Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
A/N: I do not reread what I write because I'm insanely lazy; I just write, hit spell check, correct what Word tells me to and then I post it. So there are probably lots of errors including wrong and missing words and simple grammatical issues, please excuse and ignore them.
Rosalie was mad at me and I was annoyed with her; Esme was amused by the whole situation and the rest of the Cullen's had opted not to get involved because they were afraid Rosalie would turn her anger towards them. I was apparently a much safer focal point of Rosalie's anger than they were. I had to agree with them because the worst Rosalie had done in her anger towards me was glare, while we cuddled, and choose not to lie next to me when I slept, which when I woke up the next morning I would always be lying between my two mates. So, even though Rosalie was angry, she never really followed through on any of the threats she sent my way.
It had started on the first day of our Winter Break from school. The three of us were lying on the couch watching some Christmas special on TV, I wasn't even paying enough attention to it to remember what was on because I was too focused on enjoying my time with Rosalie and Esme. Slowly, we were becoming more and more intimate and I was both nervous and excited about it. There were a few times that I had to pull away from their caress because it had brought back horrible memories, it never took too long to bring me back from the flashbacks; but it did end whatever intimate mood had been set. This particular time though, I had allowed Esme to nuzzle into my neck and she had even placed a few kisses there that were definitely more than innocently placed. Things were heating up.
But, Rosalie, she had to ruin it.
She was sitting on the opposite end of the couch from Esme with my feet in her lap while she read some car magazine that I was pretty sure was in a different language. She had been reading the magazine all day and the longer she read it, the more angrily she turned the pages. Both Esme and I had asked what was wrong, but she replied with a short 'I'm fine' and went back to her magazine. When Esme's hands started to wonder though, Rosalie seemed to not be able to stand being quiet any longer. I wasn't sure if she decided to talk because of Esme getting bolder with me and I was letting her or if it was just a coincidence; Rosalie would never tell.
"I want to get you a car for Christmas but I don't know what kind you like." Rosalie said with an air of annoyance as she slapped the magazine down onto her lap. "I refuse to buy a car only to return it if you don't like it; or have you pretend to like so you won't hurt my feelings." She said before she narrowed her eyes. "I know you would." Rosalie said in an accusatory voice, causing Esme to chuckle after her hands found more appropriate places to be, like on my hips, and her face was no longer buried in the crook of my neck.
"You don't need to get me anything." I said with a soft smile. Rosalie had grumbled a few times over the last few days that I was being difficult to find the perfect gift for and my response to her had always been the same; just like it was going to be now. "Just letting me live here is more than enough." And her response was always the same; Esme would even sometimes join in on Rosalie's side to gang up against me.
"We've told you; as much as you appreciate moving in with us; we appreciate it just as much, if not more." Rosalie said, not bothering to hide her annoyance. "But, this isn't about you moving in here. I want to get you a car, and I want to get you a good car, something that will last you for a while. What kind of car do you want?"
That was the first time Rosalie had mentioned if I wanted a car. I had never even expressed an interest in wanting one before. I was more than happy to have Esme and Rosalie, usually Rosalie since she loved cars so much, drive me if I wanted or needed to go anywhere; which wasn't often. I hadn't thought Rosalie would want to get me a car because even if I had one, I wasn't really that comfortable driving since the only reason I had learned was because Charlie was in charge of the drivers' ed course the Sherriff's department offered and he didn't want people to wonder why the Sherriff's own daughter didn't take the course. So, I knew how to drive, just not very well. I was more than happy to let Rosalie and Esme drive me.
"I don't need a car though Rose." I said softly, not wanting to offend her by declining her gift. "I have you and Esme, with your own vehicles, to drive if I need or want to go anywhere."
Rosalie's resolve didn't waver any. If anything, her look steeled into a look of determination. For whatever reason, Rosalie was very determined to get me a car; one way or another it seemed.
"I want to give you a car so you don't have to rely on us; you would be free to come and go whenever you want." Rosalie sat up straighter as she turned to face me on the couch. In turn, I sat up, no longer leaning on Esme and face her. I felt Esme move so that she was fully sitting up as well as she placed a gentle hold on my waist; just a reminder that she was there since she didn't seem too interested in joining in on our conversation.
"I'm sure that if I wanted to go someplace without either you or Esme, I could borrow someone's car. There are plenty of them here; Jasper even has two. I'm sure I could borrow someone's if I wanted or needed to." I just don't understand why she was so intent on getting me a car when I really didn't need one; it was a waste of money. My answer only seemed to infuriate Rosalie even more though; this woman was definitely not known for her patience but I wouldn't have her any other way.
"I want you to have a car that you can call your own and be able to drive it anytime you want without having to make sure it's okay with someone else. You shouldn't need to do that." Rosalie argued.
"But I'm okay with having to ask to borrow someone's car; if I ever even need to." I said. "Plus, I'm not really that good of a driver and I feel like any vehicle you get me might be stick shit and I don't know how to drive that." Every car Rosalie had been looking at, or asked me for my opinion on, had been manual, Charlie never wanted to spend that time with me to teach me to drive stick shift. He claimed it would be a waste of his time since I would never need to drive anywhere.
"We have a lot more vehicles than what you've seen here; I have a whole collection spread out at our different houses we frequent and even some even the others haven't been to." Rosalie said with a roll of her eyes before she took on a softer tone. "I really want to get you a car Bella; I just want to make sure it's something you would like."
"I don't want you to waste money on something I don't really need though." I said just as softly I leaned over and gently placed my hand on top her hers in her lap.
"Fine." Rosalie angrily said before she, more gently than her attitude showed, took her hand out from under mine and then, with vampire speed, left the room.
"Is she still here?" I asked, worried that I had really messed up.
"No, she left the house." Esme answered. "She's probably going to go out to hunt." Esme gently pulled on my shoulders so that I would lean back into her like I had before. I resisted at first because I wanted to do something, something that would make this situation better and not have Rosalie mad at me, but with her out possibly hunting, there was nothing I could do until she came back.
"Is there any other reason you don't want her to get you a car; aside from what you've already told us?" Esme gently asked as she started to calmly comb her finger through my hair; making me relax further into her.
I had to think about that. I knew that I didn't want Rosalie to get me a car because it wasn't needed; that was the first thought that always came to me when she asks about it. But, Esme didn't want to hear that; she wanted to know if there was another reason. It only took a few moments for me to realize that having Rosalie, or really anyone, spend money on me, made me feel uncomfortable. I wasn't used to it and because of that, I didn't see the need for people to do that. To me, spending money on me for items that weren't needed, for anything aside from essentials like clothes, food, etc, it wasn't needed. It made me uncomfortable. I didn't want people to buy me gifts.
"It, it makes me uncomfortable." I finally answered.
"Why?"
It was a simple question, one that I knew Esme, and now especially Rosalie since she was upset over it, they deserved to know. Even though I could rationalize the reason in my head, I could give so many words to express why I felt that way to myself, but I couldn't make any of the words form in my mouth to tell Esme. For some reason I felt I had to watch what I said because I didn't want to offend her; which really, was just silly. There was practically nothing I could say that would offend Esme; unless I were to say I didn't actually like her; but I would never say that.
It took a few minutes of me thinking over my reasoning, to come up with a way to say what I wanted and to also make sure Esme could understand, what I felt the way I did.
"No one ever has."
Esme pulled me closer to her; not necessarily as a way to comfort me, but more of a way to comfort herself. She didn't like being reminded of my past; even though hers tragic as well. She had explained to me that she felt more upset about than normal because they were here while it was going on and they could have even come sooner to Forks, and stop what Charlie had been doing sooner, but they hadn't. No matter how many times I told her, Rosalie as well because she also carried the unwarranted guilt, it wasn't their fault and that everything happened as it was supposed to, it didn't clear any of their guilt and I felt bad about it. I felt guilty because of their guilt; it was practically a never ending circle that eventually we reached a silent agreement to just not mention it.
"You don't like receiving gifts." Esme said in a conclusive tone. "Have you thought that perhaps her reasoning for wanting to buy you a car may be for more than what she says as well?"
Rosalie was normally very clear on what she wanted. She didn't have a problem with stating what she wanted when she wanted it. Rosalie was the type of person to go after what she wanted, and it didn't matter if there were obstacles in her way; she would easily over-come them. Thinking about it, even though Rosalie didn't have a problem with saying what she wanted, she tended to always leave out the 'why'. She never really explained herself or her actions; she just did what she wanted and what she thought was best. The only time she explained herself was when someone pointedly asked; which wasn't often. Even with Rosalie practically demanding that I let her get me a car; I never actually asked why she was so desperate, desperate to me at least but probably persistent and stubborn to her, why she wanted to get me one. I never once bothered to ask and I should have. Just like she had asked me why I didn't want her to get me one; even though the answers I had given her were all superficial, that wasn't her fault, she at least asked.
"Why would she want to get me a car so badly? I don't understand why she would." I asked Esme in an almost pleading tone so she could help me understand. I knew that I would have to talk to Rosalie, but seeing as she wasn't there, Esme would be more than willing to tell me what she could until Rosalie came back; which she hopefully would relatively soon. Even if she did go hunting; both Esme and Rosalie never stayed away from me for too long.
"Well, she's been looking at getting a manual, is that right?" Esme asked, not even bothering to tell me that it would best to talk with Rosalie first. Esme was going to do what she could to set me up to talk with Rosalie and not fail at it; she wanted to make sure I fully understood why Rosalie was doing what she was before I talked to her and I really appreciated it.
"Yes." She hadn't shown me one single automatic.
"You had mentioned a few weeks ago that Charlie had allowed you to learn to drive." Even after all this time, there was still a bit of a growl to her voice when she said Charlie's name and there wasn't even an attempt to hide her disdain from her tone. "So, why do you think she would show just manual vehicles when she knows you can't operate them?"
It all made sense when Esme had asked that question. It made so much sense that I was almost ashamed that I hadn't thought of it before. Almost ashamed because Rosalie could have just said something when we had first started to argue about when she first brought it up. How could I have not seen that Rosalie wanted me to let her get me a car because she wanted a chance to share something she loved with me? She wanted to teach me how to drive stick and then probably how to at least take minimal car of the car because it would allow us to spend time doing something she loved. She was trying to share more of herself with me and I wouldn't let her.
"She just wanted to spend more time with me." I practically whispered the realization.
"Exactly." Esme agreed with my assessment. "You and I share our love of cooking together every day and while she watches us and sometimes even joins us in cooking; it's not something she particularly enjoys. She only does it because you like to cook."
"Do you think she'll be back soon?" I asked, I found myself really wanting to talk with Rosalie so that we could get this whole thing cleared up as soon as possible and so she wouldn't be mad at me. I didn't want her to think that I only wanted to share something with Esme, like our cooking, and not something with Rosalie. Even if I find that I don't like anything having to do with cars, I could at least still learn about so show that I fully support what I was sure was more of an obsession that a hobby of hers'.
"I'm not sure; but I am confident that she always has her phone on her and always leaves it on when she's out hunting in case there's an emergency." I didn't need any more prompting than that.
An hour later, Rosalie had found me in our room. I had called her right away and had to leave a message because she hadn't answered. I was worried she was going to just ignore my call and not even listen to my message for a few hours until she had a chance to cool off; it could take her a while to cool off because she was really good at holding onto things. I had decided to wait for her in our room because I knew this was more of a neutral zone for the both of us and because it smelled so much like the two of them, I was able to relax and not get nervous the longer I waited for Rosalie to get home. Naturally, she didn't think it was important to return my call and instead opted to just head home as soon as she heard my message.
"You wanted to talk?" She was definitely still mad, but I was confident that after I told her what I figured out, thanks to Esme's help, she was going to be happy again. Esme had opted to start cooking a much more complicated dinner than necessary to make sure to give Rosalie and me plenty of time to talk things through.
"Yeah." I said as I moved over on the bed so that my legs were hanging over the side of it. I patted the spot next to me for her to sit and thankfully she didn't without hesitating. That meant she had at least cooled off a little. "Esme and I talked and she helped me realize some things." Instead of asking for me to clarify, she only arched her eyebrow, silently asking me to clarify. She was probably trying to refrain from speaking because she wasn't fully confident she wouldn't say something stupid. She was waiting to see where I was taking this conversation. "I hadn't really realized how much time just Esme and I spend cooking and how little time you and I do things. Both you and Esme even have your own time reading magazines together when I'm hanging out with the others. But, there's nothing that you and I do that's really just our own." I finally said, getting right to the point… mostly.
"So, what came of this realization?" Rosalie asked, her words were carefully picked because I could still tell she was slightly annoyed with this whole situation. She probably knew that, in a very round-about way, I was calling her out on being jealous and she didn't like that.
"You just want to have something that the two of us can do. Something you can share with me, something that you really enjoy." I admitted in a much quieter voice than I had intended to use. "You really like cars and all that car entail; everyone knows that. If you really want to get me a car, then, with a few conditions I want to set, I can accept it." I said with a smile.
The smile she gave me in return was nice, I was happy to see her smile again after she had been so mad at me. But, this smile though, I knew it well, everything hadn't been cleared up. There were still some things she wanted to address with me. I was more than sure of what she wanted to talk about, but I wasn't going to bring it up because I didn't want the focus put on me.
"Thank you Bella; I'm very happy that you're finally talking some sense." Rosalie said as she moved closer to me and pulled me into a half hug. I automatically leant my head on her shoulder and she rested her head on top of mine. "We'll talk about your conditions in a little bit; what I'm more curious about is why did you fight me so hard on this?"
I momentarily thought about telling her something different from the truth. After having some time to think about the real reason, the more I realized that I really fought way too hard against something as silly as just not wanting a gift; no matter the reasons I had for it. But, there was no way I couldn't tell Rosalie, or Esme for that matter, the truth. I couldn't lie to them if I could avoid it.
"Charlie never really gave me gifts." I said, starting off talking about someone that I was sure Rosalie wanted to kill with her bare hands. When I felt her body tense, I knew I was right and that Rosalie would probably prefer to talk about anything besides him. "He had always said I wasn't worth it." I ignored Rosalie's growl at that and continued talking. "But, with you guys, I guess I just have to learn to get used to it because you guys want to give me things, just to show how much you love me. It's just hard."
Rosalie pulled me as tight as she could into her, but didn't seem happy with just doing that, so instead, since we were already sitting at the head of the bed, she laid down and pulled me on top of her. I was proud to admit that I didn't even hesitate with allowing her to do that; within the last couple weeks I had gotten used to having them cuddle with me like this and it didn't bother me anymore. Instead, I was able to relax on top of her as she wrapped her arms around me. Rosalie loved to just lie with me, and Esme when she wasn't busy working on some project, and relax. She had admitted to me that just lying with me, and a few times I had seen Esme in my place, in her arms was very relaxing and comforted her. That was when I tried my best to get over my hesitancy to allow her to do that, thankfully it didn't take long.
"We will always want to give you gifts; as I'm sure you will someday like to give us gifts." Rosalie was right. I didn't want to give them anything right then because I was so used to simply not having any means to give anything. But, now, that was all different. If I wanted to give them something, any of the Cullen's something, all I had to do was go to either of my mates, or Alice if I wanted to get both of my mates something, and they would gladly get it for me to give to them. I knew that. But, I couldn't help but hold onto how it feels to have nothing to give and no means to be able to give anything. "We don't want anything from you, we will never for anything from you, just as you haven't asked us for anything; even when you really needed it." She was referring to when I needed the emotional help; it was a sore subject between Rosalie and me; because I hadn't gone to her help for when we first met or when I realized she knew what was going on. In my defense, I did eventually go to my mates for help, it just took time that Rosalie wasn't happy about wasting.
"I know." I said after a few moments of silence.
Rosalie started to purr contently as we laid together in silence; just enjoying each other's company and the feeling the two of us pressed together. After a few minutes of lying still, I was more than happy to stay where I was, Rosalie stopped purring and her hands that had been drawing lazy patterns on my back, stopped moving.
"What's wrong?" I asked, not bothering to remove my head from where it rested on her chest, or even to open my eyes to look at her.
"These conditions of yours." Rosalie started, her voice having just a little hint of annoyance. "They wouldn't, by chance, include me not getting you a new vehicle, would they?" That was something Rosalie had been very clear about; she wanted to get me new vehicle to make sure it was very safe and that there would be little need for big maintenance for a while.
"Okay, before you get mad." That wasn't necessarily the best way to start this conversation, but at least she hadn't kicked me off of her yet and still had her arms wrapped around me. That was a plus. "There's a very good reason why I don't want a brand new vehicle."
"Exactly what kind of vehicle do you want?" Rosalie asked after a moment of silence; I bet she figured out where I was going with this and just wanted to make sure we were thinking along the same lines.
"I want one that can barely run, if at all." I answered right away, moving my head so that I could stare into her beautiful butterscotch eyes. "I figured we could pick out one that's falling apart, a model and make or whatever term you car people use, and make it look good again." I said with a smile. "And run, it should actually work too." I quickly added. It didn't take long for Rosalie to decide how she felt about my idea.
"I would love that." Rosalie said and then right away started talking about all the things we could do with the new car.
She had already decided it was going to be car, not a truck and I personally didn't car. I just kept saying that I would pick the vehicle I thought I would like best and she kept talking about what we would do. She knew exactly where some listings were so that we could pick out a car together as soon as possible and then she started talking about all the things we could do to a car that was falling apart. She used a lot of terms that meant nothing to me and told me that I was going to be doing a lot of things that I was pretty sure at some point she had started making up; but I guess, it was all just terminology grease monkey's use. I just nodded my head and agreed with whatever she told me; occasionally saying that I would have a lot of fun working with her on the new vehicle, which she quickly corrected to car, with her. I didn't bother trying to argue that I wasn't committing to getting an actual car right then; I was going to wait and just see what called out to me whenever we went to a place or looked through a book. I was just glad that Rosalie and I were back to normal.
A/N: I just wanted to warn you guys that this story is starting to get wrapped up. I don't know how many more chapters there are, because I haven't written them yet, but I don't imagine there will be that many more.
