The next morning, after they had breakfasted, Brett went to school whilst his mother went to earn their daily bread. That evening, after they had dined and Brett had attended to his homework, Brett asked his mother to tell him more about her experience on Total Drama Island. Brett sat in his favorite chair, and his mother sat on the sofa. She took a few moments to collect her thoughts, and then she began to speak.


Courtney pondered for a bit, trying to decide what would be the best course of action; for unlike some of the other Labors, this one was not timed. As she approached, she undid her blouse's top buttons and stuffed the flashlight's handle into her ample bosom. That, she reasoned, would satisfy the letter of the "carrying" requirement whilst allowing her to keep both hands free.

The snakes were of various sizes. All were large enough that the campers might encounter problems in dealing with them, but only the "immortal head" snake was large enough to be genuinely dangerous—especially to Courtney, who was probably the smallest camper in the game. Courtney decided she would not mess with that one, the lure of invincibility notwithstanding, for she still had too much living to do. She knew constrictors typically suffocate their prey before consuming it, and she was not about to give Chris McLean the pleasure of watching the light go out of her eyes. Someone else would have to give meaning to the death of whoever that hapless intern had been.

Courtney stood at the edge of the snake-filled tank, waiting, her hands poised to grab. Seeing an opening, she grabbed one snake behind its head and, as it tried to wrap itself around her, caught it near the base of the tail with her other hand. She carried the struggling reptile to the second tank without much difficulty, for snakes—even constrictors—are not really all that strong.

Courtney transferred three more snakes without incident. With the first tank's population thinned out, she could see that the tank had originally held eight snakes, plus the man-eater. The latter tracked her warily with its unblinking gaze, but with at least one intern already in its belly, Jormungandr Junior[01] seemed willing to leave Courtney alone if she returned the favor.

Courtney grabbed the fifth snake near the head, as she had done with the others, but missed the grab with her second hand, so the snake threw its coils around her unimpeded. She ended up with her second arm folded and pinned against her body. Her first arm, the one controlling the snake's head, was still free, but its mobility was restricted because a thick coil of constrictor over her armpit meant Courtney could not bring her arm down much past the horizontal.

The snake was not big enough to seriously impair Courtney's breathing, but in her current state it was not clear how she was going to get it off of her and into the second tank. Furthermore, with the former CIT seemingly defenseless, the man-eating super snake was looking a little too interested in her. One problem at a time, Courtney thought as she hurriedly backed out of striking range.

Courtney's legs were unencumbered, so she trotted over to the second tank and stood beside it, trying to think of a way out of her predicament. Suddenly, her eyes widened and her composure deserted her.

"Chris!" she cried. "Get this thing off me! Now!"

Chris replied, "You do realize that if you—"

"Now!" Courtney screamed. "Snake porn is not in my contract!"

The spectators were confused for a moment until they noticed the tip of the snake's tail writhing about that place where Courtney admitted only feminine hygiene products.[02] Yes, that place the Marquis de Sade called "the Altar of Venus".[03]

Chris snapped his fingers, and an intern uncoiled the snake. The redshirt returned the serpent to the tank from whence it came, taking care not to get too close to the big man-eater.

"You're out, Courtney," Chris said. "Your pillory is waiting at the amphitheater."

"What do you mean, 'I'm out'?" Courtney demanded. "There's no justifiable basis for making me stand there and get violated!"

"I guess you didn't read—"

"Don't give me that crap about fine print!" the lawyer-to-be railed. "I read the fine print! There's nothing that says we have to put up with anything explicitly sexual!"

The Lord of Wawanakwa replied, with that infuriating bland smile of his, "True, we can't make you do certain things, but that doesn't mean we have to give you a free pass if you refuse to do them. Besides, you wouldn't have gotten violated, just groped a little. Sort of."

Courtney opened her mouth for an acid retort, but Chris stopped her with a gesture and continued. "It would be one thing if we were talking about instant elimination, but we're not. This challenge is just for rewards, even if one of those rewards happens to be invincibility, so you … are … out."

"Fine," Courtney huffed. "But if I get kicked off at the next elimination, you will be hearing from my attorney." With that, she stalked off, with intern escort, to her waiting pillory.


Chris recapped, "That's it for the first round. We have eleven successes, including D.J.'s double play, and three washouts. That's the kind of batting average I was looking for. At this rate, we should get plenty of footage and I might even get the afternoon off. How's that for win-win?"

Since the group was currently in the field, the second round inverted the venue order, with the location challenges first and the stage challenges last. The Hydra venue was equipped with a Wheel of Work, so Lindsay took the first spin of the second round. The wheel came to rest on an icon resembling a dog's head. This denoted the Twelfth Labor, to capture Cerberus, who guarded the gates to the underworld. The Twelfth Labor, however, was a stage challenge.

Ezekiel spun next and drew the Augean stables. Although that archery test took the farm boy all five of the arrows he was allowed,[04] he nevertheless succeeded in striking the bulls-eye and dropping "Flood Control Dam #3" to divert the creek. This was a "disqualified" Labor, as has been told of before, so Ezekiel spun again. His bonus spin decreed the Eighth Labor and a kyz kuu race.

When Chris and entourage reached the course, they found Scarlett waiting at the back line. She had apparently been injured recently, for she wore a heavy brace on one knee.

"Funny, I was expecting Sky," one of the campers said.

"Which one is she?" Chris asked, for in most cases he did not think the interns significant enough to bother learning their names. He knew Alejandro and Dawn because they were important enough, and he had picked up a few other names by osmosis, but for the most part they were just nameless redshirts to him.

"Looks a little like Heather?" D.J. prompted.

"Oh, yeah, her," Chris acknowledged. "Chef said we shouldn't use her for this because she's a great rider who could have left any of you in her dust. While that would have helped keep us on schedule, it would have been too predictable. Not good for ratings. According to Chef, Red here is only an okay rider, so anyone who goes up against her has a reasonable chance to catch her."

"And I hear Zeke's hot for her," Izzy noted.

"The eating challenge made that pretty clear," Gwen observed.

Owen chuckled and said, "The way she looked then, any dude who wasn't hot for her isn't into girls at all."

Gwen instinctively looked to Trent for his reaction. The axboy noticed and did his best to look innocent, but in fact he had "noticed" the bunny waitress as much as the other boys that day.

"It's not like that," Ezekiel protested. "I just think she's pretty, that's all. It's not like I want to marry her or anything."

"Suit yourself," Trent said. In a lower voice, he added, "But you're out of your mind."

Scarlett overheard none of this, for she was not near enough, but Ezekiel favored her with a smile and a nod as he trotted to his horse. She returned the gesture in kind before mounting her steed, and decided she had no aversion to kissing the farm boy if he could earn it; but by all that was holy, she would do her best to make him earn it.

Ezekiel mounted his horse and signaled that he was ready. On a whim, Scarlett undid her bun before starting her horse with a cry of, "Giddap, Rocinante!"[05] The redheaded redshirt's wild mane trailed behind like a pennant of fire as "Rocinante" galloped down the course.

Ezekiel was probably a better rider than Scarlett, and may also have had a more responsive mount. The prairie boy caught his quarry about fifteen meters from the finish, and Scarlett was content to give him the reward he had earned. Ezekiel claimed his prize with a light, chaste peck on the intern's lips.

Ezekiel grinned like the cat that ate the canary. Scarlett found this amusing, and observed, "It appears you may have a particular affinity for redheads. I heard about your 'exploration' with Izzy."

The farm boy's grin changed from joyous to sheepish and his face turned the color of early cherries, which merely added to the redshirt's amusement. Scarlett said, as she lightly ran a fingertip down the scar on Ezekiel's cheek, "You're cute when the dermal capillaries in your face dilate to accommodate increased blood flow," Ezekiel looked confused, so the brainy intern explained, "When you're blushing."


The race course did not have a Wheel of Work because the corral was so close by, so Chris led the campers there and called Leshawna to take her second spin. The wheel stopped at an icon similar to but legally distinct from the Arkansas Razorbacks logo.[06]

"The Fourth Labor," Chris intoned, "was to capture the Erymanthian Boar[07] alive. Heracles found that fantastic beast[08] on the slopes of Mount Erymanthos, hence the name, but our version is at the dodgeball court."

When the campers arrived at said venue, they saw a piglet wandering about the enclosed court. In one corner, piled against the retaining walls, was a large quantity of an unknown white substance.

Chris said, "Leshawna, your job is to catch that greased pig. Heracles caught the boar by driving it into deep snow, but even Canada doesn't get a lot of snow in July, so Chef thoughtfully donated a bunch of flour as a substitute. Don't worry, though, it won't go to waste. Chef is very conscientious about recycling."

"Eww!" cried the campers, for they understood all too well what "recycling" meant in this case.

"Anyway," the host continued, "if you can drive the pig into that flour bank, not only will you slow it down, but the flour will also stick to the grease and make Piggy[09] easier to grab. We think. I don't know if anyone actually tested it."

"There was that one intern who nearly died from a lungful of flour," Hatchet explained helpfully. "The self-styled 'evil genius'. Damn fool didn't think he needed a dust mask."[10]

Heather summarized, "So, basically, the whole point of this lame challenge is to get us covered in grease and flour. Is Chef planning to cook us for dinner or something?"

Gwen said, "Don't give him ideas."

Leshawna's task did not please her, of course, but neither was she dismayed. "Is this timed?" she asked.

"You have three minutes," Chris answered. "If you haven't managed it by then, it's probably hopeless."

It took Leshawna considerably less than three minutes. She emerged from the flour bank white as a ghost, but with her arms firmly gripping the struggling piglet. And unlike the hapless intern, Leshawna had not been too proud to wear a dust mask.

When the triumphant homegirl rejoined her colleagues, leaving the piglet to hungrily lick itself clean and an intern to groom the flour bank, Gwen smiled and said, "Now who's the white girl?"

"You know as well as I do that nobody's winning this game without getting dirty," Leshawna explained. "Doing a Wacko Jacko impression[11] is a small price to pay for a hundred grand."

"Well, you did it in style," Gwen assured her whitewashed friend.

"I'll tell you something, though," Leshawna added, "that pig sure didn't smell very good. I think they got the grease from the kitchen grease traps."


Chris called Izzy to summon destiny. The rehabbing redhead experimentally moved the wheel back and forth as she declaimed rhetorically, "Which job does Izzy want this round? Hmm … I know! Let's play the ponies."[12] She spun fairly hard, but not excessively so, and after three and a third rotations, the Wheel of Work did indeed come to rest on the Eighth Labor icon.

"Called it," Izzy announced smugly.[13]

The "M" in "RCMP" stands for "Mounted", and while the Mounties no longer make much use of horses, Izzy had long been fascinated with that aspect of their heritage. Shortly after joining the force, she had learned to ride horseback as a self-imposed initiation. She had some aptitude for it, and after she met Dawn, the mystic taught Izzy much about horses. In short, Izzy was easily the most skillful rider among the campers, and the Gothman riding against her on the kyz kuu course never had a chance.


Chris called Owen to spin. The Jolly White Giant would face the Hydra.

Whilst watching Courtney's failure in this test, Owen had noticed something. The tanks were not quite the same size, suggesting that they had been repurposed from other jobs. The receiving tank seemed a bit wider than the snake tank, and this had given Owen an idea.

Following Courtney's example after a fashion, the man-mountain stowed the flashlight in the back of his waistband, where his enormous hams would keep it in place.

"Eww!" cried the other campers, who now had an additional reason to hope the challenge would end before they had to face the Hydra.

Pushing his immense size and strength to their limits, Owen picked up the receiving tank and flipped it onto the snake tank like a wrestler body slamming his opponent. Next, he flipped over the entire snugly fitting assembly, which neatly dumped all the snakes into the receiving tank.

Although Owen had technically done what was required of him, one step remained. The starting tank had to be separated from its embrace with the receiving tank, and Owen, being a caring and compassionate lad, had a vivid picture in his mind's eye of what might happen if interns were assigned this task.

Fortunately, the bottom of the starting tank, or the "plug" as it could now be called, protruded by well over a hand's breadth. The forceful mating of the tanks had left the plug wedged tightly, but by patiently turning it back and forth, grunting and farting the while, the conscientious colossus slowly but inexorably worked the narrower tank out and reset the Labor for the next camper.

The other campers had been watching silently, mesmerized; but when Owen finished, they erupted into cheers.

"That was awesome!" Chris declared. "Owen, my man, you've earned yourself bonus invincibility! Now, you have a choice. You can quit while you're ahead, and you won't even have to sit in a pillory, or you can stay in if you still want to try for the trailer."

"I … live for … the challenges!" Owen panted, for he was unused to sustained exertion. "I'm … still in."

"Cool," Chris pronounced. "The Hydra was one of the labors Eurystheus disqualified, because Heracles had help. His nephew, Iaulus, was the one who actually cauterized the neck stumps before the new heads could grow in. That means you get to spin again; but after the performance you just gave, I think we can give you a few minutes to catch your breath. Next up is—"

"Me!" Heather cried as she raised her hand. "I volunteer!"

"Didn't see that coming," the host admitted. "You aren't usually this eager for the challenges, not that I'm complaining."

"There's method in my madness," the dragon girl explained cryptically.

"Okay, then, take your spin."

Heather grasped the wheel's edge and experimentally moved it back and forth, as if to gauge its ease of movement. She spun weakly, clearly hoping for a specific result.

The wheel turned the bare minimum required by the rules—one full revolution—and stopped on the same icon it had started on.

"Hydra! Yes!" Heather cried in triumph as she pumped her fist.

"Seriously, bra?" Chris asked in disbelief. "That's the most dangerous test in the whole challenge."

"Not if the snakes are still dazed from what Owen did to them. Strike while the iron is hot."

"You do know what you're doing," Chris acknowledged with an approving nod. "Go for it." The host gripped the flashlight by its head as he offered it to Heather, but the queen bee quailed.

"Uh, can I get another flashlight?" she asked. "Or at least get that one washed?"

"You're kidding, right?" the host replied.

"No, I am not!" Heather shot back as she seized the Owenated flashlight as close to the head as she might, and tore it from Chris' grasp. She shoved the handle, marinated in Owen's wet intestinal gases, at the Overlord's face. "You know where this has been!"

Chris shuddered, but said, "Your problem, not mine."

"Do you want me to make it your problem?" the dragon girl challenged.

"You're wasting time," Chris countered. "The snakes are recovering."

"Fine," Heather grumbled. Turning to the snake tank, she steeled herself and stuffed the flashlight between her breasts as Courtney had done, for she had no better place to put it. Unfortunately for her, this placed the desecrated device directly under her nose.

"Owen, you are so disgusting," the dragon girl said softly to herself as the noxious aroma of the man-mountain's inefficient digestion assailed her nostrils.

With watering eyes, Heather immediately went after the megasnake and its promise of invincibility. The great serpent did not resist, but proved too heavy for Heather to pull out of the tank. After a brief, futile struggle, Heather admitted defeat and contented herself with transferring the smaller snakes, which likewise offered little to no resistance. So it was that the queen bee buzzed on.

Chris said, "Well done, Heather. Before you take your bonus spin, let's have Owen take his, since it looks like he's recovered." Heather did not object, not that it would have availed her if she had, and Owen did as he was bidden.

The man-mountain's spin assigned him a stage challenge—the Ninth Labor, the Girdle of Eva. Heather took her bonus spin and landed again on the Hydra. Because the dragon girl had already completed the Second Labor, she was assigned the Third—the Ceryneian Hind.


A LOSER'S PREROGATIVE

At the corral, Bridgette dutifully took her station as Heather confidently chose the net. Heather was agile from her dancing, whereas Bridgette was inclined to clumsiness, so the dragon girl assumed the surfer would pose little challenge.

Bridgette, however, had other plans. Heather maneuvered her quarry into one end of the corral, much as Ezekiel had done; but when the dragon girl threw her net, Bridgette dodged. When Heather moved to retrieve the net, the surfer-cum-Hind casually trotted up to meet her.

Heather recognized the danger, for she remembered what had happened to Ezekiel, so she gave a little ground and warily eyed her adversary from a defensive crouch. Bridgette likewise retreated to stand guard over the net. After a few seconds of impasse, the golden surfer reached down to pick up the net.

"No!" Heather cried as she desperately rushed her adversary, for she knew she would have little chance without the net. Bridgette's move was a mere feint, however, for unbeknownst to the campers, she was not allowed to deliberately touch the net.

The Hind met Heather's charge in kind and tackled her. This was a risky move, for if the dragon girl managed to grapple Bridgette whilst they lay in the dust, Chris would surely count it as a capture. Luck was with the wave rider, though, for although the impact momentarily stunned both girls, Bridgette recovered first and quickly rolled away before regaining her feet.

Heather eventually made the capture, but only by chance. With time running out, she frantically chased Bridgette around the corral and tried to beat her with the net, with no apparent concern for whether the weights might be heavy enough to harm the wave rider. With only three seconds left, Heather's final, desperate swing caught an antler tine and pulled Bridgette's antlers off her head. Chris pronounced Heather the winner by disqualification, possibly for no other reason than because it amused him to do so.

Trent had the next spin, and the Wheel of Work decreed that he should face the Cretan Bull moose, so that is what he did. Barely a minute later, he returned triumphantly to his colleagues and said, "That was way too easy."

"Yes, it was," Chris grumbled. "Our Cretan Bull is starting to look like a paper tiger."

"Or a paper moose," Katie observed.

"Ha, ha, very funny," the host retorted petulantly. "Take a spin, and we'll see who has the last laugh."

Chef said to Chris, "You're just mad because you didn't think of it."

Katie dutifully summoned destiny, and drew the Third Labor. She chose the weighted net, as most of her fellow Laborers had done, and stepped into the corral to face the Golden Hind. Soon after, she quit the corral one step closer to a luxury trailer vacation and invincibility. The stick girl had captured Bridgette almost as easily as D.J. had, and for the selfsame reason: an untimely stumble.

Heather was incensed. "Why is everyone else having such an easy time with Bridgette?" she demanded.

"I didn't have a particularly easy time," Ezekiel pointed out.

"Yes, you did," the queen bee retorted reflexively. "Even if she did kick you upside the head, she didn't put up much of a fight after that."

"Maybe you wore her out for me," Katie offered diplomatically.

"Or maybe she's taking dives," Heather surmised darkly. "Chris, doesn't this look the least bit suspicious to you?"

"There's a joke there, I think," the Arbiter of Fates said. "A surfer? Taking dives? You know … in the ocean?" The campers did not respond.

"Sheesh, tough room," the host said. "To answer your question, Heather, we all know Bridgette can be clumsy … but if she is taking dives, that's her prerogative."

All the campers' eyes were instantly on Chris, for his words sounded suspiciously like another twist. The host smiled his bland smile and said, a little louder lest anyone miss it, "You heard me, campers. The losers helping with today's challenge, whom you so brutally kicked off the island, are allowed to play favorites if they want … so I hope you were nice to them. Or not. Either way works for me."

As Heather grumbled, her newest ally, Ezekiel—another camper whose attitudes could easily land him on the wrong side of favorites playing—said to her, "I wouldn't worry. Bridgette's probably too nice to play favorites, and Eva's probably too proud to take dives. Probably."

Chris called Gwen to spin, and finally D.J. The Goth drew the Eleventh Labor and Atlas' shell game, and the brickhouse drew the Tenth Labor and a confrontation with the comely giantess playing Geryon.


Only stage challenges remained for the second round, so the campers and their escorts returned to the amphitheater. When they arrived and the campers took their seats, Chris called forth Lindsay. Alejandro moved the Wheel to the dog icon for the camera.

"The Twelfth Labor," the Arbiter of Fates intoned pedantically, "was to capture Cerberus."

"Who's 'Caribou'?" asked the Crown Princess of Bimbonia.

"If you'll let me finish," Chris replied testily, "Cerberus[14] was the part-dog, part-snake whatchamacallit who guarded the entrance to the underworld to prevent the dead from leaving. He's usually depicted with three heads, but some sources have given him as many as a hundred. He was also said to have snakes growing out of his body, but sources disagree on how many there were and whether they were arranged in any special place or order.

"Hades, ruler of the underworld, allowed Heracles to 'borrow' Cerberus on the condition that Heracles could not use any kind of weapon to subdue him, presumably because Hades wanted his pooch back in one piece. Heracles' heroic qualities notwithstanding, he did tend to leave death and destruction in his wake."

"Much like a certain reality show host," quipped Gwen.

"I know, I'm good," said the reality show host in question. He handed Lindsay an ordinary dog collar and leash and said, "Your Labor is to walk the dog."

"That doesn't sound hard," the uberbimbo observed innocently.

Chris sniggered. "No, it doesn't sound hard at all." He called theatrically to the backstage crew, "Enter Cerberus, Stage Left!"

An obviously robotic collie-sized monstrosity lumbered onto the stage with a series of short, high-pitched barks. The cybermutt had a patchwork look, with orange, carpetlike "fur" covering most of its body. Its semi-regulation three dog heads had small, rounded ears rather like a bear's, and short, furless muzzles. The eyes were large red hemispheres, set very close.[15] Small cybersnake foreparts arose from the outer heads, with a larger robosnake where a real dog's tail would be. Curiously, the three reptilian heads looked more dragonlike than snakelike.

"Oh, it's adorable!" Lindsay squealed in delight.

"It is kind of neat," Gwen admitted to Trent, "but I wouldn't have guessed it would be Lindsay's thing."

Cody and Duncan were pilloried in good spots to see backstage to where two interns stood, one with a remote control in hand and the other looking on silently.

"B and Scarlett," Cody observed with admiration. "I might have known." Those two redshirts had indeed built the beast, for B was a mechanical genius, as has been told of before, and Scarlett was equally adept with electronics. Moreover, they had built the mechamutt entirely from materials on hand, for the producers had been as tightfisted as usual. Being lowly interns, however, neither B nor Scarlett would ever get the credit they deserved for this remarkable feat of engineering.

Mechacerberus advanced on Lindsay, growling menacingly from the center head as the outer heads yapped. Scarlett made only occasional jabs at the remote control, for their creation was semiautonomous.

Not intelligent enough to be perturbed, Lindsay crouched low—not bending over, for her skirt was very short—and cooed, "Oh, don't you growl at me. Head One and Head Three aren't growling."

Backstage, B and Scarlett exchanged disbelieving glances. Meanwhile, Lindsay reached out and began to scratch the outer heads behind their oscillating, bearlike ears. The dog-thing fell silent and rested its heads against Lindsay's legs, for Scarlett had programmed it to behave much like her own dog.

"Who's a good Khakibarn? You're a good Khakibarn!" the uberbimbo cooed.

Scarlett again looked to B in disbelief. "Khaki Barn?"[16]

B shrugged, but said nothing.

A few moments later, Lindsay fastened the collar around the center neck of the unresisting robot, and rose to her feet. "Wanna go walkies?"

Mechacerberus wagged its snake tail as Lindsay led it across the stage and advanced to the third round.


Chris called Owen to the stage for his delayed bonus Labor, the Girdle of Hippolyta.

As the man-mountain faced off against Eva, he said, "I'll try not to hurt you."

The musclegirl nodded curtly, for although she thought his concern misplaced, she understood that it was genuine. The Amazon queen was tougher than Owen, and she was stronger kilo for kilo, but there are times when size does matter. Owen outweighed Eva three to one at the very least; and thanks to big TV screen on the stage backdrop, she had seen his performance in the Hydra test. Eva regarded passive avoidance as cowardly, and that strategy was forbidden to her in any case, so all she could do was face her gargantuan foe and trust her quickness and experience to carry the day.

Eva decided on a counterpunching strategy, but Owen was quicker than anyone on the island had suspected. The man-mountain lunged and grabbed and simply flattened the bronze maiden beneath his vast bulk.

With no leverage to push Owen off, Eva was helpless. She struggled gamely but to no avail as Owen patiently worked his hands between her back and the mat. The Amazon's struggles grew frantic, for her face was buried in the obese colossus' breast, and his flaccid flesh sealed off her nose and mouth most efficiently.

When Owen's fingers finally met over the belt fasteners, he unclipped the belt and rose with his prize, leaving Eva gasping for breath.

Chris summoned Gwen to play Atlas' shell game, and the Goth caught the huge intern palming the crabapple. When Gwen returned to her seat, she whispered to Leshawna, so as not the tip off the campers who had yet to face Atlas, "You were right. He does have a tell."[17]

D.J., with the Tenth Labor, was the last Laborer of the round. He started across the stage to fetch the Cattle of Geryon, and the giantess Jasmine dutifully stepped from her alcove to bar his way.

"All right, almost-as-tall-as-me, dark and handsome, let's see what you've got," she challenged.

Jasmine's brave talk notwithstanding, the odds were clearly not in her favor. Although she was no beanpole—she was, in fact, nicely proportioned and strong as an ox, as has been told of before—D.J. probably outweighed her by half again. No matter, the huge intern thought. Her job was to stop D.J. if she could, and she would not give the task any less than her best—so far as was consistent with martial chivalry, that is, for she had certain skills the brickhouse did not, but she was unwilling to use them against an opponent who could not respond in kind.

Jasmine lunged low, seeking to bind her adversary's legs at the knees, but this did not avail her. With a single, fluid motion, D.J. sidestepped her rush, grabbed the giantess by the waist, hoisted her aloft and slung her over one shoulder. Jasmine pounded her captor's back for the sake of appearances, but she knew well enough that she was helpless. That's what I get for holding back, she thought.

As D.J. strolled to the now-undefended lectern, his winsome captive quipped, "I could get used to this. What are you doing after the challenge?"

"Nothing I couldn't cancel," the brickhouse admitted, "but Chris doesn't like us fraternizing with the interns. I have to admit, though, you make it tempting."

When D.J. pressed the lectern button to make the outcome official, Chris announced, "D.J. gets the goods … and the girl." The host flashed a quick "I'm watching you" gesture at the dusky duo.


When D.J. returned to his seat, Chris announced, "Round Two is in the books. There were no further casualties, and we still have two Labors that nobody's had to do yet. Let's see if we can change that in Round Three. Trent, you're up."

After the axboy drew the Mares of Diomedes and Ezekiel's spin assigned him the Erymanthian Boar, both location Labors, Gwen spun and drew the unenviable task of confronting Eva for the Girdle of Hippolyta.

It surprised no one when Chris explained that, because Gwen's partially healed shoulder rendered her unfit to wrestle, she would face a test of quickness instead—a test which, the Lord of Wawanakwa gleefully informed her, would likely be just as difficult in its own way.

Gwen stepped into Eva's proverbial parlor. The bronze maiden extended one arm and opened her hand, revealing a marble-sized pebble in her palm.

Eva said, "If you can snatch this—"

Gwen snatched without waiting for Eva to finish, hoping to catch the musclegirl off guard; but when the girls opened their hands, the pebble still lay in Eva's.

"Nice try," said the Amazon queen. "Now, if you'll let me finish … if you can snatch this pebble from my hand, my girdle will be your prize. You had five tries to start. You have four now."

Gwen tried again and again, with the same result. Her fourth attempt nearly brought success, for although she did not gain the pebble, neither could Eva hold it, and it fell to the mat. Chris declared that attempt a push,[18] so Gwen still had two left.

That fourth try, however, was Gwen's high-water mark. Her last two attempts were no more fruitful than her first, so Chris declared her out. Disappointed, but satisfied that she had been given a fair chance, Gwen went to her pillory without protest.

Heather answered the summons and won Atlas's shell game. As with Trent, Ryan did not palm the crabapple, but Heather correctly guessed its location just the same.

When Lindsay spun, the Wheel came to rest on an icon similar to but legally distinct from the Toronto Blue Jays logo. This denoted the Sixth Labor, the Stymphalian Birds, which was a location challenge.


Izzy bounded to the stage at Chris' summons. She spun the wheel theatrically, with all her strength. "Give me something fun!" she cried.

The wheel came to rest on the dog icon, denoting the Twelfth Labor and an encounter with Mechacerberus. "It'll do, I suppose," Izzy pronounced.

The off-kilter cop faced the backstage exit from whence the robot dog had first appeared. She squatted down, slapped her hands on her thighs a few times in a beckoning gesture, and called, "Here, doggie, doggie, doggie!"

The hardware hound dutifully lumbered out, dog heads growling and dragon-snake heads hissing, which dismayed Izzy not in the slightest. She jumped up, bounded about the mechanical monster and said, "Behold, the Izzy is faster than the hellhound."

She was indeed faster. Scarlett quickly gave up trying to keep up with her, choosing instead to wait for an opportunity which was not long in coming. When Dizzy Izzy's jumping about happened to bring her back in front of the mechanical mutt, Scarlett pressed a certain button on her remote control. The robot's snake-wyrm mouths opened and three blue-white arcs of electrical energy leapt into Izzy's body, causing her to convulse and laugh maniacally.

"Awe-some," Chris pronounced.

The "shock treatment" ended after a couple of seconds, leaving Izzy crumpled in a heap on the mat. Suddenly, she sat bolt upright and said, "Hit me again!"[19]

Backstage, B and Scarlett exchanged disbelieving glances. B shrugged, but said nothing, so the brainy redhead did as the demented redhead asked. Izzy laughed maniacally again.

When Izzy recovered from the second shock, she might have asked for a third; but she could see the robot's handlers from her position, and B shook his head as Scarlett silently mouthed the words, "no more". Izzy took this to mean Mechacerberus might not have a third good shock in him, so she quickly fastened the collar around the mechamutt's left neck. The dog heads mimed panting, which lead the more perceptive campers to correctly guess that the robot was programmed to become docile once collared. Izzy briefly scratched the left wyrm head on its crown for the sake of role playing, and led the mechamutt across the stage.

Backstage, Chef Hatchet asked Scarlett, "Since when does Cerberus breathe lightning?"

The brainy redshirt explained, "B's into kaiju movies. What can I say?"[20]

B grinned sheepishly, but said nothing.

Scarlett saw that Izzy seemed about to present the robot dog to Chris, so she said, "Chef, for the sake of plausible deniability, it would probably be best if you did not see what's about to happen here."

Curious but game, Hatchet dutifully turned away. Scarlett pressed another button. On stage, Mechacerberus suddenly lifted a leg and sprayed a foul-smelling liquid onto Chris' trousers. A gale of laughter swept the bleachers until an unfavorable breeze wafted the aroma over the campers.

"Ugh, what is that smell?" Heather asked rhetorically, wrinkling her nose in distaste.

Cody sniffed experimentally, and wished he had not. "My first guess would be butyric acid," he explained, hoping to impress the ladies. "It's a common ingredient in stink bombs, and it's part of what makes vomit smell the way it does. It's also in butter, go figure."

Chris, meanwhile, had removed his shoes, socks and trousers as quickly as he might, before the mechamutt pee could soak through. That the cameras were still rolling troubled him not, for he knew he had a body worth showing off, and anything he did not want the viewing audience to see could be edited out in any case. "Interns!" he called. "Somebody go to my trailer and get me some new pants! And be quick about it, we're on a schedule!" He turned to Izzy and said, "I ought to sack you for failing to curb your dog, but I'm going to assume you didn't know this would happen. You pass."

When the off-kilter cop returned to her seat, Leshawna said, "Girl, I thought you were back on your meds."

"Doesn't change my pleasure and pain responses," Izzy explained. "Not most of them, anyway. Besides, full effect takes a few days."


Owen drew the Stables and D.J. drew the Hydra, so they returned to their seats to wait for the stage Labors to finish. Leshawna's spin assigned her the Tenth Labor and an encounter with the giantess Jasmine.

This is no time for subtlety, Leshawna thought as she took her starting position and got down on all fours like a sprinter awaiting the gun. Jasmine quit her alcove and assumed a defensive crouch in front of the lectern, for it was clear that Leshawna had no use for the theatrics and ceremony of the earlier Tenth Labor encounters.

At Chris' signal, Leshawna exploded forward like a fullback diving into the line. Jasmine lunged forward to counter the homegirl's locomotive rush, and they met with teeth-rattling impact. They fell the way Leshawna wanted, for although she had no weight advantage, she had a full head of steam and was much more solidly built than the willowy warrior opposing her. In a trice, Jasmine was flat on her back, but with a firm grip on Leshawna's waist.

Crawling on hands and knees with much effort, Leshawna dragged them both the short distance to the lectern, and too late did the giant guardian guess her intent. Leshawna pulled down the lectern, which was neither anchored nor particularly heavy, and slapped her hand on the button before Jasmine could stop her. So it was that Leshawna advanced.

Katie was the last to spin, and drew the Girdle of Hippolyta. The stick girl was stronger than she looked, as has been told of before, but she knew she was no match for Eva. She turned to Chris and asked, "Do I have to wrestle her, or can I try that pebble thing?"

"Funny you should ask," replied the Lord of Wawanakwa. "I wasn't going to mention it until it came up, but all you girls have a choice. The boys don't, because they deserve to be embarrassed if they can't outman a girl, even a girl like Eva."

"I'll go with the pebble," Katie said. Better a likely fail than a certain fail, she thought nervously.

Katie stepped into the ring with Eva, who held out her hand and showed the pebble. The bronze maiden intoned, "If you can snatch this pebble from my hand, my girdle will be your prize. You have five tries if you need them."

Katie was faster than Gwen, and Eva seemed rather slower than before, so Katie succeeded on her third try.

"Yeah, maybe I went a little easy on Katie," Eva later admitted in the confessional. "Maybe I felt sorry for her because she's been such a cosmic chew toy here, or maybe I cut her some slack because she waited for me to say my lines and didn't jump the gun like Gwen did. Whatever, Chris told me I'm allowed to play favorites as long as I don't make it obvious. But give Katie credit … I didn't go that easy on her."

At the amphitheater, Chris announced, "Katie moves on! And now, time to go on location!"

Izzy lingered behind unnoticed, for she wanted a word with one of the helpers, but she caught up to the travelling Laborers—a party now known as the Chain Gang, thanks to Gwen—before anyone missed her.


THE LAST LABORS REVEALED

The first stop was the kyz kuu course, where Trent earned a kiss from the resident femme fatale, Scarlett. The next stop was the dodgeball court, where Ezekiel would try to catch the greased Erymanthian piglet.

Unbeknownst to anyone else, Bible Boy had a plan. When the clock started, he did not try to drive the piglet. Instead, he cupped his hands about his mouth and cried, "Suuuu-eeee! Pig! Pig! Pig!"

The piglet trotted up to Ezekiel and eyed him expectantly. The prairie boy reached into a pocket of his hoodless hoodie and brought forth a small apple he had saved from his breakfast, something he often did. This he offered to the piglet, which happily accepted his gift. Ezekiel picked up the contented little beast, which did not resist, and presented it to Chris. So it was that Ezekiel emerged with a couple of large grease stains on his hoodie, which was nevertheless as clean as the Fourth Labor would allow.

"Seriously?" Chris griped privately to Chef. "He's barely dirty! How does that happen?"

Chef replied in a mildly reproving tone, "Kid grew up on a farm, and you're surprised he's a good hog caller?"


The host led his young charges to a small maple tree. Dawn sat cross-legged at its base, apparently meditating. Her eyes were closed, but it seemed entirely likely that she was monitoring the party with some kind of second sight. The venue's Wheel of Work had the blue jay icon highlighted.

"The Sixth Labor," Chris intoned, "was to drive off the Stymphalian Birds, which were meat eaters that had metal feathers they could shoot at people like arrows. That's a little beyond our budget, so we're going to simplify things."

Chef Hatchet handed Lindsay a long-handled, oversized butterfly net suitable for catching small birds on the wing. Chris said, "There's a flock of quail in that tree. Your challenge is to catch one. Simple, huh?"

Lindsay began a careful, deliberate approach. She was still a little way off when the birds became agitated and seemed about to flush.

"Wait for it," Dawn admonished softly, her eyes still closed. "She has to get close enough to have a chance."

Lindsay continued to approach. Finally, without opening an eye, the mystic whispered, "Any time."

Anyone who has ever seen a large flock of quail flush at close range understands why quail hunting is not a pastime recommended for people with weak hearts. So it was that, when the flock burst from its bush like a bomb, Lindsay shrieked and fainted dead away. When the formerly blonde bombshell came to her senses, Chris announced, "Lindsay goes down in flames!"

Dawn whistled sharply, and the flock returned to her tree to await the next would-be birdcatcher.


Next on the agenda was Owen's Augean Stables test. The gregarious gargantua was an avid hunter, as were his father and grandfather before him, so he had a good eye for distance. He calmly nailed the bullseye with his first arrow, and drew the Cattle of Geryon for his bonus Labor. Being a stage Labor, however, that would have to wait.

The Chain Gang repaired to the snake tanks for D.J.'s Hydra test. The gentle giant well remembered Owen's inventive solution and resolved to do as the man-mountain had done. The main problem, D.J. thought, was that the snakes were now in the wider vat, so he was concerned that if he plugged it with the narrower receiving vat, he ran the risk of injuring any snakes that were too close to the edge. To minimize this danger, he would have to place the cap more gently than Owen had done.

D.J. tipped the "cap" onto its side and rolled it into position. He shuddered when he looked into the tank, for snakes were a phobia object of his, as has been told of before; and while he had managed to face his fear during the phobia challenge, snakes still creeped him out.

"Okay, slither dudes," he said rhetorically. "I'll try not to hurt you, but don't get too close to the edge." The gentle giant turned his attention back to the "plug" vat, so he did not notice when the snakes unaccountably curled up in the middle of their vat.

D.J. tilted the cap onto the snake tank and patiently worked it into position. Then, instead of crudely albeit spectacularly flipping the assembly over as Owen had done, D.J. lifted the assembly slowly and as gently as he might, stood it briefly on edge, and just as patiently inverted it.

Although the tanks were not mated as tightly as they had been after Owen's more violent maneuvers and D.J. was the stronger of the two titans, the kind-hearted brickhouse found the upper tank harder to remove because he could not quite match Owen's wingspan and also had to remove the wider tank instead of the narrower. In the end, though, he managed it and earned bonus invincibility. Like Owen, D.J. elected to continue the challenge in hope of winning the reward.

D.J.'s bonus Labor was the Erymanthian Boar, but that encounter was anticlimactic. The gentle giant merely walked over, knelt down and picked up the piglet, which seemed to have no particular desire to avoid him.

The irritated Chris said to his aide, "I'll buy that Ezekiel had it easy because he knows how to call hogs, but what's your explanation this time?"

"You got me," Hatchet admitted with a shrug.


The Chain Gang returned to the stage for Owen's bonus Labor, the Cattle of Geryon. This time, Jasmine did not hide in her alcove, the main purpose of which had been to surprise the first Laborer to face her. Instead, she took her place in front of the lectern from the start, in case anyone tried to copy Leshawna's tactics.

When Owen took his place at the other side of the stage, Jasmine exclaimed, "Crikey! I didn't think teenagers got that big!"

Owen replied, "I didn't think girls got as big as you, so I guess we're even. Ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be, mate."

With a vibrant war cry, Owen dashed across the stage like a charging elephant. Jasmine came up to meet him, as she had with Leshawna, but with even less success. The man-mountain simply ran over the giantess, whom he outweighed two to one or more. He would one day do the same to another girl, for higher stakes, but that is another story for another time.

Chris recapped, "That's three rounds in the books, and eight campers are still alive. Katie, how about you start the next round?"

"I'd have to sooner or later," the Thin Twin replied.

The Fates decreed that Katie should face Cerberus. For the sake of role playing, she whistled to summon the mechamutt, which dutifully answered the summons at Scarlett's behest. This time, the hardware hound lumbered out silently, except for the whirrs and clicks of its limbs, for Scarlett's controller included a dial to randomize the robot's personality for each Laborer. This mattered not in the end; for ditzy though she sometimes seemed, the Thin Twin was not stupid. Although she was not as fast as Izzy, Katie nevertheless thought the manic redhead's tactic a good one, for Lindsay's method seemed unlikely to work more than once.

With leash in hand, Katie feinted left, dashed right until she was past the dog heads, nimbly leapt over the hellhound's back and quickly fastened the collar over Mechacerberus' right neck before the tail snake could shock her or envenomate her or do whatever it might have done if given more time.

As Katie led the cybercanine across the stage, Cody recalled a famous panagram frequently used in teaching writing, typing and similar skills. He quipped to Courtney, "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog."[21]


Ezekiel answered Chris' summons. The wheel came to rest with the pointer on a drawing similar to but legally distinct from the Hamilton Tiger-Cats logo.[22]

"I was wondering when somebody was going to hit that one," Chris admitted. "The First Labor, and the last to be introduced in this challenge, is to kill the Nemean Lion. Believe me, I'd have loved to have someone do that literally, and strangle it like Heracles did, but Legal went and got all pissy.

"Whatever, the Nemean Lion was an infamous man-eater with a bulletproof hide. Well, arrow-proof at any rate. It could take the form of a lustworthy human woman to lure unsuspecting men to their doom, and that's that basis for this challenge.

"Your challenge is based on a classic short story you've probably heard of: 'The Lady, or the Tiger?'" Chris gestured to the stage backdrop, where a curtain opened to reveal a makeshift wall with two doors.

"In the story," the host continued pedantically, "single men accused of certain crimes had to go through what's called a 'trial by ordeal'. In this case, the ordeal was to make a blind choice between two doors. One door concealed an eligible bachelorette appropriate to the accused man's social station, and the other concealed a hungry tiger.

"If the accused opened the door with the tiger, that meant he was guilty, and his punishment was to get et. If he opened the door with the lady, that meant he was innocent, and marrying the chick on the spot was his reward. So yeah, it wasn't a society where marrying for love was a priority.

"You get no clues, so you've got a 50-50 chance. That's why we went with this setup. If enough campers have to do this one, it should theoretically knock out about half, which would help keep us on schedule.

"So which will it be, dude? The lady, or the tiger?"[23]

Ezekiel turned away from the wall and fixed his gaze on Courtney in her pillory. The lawyer-to-be was confused at this for a moment, but quickly realized that her etiquette pupil was role playing. He knew the story and so was looking to her—the "princess"—for guidance.

Courtney subtly motioned, as the story described, toward the door to her right. Ezekiel opened the door to reveal … the TDI Aftermath hostess, Millie Stacey, in a simple white wedding dress. She sat preening on a stool.

"So, which is this? The lady, or the tiger?" the farm boy asked; for although the campers' encounter with Millie during the cooking challenge had been pleasant enough, they knew her reputation.

"Good question, dude," Chris said.

Millie declared with mock petulance, "Just for that, you don't get the kiss I'm supposed to give you. Me-yow!" She punctuated her "meow" by crooking the fingers of one hand to depict bared claws, and flicking her wrist to suggest a scratch attack.

"Well, that stinks, eh?" Ezekiel griped with feeling; for although Millie Stacey was easily ten years older than the campers and was not the most pleasant person to be around, she was pretty enough that none of the boys had any reservations about the prospect of kissing her. Ezekiel, in particular, would have dearly loved to complete his "hat trick" of older women.

"Trust me, dude, you're better off without it," Chris said. "She's the type that you can't fall into her arms without falling into her hands. But sadly, you're out. Don't blame me, though, blame Mildred. You should have passed this test, but she decided to flunk you anyway."

The protest everyone was expecting came not from Ezekiel, but from Millie. "Seriously, Chris? That's lame, even for you."

"It's not my fault that you decided to be the predator when you were supposed to be the blushing bride. That's on you, Mildred."

"But I don't go around enforcing lame technicalities, Chris McLame."

"Do you know the real reason you wouldn't give Ezekiel his kiss?" Chris challenged. "It's because, deep down, you know he's too good for you. Every dude on this island is too good for you, even that incompetent little intern who thinks he's an evil genius."

"Jealousy doesn't become you, Chris," Millie shot back. "I'm the best you've ever had or ever will have—and yes, I realize that doesn't in and of itself refute your claim that every man here is too good for me."

Chef Hatchet emerged from backstage. "That's enough, children!" he thundered. "I'm out of popcorn, and as Chris is so fond of saying, we're on a schedule."

As Millie retired backstage, she said to Chef, "Thanks for letting me get the last word."

"Any time," he assured her. "Your zingers are better than his."


After D.J.'s turn at the Wheel yielded a location challenge, Chris called Heather forward, and it pleased the Fates that she should face Jasmine for the Cattle of Geryon.

The sable giantess, looking a bit battered from her encounter with Owen but otherwise none the worse, assumed a wide stance as she had with Lindsay, seemingly daring Heather to try to duck between her legs. Heather feinted low and went high, intending to leap to victory with those long, strong dancer's legs of hers, but this time Jasmine was not fooled. The giantess grabbed the dragon girl by her trailing leg and pinned her to the mat, but Heather somehow squirted out of Jasmine's grasp and slapped her hand on the lectern button before the huge intern could grab her again.

"Crikey! Aren't you a slippery one?" Jasmine exclaimed.

"I get that a lot," Heather admitted.

Izzy spun next, then Leshawna and finally Trent, but the Wheel of Work assigned location Labors to all three, so the Chain Gang quit the amphitheater.


The first stop was Dawn's tree, for the Fates had decreed that D.J. should face the Stymphalian Birds.

The gentle giant took net in hand and began to stalk as quietly as a cat. During his approach, he looked to Dawn to see if she intended to control the birds in any way; for if she was telling the flock when to flush, that moment of warning might make the difference. Their eyes met, and the mystic smiled. She spoke not, but with a strange hearing beyond hearing, D.J. heard the words, good luck.

As with Lindsay's test, Dawn did not tell the flock precisely when to flush, but merely gave general guidance. As she had done for Lindsay, Dawn assured her feathered friends that D.J. meant them no harm, but there was something more. The mystic's attitude toward Lindsay had been the neutrality of professional detachment, but she wanted D.J. to succeed; and while she did not speak of this to her flock, the birds may have sensed her desire on an empathic level. So it was that, when the flock flushed, several birds swooped within easy netting range, whether by accident or design.

This is not to say D.J. was handed a freebie; far from it. The flush startled him, despite his knowing it was coming and knowing what to expect, and he had to recover in time to net the birds that were so conveniently in range. This he did, though; and when he gently swung his net, a female quail became trapped therein.

I am a lad of widespread fame,
And Devon Joseph[24] is my name.
To tell the truth in simple words,
I make my living catching birds.

The moment they attract my eye,
I spread my net and in they fly.
I whistle on my Pipes of Pan
And that makes me a happy man.

Although I am a happy man,
I have in mind another plan.
I dearly love my feathered friends,
But that's not where my interest ends.

To tell the truth, I'd like to find
A pretty bird of my own kind.
In fact, I'd like to fill my net
With all the pretty girls I've met.

Once all the girls were in my net,
I'd choose the fairest for my pet.
My sweetheart and my bride-to-be,
To love and care for tenderly.

I'd bring her cake and sugar plums,
And be content to eat the crumbs.
She'd share my little nest with me—
A happier pair could never be.


The campers came to the kyz kuu course for Owen's date with Scarlett.

"Get ready to pucker up!" Owen called to her between chuckles.

"Talk is cheap, adipose atomizer!" the red rider called back. Scarlett was normally more cordial to the campers than this, but she, like the other challenge helpers, had been encouraged to trash talk, trick and otherwise make life difficult for the Laborers. In the interns' cases, however, few if any of their lines would survive the final edit.

"What did she say?" Leshawna asked.

"I think she called him a fat gas generator," Trent surmised.

"Didn't think she knew him that well," the homegirl admitted.

At Chris' signal, Scarlett started down the course. Owen urged his own horse forward the very instant the flame-crested intern passed him.

Owen's quick reflexes did not avail him. He was not necessarily the worse rider, but his 180-kilo corpus was enough to slow his steed appreciably. The race was never close, and Scarlett beat the man-mountain by 15 lengths if she beat him by one on that short course. She could have won by even more had she not eased her steed just before the finish, the better to come about quickly and chase her hapless opponent back to the start.

On the return, Scarlett caught Owen almost immediately and flogged him all the way back, although she struck no harder than the female campers had. Owen's torment was done quickly enough, and Chris pronounced him out of the challenge. Owen already had bonus invincibility in hand, however, so he would be spared the indignity of the pillory.


The next stop was the Augean Stables, where Izzy took all five of her allotted shots. Many suspected the off-kilter cop of showing off, for she hit first the top of the outer ring, then the bottom, then the left edge, and finally the right edge before neatly skewering the bullseye with her final arrow.

Izzy's bonus spin sent her into the corral to face the Golden Hind, where Weird Red became only the second Laborer to choose the lariat instead of the net. Izzy and Bridgette took their positions, and the all-too-familiar air horn blast started the clock.

Bridgette took exactly one step before she felt the lariat tighten around her trailing leg, just above the ankle. "Seriously?" she cried in disbelief. "Seriously?"

"Chris thought I was wasting time at the Stables," Izzy explained apologetically, "so I figured I needed to get this one over with fast so he-who-must-be-obeyed[25] doesn't decide to make trouble for me. Sorry if I embarrassed you."

"No, it's not that," Bridgette explained, "but sheesh, you didn't even give me a chance."

"That's what Zeke told me," Izzy replied with a wink.

"Did not need to know that."

Izzy rejoined her fellow Laborers. Heather asked, "When did you become such a challenge beast?"

"When I went back on my meds," the off-kilter cop explained. "I'd rather not have to take them, but I will say this for them: they do help me focus."

Chef's radio clamored for attention. When he answered, the entire group could hear a very agitated Beardo speaking rapidly and making sound effects indicating distress and urgency.

Hatchet closed the channel and announced, "We need to get to the snake tanks now!"

"But we're not done here yet," Chris protested. "Leshawna still has to do the Cretan Bull."

"Now, Chris!" Hatchet thundered. "Unless you want to lose another intern!"[26]

"What's the big deal?" Chris asked obliviously, but no one was left to explain. Chef, the campers, the attending interns, Bridgette and the camera crew had dashed off in a body without so much as a "by your leave", so the Supreme Overlord of Wawanakwa could do nothing but follow.

The hour was growing late, so Brett's mother left off her tale and suggested that he prepare for bed.


NOTES:

[01] Jormungandr, as previously noted, is the World Serpent of Norse mythology. The son of Loki and the giantess Angr-Boda, it was a snake so large that it girdled the entire world, living under the sea, and its movements were supposedly the cause of storms at sea. Note that "Jormungandr Junior" is not alliterative because "j" is pronounced like "y" in Old Norse and other Scandinavian languages.

[02] In Japanese erotica, tentacles commonly stand in for male genitalia for various reasons. The woodblock print design, "The Dream of the Fisherman's Wife" (also known by other, more descriptive names) is a famous example of this. In Courtney's constrictor contretemps, the snake's tail stands in for a tentacle.

[03] The Marquis de Sade (Donatien Alphonse François, 1740-1814) is best known for his writings blending philosophy with a brand of pornography emphasizing violence, criminality and anti-Christian blasphemy. The words "sadism" and "sadist" come from his name. In his writings, he (or his English translators) typically called female genitalia "the Altar of Venus", i.e. the place where the Goddess of Love is worshipped. Sade preferred cruder terms for male genitalia, although the flowery "Spear of Jupiter" (after the seemly perpetually horny Greco-Roman god) occasionally appears.

[04] Ezekiel's difficulty with the archery test alludes to his canonical audition tape, where he tries to demonstrate his archery skill but ends up hitting his mother, who was downrange for unknown reasons.

[05] Scarlett calling her horse "Rocinante" alludes to Don Quixote, and Scarlett is aware of this. Published in two volumes in 1605 and 1615, it is considered the first modern novel and is the most influential literary work of the Spanish Golden Age. Rocinante, whose name translates roughly to "used to be a worker", was Quixote's broken-down horse.

[06] The athletic teams at the University of Arkansas are called the Razorbacks, which are feral boars.

[07] The Erymanthian Boar, played by a bear in costume, appears in the Total Drama World Tour episode, "Greece's Pieces" during the Ancient Olympics challenge. Because the bear is not a skilled actor, it behaves like a bear, not a boar.

[08] Chris' word choice regarding the habitat of the Erymanthian Boar alludes to the Harry Potter reference book, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.

[09] Chris calling the piglet by the proper name of "Piggy" refers to the Lord of the Flies character of that name.

[10] In a Total Drama context, "self-styled evil genius" is enough description for readers familiar with Total Drama Pahkitew Island to recognize the canonically inept Max.

[11] Michael Jackson (1958-2009), once known as "The King of Pop", was also and less flatteringly known for his body image issues, which contributed to a nickname shift from "Jacko" to "Wacko Jacko". One of the modifications he made to himself was to severely lighten his skin. Because this story is set in 2007, the year the show's canon counterpart premiered, Jackson is still alive and still making headlines for all the wrong reasons.

[12] "Playing the ponies" is slang for betting on horse races.

[13] Izzy stating her desired Labor and subsequently getting it without using a weak spin to "cheat" is based on the famous "called shot" by baseball legend Babe Ruth (1895-1948). During the 1932 World Series, Ruth came to the plate, pointed his bat seemingly at the center-field stands, and on the next pitch hit a tape-measure home run to center field. There is some question as to whether Ruth actually pointed at the stands or at something else (such as the opposing pitcher or bench) but the story is firmly entrenched in baseball lore.

[14] In the Bronze Age Greek names of classical mythology, "c" is always pronounced like "k", never like "s".

[15] The description of the Cerberus robot's dog parts is based on Muffit II, the robotic dog from the original Battlestar Galactica.

[16] Lindsay rendering "Cerberus" as "Khakibarn" alludes to Total Drama's sister series, 6Teen, which is canonically implied to be in the same continuity as Total Drama. Khaki Barn is a clothing retailer and a major subsetting for 6Teen's events, and one of the characters employed there has the same voice actress as Lindsay.

[17] A tell is a subconscious behavior that gives an opponent useful information in card games and similar pursuits.

[18] In gambling, a "push" is a tie, adjusted for equalizing factors such as point spreads. In the event of a push, all bets are off and the bettors neither gain nor lose.

[19] Izzy's pleasure reaction to electric shock and her request for another come from the challenge's canon counterpart, which includes Izzy being shocked with electric eels and loving every second of it.

[20] Because B is a fan of the kaiju genre, Mechacerberus' lightning-breathing dragonlike heads allude to King Ghidorah, a three-headed dragon in the Godzilla franchise.

[21] A panagram is a phrase that includes every letter of the alphabet. Cody's remark includes a double entendre, because in addition to the animal, "fox" is also slang for an attractive woman. (The counterpart term for a man with Cody's attitudes toward women is "wolf".)

[22] The Hamilton Tiger-Cats are a team in the Canadian Football League. They are based in Hamilton, Ontario, a port city on the western end of Lake Ontario. (Trivia note: In the author's what-if story, "Legacy", Geoff eventually becomes a backup quarterback for the Tiger-Cats.)

[23] The "Lady or the Tiger" angle for the Nemean Lion sub-challenge was suggested by RhondaTheStalkerFan.

[24] The poem quoted when D.J. faces the Stymphalian Birds is Papageno's introduction aria, "Der Vogelfänger bin ich ja" ("I am the Birdcatcher") from Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart's opera, The Magic Flute. A video link is available on the author's profile page. D.J.'s name, Devon Joseph, replaces "Papageno" from the metrical English translation (in the original German, Papageno does not identify himself by name in this aria) because it fits the meter.

[25] Izzy's description of Chris as "he-who-must-be-obeyed" is a gender-flipped reference to the 1887 novel, She (subtltled A History of Adventure) by H. Rider Haggard. This novel established the conventions of the "lost world" fantasy sub-genre.

[26] The man-eating supersnake was originally planned to attack Katie during her Hydra test. This was changed for chapter length. The snake attack seemed the best place for a cliffhanger, but Katie could not face the Hydra before the sixth round.


CHALLENGE STATUS:

First round:

Out: Cody (Labor #10), Courtney (2), Duncan (9)

Passed: D.J. (5/3), Ezekiel (3), Gwen (10), Heather (8), Izzy (7), Katie (8), Leshawna (11), Lindsay (10), Owen (7), Trent (11)

Second round:

Out: none

Passed: D.J. (10), Ezekiel (5/8), Gwen (11), Heather (2/3), Izzy (8), Katie (3), Leshawna (4), Lindsay (12), Owen (2*/9), Trent (7)

Third round:

Out: Gwen (9), Lindsay (6)

Passed: D.J. (2*/4), Ezekiel (4), Heather (11), Izzy (12), Katie (9), Leshawna (10), Owen (5/10), Trent (8)

Fourth round (in progress):

Out: Ezekiel (1), Owen (8)

Passed: D.J. (6), Heather (10), Izzy (5/3), Katie (12)

TBD: Leshawna (7), Trent (2)

* Earned bonus invincibility


INTERN UPDATE:

Original intern corps: Alejandro, Anne Maria, B, Brick, Cameron, Jo, Lightning, Scott, Staci + 4 others

Pregame: unidentified intern dies (eaten by sharks)

Episode 2: unidentified intern dies (mauled by bear)

Episode 4 pregame: two unidentified interns die (construction accident)

Episode 5 pregame: Rodney, Shawn + 11 others arrive

Episode 5: Anne Maria + unidentified intern die (burned to death fighting the amphitheatre fire)

Episode 6 pregame: two unidentified interns allegedly die (mauled by bears). It is unclear whether they really died or were even attacked at all, or whether Chris was just playing mind games during the challenge briefing.

Episode 8 pregame ("The Boney Island Massacre"): Jo dies (killed by giant beavers, essentially rodent versions of bears); Lightning + several unidentified interns die (rockslide)

Episode 10 pregame: Beardo, Carrie, Dave, Ennui, Dawn, Ella, Leonard, Max, Scarlett, Sky + 3 others arrive

Episode 12: Cameron's earlier death mentioned (cause not stated, but implied to have been violent)

Episode 13 pregame: Rodney injured, out for the season

Episode 13: Ella dies, sort of (natural causes)

Episode 15 pregame: Jasmine, Ryan + 11 others arrive; Max injured but able to continue, Scarlett injured but able to continue

Episode 15: unidentified intern dies (eaten by snake)

NOTE: Additional intern deaths and injuries not mentioned in the narrative should be assumed.

Confirmed dead (4): Anne Maria, Cameron, Jo, Lightning

Presumably dead (1): Brick

Define "dead" (1): Ella

Status uncertain (2): Staci, Dave

Presumably alive (5): Carrie, Leonard, Rodney (injured, departed), Scott, Shawn

Confirmed alive (10): Alejandro, B, Beardo, Dawn, Ennui, Jasmine, Max, Ryan, Scarlett, Sky

NOTE: Although it is technically possible for an intern to die within seconds of their last "sighting", for purposes of this listing anyone appearing on the most recent day of the story's chronology is "confirmed alive" unless otherwise noted. Interns who have appeared or been stated to be alive in the latest week or so of the story's chronology, or who have left the island, are "presumably alive" unless otherwise noted.


(A/N): I intended to post this chapter two weeks after the last, but it took me four because the Labors of Heracles challenge will … not … end. When I last updated, I noted that I had written 8400 words for the remainder of the challenge. Since then, I've written another 4600 words and feel no closer to finishing than I was before. In effect, this challenge is behaving like a "mini me" counterpart to the story as a whole.

Who do you think will prevail and be crowned demigod for a day? How did you like the four Labors (Lion, Boar, Birds, Cerberus) that debuted in this chapter. Now that you've seen (nearly) all the cameo/guest star appearances, which do you like best? I'd be delighted to hear your thoughts on these matters and any others you see fit to discuss.

I am hoping to post 28th Night, which should conclude the challenge and probably the episode, during the weekend following Independence Day (4 July for those of you who don't live in the States). That gives me three weeks, which is plausible because I have most of the episode's remaining events written.