First Arthur had trouble making out what was happening. It wasn't a conversation like he had thought it would be, not even a fight. He heard some small sounds that didn't make any sense, but soon they became rhythmical. Merlin's bed creaked and Arthur heard someone whimper and pant. There was no mistake on these sounds. As much as Arthur tried to find any other explanation to them, he couldn't. "You useless whore, what have you done to my household? Do you find it funny to make your poor mother suffer?" Arthur heard his father's voice. His words filled with so much hate Arthur had never heard anything like that. He dropped to the floor and breathed hard. This wasn't real. This couldn't be real…

"I'm sorry…" Arthur heard Merlin say in a desperate voice. That voice made Arthur want to yell. It was so desperate… it hurt to hear Merlin like that but he was paralysed. He couldn't move a muscle and his voice was gone. He wanted to cover his ears but he couldn't do that either. He could just listen when his father had sex with the boy he loved and taunted him while doing it. Arthur had no way of knowing who was on top but he automatically thought that his father was doing Merlin.

"You dirty whore…" Arthur heard his father say and he had no idea why. What had happened? "I have seen you get out of those yourself, so do it this time also." Arthur had no idea what that meant either. He sat on the floor of Merlin's closet petrified. He wanted to scream. He wanted to hit something and cry at the same time but he couldn't.

"Kiss me." Arthur felt his blood turn cold with those words. It had been almost too quiet for him to hear but the words made him feel more betrayed than anything else. Maybe because it was the only thing he could comprehend. "No, I don't want to." Merlin's words lit some kind of hope in his heart but then he heard a dull sound. He didn't even want to guess what that had been but he understood it had hurt Merlin.

Arthur heard footsteps and the door lock open. His father must have exited the room. He waited for a while unable to move. Somehow a sound came from behind him and he didn't even recognise it at first. Then it hit him, his door had been closed. Arthur stumbled up and into his own room, but he was relieved to find it empty. His father had just closed the door when he had passed by.

After few deep breaths, Arthur still felt fragile so he sat down. Right in the middle of his floor. For a while breathing was the only thing he could concentrate on, but soon the reality hit him hard, like a wave. Just few hours ago Uther had talked with Hunith and Arthur like.. like he normally did and now... was this what he had normally done afterwards? Had he spoken normally to Arthur while he had… to Merlin. Arthur felt sick.

This was not the first time for Merlin, Arthur was sure of it. His door had been locked many times and what about those times Arthur hadn't happen to try to enter his room? Arthur shivered. Merlin was… Merlin had, with his father...

Arthur felt that he had been too naive. He felt tears built into his eyes and his heart break. He had been wanting to kiss and to touch Merlin but Merlin had already done that with his father, and at the same time. It was just few days ago when he had dared to sleep in a same bed than Merlin and now he found out that he had already had sex… in the very next room while Arthur had been home even.

It hurt.

But Merlin had never liked physical contact… That's why Arthur had been so careful. So why…? What had happened? From the sounds he had heard, his first impression was that Merlin hadn't enjoyed himself but he couldn't be sure and the hurt was rapidly turning into insecurity and doubt. He had to talk to Merlin.

The thought scared Arthur more than anything he had ever done in his life. He would have to collect the pieces of his heart and lay it open for another blow. Compared to this, his want to kiss Merlin with tongue and push him to his bed seemed like small things and Arthur felt angry and regretful deep down even if in the surface he wanted to give Merlin a chance.

Arthur sat on the floor for a while trying to collect himself but after thinking through what he could, he realised the most important thing. He loved Merlin. He couldn't help it even now even if he seriously wanted to. What ever happened, he had to hear Merlin's version first. And he had to hear it now.

Arthur stood up and went to his closet again. He wasn't sure why, but he just felt that he didn't want to see his father in the corridor by change. He closed the door behind him and made his way to the door in darkness. He opened the door and stepped to Merlin's closet.

Now he only had to open the door between Merlin's closet and his room. Arthur faltered for a moment. Somehow opening this door seemed like the hardest thing he had ever done. It was painfully symbolic in a way. He was questioning everything he knew, for Merlin. For a moment he wavered in between his loyalty to his father, his own fear and his love for Merlin, but in the end the decision was easy. He had to go to Merlin. Even if Merlin shot him down, hated him, was disgusted with him, or even laughed at him for being so naive, he had to go to Merlin. He opened the door with one clear movement.

The door didn't make any sound when it opened and Arthur saw Merlin immediately. Sitting on the bathroom floor scrubbing his skin in a way that seemed more like he tried to get rid of his skin than anything else. The first thought in Arthur's head was a word 'rape'. There was no way that Merlin had wanted this.

Merlin looked so thin, Arthur could see all of his ribs from his back. He was so small and he was desperately scrubbing everything that had happened from his skin. Arthur also noted some blue and purple marks on Merlin side and on his neck and he was reminded of the dull sound he had heard after… after Merlin had refused to kiss his father. Like Merlin had promised. He would only kiss Arthur.

Arthur felt his heart break once more in a very different way he had prepared himself. He hadn't wanted this. He had hated the idea of Merlin being with somebody else or kissing anyone else but he never had wanted Merlin to get hit for it, or raped… He felt pressure between his eyes. This was too much. He slowly stepped closer and stopped only to the bathroom door. Merlin didn't notice him. He was still scrubbing the same spot he had scrubbed the whole time Arthur had been in the room.

"Oh, Merlin…" Arthur said his voice surprisingly strong, but sad. Merlin turned his neck so fast Arthur could hear it make a snapping sound. "Arthur! You- no, don't look!" Merlin tried to escape to the corner of the shower clearly distressed but Arthur couldn't care less that Merlin was naked. He stepped to Merlin's bathroom. Merlin was now making himself as small as he could in the corner of his shower. Arthur noted somewhere in the back of his mind that Merlin must be uncomfortable with him naked and Arthur fully clothed so he took a towel on his way and spread it. He hugged Merlin with the towel not minding at all that he got soaked by the shower.

At first Merlin froze but he slowly relaxed in Arthur's embrace. Arthur felt tears in his eyes and he was glad that the overly warm shower hid them. "I'm so sorry for not noticing before…" He said to Merlin through the water.

Merlin didn't seem to understand at first but then he started to struggle. "No-NO! Get away! You can't…" Merlin wasn't the most coherent right now but Arthur only wanted to get him to calm down. Merlin tried to squirm away while Arthur held him still. The towel was wet and heavy and Merlin was in a corner so it should have been easy, but Arthur tried his best to not hurt Merlin. He remained firm but he didn't squeeze or press. Merlin looked and felt so fragile, still his struggles were surprisingly strong.

Eventually Merlin stilled and Arthur felt his sobs against his shoulder. Merlin was crying and he himself was close to tears again. "I never… I never wanted you to find out… I'm sorry, I'm sorry I…" Arthur held Merlin closer to his body. No… Merlin had nothing to be sorry for. He hadn't wanted this, right? Arthur had felt horrible a while ago but he wasn't the victim here. Merlin was, and he needed everything Arthur could give to him. He swallowed back his own tears and rocked Merlin back and forth. Arthur was soaking wet and the shower started to feel too hot.

It was impossible to talk like this, so eventually Arthur let go of Merlin with his other hand and turned off the water. Merlin was looking at the floor and he was hugging his knees under the towel. 'He seems so small…' Arthur thought. "We need to talk…" Arthur said to Merlin and Merlin nodded and looked like he was about to start crying again. Arthur wanted to tell somehow that everything was alright, that he was going to be there for Merlin but he had nothing else so he kissed Merlin gently on his cheek.

Merlin didn't react at first but then he slowly brought his hand to his cheek and rose his eyes to look Arthur, confusion written all over his face. Like he couldn't comprehend what had just happened. Arthur tried to smile at him and he rose to take a new towel for Merlin. There was no another one so Arthur had to walk back to the closet. He found a new towel and while he was at it, he took one set of pyjama and even one pair of boxers. He blushed a little at that but told himself he was being silly. A pair of boxers shouldn't even make to the list of his concerns right now. He put all of them on the small counter Merlin had next to his sink moving a big water glass from their way. Merlin was still wrapped inside of the wet towel and his eyes were cast down. "I'll go to change… please wait for me." Arthur didn't think Merlin could actually go anywhere but he still pleaded him to stay. He just hoped Merlin would talk to him.

On his way Arthur tripped water all over the place. He hoped no-one would notice the river he was making in between his and Merlin's rooms. He took the first clothes he saw on his way and headed straight to his bathroom. He took the wet clothes off and wiped himself dry with a towel. His skin felt weird after showering with clothes on but he just wanted to go to Merlin.

When he was ready, he returned to Merlin's room. He didn't want to take any chances so he locked the doors connecting the closets as he went. Merlin wasn't in the bathroom anymore. Arthur had to walk to the room to see Merlin sitting on his couch. In an oversized pyjama hugging his blanket. Unknown to Arthur Merlin was currently hating himself for not locking the connecting door. When Arthur had left through it Merlin had realised how he had gotten in. It was only hours since he had thought of telling someone, but not Arthur! Never to Arthur.

Arthur made his way to sit next to Merlin. Merlin didn't move and he was looking straight ahead not even blinking. Arthur had so many questions, he didn't know where to start. He was sitting next to a boy he loved and he didn't know how to ask him anything. Still he wanted- no, he had to know everything. It all felt so surreal and Arthur was quite sure that the reality would hit him again from another ankle at any given moment but right now he just had to stay strong for Merlin. He tried to find his words, but his thoughts were so all over the place that he couldn't grasp any of them. He needed something to help to keep him focused.

"Can I touch you?" He finally asked. Merlin snapped his head towards him and back again. He closed his eyes and nodded once. Arthur didn't really get Merlin's reaction but he reached to take Merlin's hands to his. Merlin's hands were cold so Arthur took them in between his own and tried to warm them.

Merlin slowly opened his eyes and looked surprised and confused. Arthur didn't understand his reaction at first but then it suddenly hit him "I-I didn't mean it…like that!" he tried to explain blushing at the same time. Merlin also blushed and Arthur felt it hard to comprehend how calm Merlin had been when he had given him a permission to touch him while thinking Arthur had meant… Arthur didn't want to guess what Merlin had thought he had wanted.

When most of his blush had died down, Arthur felt better, more focused. Merlin's hands worked like an anchor to him and he could finally speak. "How long?" It wasn't a real sentence but Arthur knew Merlin understood. Still it took a lot of time for Merlin to answer. Arthur almost gave up the hope of Merlin opening his mouth at all. "It depends…" He finally said. Arthur squeezed his hands and Merlin flinched. Arthur loosened his grip and Merlin looked like he would faint soon. "It depends on… how you look at it. If-if you want to know when…" Merlin's voice gave in and Arthur stroke his hands in a calming motion. He wanted to hug Merlin but he didn't dare to.

Arthur was afraid of the details so he tried to be vague "How long, from the start…?" This wasn't much clearer but he couldn't do more. "Since autumn when I was fourteen..." Merlin's answer didn't leave room for questions. His voice was hoarse and his lower lip was trembling a little. Arthur's heart sank. Since Merlin had been fourteen… That was before their parents got married. All that time and he had never noticed anything. It felt like something was clawing his insides. "How-how often… I mean, is it often or…?" His voice was wavering but he had to know… Merlin just shrugged. Arthur wasn't satisfied with that and he made a frustrated sound so Merlin continued "It depends. Sometimes it's more often…" Merlin's answers were as vague as his questions but he had to live with that. Neither of them were ready to speak about this in full sentences. He was just glad that Merlin was talking to him.

"I-I deserve it… I-I'm dirty…he-he says..." Merlin's words didn't make any sense to Arthur but they made him feel horrible "I just didn't want you to know… I- I'm so sorry." Merlin's breathing changed to quick passed gulping of air and he broke down in the last 'sorry'. He kept babbling some incoherent words and the more Arthur listened to them the more he felt that Merlin was repeating his father's words just in different order. It was only so much Arthur could take before he had to take Merlin in his arms and rock him back and forth "Shhh… it's alright…" He said even though he had no idea what was happening himself. It was slowly sinking in that the man he had heard had really been his father. His father who had always hated gays among many other groups of people. His father who had always been strict, but never… just never like that for Arthur. Merlin continued to apology to him and tell how there was something wrong with him. It broke Arthur's heart to listen to it and he had no idea how to make it all better.

How could something like this happen? How did things like these start? When had his father changed, or had he always been like that? Arthur could remember Morgana shout very harsh things to their father and he wondered if she had seen that side in him. But what left Arthur feeling the most disgusted was that now that he had heard and seen what he had, it didn't feel impossible or far-fetched at all. He could… see this all fit.

He had to know more so he started from the beginning of his questions. "Did you… do you want it?" He felt sick asking this question and Merlin's reaction left no doubt in him. Merlin pushed Arthur away and looked at him with more anger than Arthur had even imagined Merlin could show. His voice was more like hissing than actual speaking "Never!" Merlin wrapped his arms around himself and he breathed hard. Arthur tried to embraced him once again but Merlin moved away from him. "I'm sorry… " Arthur said when he didn't know what else to do. Merlin gradually relaxed again but Arthur still didn't dare to move. He felt horrible for asking such a thing after what he had heard and seen. How could he have been so stupid?!

Arthur swallowed thickly. Merlin was still hugging himself his back hunched like he was trying to hold himself together. Arthur found it hard to breath and a horrible thought hit him. 'What if I'm also hurting him? Like my father…' What if he was part of the problem? How was he any different to his father? Arthur remembered the morning when he had almost pulled Merlin to bed with him. He shuddered. His next question was probably the hardest he would ever ask in his entire life.

"Did I also… Did you hate it… with me?" His voice was shaking and he felt a lump in his throat. His blood hummed in his ears and he feared the response. Merlin looked at him looking ashamed but calmer somehow. Like there was this one thing he was absolutely sure of so he had no trouble saying it. "No." He said with a gentle tone.

Arthur let go of the breath he had been holding. In this confusion of hurt and shame he felt relieve dance in his heart. He wanted to know more. He again took a hold of Merlin's hands and he was happy that Merlin didn't take them away. Merlin didn't look at him anymore so Arthur tried to lean forward so he could see Merlin's face better but Merlin kept turning his face away. "Merlin, please, tell me…" There was hope in Arthur's heart and he waited patiently until Merlin turned his eyes on him.

It was that moment Arthur knew. He could see it in Merlin's eyes and he knew that Merlin could see it in his. But it still needed to be said out loud so Merlin opened his mouth. "It's because I-I… " Merlin breathed in deeply, his voice cracking and Arthur saw tears in his eyes. "I love you…" Merlin's shoulders hunched and he squeezed Arthur's hands like he feared that if he let go, Arthur would disappear.

Arthur kept his hands still even though Merlin's nails dug into his skin a bit painfully. He breathed in once again forgotten breath and his heart beat with a feeling he had never really dared to wish. But when he opened his mouth to tell that, Merlin quickly put his hand on his mouth silencing Arthur. "Don't… say it." Merlin wasn't looking at Arthur anymore, in fact he had closed his eyes tightly and he hung his neck his damp short hair shadowing his forehead.

Merlin let his hand fall slowly from Arthur's lips and Arthur could tell that Merlin thought that he would just do as he had been told to. "Merlin, I love you too." There was no way he would have done anything else. For a second he was just happy that he could say these words. They felt foreign because he had never said it like this, out loud. But Merlin's reaction was something he had not been prepared to.

Merlin froze and trembled. His voice shaking he shook his head forcefully and seemed to say more to himself that to Arthur "No… you can't…" He tried to pull his hands away again but Arthur didn't let him. Merlin looked at him with desperation "It's not safe! I- this is my fault. I-" Merlin didn't have to continue, Arthur knew exactly what he meant "No! No it's not. How could something like that be your fault? I love you. I have loved you for a long time now…" Merlin didn't seem convinced so Arthur continued "You remember? All the kisses should be for the one you love?" Merlin nodded hesitantly looking like he had no idea what that had to do with anything and Arthur continued "I meant it. I was in love with you before that. I wouldn't have kissed you otherwise."

Merlin's eyes made movement back and forth. He looked like he would soon start to ramble some nonsense again so Arthur added "There is nothing to be afraid of. I can take care of myself, I will take care of you. I love you, I want you, I-I want to keep you to myself." This was all he had. His feelings that he had guarded so carefully.

Merlin looked at Arthur's eyes and saw nothing but sincerity. Arthur took Merlin to his arms and now Merlin let him even if his body language still screamed unsure, he pressed his cheek to Arthur's shoulder. It fit there so well. Arthur held him tenderly and Merlin gradually melted. He breathed in Arthur's scent and Arthur brought his hand to stroke Merlin's hair. It was bliss. Merlin buried his face further into Arthur's shoulder against his better judgement "I- I just wanted my first kiss to be you…" Merlin wanted to explain. He was now holding onto Arthur like he was the only thing keeping him from drowning. "I didn't think you would…" Merlin didn't know how to continue, he wasn't actually even sure what he had wanted to explain.

Arthur hugged him tightly "It doesn't matter anymore. I'm just happy that you asked, I would never have dared." Merlin pressed himself to Arthur desperately. He was so relieved. Arthur didn't hate him. He didn't find him disgusting…

But the reality made itself known to Merlin soon. He was soiled by Arthur's father. He would just continue to disappoint Arthur. Also, whatever Arthur had said, this was highly dangerous for him. Merlin couldn't risk Uther ever finding out about this.

"It will end now, I promise." Arthur voiced exactly the same words Merlin was about to tell him, so Arthur's words didn't make any sense to Merlin at first. Then he understood. "No!" He again pushed himself free from Arthur's embrace. "You can't do anything! There is nothing to do, you will just get yourself hurt!"

Arthur watched Merlin panic and he understood more and more of Merlin's reactions to things. How he had frozen when Arthur had touched him or how he had been afraid when Arthur had taken things further. Merlin had thought he would force Arthur into something he didn't want. Or that Arthur would do the same thing to Merlin that Uther had. Or that the same thing that had happened to him, would happen to Arthur. It hurt Arthur that he hadn't realised this sooner and had continued to make Merlin uncomfortable with his actions. All while Merlin had tried his best to protect him while silently asking for help. Arthur just had never understood.

"There must be something! I can't let that happen to you again!" Arthur was desperate now. He wanted to help Merlin so much… He didn't want to think of the things his father had done to Merlin and he couldn't let them continue. He wanted to keep Merlin for himself and not let anyone else have him. He again felt fear that maybe Merlin had wanted it somehow but he kept Merlin's response in his mind and he told himself it wasn't possible. He thought about thin Merlin scrubbing himself in the shower and he shivered. Merlin hadn't wanted any of this. Arthur tried to push his selfish thoughts away. That aside that he himself wanted to keep Merlin for himself, Merlin had been taken without him wanting it. And since they had been fourteen… Arthur was sure he couldn't handle that kind of a thing himself even today. He noticed that his hands were trembling, no… his whole body was.

"There is nothing! He would just call me a liar and everyone would find out what I have done, everything would just get worse…" Merlin seemed like even thinking about it made him grumble from inside Arthur noticed that Merlin was talking like he was the one to blame in all this mess and that made Arthur more angry at his father and more depressed of the situation in whole.

"But surely what he has done to you-" Arthur was starting to find strong hate for his father. He had been mad at him for weeks now, but this was something entirely different. Merlin interrupted him "Can never be proved."

"But your bruises…?" Merlin flinched at the mention of them "Could have come from anything." Of course Arthur had seen them… "I heard you, you didn't kiss him…" Merlin didn't look at him but nodded "I promised to you didn't I?" He said in a quiet voice. Arthur felt pride and guilt at the same time. "And he hit you for that?" Merlin nodded looking ashamed. Arthur saw red at the thought of his father hitting Merlin for not letting him kiss him. The whole thought was revolting and Arthur felt sick at the thought. If his father even tried to do that to him… Arthur was not violent at all by nature, but he sure as hell would hit back.

Arthur covered his eyes with his hand and rubbed them in frustration. And he himself. He had made Merlin make a promise like that and that had lead to those bruises… "I should never made you promise…" Merlin touched his cheek hesitantly and then more certainly and finally he gently removed Arthur's hand so he could see his eyes.

"No… I'm glad you did. It gave me will to fight. Uther didn't have that one…" Arthur realised what this confession held in it. "What has he done to you?" Merlin flinched and looked down. "Does it matter…" he said in a quiet voice. "It matters, please, I have to know." Merlin's lip trembled and his expression changed. His face twisted and his reply was full of bitterness. "What is there to know? He has done everything! I'm dirty, and you shouldn't touch me… "

Arthur just held him even tighter. "Merlin, you are not dirty… Please! Understand that much." Arthur felt sick on thinking how his father had done that to Merlin and made Merlin think that he was the dirty one. Arthur could no longer call that man his father. He felt angry. He felt the need to protect Merlin. He felt powerless and weak. But Merlin was in his arms and that was all that mattered right now. He would figure something out. There had to be proof somewhere. And the most important of all, Arthur wouldn't let Uther touch Merlin ever again.

Now Arthur would have to concentrate. First of all, he had to get Merlin out of this room. He glanced at the bed and suddenly it was clear why Merlin didn't sleep in it. He shuddered. He himself never wanted to see that bed again. "Will he come back, tonight?" Arthur finally asked. Merlin shook his head against his shoulder but remained quiet. "Then come to my room. You will be safe there." Merlin was still for a few seconds and then he nodded. He didn't want to be left alone in his room after all this and he couldn't let Arthur stay here either. Just for a while he wanted to pretend so he let Arthur pick his blanket up and take his hand and lead him to Arthur's room through the closet. Merlin took one of his beers on the way and Arthur didn't protest.

Merlin headed straight to Arthur's couch while opening the can with a snap and drank. Arthur sat next to him and watched. He still wasn't used to the idea of Merlin drinking, but he could see that Merlin was drinking the exact same way he had drank his wine in Arthur's car. Not for the taste but for the desperate need of it. Arthur felt horrible. Merlin had had enough then. He would have wanted to go to some park and drown his agony. He had done so in Arthur's car and even though Merlin had been right next to him, Arthur hadn't understood.

"Do you want one?" Merlin asked. Arthur shook his head. He didn't need distractions. He wanted to feel and see and think. In his mind he saw memories of Merlin acting weirdly or sad or quiet and all the things he had just brushed off as Merlin's character or mood swings… Why had he been so stupid?!

Merlin saw Arthur's distress but he had no energy to do anything about it. He wasn't actually even sure what of the many possibilities had caused it. Merlin was so frustrated with himself. When Arthur had told him he loved Merlin… Merlin had been so happy it had been almost painful and it had turned painful soon after. He felt like he had let Arthur down. He should have been able to prevent Arthur confessing something that would put him on the harms way. What if Arthur said it again and Uther heard? That would be the end of everything, and for what?

There were so many problems and reasons this would never last. Arthur could get fed up with Merlin and he could be crushed under the pressure of his problems. And what was this anyway? They could never date. Not really. And Merlin had ruined Arthur's relationship with his father for sure now. And even if Arthur could by some miracle be alright with that and if he for some reason would want to call Merlin his boyfriend, Uther would still come to Merlin's room and Merlin would have to lift his ass up for him, suck him off and let him touch Merlin until he came. There was no way in this universe that that would work. Arthur would eventually be, and rightfully so, disgusted and disappointed in Merlin and that would break Merlin's heart. He wasn't sure if he would survive that.

Merlin drank the rest of his beer in one gulp. He felt now familiar burning in his stomach and warm fuzzy feeling in his head. He wondered if he could take another one. The night and the evening was spinning in his head and he found random snippets affect him in random ways. He clearly couldn't comprehend the whole situation yet. He was angry at himself for leaving the door open and the bathroom door also. He was glad that he had hid the handcuffs this time before going to shower. His heart was filled with hope when he heard Arthur's kind voice telling him it was alright and the hope was crushed when he remembered Arthur's face making a disgusted expression even thought Merlin was fairly sure it was not directed at him. Yet.

He remembered how good Arthur's neck had smelled and how his teary eyes looked and he wanted to wipe those tears away so badly. He remembered Finna's eyes as they had observed him and the way Tilly's hair had been braided. These things spun in his head making everything blur. And still… Merlin felt like he had been in a small prison cell and now the walls had come out, letting him breath fresh air. He was so relieved in an absurd way that he didn't have to lie to Arthur anymore. Even if that meant everything he had worked so hard for years now would come to an end. Even if Arthur would leave him and never want to see him again, Merlin didn't have to lie to him anymore.

Tiredness washed over Merlin and he heard the empty can hit the floor. He had to concentrate on the world and he realised that he had nodded off for a second. Arthur took the empty can and put it behind his couch. Merlin looked at him and he felt that Arthur was the most beautiful thing on this earth. And here he was with him… taking care of Merlin, looking at him, telling him he loved him… "Thank you…" was the only thing Merlin could say. Arthur smiled at him and brought his hand to gently cares Merlin's face. Merlin wanted him closer, even if just for tonight. "Could you kiss me? Just… just one more time…" Arthur didn't like the 'one more time' part but he would have to talk about their relationship another time. Now he was too emotional and Merlin was too hurt and too tired. Arthur leaned in and kissed Merlin softly and gently. He did his best not to initiate anything sexual or make Merlin scared of him. He kept his body separate from Merlins and made sure he didn't hold Merlin tightly so he could push him away at any time he wanted. The position wasn't very comfortable but Arthur held on. Merlin kept his eyes open and so did Arthur. Merlin looked like he wanted to remember everything and he looked so sad… Arthur pulled back slowly and Merlin smiled at him with a shaky smile.

"I love you, Merlin. Never forget that." Arthur stroked Merlin's cheek and Merlin smiled at him with a smile that told Arthur Merlin tried to separate himself from him. Arthur could vaguely understand Merlin's reasons but he wasn't going to let this happen. He had just heard today that Merlin felt the same as him and he wouldn't let it go.

"Merlin, you told me that you love me. I love you too, for a long time now, so please, let me be by your side." He pleaded looking Merlin straight in the eye. Merlin looked at him surprised mouth opening to hang a bit. "You don't have to do anything with me you don't want to and I might not be very good at dating, but I would do my best…" Merlin looked at him and finally he smiled like Arthur had seen him smile before. That smile that made Arthur smile too. Merlin took Arthur's hands in his and he felt joy. Simple joy. If he could just say yes… but tomorrow would come and bring Uther with it. They were safe now. For tonight in Arthur's room but he couldn't make promises.

Arthur watched as Merlin's smile wavered and finally he turned his gaze away. Arthur wanted desperately bring that smile back and he felt panic in his heart "I- I can't promise you anything, but I would gladly be with you until the day I die." Merlin's words were grim and Arthur didn't like them one bit. "And you can do me whatever you want. It's alright if it's you…" Merlin's words made Arthur blush like mad. He tried not to imagine what 'whatever he wanted' kept inside of it and he staggered "I-I really didn't mean it like that… I mean I do want you but-but it's not the same if-if you don't want it also, I mean…" Merlin made a sound that actually resembled laughter. Arthur looked at him confused and Merlin laughed louder. The idiot actually had a nerve to laugh at him!

"You should see your face! I-I it's so…" He actually had trouble saying anything through his laughter and Arthur looked at him with annoyed look on his face "Well excuse me. Not all of us has experience here…" Arthur regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth and Merlin stopped laughing. He looked at Arthur with a sad, but also a bit amused smile "No, I suppose not." He shook his head sadly and Arthur mentally kicked himself. "I didn't mean that, I'm sorry I-" but Merlin held his hands and shook his head. "It's alright. It's true anyway." Arthur's comment had moved something inside him. He knew that he should have been hurt by it but somehow, he felt relieved. He saw Arthur's innocence and it made Merlin sad that he had lost that, but at the same time that Arthur could joke about it… They were normal and that finally make Merlin see past his fears. Maybe this could work. Maybe Merlin and Arthur could be alright. Even if they never would be a couple, maybe they could still be friends after this. And maybe Merlin could still stay besides Arthur. If he survived Uther's wrath alive that is.

Merlin felt tiredness again shallow him and Arthur must have noticed this because he said "Let's get you to sleep. We can talk about everything later." Merlin nodded at him and he was about to lay down on the sofa when Arthur took a hold of his hand and shook his head. "You sleep on my bed, I'll take the couch."

Merlin felt moved. He wouldn't have dared to ask to sleep in Arthur's bed and he had assumed that Arthur wouldn't want him to sleep in it either. He smiled a little and Arthur pulled him up gently by his hands and lead Merlin to his bed. He covered Merlin with his blanket gently and Merlin blushed a little. It felt so nice and Arthur's hands on his blanket made Merlin's skin tingle pleasantly. But when Arthur moved to leave, Merlin felt suddenly the bed cold and too big. "Won't you sleep with me?" He asked shyly and Arthur turned around. "Are you sure it's alright to you?" He asked a bit unsure and Merlin nodded at him. A smile spread on Arthur's face and Merlin was glad he had asked.

Arthur took Merlin's blanket from the couch and Merlin made room for Arthur on his right side. Arthur put the blanket down and stroked Merlin's hair gently "I'll just change to some pyjama." Merlin nodded against his pillow and blushed a little. Arthur went to his closet and closed the door.

After a while he came back wearing some pyjama pants and a t-shirt. He looked so handsome in Merlin's eyes and he couldn't believe that they could actually share a bed.

Arthur lied to his side facing Merlin not putting the blanket on. Merlin realised why. Arthur felt too hot, he normally didn't wear any shirt when he slept and Merlin knew he had been considerate for him. "You can take it off if you want… I don't mind…" Merlin told him and Arthur looked a bit confused at first but after he followed Merlin gaze he understood what he meant. Arthur blushed a little and wanted to make sure "Are you sure? I don't want to make you uncomfortable..." It was a bit funny. Merlin appreciated Arthur's kindness and all but it wasn't like he hadn't wanted to see Arthur without a shirt and well… He had had his share of fantasies but he had no idea how to try to explain this to Arthur so he just repeated his last sentence "I don't mind."

Arthur blushed a bit and Merlin found himself smiling. He was happy and he felt excitement run through his tired body. When Arthur rose to pull his shirt off Merlin snuggled further under his blanket and turned his head a bit more to his pillow. Arthur's bare back looked nice especially when his muscles moved with the movement. Merlin liked his body type very much. 'He's so handsome…' He thought and felt ashamed of his own thin body. He was far from the definition of handsome. He wondered what on earth could Arthur see in him to tell him he loved him. He couldn't see himself as someone special in any way.

Arthur laid down again and pulled his blanket to cover him. When he glanced at Merlin, he turned his face to his pillow a small blush on his face. Arthur felt a little bit pleased but he also wanted to put enough material in between them so Merlin wouldn't feel uncomfortable. He again turned to his side so he could look at Merlin. He was clearly tired and Arthur knew he would soon fall asleep but there was still things that he wanted to ask before Merlin fell asleep.

"Merlin, can I ask you one more thing?" Merlin stayed put for a second and then turned his head slightly to look at Arthur's face. "Yeah…" He said a bit hesitantly. Merlin wasn't sure what Arthur could possibly ask, but he feared that it would be something that would make him even more ashamed. But Merlin also knew that he couldn't lie to Arthur anymore. It still felt relieving but also highly unnerving. "Why are you really so thin?" Arthur wouldn't buy any of the bullshit that Merlin had told to the social workers or Lance. Not anymore he would let Merlin just brush it off as nothing. He felt like he had the right to ask now.

Merlin frowned. Of course there had to still be something to make Merlin even more ashamed to tell Arthur. He sighed. He was too tired for this but Arthur's face was serious and him looking at him so closely Merlin had to answer. "I sometimes throw up…" He felt like he was admitting all over again how weak he was and he felt ashamed of himself. He tried to look at any other direction than towards Arthur without actually turning around. He was comfortable and he was exhausted. His limbs weighed a ton and he didn't want to move.

Arthur's eyes widened and he felt a new kind of worry rise within him. Was Merlin bulimic? He had read of the disease when he had tried to find more information about anorexia and he had even heard some rumours in the school about some girls who went to bathroom to throw up after lunch to stay thin, but he hadn't even thought… Merlin just hadn't seemed like the type to stick his fingers in his throat at all.

"You throw up…" He had to make sure and when Merlin just nodded he felt a strong need to do something. Why would he do that to himself? How could Arthur tell him to stop and to add some weight? That he wanted to see Merlin healthier?

"Why?" He had to know and Merlin tried to get even further under his blanket so Arthur could only just see him up from his nose. He seemed to try to look at the fabric just under his eyes and he mumbled so quietly that Arthur could barely hear Merlin's words "It's- sometimes I feel sick after…" He couldn't finish the sentence using words 'your father', 'cum' and 'in my mouth' so he hoped Arthur wouldn't ask.

Arthur understood. He felt his stomach turn and he felt anger rise inside of him again. Even this was caused by his father. He saw Merlin who looked like he had admitted something embarrassing and Arthur's heart broke once again. It hurt so much. He wouldn't care what his father had to say about him anymore, he would keep Merlin safe, he would get evidence and take Merlin away from here. He wondered if Merlin's mother knew any of this and he was briefly angry at her too but he soon remembered the real concern about Merlin's health and her pleas to Uther to take Merlin to see a doctor. Hunith could come with them also.

"Merlin, look at me." Merlin slowly turned his eyes towards Arthur and looked at him eyes wide. "I'll protect you. I promise. Ok?" Merlin didn't seem convinced but he smiled weakly at Arthur and Arthur put his arms around the pile of blanket Merlin was inside. He kissed Merlin's forehead and whispered to him "I love you."

Merlin felt like he was in a dream. This felt so good… He smelled Arthur's scent and heard Arthur's heart beat. Arthur's skin felt amazing. His skin wasn't dry like Merlin's nor paper like or pale. Merlin bent his neck just the last few centimetres so his forehead rested to Arthur's bare shoulder. It felt so warm and soft…. Merlin was tired and he felt himself falling asleep."I love you too..." he had to tell Arthur before sleep took him. He wished he could sleep forever and that he would never have to leave this bed.

Arthur saw Merlin drift asleep and he looked at his face. It was peaceful now. It tore his heart to think of what Merlin had to get through for so long and he felt anger towards so many things. He was angry at his father most of all but he was also angry for those people who had made Merlin believe that he deserved this, that there was something wrong with him because he liked boys. He was angry at his school, how come only Lance had tried to do something? He was angry at himself for being so stupid. He was the one who should have noticed… or Hunith. But why nobody had? Or even if somebody had, they had done nothing. Like the social workers. What was their purpose if they couldn't notice anything? They had even Merlin's unhealthy weight to go by and left just like that.

He wished he had himself took Merlin to a doctor or even the school nurse ages ago. He had been worried so why hadn't he done anything like that? Arthur didn't sleep in many hours. He was too angry to fall asleep and he also didn't want to move so he wouldn't wake Merlin up. In the end he drifted to sleep filled with dark and twisted dreams. He woke up many times and every time only seeing Merlin sleep almost motionless besides him made him able to sleep again.

When he woke up in the morning, Merlin was still there. Eyes open and looking at him with calm way a small smile on his lips. Arthur couldn't have hoped anything more in the whole world than to see this sight every time he woke up for the rest of his life.

The following days Arthur never left Merlin's side. In his mind, it was now his mission and responsibility to protect Merlin. The only exceptions were the times when Merlin went to see Gwaine and Gaius when he held his practices. He followed Merlin around in the house and spent more time in his room than his own. He made Merlin come out with him and they played some football in the garden almost every day.

Arthur also made Merlin eat. He drove them to eat in a cafe after football practices and they had some really good time while Merlin ate some cake and they drank coffee. Arthur felt happy and almost like they were a normal couple. Like they were on a date and once he even saw one waiter wink at him encouragingly and that gave him courage to take a brief hold of Merlin's hand under the table. Merlin had blushed prettily at that and his shy smile had made Arthur's day brighter.

But even if constantly being in a protective mode kept him distracted, it wasn't easy for him either. Arthur had a hard time when during the week he had slowly realised more and more what his father had really done to Merlin. Also Merlin's good mood made Arthur wonder how many times had he been raped if he could get over it so fast? He thought of the days Merlin had been grumpy and flinchy and if that had been all he needed… Arthur was sure that if it had happened to him, he would have been more than grumpy for at least a year.

He had hard time talking to his father who appeared the same as always. Sometimes when Arthur saw him in the diner table or in the living room he momentarily forgot what he had heard him say to Merlin. It all felt surreal and aloof in Arthur's mind.

Alongside protecting Merlin, Arthur had another mission: to get evidence. One day Uther left for work and Hunith was away, Arthur did something he had been forbidden to do since he could remember. He entered Uther's office. He tried to go through his drawers and even open his computer but he didn't guess the password and in the end he found nothing. He was out of ideas after he closed the door and he didn't know what to do. Could he just tell someone what he had seen? The social workers maybe? Would they believe him? His father had a lot of power and he could easily come out as a rebelling teenager and he knew Merlin would be too afraid to back him up. He didn't trust the social workers completely either and he didn't know who else to ask for help. He didn't trust his school and the only one that he would have been able to trust, had already tried and failed.

Besides, Arthur didn't have the number for the social workers. Hunith had panicked briefly when she had been unable to find the card she had been given until Merlin had rolled his eyes at her, told her that she wouldn't need it anyway and with the same breath asked her to have a walk with him because he wanted to talk with her about something. Arthur had watched that play before his eyes in shock. It had felt so wrong and he couldn't help but see how many times Merlin had done something similar to him.

When he again found his concentration on this world, Arthur noticed that Merlin and Hunith were gone. That almost made him panic. Arthur had spend the next hour or so pretending to be playing football while Merlin and his mother sat on the bench under the tree. He felt betrayed and hurt, but he also forgave Merlin with every passing minute. He couldn't be mad at him, not really and definitely not for long. And that was not just because of what he had learned, he hadn't been able to stay mad at Merlin for years now.

Eventually Merlin had yelled at him if Arthur needed a practice dummy and after that Arthur had let himself forget everything for a while. Everything else than the football and Merlin's half hearted complains of how much of a prat Arthur was when he was made to try to stop Arthur from making a goal while Arthur kept using every trick he knew making it impossible for Merlin to succeed.

Merlin had found himself in Arthur's company a lot lately. Not that he didn't enjoy it but at times it made him uneasy. Like when Arthur followed him to living room and didn't let him be alone anywhere where Uther could possibly be. It made him afraid that Uther would notice what was going on.

One night when Arthur had practically glued himself to his side on their way to dinner Merlin had actually asked if Arthur thought that Uther would take him against living room table in the middle of the dinner. It was supposed to make Arthur relax a little but Arthur had turned gloomy and glared daggers to anything that moved and especially at Uther the whole evening after that.

That day Uther had sensed that something was wrong. He had asked what Merlin had done to Arthur and told him to stop bothering his son. Luckily Uther hadn't done much else. He had squeezed Merlin's ass and he had held him painfully by his arm when no-one was looking, but nothing more. Hunith was home and Arthur had made a loud habit of going to Merlin's room at evenings to get this and that without knocking. Merlin never told Arthur what Uther had said to him.

Merlin didn't dare to go to Arthur's room now at all before he was absolutely sure Uther wouldn't come that night. He usually woke up at three o'clock at night now and then he slipped through his closet door and lied besides Arthur. Arthur always made room for him and put his arm under Merlin pillow. Merlin would then sleep few hours and slip back early. He didn't need any alarm for this, he slept lightly in the fear of Uther. Merlin hoped this would last as long as possible, but he knew it would soon come to an end. Uther would soon demand him and Merlin couldn't say no. He had to keep Arthur safe but he wasn't sure how to face Arthur after that. He wouldn't be able to sleep like this that was for sure.


A/N I had an serious urge to name this chapter 'Finaly!', but I managed to stay a bit more serious. Again, sorry for the cliffhanger, it seemed to stir quite a lot of feelings. That was flattering, but maybe a tiniest bit scary... well, here it is and I hope you liked what has happened so far. Arthur is now trying to shoulder everything by himself, but lets see how that will work out in the next chapter.

I got amazing amount of 24 reviews for the last chapter. When I hit 17 someone commmented on why I didn't update right then, well, that was because I was sleeping. Sorry for the wait, but in the future, it might take those 8-10 hours because a) I have to sleep and work and b) I'm not on my computer all the time.

I don't think I'll ask for 25 reviews for the next chapter, but I would be very thank full if those who really want to comment my story or just leave a small note if they think I'm doing well or not so well, I would be very thankfull. There have been some very exelent comments and I have bettered my story in countless point because of you. I will update in the latest in three days, but if you continue to give me your support, I'll update faster. Does that sound fair?

Special thank you for Funce who has agreed to be my beta!

EssieScrawls Sorry! But here it is and like usually with cliffhangers, we knew what was going to happen, I wouldn't be that cruel ;) At the moment Arthur is a classical 'I need to do this all myself' -mode. Teenagers... But let's see what the next chapter will bring with it! And the hat in question... let's just say that Percy is the only one who doesn't have to fight an urge to face palm every time they see it.

ExistentialChrisisMaster To answer so that I won't spoil anything, I made police the eqvivalent of knights yes. They are there to protect and treat everyone fairly and take those who brake the law to be judged. So I thought that it would fit. Hehe, 'True Merlin Protection Squad' that would be great title :D I know what you mean, but there is not much connection there... But let's see! I can talk about Lance and Gwaine the whole day! They are awesome! It's not something everyone would do to go their way out to try to help someone even when they don't ask for help. To try and do a right thing is the best quality on can have in my opinion. Merlin is degenerating. He is again falling further inside of himself and he is tired and thin both mentaly and physically and that makes him unable to think clearly too. Sorry that I went all 'BBC' on you, but I regret nothing! :3 P.s I liked your profile, thumps up!

bubzchoc Here it is! And early, partly thanks to you :)

CoolBeans100 Arthur is dense, but if he wouldn't have found out with that, well, then there would be a severe need of getting his hearing/ brain checked. But he did, so Let's be happy :)

Guest He did not exactly see, but I hope you were satisfied :) Thank for the compliment, Hunith is now suffering for she has no idea of what to do...

mersan123 You have very good guestions! I hadn't even thought how it would look like when you already knew that Merlin was already showering while Arthur should have been there for a while... But I hope that was answered with this chapter :) Rest of your questions will be answered in the next chapter, I hope to update soon! I might have laughed out loud when I read that part of Hunith getting out of her butt :D

Senile Feline This was one of the rare oportunities to make a cliffhanger, but you are right, it was a nasty one. I don't think anyone is that dense and Arthur had to find out sooner or later (in this case it was definitely later...). Now we are just waiting for the whole thing to be revealed. Arthur is trying to do everything himself and that is not leading to anywhere.

Guest How nice to know that my story made you to make your first review! Thank you :)

BluesAvalon That kind of sums it up :D

Angel Dove1 Great that you liked the role I gave to Percy, I enjoyed writing his and Gwaine's interaction very much :) Hunith really needs to think things trough without Uther's lies. Many things she has been worried, has been swept under a rug because Uther has lied to her. She would have called Finna if the number hadn't been 'lost'. We just don't know yet if it was Uther or Merlin who took the card... You did judge the timeline right, I hope you liked what happened!

Why You Do This Thank you! I hope this was worth the wait :)

Guest I'm now waiting for that long review ;) I'm glad you liked what I did with Percy, I kind of liked what I did with him too, if I can say so myself.

Guest I won't, I promise!

awesome dude Thank you :)

Punk emo I won't! :)

AreyouSatan I'm pretty sure I'm not... This chapter should have answered your question ;)

Chibi . warlock Good to hear that you still enjoyed it even if it's quite sad most of the time. Sorry I couldn't write your name correctly, ff thinks that it's a link and deletes it...

supewholockotps Hmm... I'm not totaly sure I understand, but glad you like this story :)

Skypeoplephoenix732 Hi! Great that you liked Percy and social workers, I'll have them return in next chapter :) And it was high time for Hunith to rethink, seriously! I have been waiting this so much... Merlin and Arthur kind of are together already... it's just that the situation is so complex and so hidden that it's not heathy in the long run, but let's see how the situation will change ;)

Emrys00 I'm really starting to feel sorry for that cliffhanger, but that would have made almost 22 000 words chapter and besides, I kind of wanted to let it sink. I guess I managed at least get some reactions :D Thank you for your comment on Gwaine, he is kind of important character in this story. I hope there was enough cute moments for you, I promise more in the future!

Guest Yes, that was the record, but I was sleeping when that happened so... Sorry for the wait.

Rake Sorry! I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)

Guest Thank you for your very kind words :) I hope you will like the rest of the story too!

Cool So, how did I do? ;)