I'm almost cried writing this. This is where Ever as to start being a Capitol *erase*courtesan*erase* prostitute :(

I didn't write the scene in depth because I am not comfortable writing those scenes but I wrote it to a certain extent to show how uncomfortable and terrible she felt. In a way, I just pictured myself in her position since I am also 13.


Servile


ser·vile [sur-vil, -vahyl]

–adjective

1. slavishly submissive or obsequious; fawning: servile flatterers.

2. characteristic of, proper to, or customary for slaves; abject:servile obedience.

3. yielding slavishly; truckling (usually followed by to ). Servile to the Capitol's demands.

4. extremely imitative, especially in the arts; lacking inoriginality.

5. being in slavery; oppressed.

6. of, pertaining to, or involving slaves or servants.

7. of or pertaining to a condition of servitude or property ownership in which a person is held as a slave or as partially enslaved: medieval rebellions against servile laws.


Ever...

If I can just run one step further... I bargain with myself. But the bargaining is in vain. I give up running and just sink to my knees, wherever I am in the Capitol. I bury my hands in the dirt and just cry. I cry until it feels that there are no more tears left to cry.

"What are you doing on the ground, kid?"

I wipe my eyes once more to make sure there are no tears and I stand up. "Finnick? What're you doing here?"

"I'm mentoring..." He says slowly. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm mentoring too, stupid." I laugh half-heartedly.

"No, I mane what are you doing here in this part of the Capitol. You should be at the training center."

"Why?"

Finnick stares at me blankly. "The victor meet-and-greet thing."

I promptly facepalm. "Shouldn't' you be there, too?"

He shrugs, "I know everybody already."

"I know all the people I want to know." I say, starting to walk off in the opposite direction of the training center.

Finnick clear his throat. "A-hem. This way." I roll my eyes at him and he just laughs. "So why did you leave the Training Center in such a hurry?"

My face goes pale. People noticed? "Er, everyone saw?"

He shakes his head, "Not everyone. Just me and the other 4 mentor. Truly thinks you're weird because all we saw was some Capitol servant girl hand you a piece of paper and you rip it up and run. What did it say?"

I want to tell Finnick but I can't. Snow will kill my father and I can't let that happen. "No reason."

Finnick grabs me and turn me so I am staring into his sea green eyes. "Don't lie to me Ever."

"Finnick I can't-"

"I'm not buying that either. What is the Capitol doing to you that's so horrible?"

"Wh-what do you mean?"

He shakes his head at me like I am his naive little sister. "The Capitol always does something to every victor. What's happening with you?"

I begin to tear up again. "Tell me what happened to you," I demand though I already know.

"It's too disgusting for someone as innocent as you to know about."

"Exactly! That's why I can't tell you!" Infuriated, I punch the thing closet to me, which just happens to be a brick wall. I hear a swift series of sickening cracking and crunching noises. My pain tolerance is beyond non-existent so I bite down on my lip so hard it starts to bleed so I am distracted from the pain in my fingers. But the lip biting doesn't work for long. As soon as I taste the blood in my mouth I spit it out and the pain in my fingers is brought back to my attention. I swear loudly and repeatedly until Finnick crouches down on the ground next to me.

"What the hell did you punch a brick wall for!" He yells, not angrily but emotionally.

"Hell if I know!" I scream back. "Oh, it hurts! That was so stupid!"

"Are you okay?"

"I punched a brick wall and broke a few bones, of course I'm okay, why would you think otherwise!"

Finnick holds in a laugh as he helps me up. "Let's get you back to the training center. They'll patch that hand up for ya." I don't want to go, even with my broken fingers I put up a fight. Finnick has to pick me up and fling me over his shoulder to get me to come to the Training Center.


Haymitch...

10:00 No Ever.

10:15 Chaff is here

10: 40 Seeder is here, still no Ever

11:00 No Ever...

11:10 Where the hell is she?

11:15 Did someone kidnap her or something?

11:17 Hey, Ever's here! Finnick's with her and she has her hand bandaged up and put in a brace. Whoa, hold it! "Ever what happened to your hand? Finnick!"

"I didn't touch her, I swear!"

"I punched a brick wall." Ever explains.

"I thought that when I taught you to punch I specifically said not to punch brick walls. Or any walls for that matter." Ever just shrugs.

"She wouldn't tell me why she punched a wall." Finnick says. I nod and thank him for getting her arm fixed up.

I really do hate these victor meet-and-greets. Nobody talks to anybody here, we just sit around and, okay, maybe talk to some old friends.

"Haymitch, can you watch Starlyn and Zahra-Rose for a few minutes while I scavenge for peanut butter?" Raewyn asks. "Oh hi, Ever."

"Hey." Ever says softly.

"Yeah sure...peanut butter?"

"I crave peanut butter when I'm pregnant, give me a break!" She giggles, gently pushing eight year old Starlyn in my direction and handing four year old Zahra to me. She had to bring her youngest two to the Capitol this year because she couldn't get anybody to watch the younger ones and her ex-husband doesn't want the kids. Starlyn is very shy but Zahra is quick to warm up to everybody. "You two behave for Haymitch." She commands sternly.

"Yes Mommy." The girls say in unison. I remember when my daughter was this little. Gosh I miss those days. I wish I could have had more kids. I'm sure Ever still would have been an only child even if her mother had survived. We never really meant to have Ever in the first place, she was a surprise. Not hat I'm complaining, I can't imagine my life without her. I could never have risked bringing another child into this world, just knowing that they could be reaped and sent off to the Capitol to die. The reapings would probably be rigged because of what I did with the forcefield during my Games. Luckily, Snow doesn't seem to be making her suffer for the stunt I pulled with the forcefield almost twenty-three years ago. In fact, he seems to be leaving her alone for the most part. Except that time he came to the house...what did he want with her anyway? It was probably just to scare her, nothing to worry about. But if Ever wasn't the only one...well, there'd be a separate Hell for each of them.

Oh, but these little kids are so cute! I actually can't wait for next year's Games. Raewyn will have had the baby by then and will have to bring it. Him. Her. Whatever. I miss having a baby around. I mentally kick myself. Stop with your baby cravings Haymitch! Those are for women!

The chariot rides finally start and for once I pay attention and let them distract me from my thoughts.

Ivy and Ant look as stunning and Ever and Robbie did last year. Cinna really does work wonders.

The chariot rides end and almost immediately a Capitol servant girl comes in the room. She is probably here to fetch Finnick for his, erm, "services." To my surprise, I see another Capitol servant girl escorting Finnick away and the girl that just arrived ignores him and makes a beeline for Ever. I hear the last three words she whispers to her, "...ready for you."

Ever's face drains of color ands he nods.

What the- what are they doing to my baby?


Ever...

Finnick and I are pulled away almost at the same time by two different Capitol maid servants. Finnick is led out the door before I am. The maid servant pities me, I can tell. She turns to me and gives me a meaningless hug. "It isn't that bad, being a Capitol courtesan. It pays good money."

Yeah. Good money that I don't need or want for that matter. I just nod slowly and hope that maybe my broken fingers will discourage the man from having his 'turn' with me.

Me. A thirteen year old child.

It still disgust me that a man would pay to have sex with a young girl, but I try to push those thoughts away. I am doing this because I am forced to. I will not tell anybody because I want to protect my father. I will do this without protest because my tributes get sponsored. All I have to do is...is give away my innocence. Suddenly, this seems a thousand times worse than it already was.

A car with tinted windows pulls up in front of the Training Center. This must be the rich man's car. The maid servant shoves me in the car. I man is sitting across form me in the limousine. "You must me my little treat tonight." I admit, the man isn't bad-looking. Better him than a man older than my father.

I swallow and say, "I s-suppose so."

"No need to be afraid, Ever." He says in what I assume is supposed to be a seductive voice. He places his hand on my upper leg and squeezes gently. This really makes me uncomfortable but I pretend not to notice. The man makes it impossible to ignore him when he begins to touch my face. I let him, not sure what else I can do. "We will wait until we get to the hotel. It is used specifically for services such as yours."

He doesn't put any kind of emphasis or sarcasm on 'services.' Disgusting. Forcing a child to sleep with him is just another service to him.

I nod, "Okay. Before we go any further, what is your name?"

He chuckles. "Adiran Knox. Uh-DEER-in."

"Okay. Cool." I hide my face from Adiran the rest of the car ride, not wanting him to see my face. I am ashamed of myself already and I havne't even done anything with him.

The limousine pulls up in front of a hotel. It just looks like a place you'd go to sleep with somebody. I almost turn right around and run.

Almost, I said almost.

I stay because I want to protect everyone I care about from Snow's wrath. I'm sorry... I apologize to whoever will be disappointed with what I am about to do in this hotel. I allow Adiran to lead me to a room. "Are you ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be." I mumble. Which isn't a lie. I'm not ready for this and I never will be.

Adiran approaches me and violently pushes me against the bed. "The President made sure you understood the conditions?"

"I don't protest. you have your way and I have no say. If I'm a good little girl you will sponsor my tributes handsomely."

"Excellent memory." He says, before lustfully kissing my lips. I push him off of me and he looks angry.

"Adiran let's...let's just get on with it, okay?"

A smile full of desire creeps upon his face. "I like the way you think." He takes his shirt off and I force myself not to cry.

XXSKIPPING THE ICKY SEX STUFFXX

It all happens so fast. I don't even do anything and I don't think it bothered him. It was something between consensual sex and rape. I lie on the best, staring up at the ceiling after the whole ordeal.

I've never once thought about my 'first time' before but I know I did not want it to be like this. I would rather it have been someone I loved but instead it was Adiran Knox.

I have head all of these people talk about how wonderful sex is and how great they feel afterwards. I know I should be feeling the same way, but in all honesty I don't.

I feel dirty.

Disgusting.

Worthless.

Violated.

Self-loathing.

"I hate myself." I whisper to the ceiling. I slowly get up off the bed and find my clothes. I don't even bother to put my underwear on. I just leave it because I am in rush to leave this hellhole. My body still aches- I just hope nobody can guess what just happened. I shiver as the cold air from the hallway hits my body. I leave the room unlocked and hurry to the elevator. I press the buttons I need to press and once I am on the bottom floor, I exit the elevator.

It's sort of funny. I am like a zombie. Eyes wide open, unblinking, walking funny. I almost don't hear the earsplitting scream.

The scream is just that- an agonizing, blood-curdling and wordless scream. It is followed by and equally ear-splitting "NO WHY HER!"

I am frozen. I can't even zombie walk out of the hotel. The ear splitting screams belong to a man in his early twenties who is on his knees in the lobby of the hotel.

Finnick Odair.


0_O WWFD! What Will Finnick Do!

[Religious people please don't be offended by that, I am religious too and I didn't mean to make fun of anybody.]

Random Quote of the day:

History test question: Where was Napolean's greatest military victory?

Paden's answer: Waterloo

Me: Do I need to break out the song!

Me+Kirsten: *Start singing Waterloo by ABBA*