Crazy

Disclaimer: Don't own the X-men, or oompa loompas

Last Time:
"HOLY FIRE!" he screamed and Wanda was made out of the flames, the details there down to the star she had painted on her fingernails.
The audience started applauding wildly.
"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" said John. "Show your appreciation by leaving an even bigger donation than the one you left for the great Houndini's son's, daughter's, fiancé's, husband's, wife's, granddaughter's, son's, sister's thrice removed's, brother's, cousin's wife's, sister's, friend's, friend of a friend's, sister's twice removed's, second cousin's, nephew, Roberto, and his faithful assistant Kurt." John huffed.
"Stupid Roberto," he said. "He loves Kitty more than me." He crossed his arms and stalked off the stage.

Chapter 28- Mutant Fair Day V

"Hey Kitty," said a male voice.

"Hey baby," said Kitty as she turned around. " Wait, Chris?" she said confusedly.

"No, you got it right the first time," said Chris. "Baby."

"No, sorry, I thought you were Piotr," said Kitty. "All the sleepless nights have finally caught up with me."

"You know you really want me to be your baby," said Chris.

"What do you want?" asked Kitty, tired of him.

"You," said Chris. When Kitty opened her mouth he held up his hand to silence her. "I know I know, you're with that loser, and for some reason you aren't willing to give him up for me." When Kitty closed her mouth he smirked. "I'm on my way to see your loser boyfriend get beat by that fat dude in the weight lifting contest."

"Piotr's not going to lose," said Kitty.

"Wanna bet?" asked Chris.

Kitty narrowed her eyes and suddenly smiled. "I bet two hundred dollars that Piotr's going to win," she said.

Chris raised his eyebrows. "I'll look forward to collecting the money," he said.

"Don't be so sure you're going to win," said Kitty. "I know my boyfriend."

She turned and without another word walked away.

(-strawberrie-)

"Rogue, I need your help," said Kitty.

"Now?" said Rogue. She was on the other end of the phone. "I'm kinda-"

"It's Chris," interrupted Kitty.

"What'd he do?" asked Rogue. She heard shuffling in the background and Rogue telling someone to 'Stop.' Probably telling Remy.

"He was saying shyt about Piotr and how he's going to lose to Blob in the weight lifting contest," said Kitty. "So I bet him two hundred dollars that Piotr would win."

"Do you even have two hundred dollars?" asked Rogue.

"No, but I have you on my side," said Kitty while smiling broadly. Rogue quieted. Remy said something in the background and Rogue responded. Kitty waited until they had finished.

"Dat's cheatin' petite," said Remy. He had grabbed Rogue's phone.

"Well, Rogue cheated with the whole Ororo and Logan making out bet," said Kitty. Kitty heard Remy ask Rogue about it and Rogue explained.

"Oh," said Remy. "Den never mind. Here's Rogue."

"Sorry," said Rogue. "He grabbed it from meh. Anyway, here's what we're going ta do…"

(-strawberrie-)

"Hey Fred," said Rogue. He was preparing for the weight lifting contest in one of the rare empty classrooms. (1)

"Hey Rogue," said Fred. He nodded at Kitty. "Kitty."

"Hey," said Kitty.

"Ahmma be blunt," said Rogue. "Ah need ya ta be gone during the weight lifitin' contest."

"Then who's going to lift weights against Piotr?" asked Fred.

"Ah am," said Rogue.

"But the audience will expect me," said Fred.

"Don't worry about that," said Rogue.

"But…" started Fred.

"Look, here's a… twenty," said Kitty, as she handed Fred a twenty dollar bill. "There's an all you can eat buffet about forty minutes from here. It costs nineteen dollars, so this makes up for it. Get lost."

"Well, when you put it that way," said Fred. "Thanks!"

He got up and left the room, just as Piotr came in.

"Close the door," Kitty told Piotr. Looking at her confusedly, he obliged.

"Okay Rogue," said Kitty.

Rogue inhaled and exhaled and then used Mystique's power to slowly transform into Fred.

"What are you doing?" said Piotr when Rogue finally finished transforming. "Where's Fred?"

Kitty explained what was going on to him.

"Okay," said Piotr. "But you're going to have to act believable. Don't lose in the first round."

(-strawberrie-)

"Hey Chris," said Kitty in, what she hoped was, her most seductive voice. She was walking to the football stands. The contest was being held in the football field while watchers were in the stands.

"Hey Kitty," said Chris. "You give up?"

"Please," said Kitty. "The contest hasn't started."

They sat down and watched the contest as it began. They were tied when intermission started, where Rogue and Piotr got to rest and drink some water.

"You know what?" said Kitty as she turned to Chris.

"You're ready to give him up?" asked Chris.

"Do you ever give up?" asked Kitty.

"Not when the prize is so beautiful," said Chris.

Kitty looked at him, unsure of whether to be mad or thank him for calling her beautiful. "Anyway, I'm feeling lucky," said Kitty. "Wanna double the amount?"

"You have four hundred dollars you're willing to give me?" asked Chris.

"I think the better question is do you have four hundred dollars you're going to give me," said Kitty. "You accept?"

"Of course," said Chris and they shook hands.

'What did ya do now?' Rogue asked Kitty telepathically. 'Ah saw ya shake hands.'

'I just doubled the stakes,' said Kitty, smiling at her from her seat.

'Good lord, yahre worse than meh,' said Rogue. 'Oh well, it'll get us moah money.'

Kitty smiled again. When she was sure Chris was watching her she blew Piotr a kiss.

"Good luck!" she screamed to him. He flashed her a wave and the thumbs up sign.

The contest resumed until the last bit where they had to lift four hundred pounds each. (2) Piotr struggled a bit in the beginning, but managed to lift the whole four hundred.

When it came to Rogue's turn she lifted it halfway and then dropped it. She then collapsed on the floor.

"The winner!" announced Jamie. "Piotr!"

The crowd started cheering.

"I believe you owe me four hundred dollars," said Kitty. She turned to Chris, smiling broadly. While grumbling he wrote a check for four hundred dollars which he signed and gave Kitty.

She accepted it with a smile. "Never underestimate my boyfriend," she said.

(-strawberrie-)

"Chere, can y' go get Remy some more cards?" asked Remy as he came up behind her a few hours later.

"Why can't ya?" asked Rogue.

"Remy cleaned out every store in Daystone, and if he goes back they'll start askin' questions," he said.

Rogue laughed. "Soah sugah," she said. "How many packs do ya need?"

"Uh," said Remy. "'Bout…a hundred?"

"A hundred?" exclaimed Rogue. "Are ya insane?"

"T'day's de grand finale," said Remy. "It's more spectacular than de rest of de other shows."

Rogue looked at him and then held out her hand.

"What?" said Remy.

"Ah need yahre credit card," said Rogue. "How do ya expect meh ta pay?"

Remy sighed and pulled out his wallet. "Here," he said. "While y're at it, buy y'reself sometin'."

Rogue squealed and gave him a hug and a huge kiss.

"Ya do love meh!" she exclaimed.

Remy laughed. "T' much coffee chere," he said. "Anyway, Remy notices y' don't come t' de fireworks show."

"Ah'll come today," said Rogue. "Sorry sugah."

"No problem," said Remy. "Jus' show. As Remy said, today's show is goin' t' be de best."

(-strawberrie-)

"When's it goin' ta start?" asked Rogue. She walked over to where John and Wanda were making out and Piotr and Kitty were sitting and talking on a blanket.

Kitty checked her watch. "It should start in about half an hour," she said.

Rogue glanced over at Wanda and John. They were groping the hems of their shirts.

"Honestly, they need a keepah (keeper)," Rogue said to Kitty and Piotr. "Hey ya two! Yahre in public! Break it up!"

Wanda and John stopped and glared at Rogue.

"We are their keepers," said Kitty.

Rogue glanced at her before she looked back at Wanda and John.

"If ya are just makin' out, ah don't care," said Rogue. "But please, please, don't have sex in front of meh."

John and Wanda grumbled and John took Wanda in his arms and started playing with her hair as they talked.

A few minutes later the lights around the school dimmed and everyone looked towards the school roof.

(-strawberrie-)

"Show time," said Remy. "Ready Jubs?"

"Yup," she said.

Remy sent a charged card into the air. When it exploded Jubilee made fireworks look like it appeared from the charged card. Remy sent up card after card and Jubilee made white, blue, orange, red, green, yellow and purple fireworks. She even mixed up the colors, using purple and blue together, green and white, red white and blue, orange and yellow and so on.

After about half an hour of this, Remy and Jubilee stopped and Jubilee started lighting real fireworks while Remy took a microphone connected to huge speakers all around the school.

"Citizens of Trident," he said and his voice echoed around the school. The fireworks continued to burst behind him.

"What is he doin'?" asked Rogue. Kitty shrugged.

"No one told me," she said.

"That's because it was a surprise!" said John.

"Dis fireworks show marks de end of Scarlett Fair," continued Remy.

"Thanks for telling us to go for the idea," Rogue said to Wanda.

"No problem," she said. "Thanks for naming the fair after me."

Rogue and Kitty shrugged.

"Dese five days have had a major impact on Remy's sex life," said Remy.

"REMY!" screamed Rogue.

Remy grinned and waved at Rogue. "Hey chere," he said. "Anyway, it's been a helluva week, and dis wouldn't be possible if it weren't for deux of de three best femmes in de universe. Sadly, Remy's only goin' out wit one of de three, mais dey did give him a good time at de Celestial deux weeks ago-"

"REMY!" screamed all three of the girls in unison. Remy waved again.

"As Remy was sayin'," continued Remy. "It wouldn't be possible if not for two of the three best girls in de universe. So, all of us who work here decided t' put dis little bit t'gether for dem. If y' all would kindly go t' de front of the school, so y' can see properly."

After they moved to the front of the school Rogue spoke.

"What's goin' on?" she asked Piotr, Wanda and John.

"You'll see," said Piotr. "And don't try reading my mind."

Rogue glared at him and looked towards the top of the school. Remy had seen that everyone was in the front of the school so he started.

"Dis show has a bit of evert'in," said Remy. "It's an introduction for y' who don't know us, and for us it's a way t' remember dis week. Now without further ado, presenting, Scarlett Fair."

Immediately fireworks appeared, showing the words, 'Scarlett Fair.' Then an image of Jamie operating the test of strength booth appeared out of new fireworks.

"Jamie!" Remy said. Images of the multiple Jamies at their booths appeared as the one Jamie left. "And…de male part of his family! Big family eh?"

That image faded away and a picture of Tabitha and Pietro making out behind the kissing booth appeared.

"Our personal flirts, Tabitha and Pietro!" said Remy.

That image faded and in a burst of color Todd appeared. He was standing by a trashcan, giving the audience the peace sign.

"Our faithful, one man clean up crew, Todd," said Remy.

Next were two images side by side. One was of Logan threatening some poor kid and the other was of Ororo collecting entrance money.

"Our security, Logan and our entrance lady Ororo!" said Remy. "But y' mostly remember dem like dis!"

The newest image was of Logan and Ororo making out behind the moon bounce.

"Gumbo," said Logan warningly.

Remy flinched visibly. "It wasn't Remy! It was Jubilee's idea!" he said.

"Remy!" said Jubilee. The audience laughed.

"While Logan and Ororo were…busy, y' may have noticed dese lovely ladies collectin' y're money!" said Remy. A picture of Amara and Rahne flirting with a cute guy instead of collecting money appeared.

"Well, dey were supposed t' be collecting money," said Remy. "Well, that's not a problem because dese guys were being security!"

An image of Sam and Ray flirting with a couple of girls appeared.

"And dey were supposed t' be watchin' out for trouble," said Remy. He shook his head. "Kids."

That image faded and an image of Lance in a pizza hat, giving pizza to a customer appeared.

"Our pizza guy, Lance," said Remy. "Thank y' Lance, y' have served y're duty well."

That image faded and Bobby handing the little girl a unicorn snow cone.

"Our coolest member," said Remy. "Bobby!"

Bobby stood up. "Thank you, thank you," he started. "I'd like to thank-"

"Sit down!" said Amara as she reached up and pulled him back down.

"Now dis guy, he operated one of Remy's two favorite booths," said Remy.

"Scott," said Kitty, Rogue and Wanda in unison.

"Remy went again, and again t' dese booths," said Remy. "Scott!"

An image of Scott upside down on the wheel appeared. Remy had finished a throw and the paintball had exploded on Scott's face.

The crowd roared with laughter, especially Kitty, John, Rogue, Wanda and Piotr.

"And his…never mind, I won't say it…girlfriend, Jean!" said Remy.

An image of Jean sitting on the dunking booth appeared. Jubilee had made it so that Jean's face was orange and her hair green.

As the crowd roared with laughter Rogue said, "Tha perfect oompa loompa."

"Now we have the great Houndini's son's, daughter's, fiancé's, husband's, wife's, granddaughter's, son's, sister's thrice removed's, brother's, cousin's wife's, sister's, friend's, friend of a friend's, sister's twice removed's, second cousin's, nephew, Roberto and his faithful assistant Kurt!" said Remy.

A picture of Kurt smacking Roberto on the back of his head appeared, making the audience laugh again.

"Jubilee!" screamed Roberto. "You could have made me look better!"

"Sit down, Mr. The great Houndini's son's, daughter's, fiancé's, husband's, wife's, granddaughter's, son's, sister's thrice removed's, brother's, cousin's wife's, sister's, friend's, friend of a friend's, sister's twice removed's, second cousin's, nephew, Roberto. The brilliant one who said, 'Alakazam idiot!'," said Kurt.

"Now we have the great Pyro a.k.a. John," said Remy. "And his lovely, sexy, beautiful, alluring, desirable, seductive, charming, graceful, enchanting, exquisite, gorgeous, ravishing, radiant-" He paused, listening for Rogue's scream. He continued when he didn't hear it. "-stunning, dazzling, divine, angelic, well, maybe not angelic, assistant Scarlett a.k.a Wanda!"

An image of Wanda and John making out in front of a pillar of fire appeared.

"Oh I like that," said Wanda. She turned to Piotr. "Do you think you could paint that for me?"

Piotr eyed it and then nodded. "Yeah," he said. "I can even make it better. Especially with all the paints Kitty gave me." He gave Kitty's shoulder an affectionate squeeze.

"Next we have our weight lifters, Fred and Piotr!" said Remy. An image of them appeared, each struggling to lift the weights. They were even, both with the same amount of concentration on their faces.

"And what Chris?" yelled Kitty, standing. She began to do a little dance. "I won, I won, I won, actually my boyfriend won, but same difference. I won, I won, I-" She was cut short when Wanda and Rogue pulled her down.

"Yahre makin' a fool of yahreself," said Rogue. Kitty stuck her tongue out at the both of them.

"Next, we have the people who have made this fireworks show spectacular," said Remy. "De wonderful Jubilee!"

A picture of Jubilee appeared. She had on a tight pink halter-top with a tight black skirt that stopped just before the knees. Then she had on a pair of black boots that came up just before her knees. She had one hand on her hip and the other in a wave, a big smile on her face.

"Of course Jubs would make herself look good," said a still pouting Roberto.

"And yours truly, Remy!" said Remy. He looked expectantly at his picture.

It was of him, hunched and miserable as a security guard, staring dejectedly at Rogue as she walked by. Rogue, Kitty, Wanda, John and Piotr grinned.

"What!" screamed Remy. "Jubilee! What is dat?" He disappeared from view as he went to talk to Jubilee.

"Sorry!" said Jubilee. "Here, is this better?"

The next picture was of Remy standing god-like in the hallway while Rogue passed, looking at him miserably.

"JUBILEE!" screamed Rogue.

"Sorry!" said Jubilee as she walked over to the roof's edge to look at Rogue. "But your boyfriend grabbed onto my bracelet and was about to break it and this is a family heirloom!"

Rogue shook her head. "Continue," she said.

"Bon," said Remy as he reappeared again with the microphone.

"Now, for the girls dat made dis 'appen," said Remy. He paused dramatically. "Kitty and Rogue!"

A series of images appeared. The first was of Kitty, talking to Pietro and Tabitha at their booth. After that, one of Rogue talking to Todd. Next was Kitty and Rogue looking at Jamie as he operated what was supposed to be Sam's booth. Then there was Rogue throwing a paint balloon at Scott while Kitty and Piotr are getting snow cones. Then there were some pictures of them at the magic show and at the fire show. After there were pictures from the weight lifting contest. Finally at the end there were two giant pictures of Kitty and Rogue, smiling and waving to the audience.

"What did you think?" asked Wanda as she turned to Kitty and Rogue. "Guys?"

Kitty and Rogue were clinging to each other, sobbing.

"I can't believe it's over!" said Kitty.

Rogue sniffed. "Yeah, it was so much fun," she said. "So many memories." They hugged one last time and separated, still sniffing.

"Attention everyone!" said Jubilee. She had taken the microphone.

"This last picture is a thank you to the six people who brought us here," she said. "This is for Wanda, Rogue, Kitty and their fabulous, very sexy boyfriends John, Remy and Piotr. To anyone that wants to drive these couples apart, stop trying because it's never going to happen."

"Chris!" yelled Kitty at the same time Wanda yelled, "David!" and Rogue yelled, "Travis!"

"Anyway, thanks guys! You're the best!" said Jubilee. She left and another image appeared of the six of them. In this image, Remy and Piotr were pushing John into the dunking tank while Rogue, Wanda and Kitty watched with smiles on their faces.

"Aw! T'anks Jubs!" said Remy as he appeared with the mike. "And now, to end Scarlett Fair with a bang." He disappeared from sight.

"Dis is it," he said to Jubilee.

"Yeah, nice working with ya," said Jubilee.

"Y' t'," said Remy. He went over to the pile of 50 unopened card packs that he had left and started to charge a whole pack. He threw it in the air and it made a huge noise when it exploded. Jubilee made three times the amount of fireworks burst out of the cards.

Remy continued to send whole packs of cards up, increasing the number he sent, making the banging louder and louder, until it was over.

"Thank y' Trident!" Remy screamed at the end.

(-no more strawberries-)

Yeah, so that's the end. Kinda corny ending, but whatever. Ending with a bang was…interesting. I don't know how I did with that part. So next chapter… well, I guess you'll find that out when it comes eh?

Clarifications/Comments:

(1) Fred's Blob for those of you who don't know his real name.

(2) I don't know if they're able to lift 400 pounds, if so, I don't know if that's a real challenge I just put in a high number.