Notes: Tfw you're writing about three Todorokis talking about Todoroki so you just have to use their given names and say fuck it. What's it say about writing a chapter kind of about accepting the past, your regrets, and your failures in the middle of a fic when it normally is the end? I dunno, ya'll, but these people got some shit they have to deal with - all of them. Uraraka gets her own in the next chapter because she's got a lot going on, but she's there finally.
Uraraka had been to Todoroki's apartment more than a few times over the past year. He had moved here after graduation, but hadn't done anything like a housewarming party like some of the others in their class. She thought he was a little self-conscious about it, considering that it was his first time being on his own. It was sparsely decorated, a bit like Bakugou's, lacking the warmth and homeliness she and Deku had infused in their apartment, but it was his own space and she knew it meant a lot to him.
It wasn't until Deku's death that she had ever stepped foot in it. A week after the search for his body had ended, everything had come crashing down on her all at once. The apartment she had shared with him had become too much and she'd thought she was going to drown in all the emotions she kept bundled up inside. Honestly, she had called Todoroki on accident, meaning to hit Tsu's contact, but the second he answered the phone and she heard his steady voice on the other end, she had broken like a dam.
"Come over."
Todoroki hadn't hesitated that moment he realized what was going on. He was by no means the best of their friends at handling someone else's grief and comforting them, especially when he was trying to deal with his own, but he hadn't balked at her choking sobs. He'd called a cab for her since he recognized that she was in no state to drive, told her to pack a bag, and that was that. He would have hot tea waiting for her when she got there. She had tried to back out, apologize for waking him up, but he had simply said that some company would be nice and she couldn't say no to him.
Maybe he wasn't the best at comforting people, but he had caught her when she stumbled at his apartment door, catching her in his arms, and he had led her to the couch so she could cry hysterically. She had cried since Deku's death, of course, but nothing like this since that actual moment when he'd gone under the stormy waves and Bakugou had managed to save her with the last of his strength. Todoroki had said nothing as she ruined his t-shirt with her tears. He kept his warm, left hand on his back to soothe her as she cried and then put his cool, right hand against her forehead once she stopped to cool her red face down and help her puffy eyes and cheeks.
It was exactly what she had needed that night.
If things ever became too overwhelming at home, Uraraka knew she was welcome to crash at Todoroki's apartment. She could've gone to Tsu's or Iida's, but she also knew they would try to talk with her about how she felt. There was nothing wrong with that - perhaps she, Todoroki, and Bakugou could have done so more - but she couldn't take it. She wasn't ready. She was unsure of when she would be. She'd experienced grief before, but never on this level. It was hard to handle.
It was only until the next morning did she find out that Todoroki didn't live alone. He could've stayed living at his father's house. The two of them had repaired their relationship as much as it could be over the past few years, but it would never be truly good. One of the major reasons he had moved out as soon as he graduated was so his mother could leave the hospital and move in with him. Estranged from her family, she'd had nowhere to go and it had been Todoroki's main goal to get her out so she could live her life.
When Uraraka had woken the next morning looking rough for wear but feeling somewhat better, it had been to the smell of breakfast and humming from the kitchen that made her ache for home. She had been startled to see his mother there, but Todoroki explained the situation in a monotone voice. Rei Todoroki was a lot more positive about it, smiling as she spoke about what her youngest son had done for her, but the worry in her eyes said that she knew he was also hurting terribly over the loss of his friend.
Uraraka didn't ask questions - she knew better than that - but she'd gleamed bits and pieces of Todoroki's history over the six years she'd known him. The nights they spent picking up the pieces Deku's death had shattered were when he finally opened up, haltingly at first. During those moments, Rei had given them space, keeping to her bedroom, but many times his eyes were drawn to her door. There was so much pain and regret in his past, more than she thought right for him to carry, and Deku's death only added to it more. It wasn't his fault, but failure was something that stung him deeply in particular.
It turned out that only Deku had really known the truth. He'd told him a little of it in their first year at the Sports Festival, but it had been out of anger and spite towards his father. As the years went on, he had opened up more until he had someone to confide in. It was good. All those years he'd kept everything inside - he'd kept everything a secret, even the smallest details about his life that weren't even bad - and he finally learned that there were people out there that would accept all of him, even the darkest parts.
Deku had never told her anything, as it was not his story to tell, but with him gone, Todoroki had fallen into that lonely pit again. Iida knew a little, as they'd gotten closer by their third year and both shouldered the weight of being in a family of heroes, but nothing to this extent. Those nights where she had cried the tears out and then they sat in silence until he forced himself to talk meant the world to her. She should've done more - there was so much more she could've done, even if Todoroki had insisted that she'd done everything - but she'd seen him holding out a branch and she'd leaped to take it.
Maybe it was to distract herself from her own pain and suffering. Maybe it was because she wanted to feel closer to Deku since Todoroki was his best friend. Maybe it really was to help both of them heal. Uraraka hadn't thought about it then and she wasn't certain now. All she knew was that there was a chance it was all for naught. Everything she had done to build that bridge between them - everything she had done to comfort him - everything he had done to move on from his past and build a better future, create a happier life, become more…
Going under that villain's quirk could take all of that away. He'd have every little success ripped away from him, those bright memories shredded to pieces, and it would leave him broken and hollow for them to piece back together and fill up with whatever the villains' wanted. It devastated her, but left her furious too. Todoroki had done so much to heal and now there were tearing open old wounds, pouring salt in them, and forcing him to bleed out and burn again.
It pissed her off so much.
But now was not the time for anger. That would be for later. And this time, there would be no Todoroki to call. She would have to figure something else out.
"You sure you want to do this?" Bakugou asked as they sat in the car.
Uraraka stared at Todoroki's apartment building. It was nicer than the one she'd lived in, even though Deku had actually made more money in the end. No, she wasn't sure, but it had to be done. "They deserve to know," was all she could say.
Bakugou huffed out a breath, but he didn't argue with her on this. He must have understood it too. After all, he had told her how he'd gone with Tsu and All Might to speak with Inko. Uraraka's heart went out to the woman, who must have been grieving, confused, and terrified at the same time. As soon as she was ready, Uraraka would have to visit her as well. After all, Inko had almost been her mother-in-law and she loved her dearly.
After taking a deep breath, Uraraka got out of the car and Bakugou followed. He said nothing, keeping one step behind her, as they walked into the building and got in the elevator. She almost took the stairs so she could prolong the inevitable, but no, she had to get this taken care of. She pressed the button for the tenth floor while Bakugou leaned against the back wall and shoved his hands in his pockets. The ride was oddly silent, but it wasn't awkward. It kind of… Well, it kind of reminded her of how things had been between her and Todoroki in those dark days.
It was strange coming from Bakugou now. She'd expected him to be much more emotional, maybe irritated that she wasn't taking time to herself yet, but he was being almost impassive. She knew that he didn't rage all the time or fight through the pain, but she had come to associate him with a different type of comforting. Whereas others had tried to scale the walls that she built in her grief, he normally blew right through them. It was very effective and sometimes it could frustrate her, but it was what she needed too.
Things were so messed up right now, it was hard to figure out what exactly she needed. A break maybe, but it didn't look like she was going to get that any time soon. To be honest, she hadn't been looking forward to fighting with Bakugou on this, so it was a relief that he wasn't.
Once the elevator doors opened, she took a left and didn't stop until she reached the fifth door on the left. Many of the doors around them were decorated in some way or had a doormat, but Todoroki's was plain. It looked so average, but she couldn't help but be scared of it. As exhausted and emotionally spent as she was though, Uraraka raised a hand and knocked on the door.
There was a moment where nothing happened and then there was sound on the other side, like someone had walked up to the door and peered through the peephole. After another few seconds of silence, she heard the door being unlocked and then it slowly swung open to reveal a young woman with red-streaked white hair and grey eyes behind a pair of glasses.
Uraraka tried to keep her voice even as she started, "Hi, um-"
"I don't think is a good time," the woman said quickly, not unkindly. Her eyes flickered from Uraraka to Bakugou, who was hunkered down behind her perhaps in an attempt to look less threatening. It was difficult for him to not pass off that vibe. "Or a good idea."
"Let her in, Fuyumi," a woman's light voice called from further inside the apartment.
Fuyumi, who Uraraka now recognized as Todoroki's oldest sister, closed her eyes and sighed, her grip on the edge of the door tight, but then she pulled it open further and allowed them to step inside. Uraraka knew that she was only trying to protect her mother. How worried they must have been about her. Even Todoroki had expressed his concern when they had talked about their families and how they might be coping with their kidnapping. He kept repeating to himself that his mother was fine - she was mentally fit - but it had sounded more like eh was trying to convince himself of that truth.
Nothing had changed in Todoroki's apartment except for the extra blankets and pillow on the couch, suggesting that someone had been sleeping there. It had to be either Fuyumi or Natsuo. The moment he'd found out that Deku was back and acting as a villain, he had called his siblings to come stay with their mom. He was wary of going back home, especially if he became a target.
With two known members of the family in the top five heroes, there was the concern that their family was in danger, but especially with Deku involved. He knew all the intricate details about Todoroki's life. He knew what would hurt him the most. Todoroki hadn't thought that Deku would go after his family, but it was easier to stay away from them so he didn't bring danger to his doorstep. Plus, what with him working on the clock to protect Uraraka and prep for a fight with the new League and Deku, he hadn't much time to go home anyway. He didn't want his mom to be alone though, so he'd called his siblings.
Rei was sitting on a cushion at the kitchen table, a cup of tea in her hands. Judging by the way she was able to hold it and no steam came from the top, it had gone cold a while ago. Uraraka was once again struck by how beautiful his mom was. She was so bright and soft, but there was an obvious sadness in her now whereas there had only been a vague hint of it before. Dark circles hung under her grey eyes, but… When she lifted her gaze to Uraraka, there was no anger in them.
The relief was so strong that Uraraka's knees almost buckled right then and there, but she managed to catch herself so that only her breath stuttered in her chest a little.
"Natsu, could you get two more cups of tea?" Rei asked, her focus not leaving Uraraka, making her feel frozen on the spot.
The other young man in the room eyed the two newcomers for a moment before nodding his head and walking out to do as his mother asked. He had the same build and facial features of his father, but his mother's eyes and hair. Not knowing what else to do, Uraraka managed to shakily sit down on one of the cushions at the table across from her. She could feel Bakugou's unease burning through him, his body hot even from a distance, but he did the same without complaint. She wondered if keeping silent for this long was a struggle.
Uraraka had no clue where to start, but luckily, Rei did it for her. "I saw on the news how you managed to escape."
Swallowing a lump in her throat, Uraraka looked down at her hands. "I don't know if it was an escape. It was more like I was…" Let me go, Ochako. "It was more like I was released." She gripped her shorts tightly. Iida had gone to her place to get her a change of clothes, which was ironic, considering that Deku had had a villain do the same thing after her capture. "I don't know if that's any better, to be honest."
"You're alive, safe, and out of the villains' hands," Rei responded. How could someone be so direct and so gentle at the same time? It must have come from learning how to live with Todoroki. That was the best approach with him when he was upset. "It's what Shouto would have wanted."
Hearing her speak of her son so plainly made Uraraka's heart ache even more. From the way Fuyumi held herself in the corner, an arm across her chest so she could hold her arm, to the way Natsuo hesitantly stepped back into the room and set down two cups in tea in front of them, she could see that they were all doing their best to keep themselves together. It was much harder than it looked. The uncertainty that the kidnapping brought on them must have been near unbearable. And then to have Uraraka come back safely and not a word about their brother…
Uraraka wouldn't have blamed any of them if they resented her even a little.
It was understandable. It was human. Sure, they were glad that Uravity, their brother's friend, was safe, but she wasn't who they wanted. It was like when people told her she was lucky to be alive after nearly dying to save Deku, but the words only angered her. Lucky? Her being alive had nothing to do with what she wanted. She wanted the love of her life back. She wanted the cold, drab nightmare to end. Nothing else mattered.
Every time she saw a happy couple holding hands as they walked down the street or were having together, she resented them. When she saved people and watched as they clung to each other, so relieved that they were both alive, she resented them. It made her feel disgusting and petty, but it was entirely human. She wasn't angry with them in particular. She was simply angry with the world and in pain.
She'd once confessed feeling like this to Bakugou, if only because she'd been suffering from guilt over it, and he had shrugged his shoulders and said, "Then fucking hate them. Be pissed. Be upset. You've got every right and don't owe them your happiness too." It was blunt and had taken her back, but it had stopped her from getting so worked up over feelings she couldn't entirely control. She had known that Tsu would point out that it was only natural for her to feel like that and Iida would tell her that those feeling, painful as they were, would eventually fade from her - and they were two perfectly good things to say - but it wasn't what she'd needed to hear.
What did Todoroki's mother and siblings need to hear now? She'd given his father the cold hard truth, although she was torn between thinking that she should've ripped into him more or not brought up things that were very personal and not hers to talk about. She wasn't sure it was what he'd needed to hear, but she thought maybe it was. She did not doubt that he would be a target and he needed to know that other people knew why. It made her think of what Deku had said at the park about hero society - how it was broken.
He had a point.
"I'm sorry," Uraraka said, her voice strained. "I-"
She choked on any words she could think to say. Why couldn't she just speak? Even worse, she had to be the one to do it. Bakugou had nothing to say.
"Just tell us he's alive," Natsuo burst, unable to stay silent any longer.
When Uraraka nodded her head, the three of them all dropped their shoulders. There was that at least. She didn't know how much of a relief it was, considering Todoroki's request she could no longer follow. Not unless they met again, but there was really only one way they would and it would be too late by then.
"Do you…?" Fuyumi glanced at her mother and brother and then back to Uraraka. "Do you think they'll keep him alive? There wasn't a ransom or anything like that. It was just...nothing."
"They won't kill him," Uraraka said. She couldn't be for sure, but she was positive. Deku was no longer the same, but, as Kyomu had said - as Deku had told her - it was still him. He'd been ordered to kill Todoroki, but he hadn't done it when given the chance. He hadn't wanted to do it. Kyomu had known that and also knew that Deku was pretending on some level to get what he wanted. Todoroki living worked for their advantage and Deku's too. After all, he didn't want to be alone and he felt so lonely. Such a human emotion, one that Uraraka knew very well. She didn't want to be lonely either.
"How can you be certain?" Natsuo asked anxiously.
Uraraka released her grip on her shorts and relaxed her hands against her thighs, tears burning her eyes. "Because the villains have something much worse in store for him and I'm not there to help him like I promised."
A little honesty could go a long way and they deserved to know the truth. Todoroki was made up of secrets. He was made up of walls he'd built to protect himself. He'd gotten better at letting people in, at opening the door, and being honest instead of silent. She knew that the authorities would not explain to his family what was going on. They were trying to keep a tight lid on things. It made sense, but it harmed people as well. She couldn't do that. His mother was scared for her youngest son, confused about what was going on, terrified of what might happen. She deserved to know that they were being used against him to manipulate him. It would hurt, but they needed to know the truth.
Rei pulled her hands away from the tea cup, which, when Uraraka glanced at it, had frozen over. "I apologize. I didn't…" She smiled sadly at the cup. "You were so kind to Shouto and were there for him in a way I couldn't be. Midoriya's death hurt him deeply, but he never wanted to talk about it. He's always tried so hard to be strong and he didn't want to worry me. He was so lost though. And he was worried he wasn't doing enough to help you."
"He did everything he could and more," Uraraka reassured her.
"I know. I told him that as well, but he was so stubborn," Rei continued, the smile fading from her face. "It's never easy - seeing your child in pain - especially when you know there isn't anything you can do about it. I thought… I thought the worst was behind us. We'd survived. He had survived - all my children had and they were flourishing. We could leave all that pain in the past."
But they couldn't. It would follow them for as long as they lived. Maybe it wouldn't affect them as much and it might not even hurt anymore, but it would always be there, like a shadow. For Todoroki, it was much more than that. The past wasn't the past anymore. It was being brought back to the forefront and his pain and torment was being shoved in his face. If anyone knew what he was suffering through right now, it would be his mother. After all, she had been there. She was one of the nightmares he would be forced to face too.
"To see him hurting again, clear as day when he thought he was hiding it…" Rei sighed. "I didn't know what to do. He closed himself off again. He shut people out." She shook her head. "And then there you were and he couldn't. He had to open that door back up to help you because, well, that's what friends do and it was what his best friend would want him to do and- He needed it. He needed you." Her eyes lifted from the cup and landed on Uraraka. They were so sad. "You were- You are a good friend. I appreciate what you did for him."
Such words stung her. A good friend. She could've been better. She could have done more. Maybe if she had gone with Deku earlier, none of this would've happened. If she'd been a better liar, if she had loved more, if she hadn't tried to save everyone, if she had been stronger - so much stronger - maybe Todoroki wouldn't be where he was now. She'd broken her promise to him.
"Now, I have a favor to ask of you," Rei said, her voice trembling like a snowflake in the winter air. "What's going to my baby boy? What's happening to my Shouto?"
Uraraka took a breath and held herself tightly. And then she began.
It hurt like hell to tell them what they were doing to Todoroki. She didn't have all the pieces, but she told them what she could. It was harsh and maybe she kept some of the worse things to herself, telling herself that lying by omission wasn't really lying when it would mean a little less pain, but she told them the truth. As she told the story, a wave of anger steadily built where Bakugou sat. She didn't know what that meant, but it wasn't pretty. Both Deku and Todoroki were having the pain of their past used to turn them into villains when it had made them heroes before. It was twisted.
Meanwhile, Todoroki's family took it as well as could be expected. Their faces were pale, bodies tense, eyes wide and glossy, but they listened silently as Uraraka laid out the details like a path until she finally reached the end where they could reach their own conclusions. Tears slipped out of Rei's eyes while Fuyumi held a hand over her mouth to stifle any cries and Natsuo had gone completely stiff.
"So what you're saying," Natsuo began slowly, "is that Shouto is gonna end up like Midoriya."
"If they succeed and Shouto gives in to the quirk, then yes," Uraraka answered plainly.
"That would make our old man the top of his list," Natsuo said. He ran a hand through his hair and let out a shaky, aggravated breath. "Can't say I blame him. He must be so angry . I know I was for the longest time. Maybe I still am. I don't know."
Uraraka bit her lip and admitted, "It's not just Endeavor that I'm worried about."
Natsuo furrowed his brow and reared back. "You don't think-?"
"He wouldn't," Fuyumi insisted, catching eyes with her brother. There was real concern in them though. They didn't want to believe that their little brother would come after them, but after everything that Uraraka had told them, no matter how much they loved and believed in him, they couldn't be for certain. They only thing they could be sure about was that everything was up in the air. "Would he?"
"But we didn't do anything," Natsuo said.
"I did," Rei spoke up in a quietly pained voice, her eyes startlingly dry. "I hurt him."
Natsuo shook his head. "That wasn't you."
"But it was," Rei insisted. She was upset and hurt, but accepting as well. She would not hide away from the role she played in her son's life. "There are plenty of memories of me that this villain can use to turn Shouto against me without changing anything and more that he can." She folded her hands in her lap. "When he came to visit me that first time, I was so… I was so scared. I thought he would hate me forever, but then he forgave me. He hadn't been upset. He missed me. I could only think, Why? Why are you forgiving me when I betrayed your trust and hurt you? I was afraid I didn't deserve it."
Manipulating and bringing back memories of the abuse he suffered under his father would be one thing, but Uraraka had a feeling the memories of his mother would be the most telling when it came to Todoroki. His feelings on his past were conflicted as they were. She did not think anyone could come out of that and not feel even a little resentful of the other people involved. Shouto had been a kid. Who knew what he had bottled up in order to become stronger? Who knew what he had let go of in order to forgive and move on?
"Maybe it wasn't entirely my fault, but by the time I hurt him, he was afraid of me too," Rei finished. "If what she's saying about the quirk is true, then that's all that matters. He'll use whatever he can to turn Shouto against the world and Enji and I gave him a lot to work with." She looked up at her two children, resolute in her words but grieving too. They'd all thought this was behind them and now it was being dragged to the forefront once again. How many times would he have to move on in order to finally heal? "But you two were innocent. You did nothing."
Bakugou suddenly scoffed, his arms folded across his chest. "That's the point, isn't it?"
The two Todoroki siblings stared at him, angry at first, but then their eyes went back to each other and that anger was replaced with shame. Rei even flinched. It wasn't their fault. From what Todoroki had told her, their father separated them the moment his quirk manifested and he realized he had the heir that he had been trying to have for years. While Todoroki had suffered under his father's hands with brutal and harsh training, Natsuo and Fuyumi had been left alone. They had remained untouched.
It would be a painfully simple thing for Kyomu to twist in Todoroki's mind with his quirk.
"At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter what you did or didn't do," Uraraka pointed out. "You were just kids and it wasn't your fault, but he can make it seem like you willfully ignored his suffering, maybe make it seem like you were relieved it was him and not you, make you jealous of his quirk and hateful."
Fuyumi rubbed at her wet eyes. "And I was there. You left, Natsuo, but I stayed. I thought it was so I could help him, but I didn't do anything. I knew what our father was doing and I…" She sniffed and turned away from them, holding herself protectively. "Maybe I was complicit."
"Like you were going to fight against Dad," Natsuo said.
"I could have done something!" Fuyumi exclaimed, distraught and panicky as tears slipped from her eyes. "He was so little and I knew… We both knew..." She hugged herself. "After what happened with Touya, I knew exactly what would happen to Shouto. I kept telling myself it would be different. Shouto was different. His quirk was what Dad wanted. He'd survive." She closed her eyes, trying to stop the tears. "I'd bandage up wounds, clean cuts, tend to bruises, but I never said anything. I didn't want to embarrass him or upset him more. I was so stupid."
"You were a kid," Uraraka said gently.
"I was old enough to know better," Fuyumi replied in a flat tone that reminded her of Todoroki. She was closing in on herself as a coping mechanism. It must have run in the family. "Do you really think he'll come after us?"
All Uraraka could do was shake her head and admit, "I don't know."
The three of them looked down at the ground, unable to look at each other. They all had their own fears and worries. Uraraka could see them in their eyes and on their faces. They weren't quite as good as Todoroki at hiding how they felt.
When she looked back at Bakugou, she could tell he was thinking the same thing as her. He wasn't all that good at hiding how he felt either and he'd always been honest except when it came to fear and grief. There was a stormy look on his face, one that he couldn't have hid no matter how hard he tried. She understood why. Not only did they have to worry about what the villains' would do with Todoroki's memories of his family, but there was a possibility his memories of them would be affected as well.
To be honest, Uraraka didn't think she was in much danger. Turning Todoroki against her would conflict with Deku's feelings for her and it would be best for the villains (and devastating for the heroes) if those two worked together as a team. They had fought together as heroes a few times and it had always been overwhelming for any villains involved. Bakugou, on the other hand… Their rivalry had been rocky in the beginning, smoothing out near the end, but it had never fully ended. Their relationship had stayed undefined.
Perhaps not for much longer. And with both Deku and Todoroki coming after him and out for blood, Bakugou, strong as he was, would have twice the work cut out for him.
Sighing irritably, Bakugou pulled himself to his feet. "I think it would be for the best if you took some time away."
"What?" Natsuo asked. "You're telling us to run? To leave him behind?"
"Yeah, because that's better than the alternative where he comes back messed up in the head and hurts you," Bakugou shot back with all the bluntness of a bullet shot at point blank range. Natsuo clenched his jaw and formed his hands into fists, but he didn't argue either. "He'd never forgive himself for that. So yeah, run, get out of the city - hell, get out of the country - to save him from doing something he'll regret."
Fuyumi collapsed into a chair. "So we do nothing - again."
"You let us do our jobs," Bakugou told her.
"We'll bring him back," Uraraka swore, even though she knew making a promise was a mistake. They nodded their heads, but they had to know it the same as her. "We'll save him."
No matter how much conviction she put into them, the words felt somewhat hollow when faced with the fact that she had been saying the same thing about Deku and had yet to produce any results. If anything, her time with him had somehow made him worse and pushed him further into villainy. That was what really hurt her, wasn't it? She had been right there - she had been with him, held him, kissed him - and he'd gone further away. It was a harsh truth to face, but one that she had to acknowledge if she was going to help Todoroki. She had to figure out where she went wrong.
It wasn't all on her. It couldn't be all on her - the weight of it was far too much to bear alone - but even though she had struggled to come to terms with the fact that her best hadn't been able to save Deku from dying, she still had to believe that she could do this. That was what being a hero meant. Continuing to fight when all hope was lost. It was what she had done after Deku's death and it was what she would do now. She would not stop fighting until they either won or she was dead and she knew that Bakugou felt the same way. That was it.
After discussing some of their options of where they could go, Fuyumi had bowed out near the end so she could alert their father. Natsuo hadn't seemed to like it much, but he had agreed it was a good idea. Communication was key in situations like this and, what his relationship was with his family now, the number one hero would have to feel better knowing that they were safe.
The fact that they would be safe from one of their own was best not to dwell on. Endeavor's greatest masterpiece could turn into his worst nightmare.
With that taken care of, Uraraka and Bakugou took their leave. Bakugou left first, walking out so he could check to make sure the coast was clear. She didn't think anyone would be there waiting for them - not so soon after that battle - but he wasn't taking any chances and she hadn't the energy to argue with him.
Before she could leave when she got the confirmation text from Bakugou, Rei touched Uraraka's shoulder and the younger woman allowed herself to get pulled into a light, cool hug. "Take care of yourself." She pulled back far enough so they could look each other in the eyes. There was serious concern in Rei's, the concern of a mother that made Uraraka ache for her own. "I know what it's like to hold everything in until you break."
"I'm fine," Uraraka mumbled, dropping her gaze and pulling out of her grip fully.
Rei sighed. "No, you're not. And you don't have to be. It took me far too long to realize that." She stepped back. Her tone was patient, understanding, and sad, but her words reminded her of her son. "You're so busy trying to save everyone you stand to lose yourself. Take care, please, if not for yourself, then so you will be stronger for them."
Uraraka's throat constricted as she painfully forced out the words, "Thank you," and then left.
The moment she got into the elevator, she collapsed against the wall. She had to throw one hand back to grab the railing to keep herself from falling to the ground and held another over her mouth to muffle a cry that threatened to escape. Not now, she willed herself, squeezing her eyes shut to stop the tears. Not here, not yet. She didn't want to do this in public. She didn't want to do this at all. It was coming though, whether she liked it or not. The clumsily constructed floodgates were breaking and she had no idea what would come pouring through once they finally did or if she'd be able to stop.
She rushed out of the elevator as soon as the doors opened, bursting out of the building and storming to the car where Bakugou was waiting for her outside. "Hey," he started, but took one look at her and cut himself off. In another world, she would've reflected on how much self-control he had. However, right now, it was taking all of her willpower not to break down on the spot.
Not yet, not yet, Uraraka kept telling herself as she got in the car and hugged her legs to her chest.
Bakugou still said nothing when he got in the car and she told him in a choked up voice, "Home, please."
It was perhaps the last place she wanted to go right now. Trapped with all her memories of Deku and her old life with him, the good and the bad being used to twist him into a shadowed imitation of himself. It was the only place she could go. Her fallback was gone and her other friends… She didn't know. She was afraid of breaking down around any of them, even though she knew they would help her pick of the pieces. As lonely as she felt, a part of her felt like she should be alone.
Halfway to her apartment, Bakugou asked in a low voice, "Did you want me to stay?" When she didn't answer him and continued to stare out the window, having lulled herself into a false sense of piece using the scenery to clear her mind for the time being, he continued, "Did you want me to call someone?"
Uraraka chewed on her bottom lip, mulling over the two questions. It all came down to one thing: did she want him around or not. He would do either one without complaint. Even if it hurt him - even if it pained him to be close to her and unable to do anything to help her - even if it stung him if she wanted someone else - he would do it. The thought twisted her stomach until it made her feel sick all over again. If only Deku could see this side of Bakugou. He was rough around the edges, still blunt, but he was caring and determined and understanding. He might not like it, but he did what was necessary.
No, Deku could only see a monster. He could only remember Bakugou as he had been and probably worse. The truth was she didn't know entirely. She'd learned more about their history in the past few weeks than ever before, but she still didn't know because neither one of them talked about it. Just as Todoroki's past was coming back to haunt him, so was theirs.
"Can you call Iida?" Uraraka asked in a quiet voice. "If he's busy, it's fine-"
"Nah, he'll come," Bakugou interrupted her, not meanly.
She chanced a glass at his reflection in the window, but it was hard to read him as he sent Iida a quick text. Had she hurt his feelings? It wasn't that she didn't want him around. She did. Gods, she wanted him to stay more than anything. That was why he couldn't. That was why she needed him to stay away. It was for his own good. It was better that way. She'd put him in danger even more. She wanted him there for entirely selfish reasons - she wanted him to pull her into his arms and fight her fears and grief alongside her - but she couldn't do that.
To either him or Deku.
This wasn't fair at all. Why couldn't she simply live without having to worry about everything and everyone? It was making it harder to breathe every day. There were things that she couldn't get out of her head, things she knew came from her time with Deku and the villains. Maybe Recovery Girl was right. Maybe Rei Todoroki was as well. There was so much swirling around in her mind, demanding attention, and they were suffocating her.
"How bad was it?" Uraraka suddenly asked, still keeping her face turned away from him. Bakugou didn't answer right away. At first, she thought it was because her question was too vague. She could've been referring to how bad things had gotten while she was with Deku - how the media had turned against him and the heroes - but that wasn't what she meant. She started again in an attempt to make herself clearer, "With Deku-"
"I know what you were asking." Bakugou's tone was final, but what caught her off guard was how resigned it was too. He'd been waiting for this question and not looking forward to answering it. But he would. He would be honest with her - and himself.
His tone was what finally made her turn to look at him. His eyes remained on the road ahead of them as he drove, but his grip on the wheel was so tight that his knuckles were white and the muscles in his neck and face strained as he clenched his jaw. He might have been paying attention to the road, but his mind was elsewhere, somewhere in the past, and he didn't look like he was enjoying the trip down memory lane.
"It was bad, really fucking bad," Bakugou told her in that same tone. It was unforgiving in a way. He would not shy away from what he had done and what it had been like. "It was… I was awful - for no damn reason. I was a bastard to everyone, but with Deku, it was personal. I didn't hate him. I wasn't disgusted by him because he was quirkless. I was needlessly cruel to him for years and he never resented me for it, which made me angrier and treat him even worse. I was a nightmare to him. He should've hated me for it."
"Why?" Uraraka asked hollowly.
"Does it matter?" Bakugou responded. No, she supposed it didn't. Deku wouldn't take any excuses. "I bullied him for years. I pushed him aside. I knocked him down. I hurt him using my quirk because he didn't have one and I had to show him that I would always be better, stronger, more important than him." His eyes hardened into a glare, the anger now directed at himself. "I had everyone praising me all the time, even Deku. I was an idiot. It went to my head, but I could never shake the feeling that he was mocking me, like he would surpass me one day, and all that praise would be unfounded."
"That's silly," Uraraka said.
Bakugou barked a cold laugh. "It's fucking stupid. I was so insecure that I had to rub Deku's face in the mud. I had to keep breaking him down to make sure he could never become something more than me." He flexed his fingers on the steering wheel and then wiped his palms off on his pants. It was a hot August day, unforgiving as he was, but it wasn't only the heat that was generating his explosive sweat. "You know what's even worse. I was so afraid I made sure no one else would become friends with him either. I turned other kids against him, made it so they would laugh and bully him when I didn't feel like it, even though we'd been childhood friends. How much more of an asshole could I have been?"
The loneliness that Deku must have felt with the villains had been a part of him for longer than she'd known. Outside of Bakugou, he had not had true friends until UA, which was sad to think about considering how kind and supportive he was. He'd been such a great friend to all of them. Anyone that needed someone, he was there for them, no matter what. To think that Bakugou had purposely made sure Deku was alone…
Uraraka bit her lip. "The story… The one that Deku told right before I went with him…"
"It happened," Bakugou answered. "I know you want me to say that villain bastard put it in his head, but no, that was a real memory. It was the day I was attacked by the sludge villain and Deku ran out to save me despite being useless and quirkless. I destroyed one of his precious hero notebooks and told him the only way he could get a quirk was to throw himself off the building and kill himself in hopes of being born with one in the next life. He was so wounded and I laughed at him. I thought I was so clever. I put him in his place. I was the monster for Deku. Maybe not then, but Kyomu certainly brought it to life."
The reality was so harsh and cold that all Uraraka could do was hold a hand over her mouth and look at him with wide, watery eyes. Bakugou was pissed and wounded and scared. He'd done it. He'd done all of it. She wondered if he had ever forgiven himself even if Deku had. Maybe he'd never outright thought he was the awful things people made him out to be, but after years in the hero world, he came to learn the difference between right and wrong. He knew what he'd done and he knew it was bad and wrong. He knew it was almost villainous in kid standards.
"So yeah, Kyomu's got a lot of material with Todoroki and his history," Bakugou said, "but he's got a lot to work with Deku and me too. I did not make his life easy. I don't…" He furrowed his brow. "At that time, I don't know how I would've felt if he had jumped off that building."
Uraraka wanted to reach out and lay a hand over top one of his so he would relax his grip on the wheel, but she dropped her hand from her mouth to wring her hands together. She knew he would only flinch away from her touch right now and that would hurt her too. "You know what you felt when he fell off the roof."
"Yeah, fucking rage," Bakugou shot back, but then he immediately tensed up. "And shame. It was like watching him die all over again and being able to do jack shit to save him. It fucking sucked."
"I know the feeling," Uraraka told him. Taking a shaky breath, he slowly eased his grip and parked in a spot outside her building. After he put the car in park and turned it off, he looked over at her. He would never say it out loud, but she knew what that look in his eyes meant. He was asking for her forgiveness even if he didn't think he necessarily deserved it. "This isn't your fault."
Bakugou snorted. "Easy for you to say. He's not gunning to kill you."
"Yeah, he's gunning to kill you because he loves me," Uraraka retorted dryly. "So much better." He didn't respond to that, but she hadn't expected him to. There were some things that neither one of them were ready to talk about. Some of the stuff that Deku had said to her was still painfully fresh on her mind. "Hate, love, pain, joy - they're using it all to turn him against us. It doesn't matter."
After a moment of consideration, Bakugou said, "Maybe you should do the same as Todoroki's family. Get out of dodge. Take yourself out of the equation."
"I'm not leaving them behind," Uraraka told him flatly, "or you."
Judging by the way a mirthless smile twitched at his lips, Bakugou had expected as much. "Yeah, I didn't think so. You're a better hero than I am anyway."
In a way, Uraraka felt as if he'd slapped her in the face even though it was a compliment. "Don't say that. Don't even think that. You're an incredible hero. You're an inspiration."
"It's pretty hard to think that when I'm face-to-face with Deku." Bakugou's hands fell from the steering wheel and into his lap. He turned them over so they were palm up, looking down at them like they might give him some sort of answers. "I can't help but think… No, I don't have to think about it. I know it." She wanted to prompt him, but knew that this was something he needed to work out himself. "If it wasn't for me - if it wasn't for all the years I essentially tortured him because I was an insecure little shit - would they have been able to turn him into a villain? Would the quirk have worked on him?"
Uraraka knew better than to sugarcoat things in an attempt to soothe him. He had never done it for her, so she wouldn't for him either. "Probably not." He flinched slightly, but nodded his head. "But then he wouldn't have become the hero he did either. Despite what you did to him, he admired you. He respected your strength and considered you two equals at the end."
"But we weren't," Bakugou stressed angrily. "We were never equals. He was better than me then when he was quirkless and he was better than me when he was a hero and he's fucking better than me now as a villain and I-" He clenched his hands into fists, smoke smoldering out of them as he smothered tiny explosions. "And I have to beat him or he'll kill me. I can't let him do that. It's not that I don't want to die, but I fucking know that if he does succeed and he does kill me and you get him back, it'll just be one more thing I've done to hurt him and I can't do that. I can't fail him again."
This time, Uraraka did not hesitate to lay a hand over one of his fists. It was devastatingly hot from holding in his explosions, but he immediately deactivated his quirk at her soft touch. "I can't say that you won't. I honestly don't know what's going to happen if they manage to turn Shouto too. All I know is that you're not alone in this. We're in this fight together."
Bakugou peered at her sideways. "You better fucking know that too then. No more holding in shit." When she opened her mouth to protest, he cut her off. "I saw you when you walked out of Todoroki's place. You look like you've cracked and you're about to shatter. You wanna do that in the heat of battle?" She closed her mouth. No, no, she did not. "Iida is almost here. Talk to him. Cry your heart out. Do something. It's not gonna help you feel better, but you need it. You're strong, Uraraka, but you don't have to be a fucking fortress like me or Todoroki."
"And what about you?" Uraraka asked.
"Oh, me?" Bakugou snorted. "I'm gonna hit Kirishima up and pour my heart out to him." She knew he was lying. Maybe he would call Kirishima and she hoped that he did, but he wouldn't share his feelings to their fullest extent. "I should've talked about this a long time ago and it should've been with Deku, but I was a coward, okay? And it's biting me in the ass and punching me in the face. That's on me. My issues, his, Todoroki's, everyone else's - that is not on you, got it? You've got your own shit to deal with and you need to deal with it. No more hiding."
Uraraka nodded once decisively. No more hiding. She didn't feel any less scared to open up, but she knew that it had to be done. Too long she had been bottling things up, something she wasn't used to doing. She'd just wanted to be strong like everyone else, but no one had experienced the things she had. Glossing over it was only going to make things worse. If only the idea of talking about what had happened to her and how she felt didn't make her feel so sick.
Staring at Bakugou now, there were a hundred things she wanted to say, half of them she couldn't explain or didn't know how to, but the moment she started with, "I-" movement out of the corner of her eyes caught her attention. A nice car pulling up next to them that she immediately recognized as Iida's when she glanced at it. "I'll call you later, okay?"
"Yeah, okay," Bakugou replied gruffly, turning his car back on.
Feeling him shut down, Uraraka reached out and touched his face, jerking his attention back to her. "I missed you."
It wasn't what she meant to say and it didn't even touch the peak of what she wanted to say, but there was really nothing else she could say. She had missed him. It had only been a week, but with Deku and the villains, she'd felt like she was in a nightmare she couldn't wake from. Let me go. She pulled her hand away and sighed. Bakugou nodded distantly. She didn't know what else to do, but like he'd said, she had her own shit to deal with. She didn't need to take on his as well.
And so, without another word, Uraraka got out of the car and greeted Iida with a hug, burying her face in her friend's chest and clinging to him tightly as he returned the gesture. As they started up the stairs to her apartment, she heard Bakugou's car pulling away and turned to look back in time to see him turning into the street. This had been the longest day of her life and she was exhausted and stretched thin beyond her means, but at least she had Iida with her. She was afraid that Bakugou would not be so kind to himself after what he'd admitted to her.
