To our Mockingjay,
I wanted to hate you, because you won, and our beloved Rue didn't. But you didn't kill our Rue, and in knowing you, watching you, and hearing you speak, I don't think you'd have ever killed her. You protected her, and killed the one responsible for taking our Rue away.
I feel like I, along with the people of 11, owe you and Peeta everything. Because of your wishes to have some of your Winnings sent to our District, a request that Paylor has honored, we are no longer starving.
I'm not expecting a reply back. I just wanted to let you know that I saw the mural Peeta drew in his bakery, the one with Rue painted on the wall, and it let me know that you two cared, you really cared for her. I can't even begin to express into words how that made my family and I feel.
I did want to, at the very least, thank you for honoring her.
I have another daughter now. She was conceived in a war, but because of you, she will never have to experience a Game.
We named her Jay Mellark. She is the first person not named after a plant. Jay, of course, is short for MockingJay, and Mellark for Peeta, who was just as instrumental as you are. We call her Mellie for short. You should see her. She's a little miniature Rue. Sometimes I cry because she looks just like Rue, but then I smile, because I know that she's named from you, and that she is brave and fierce.
I hope you don't mind me using your name for her. I just thought it was fitting. I'm sure there will be millions of little Katniss and Peeta's running around. All of the Districts honor, love, and respect you two. I wouldn't be surprised if there were a few Haymitch's coming as well.
I'm glad to see you and Peeta are doing well in 12.
I pray you continue to take care.
Thresh's family sends their love.
Take care.
Much love and respect,
-Sage
I finished rereading the letter and smoothed out its creases as best as I could. I had bought a frame for the letter after I had left the bakery. I placed the letter and the frame in the same room that now held as many as Cinna's designs as the room could fit.
I checked in on Katniss. She was lying down in bed and hardly acknowledged my presence. Haymitch said she hadn't said a word in the few hours I had been gone.
I watched TV until I felt my eyes grow heavy, wrapping my arms around Katniss, listening to her even breathing.
It was early, probably about two in the morning, when an incredible sensation woke me up. I wasn't sleeping heavily. I never did while Katniss was like this, but nonetheless I'd been woken up to a strange feeling. It took me about fifteen seconds to realize the sensation was pleasure. Katniss was going down on me, and she had definitely perfected her technique in the last few years.
I groaned and relaxed and refused to move until she slithered up my body. When her lips found mine I was ready for her. The kiss wasn't hot like they usually were, but languid, and filled with love.
I understood her, her needs, her body, so when I entered her, I took my time, letting her set the pace. She got like this sometimes. Sometimes she just needed to be comforted. In eight years of making love we had not grown tired or bored with each other. It didn't matter how we did it, it was always pleasurable.
When she whimpered softly, and then came, she sighed out her orgasm, her body relaxing against mine after I peaked.
"Welcome back," I told her with a small smile, repeating the same phrase she normally told me after a flashback.
"I'm sorry," whispered Katniss.
"Don't be."
I lied on my back and she cuddled into me, her face nuzzled in my side. I automatically wrapped my arm around her and let sleep take me again.
The next morning we made our way back to town and decided that we were going to go through every piece of mail in case there were more letters from Sage. As it was an all day event I once again called the school to let them know Katniss wouldn't be there again.
We found one more letter from Sage.
It was dated before the five-year anniversary, and how she wished that she could have made it, but her oldest son was sick, so she couldn't go. She thanked us for suggesting that the other Districts got memorials dedicated to their dead. I know it was your idea. Though President Paylor is ten times the leader that Snow was, I know she didn't come up with that idea on her own. When she called me—and the fact that she did call me was touching in itself—and told me what the Capitol was going to do, she mentioned that it had been your idea.
Katniss and I decided that we'd wait until tomorrow morning to write back.
"Tell her we'll be there," I told Katniss and she started to write, her beautiful penmanship reflecting her sadness and love for Rue. "Tell her we'll be in 11 for Rue's memorial." She looked at me, her eyes wide, and nodded.
"Do you think she'll want to come to the ten-year anniversary?" asked Katniss. "If so, maybe she can stay in my old house, along with my mother, Annie, and Johanna."
"Invite her," I said.
When she was finished writing I stood over her shoulder and read what she had just written,
Sage,
First of all I'd like to apologize on me and Peeta's behalf. For the longest time we didn't know we had mail. I hope you haven't spent the last eight years thinking we've been ignoring you.
Secondly, I still think of Rue, almost as much as I think of Prim. I still see her, in everything that is beautiful: when the sun shines gold, when the leaves change colors, when the snow falls on the ground. She is always with me.
Your letters touched me like nothing else has. I am so happy to know that you have had another child. I think Jay Mellark, or Mellie, is a beautiful name. I hope you give her a chance to make a name for herself as opposed to living up to Peeta and I.
You do not have to thank me for suggesting a memorial be built in 11. If the Capitol wanted to do one here in 12, they should do it everywhere. I did suggest 11, but it was President Paylor who suggested all the Districts.
I hope to see you in 11 during the eleventh anniversary. Peeta and I will be in attendance.
I'm sorry you couldn't make it to the fifth year anniversary. It would have been great to see you, despite the circumstances.
Peeta and I would like to extend an invitation to the ten-year anniversary. It is taking place in 12 and we'd love it if you came, as our special guests of honor. Your presence would mean everything to us.
Looking forward to your next letter.
I hope the rest of the family is doing well.
Sincerely,
Katniss and Peeta
Afterwards we wrote our responses to Effie and Annie while I wrote to Johanna and Katniss wrote to Gale.
Like always, I finished my letter to Johanna with Katniss sends her love while Katniss finished her letter to Gale with Peeta says hello.
We went our separate ways after that, me to the post office, the bakery, and then to the memorial construction site, while Katniss headed to the woods to hunt and her class.
At the bakery I checked in on things, and then made my way to Delly's. I always went by to visit Dill at least three times a week. Dill was an exact replica of his mother, plump with yellowish hair, though he had inherited his father's dimples and smile.
Maybe I'm somewhat of a masochist, because I loved being around Dill, but it also brought out this dull ache inside of me as I thought about children. He was the closest thing I'd ever have to a son, though I was more like an uncle, like I was for Finn. Delly had named Katniss and I God-parents, and I'd happily accepted, as it gave me a chance to spoil the boy rotten.
I had kept my secret infatuation with Dill from Katniss, because I knew she already felt guilty enough, for a few months, until a camera caught me playing outside with Dill. Then my secret was up. Delly had freaked out about her lack of privacy, so most of the time we'd invite Delly, her husband, and Dill over to our place instead. Sometimes, though, I'd see a look cross over Katniss' face, a look of longing. Before it could last, though, it would disappear, and she'd make up excuses as to why Delly and Dill couldn't visit for another couple of months.
After a while I started to convince myself I'd just imagined it.
I just wish she could see how incredible she'd be as a mother. She'd proven it before, with Prim and Rue, but then again, it was because of Prim and Rue that she didn't want children. She'd never see how she loved them. She'd just remember how she lost them in the end, and couldn't save them.
She couldn't risk losing anyone else.
And somewhere, down deep, I understood that. I didn't necessarily agree, but I understood it, and therefore, had to respect it.
After playing with Dill I made my way to the memorial site, which was a few blocks from town. It was being built at the entrance of 12, as a way for all those who entered our District to see the fallen victims.
I had drawn several hundred sketches the first year, after asking Haymitch about his mother, brother, and Nova. It was hard for him, and I don't think I've ever seen him more vulnerable. He had a brief relapse with alcohol, but after one visit from Effie he pulled it together.
I allowed Katniss, Haymitch, Mrs. Everdeen, Delly, and myself to pick the one that we liked the most. After the top five was selected I sent the drawings to the Capitol and Paylor, Effie, and Plutarch had to make the final, unanimous decision. They did not get to know who picked which picture. I had them all numbered. Surprisingly they picked Haymitch's, and as the memorial started to be built, I knew it was the right decision.
I was surprised that we had stayed on schedule. We knew we had to be done by the ten-year anniversary, but we had had some harsh winters the past few years, and the people from the Capitol and District 1 had no idea how to behave in snow. We got behind until Paylor bought in more men, and now we were ahead of schedule. The anniversary was two years away but we might be done in a year and a half.
I worked on the site for several hours, not leaving until the sun started to set. It felt weird, being in charge of something I knew so little about, but most of the men who were working not only listened to my opinion, they respected it.
Nobody was allowed to see the memorial, though Capitol officials came every month to check on its progress. President Paylor herself was supposed to come down a year before it was done, just to make sure it was what she was expecting.
I had no idea at the time, but I'd have other plans that'd end up being more important than even the memorial.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A few days later Katniss was home, sitting in the kitchen, at the table when I got home from the site. I kissed her lightly on the mouth and started washing up for dinner. It took me e a good five minutes to notice something was off.
"What's wrong?" I asked Katniss, looking at her with concern.
"Look," she said softly, and for the first time I noticed something clutched in her hand.
I walked up to the table and saw what she had in her hand.
"Where did you get this?" I asked, grabbing the gold medallion.
The original one.
The one I'd given her in the Quarter Quell.
I knew it was the old one because I wore the new one she had given me in the Capitol around my neck. Sometimes I felt like it was the closest thing I'd ever get to a wedding ring.
"I found it in one of the pockets of my Mockingjay suit, along with my black mockingjay pin."
I fingered the locket and then opened it, but was shocked to see the picture of Gale was no longer there.
"Where's the picture of Gale?"
Katniss shrugged. "I removed it sometime while I was in 13 after Gale and I had drifted apart. I didn't even keep up with the medallion. All I cared about was the pearl. I have no idea how it got in my suit."
Katniss reached for the medallion and caressed the picture of Prim.
"I still miss her," she whispered.
I walked around the table and lowered myself to her. "Of course you do, Katniss. As you should."
She didn't look at me. Instead she stood up and made her way to the door.
"Katniss?"
She didn't answer. She just walked outside, into the cold February night, without a jacket. I followed, grabbing both of our jackets, closing the door behind us.
She didn't go far. She just went to her old house and sat in the middle of where the primroses were planted. They would be blooming soon, but for now, the flowers were dead.
She'd never done this before so I cautiously approached her, wrapping her jacket around her shoulders. I sat down next to her.
"Do you want to plant primroses outside our house?" I asked her softly.
She didn't answer. When I looked at her I noticed the blank look that made my stomach drop every time I saw it.
We stayed out there for about an hour, Katniss looking down at the ground, her hands gripping the dirt and letting it fall between the cracks of her hands. A few latecomers from work walked into Victor's Village but we ignored them, and they gave us our space.
Most of them knew that this was Katniss' old house, and that primroses bloomed here.
I was glad the cameras stayed away. They were not allowed to pass the entry gates. Haymitch had made sure of that.
"Come on, Katniss," I told her gently, standing. "We need to go inside." I helped her up when she didn't answer. She just walked next to me.
Once inside she headed upstairs. It took everything in me not to follow her. For the first time I appreciated how hard it was for her to leave me during a flashback. I wanted to go upstairs, but instead I made my way to the kitchen to start on a dinner I knew I'd eat alone.
When she didn't come down after I'd finished dinner and the dishes I made my way upstairs.
I was alarmed when I saw she wasn't on the bed.
When I saw the bathroom light on a vision of Katniss in the bathtub, her wrists slit, flashed into my mind.
I panicked when I burst into the bathroom, but sighed with relief when I saw Katniss, alive, staring blankly ahead.
"Jesus how long have you been in here?" I crossed over to her, reaching in and picking her up out of the tub. She stood there as I dried her off. I went into the bedroom and grabbed a shirt and pulled it over her head.
I guided her to the bed, pulling back the covers and helping her climb in. When she was tucked in I kissed her forehead.
After emptying out the bathwater I took a shower, attempting to get my emotions under control. I knew what'd happen if I thought too hard about it: I'd have my own flashback, and then what good would that do Katniss?
When I was finished I climbed into bed and wrapped my arms around Katniss.
She didn't even move.
The next morning when I got up to head to the bakery Katniss turned to me, her eyes clear.
"Did you sleep?" she asked me.
I hesitated and then shook my head. "No."
"You never sleep when I get like that. Why not?"
I sighed and stood up, not able to look at her.
"Peeta?"
"Because I'm scared," I told her, still not meeting her eye. "When you get like that I have to watch you, make sure your chest is rising and falling, because when you get like that, you're so still that you look dead. It scares me, all right?" I looked at her then, and her eyes were filled with tears.
"I'm so sorry."
"Don't be," I told her gently. "I know you don't do it on purpose." I walked around the bed and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "Go back to sleep. I'll see you when I get home."
She gripped my wrist before I could leave. "I do."
"Do what?" I asked, confused.
"Wanna plant primroses here. Like you did at my house. But I wanna add dandelions too, okay? Primroses and dandelions in the front yard."
"Okay," I said, squeezing her hand, understanding her.
She gave my hand a final squeeze and then I left, making my way to the bakery.
Happy New Year's Eve! I figured I should post early in case I became too Haymitch-like tonight and was still hung over tomorrow LOL (PLEASE DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE!) I'd really appreciate it if all my Followers, Reviewers, Fans made it back to see the end of this story LOL.
I hope you guys have a great New Years and a SAFE NYE.
-thamockingjayandpeeta
PS: Also, FYI, the events that happen in the next chapter will lead up to Katniss FINALLY wanting to get married. You know it always takes her nearly losing someone to realize how much they mean to her.
Can't wait til you read it!
