secret plans of attack to the list…"


439. I will not use the baking powder in the refrigerator to write secret messages in the locker room. (Warrick's handwriting)


"WARRICK! How could you!?"

"I was drunk. Everything sounded good at the time. Tofu sounded good at the time."

"Tofu?" David asked.

"Yeah," Greg answered. "We apparently bought tofu sometime last night. I have a dozen or so packages in my refrigerator. I hate tofu… Now that I'm sober."

"I'll take it if you don't want it. My wife and I love it."

"Your wife is an underwear model. She has to love stuff like that," Warrick shot back.

"That's not true."

"Which part?" Wendy asked. "The tofu or the model part?"

"The tofu. She's learning how to cook Japanese and Vietnamese dishes and apparently there's a lot of tofu in them."

"She has you so buffaloed," Henry told him with a smile.

"How so?"

"I cook Japanese and Vietnamese, and there's not that many dishes with tofu. It can be added or replace things, but Jason and I just don't like it. Feels funny in the mouth."

Grissom was the only person that didn't ask, "You cook?"

"My parents insisted I started cooking when I was six to keep me off junk food. That never made sense until I had to raise Jason. But I get it now. If he knows how to cook, he will stay away from junk food. I even wrote a paper about it last semester. And—"

Laying her hand on his shoulder, Mandy quietly told him, "We got it back at the 'My parents…' part. You can stop now."

"You should try his eggs Benedict. He makes an amazing hollandaise sauce," Grissom told them.

Another shock bomb silenced the group.

"You two… You cook together often?" Warrick asked.

"One Saturday a month. He makes lunch, we watch movies, and then Jason and I make supper."

Someone dropping the pen made a loud clatter.

"You are an amazing supervisor Grissom," Hodges told him, "With many strange and peculiar facets to you."

"Thank. I think."

"So since we can't write messages, is that why you added the decipher bit?" Warrick asked Nick.


440. I will not use my co-worker's grape juice to decode the secret messages written in the locker room. (Nick's handwriting)


"I was drunk. It could be."

"Is that the excuse you're going to use for anything that happened last night?" Catherine asked the five.

In unison, they answered, "Yes."

"It makes sense," Bobby told her. "We were drunk; we can't remember shit, why not?"

"Need we reiterate how lucky you were that Ecklie didn't catch you and we did?" Catherine asked.

"Lucky is a subjective opinion," Archie told her. "And while Grissom made the point quite well up there, we don't feel so lucky."


441. Drunk co-workers who visit work off the clock will be subjected to cruel and unusual punishments. (Grissom's handwriting)


Grissom stood up, smiling at them. "Perhaps in your next drunken stupor, you'll remember where not to go."

"There won't be another drunken stupor. Not for a long, long, long time," Greg told him.

"Well, at least a year. When we need to change the furniture out," Warrick added.

"Yeah. Maybe in a year. We'll just have to suffer the punishment."

Grissom shook his head. "There's never a dull moment at my job. I have to go back to work. Thank you for your volunteering your help tonight, men." He dug their keys out of his pockets and sat them on the table. "Be safe tonight. Don't do anything I'll regret tomorrow."

"We'll attempt to behave. That's asking a lot," Nick told him.

Grissom left them still chuckling. The five watched and waved as the others left them. They sat in silence for several minutes.

"We need a radio in here. Or something."

Archie smiled. "Well, Nick's truck is here. Let's go see what kind of a radio we can build in the next six hours."

The five jumped up and headed back to the streets to part together a radio for The Wall.